Disclaimer: Paramount owns the show. No infringement is intended.
A/N: Many thanks to my sister who wanted to watch Course: Oblivion and to Setsuna for beta-reading.
The Silver Letter
"In visual range."
"On screen. Where's the ship?" Captain Janeway stared at the screen in disbelief. Adrift in cold space in front of them was nothing more than a cloud of scattered particles.
"No sign of it."
Chakotay was equally shocked. He looked at his console with knitted brows, his voice shaking ever so slightly. "That debris. That couldn't be all that's left."
"I'm detecting residual deuterium, anti-neutrons, traces of dichromates. If it was a vessel, it isn't anymore", Tuvok stated.
"Scan for life signs, escape pods." They had to make sure.
"None."
Captain Janeway stared ahead, unseeingly. Such a catastrophe and they were too late, maybe only by minutes. What had happened? Did another ship cause this total destruction? Apprehension intertwined with the compassion she felt. She much rather left this area soon, to keep her ship safe. She hated to think that something like this could happen to her beloved Voyager. The danger was all around them. It could have been them, under different circumstances, blown to pieces in an unknown region of the galaxy, leaving nothing behind that would tell of their existence.
She took a deep breath. "Make a note in the ship's record. We received a distress call at oh nine hundred hours, arrived at the vessel's last known co-ordinates at twenty one twenty. The ship was destroyed, cause unknown. No survivors."
"Wait, Captain?", that was Ensign Kim. At her affirmative nod he continued. "I detect a small object made mostly of carbon. It might give us some answers."
"Can you be a bit more specific, Ensign?"
"Sorry, Captain. The debris is causing some interference, but it is rather small, we can beam it aboard."
"Good. Beam it to Engineering, use a containment field just to be on the safe side."
"Aye, Captain."
"Engineering to Bridge."
"Go ahead, B'Elanna."
"We've got it Captain. I think you should take a look."
"I'll be right there. Janeway out."
***
Both, Captain and Chief Engineer, were looking rather intently at the object held in midair by the forcefield.
"A book? Is it safe to take it out?"
"Yes, Captain. Here we go."
While B'Elanna typed in a few commands to lower the containment field, Kathryn couldn't keep her eyes off the book. It was beautiful, bound in black leather with an ornament of silver twine and blossoms. It almost looked like a diary. Of course! It may have seemed rather simple, but what was more effective than to keep an important record on real paper? She carefully took the book in her hands and opened it. All blood drained from her face when she recognized the neat handwriting as her own. B'Elanna didn't miss it. "Captain, are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm fine, yes." It was barely more than a whisper and did nothing to dispel her chief engineer's concern.
"I'll be in my quarters." Absentmindedly, Kathryn left engineering, leaving B'Elanna to stare after her. She knew that she needed to give her Captain some time to herself, but she would call Chakotay, later. He would know what to do.
***
Kathryn sat on the couch in her quarters, the book in her shaking hands. She had read it all. The other Voyager's captain had recorded their story, what had happened to them since they left the Demon planet.
It was a moving story, and so very sad. The Captain had also listed all the people that had died so far and had taken the time to write something about each and every one of them, to make sure that they will be remembered. How her heart ached when she learned about B'Elanna's death, and when she saw Chakotay's name her eyes overflowed.
"Chakotay. He was the best officer I ever had. But more importantly, he was my best friend. I wouldn't have made it this far without him and I don't know how I can go on. I miss him dearly, too much for my own good."
Kathryn looked at the stripes of the stars they passed. Wasn't everything that happened her fault? She allowed the copies to be made, she never imagined to cause such a disaster.
She looked back down at the book. "The other Voyagers may never know, but we owe them our lives. At this state, we are happy to have experienced the little we got. Don't cry for us, but, please, do remember us. Please, make sure, that our lives will not be forgotten. That is all I'll ever ask of you. Kathryn Janeway."
The Captain had also listed those that were still alive, knowing that they probably would die as well.
When Kathryn closed the little book, she noticed that there was also something written on the very last pages. She had to hold it upside down (or was this truly right side up?) to read it.
"Course: oblivion... That's where we are headed right now, isn't it? The paper, the pen in my hand, both feel strange, yet they are the only real things around here. This booklet and the beautiful crafted pen were a gift of the K'Nuru, a people with a passion for books and stories. We traded quite a few and they gave me this gift. Back then, I thought it was nice and fitting, today..? Today, I know, it might be the only record of my ship and her crew that will not dissolve in a pool of silvery liquid.
Tears. They blur my vision and my words. They are not real, not true. Tears of silver, and still they feel so real to me. What have I done, what have I become? I had known the truth and not accepted it. Was that so wrong? Yet, this shortsightedness has cost my crew dearly. More and more lives slip away every day. Should I be used to it by now? Today, my dearest friend passed away and I can't stop the tears. I cry for him, for them, for me.
I had so much hope. Two more years and we would have reached Earth. Well, maybe two and a half, knowing me. The relationship of a captain and her first officer always stops at being good friends. But we wouldn't have been Captain and First Officer, anymore. Just Kathryn and Chakotay. I always hoped for that day and then it seemed so near. At B'Elanna's and Tom's wedding I almost expected her to throw the bouquet in my direction, almost hoped she would.
So many dreams destroyed. Home, no, Earth, families, laughter... All things that are gone now. I turned the ship around for home, a barren planet with some silver pools, uninviting, surreal. All we want to do is survive, but for what reason? I just can't bear another death, but I know that His won't be the last. I'm not even sure that we will make it. Of course, I try to be optimistic for the crew. But I can feel the coldness closing in, seeping into the marrow of my bones. Without him I am lost, why should I survive? For the crew, only for the crew. To make sure they make it to the Demon planet, though I don't know what kind of life awaits them there. Is there an afterlife for us, the duplicates?
I often think about the real Voyager, now. Are they still out there, somewhere? I really hope that they are well and on their way home. I know, the crew is resourceful, maybe it will be only a couple of years for them as well. Oh, Kathryn, I wish I could tell you how alive your crew members are. They are young, they love adventures. They live fully, despite the circumstances. I would never tell you to give up on leading them home. I have every confidence, that you will do so. But you are allowed to be happy, as well. Life is so precious and you have so much ahead of you. I know you love him, I was you, remember? Now, I am just a dying creature, lost in space. Kathryn, you have so much to live for, so much to love right in front of your eyes! Don't close them! I wish I could make you promise me to live more fully. Oh, please, Kathryn, do. Please, do..."
***
Tear stained, she looked up, startled, into Chakotay's face. She had never heard him chime or come in, even. But he was there, looking at her, concern radiating from his dear brown eyes. Unable to move or speak, she let herself be encircled by his comforting arms. With a sigh, she put her head on his shoulder, letting her tears flow freely. She felt strangely secure and... alive? Could it be? Slowly, she breathed in his unique scent and she knew.
"I promise, Kathryn", she whispered. "I promise."