Summary: He knows he still loves her. He knows he still needs her. The question is, will he know what to do when he sees her? AU RobRae fic. Rated for passing mention of abuse, alcohol, and big (but not bad) words. :)
A/N: This was originally a songfic to Before the Worst by The Script. However, I realized songfics technically aren't allowed, so I took the lyrics out and tried to rewrite it so it flows better. Apologies if it still doesn't sound right! Please read, enjoy, and review!
Disclaimer: Don't own. If I did, maybe Robin and Raven would've actually had something. Maybe. :)
Sun
By guardyanangel
As Richard Grayson pushed the shopping cart down aisle 10 of Jump City's grocery, the sent of lavender mixed with vanilla caught his nose. It was a smell he recognized unmistakably- that of the love of his life and ex-wife, Rachel Roth. He looked around, and saw her black hair with violet tips at the end of the aisle.
As if sensing his eyes (she had always been rather intuitive, Richard reflected), she turned around. Seeing him almost immediately, she quickly turned back around again and fled from the aisle without saying a word.
Richard sighed as she left. She hadn't spoken to him for at least a month now. Silent treatment for 3 weeks, until finally a month ago she had slipped out of his life leaving nothing but a note and their wedding and engagement rings.
He had begun to doubt long before that that she loved him. She had always been an emotionally detached person as a result of emotional neglect on her mother's behalf and physical abuse on her father's. How could he possibly have expected her to truly love him? Still, love had trapped him in its illusion, and it broke his heart to reflect on the few precious memories where she had actually allowed herself to feel.
He remembered clearly their first kiss. It had been late one December night. They had been celebrating the end of the semester and gotten together for a party- just the two of them, along with some drinks.
Now that he thought about it, maybe it had been the alcohol that had driven both of them to talk and admit as much as they had that night. She'd drank Coke most of the night, but she did have a couple of vodkas mixed in there, and he'd drank enough beer to be a little loose-lipped.
It was that night that, in the midst of the conversation, he had admitted he loved her. He was pretty sure that she already knew that- he had been acting like it plenty recently. She just smiled and kissed him sweetly. A perfect moment.
After the kiss, they began to talk seriously about love, life and many other things. Both orphans, albeit one emotionally, they talked about the meaning of family. She confessed never feeling love.
It should have been a warning sign, but it was too late now. They had become a family for a little while, but somehow things had fallen apart. Both had nothing now, since they had become each other's everything.
He still loved her. He still wanted her in his life. He wished he could take back the entire situation and have them just be comfortable with each other, like they used to be, before all of the mess.
They had been best friends long before they fell in love. They'd both moved to Jump City during freshman year of high school. After meeting at New Student Orientation they stuck together like glue. Some people thought they were lovers. Some people thought they were twins. They were there for each other through everything- make-ups and breakups, fun and failure, joy and pain. They were each other's shoulder to cry on. Neither would have survived the bittersweet high school experience without each other.
It was mere coincidence that they had both felt unprepared for a full scale college experience and both applied and been accepted to Jump Community College. It had been a happy experience for both, and they became even closer.
When they'd finally admitted how in love they were, it was only a few months later that he proposed and she'd accepted. He remembered vividly the day he asked her to be his. It was pouring rain and almost ten o'clock at night. He'd had a reservation at a fancy restaurant, but they had gotten bumped, and so were standing in the middle of Grafton Street wondering what to do. Desperate to improve the night, he went down on one knee and proposed then and there. She said yes.
They were young, and had been much in love. He remembered his bachelor party, which instead of spending out partying he'd gone and gotten her name tattooed across his chest: Rachel, with a little picture of the sun, because she was necessary for life in his world. He could never have imagined life without her, and yet now, here he was, a little over a month after she left him, still alive. Still, it was hard for him to believe that a love he had seen to be so strong had fallen apart just like that.
The breaking point had come the day she had seen him having dinner with his ex, Kori Anders. He had actually gone to her to beg her to help him save his marriage, but Rachel had seen them together, and everything had fallen apart after that. No, that wasn't quite true. It had begun before that, with arguments without a purpose. Over-protectiveness. Jealousy. Inability to express emotions. They were both to blame for the disaster their love so suddenly became. But he was to blame for being unable to explain properly to Rachel exactly what she had seen that night.
The next day was followed by a cold, cold silence, one that prevailed over the final three weeks she had stayed with him, much like a cloud covering the sun. But she hadn't been gone, and that had been important to him. He had done all he could to save the marriage. Looking back, he realized he should have done more to stop it from falling apart in the first place.
She had left him. He didn't blame her. But he still missed her. She had left him, and it was like the sun was gone.
Coming back to reality in the grocery store aisle, Richard could think only one thing: He had to get her back.
He followed her around the corner of the aisle, hoping against hope that somehow she'd be waiting for him around the side.
She wasn't there. Of course not. Sighing, he pushed his cart to the checkout line. A blonde named Tara was the cashier today. She bloomed with life and talked the entire time she was ringing up his things, all about this boy named Gar that she had met one day she was wandering around, lost. He merely nodded in response, leaving as soon as possible.
Lost. Yes, that was how he had felt before he met Rachel, and how he felt now. He looked up at the sky, almost directly at the sun, thinking of his own sun. His Rachel.
"Rach…" he murmured aloud, sighing. "Rach, I need you…"
A cloud covered up the sun, and he sighed again, pushing his cart towards his car. It was time to return to their (his?) empty apartment and pick up the pieces of his life. Some plants grew in the shade, after all. Perhaps, somehow, he would be able to survive without his sun.
A/N: Well, there it is. By the way, I am NOT a RobStar hater. I actually love the pairing and will probably do a piece about them later. So please don't flame me for having dear old Star be one of the reasons why Robin and Rae split. Thankies! :)
Now that that's taken care of, if you'd like to see a fic related to this one from Raven's point of view, please leave a review after the tone.
Loves,
Guardy
P.S: -"the tone"-