"Good morning class," Mr. Aizawa said to the class, because it was morning and it was good, "Today's class will be a little unusual. We have a new student transferring in from the United States, so quiet down."
Immediately, indistinct murmuring could be heard from the students, which pissed Aizawa the fuck off because he just told them to shut the hell up, and they quickly shut the hell upped indeed because they knew their sensei wanted to nap and crap and there was nothing they could do about it. The door did its job and opened, admitting the new arrival into the classroom.
"Ayo wuss 「B」oppin 「B」?," the transfer student greeted in perfect Japanese because that's how they do it in Japan, "Name's Bobson Dugnutt, from Sky High Hero School of the United States. I deadass hope we can all get along."
As Bobson turned around to write his name on the chalkboard while flailing his free arm around and spreading his legs to assert dominance, his new classmates appraised him with a combination of jubilant fear and the admiration of the constipated. He was physically fit, in fact, he might as well have been cheese in a bag because he was fucking shredded. With Bobson in attendance, the only "test" in school would be testicular immersion. The man was so strong he might even be able to lift your mom. He was quite tall at 6'3, and carried himself with confidence and an aura that seemed to exude 「FREEDOM」. He wore the standard male uniform of U.A. High aside from his Timbs, which were waterproof leather tan boots. But the most striking physical feature of Bobson was his big stupid head, which was that of a horse, a supreme Aryan horse at that, with blue eyes and a well groomed mane of blond hair. Also he had two hands.
"My hero name's Pasta Pony, the Hearty Italian Meal Hero. My Quirk, 「Lotsa Spaghetti」 is fuckin' lit, allows me to create and control like a bitchass amount of spaghetti with all of the fuckin' fixings."
"That is spectacular," Aizawa interjected while trying to hide his massive erection behind his desk, "Your seat is number 19 in the back. Mineta, go sit on the floor where I can't see you."
And so Bobson strode all the way to the back of the class where all the cool anime kids usually sit. And when I say strode, I mean he fucking strode. Think about the world's most flamboyant flamingo augmented by cutting edge nanomachine technology walking to the convenience store and being able to understand human speech so that someone could tell it that the doughnut sale there was going to end in five minutes. That's the kind of strideatude this guy was getting, and Mineta was the one blocking the metaphorical doughnuts, so like a real American, Bobson improvised and punched him in the face with his foot.
Mineta fell off his chair, which is a huge distance for one his size, hitting his desk on the way down. Multiple pornographic doujins fell out, now exposed to everyone else.
"Haha! This guy deadass paying for vanilla porn!" Guffawed the transfer, and the rest of the class guffawed along with him at the misfortune of Mineta, for the laughter of Bobson resonated with the Übermensch deep in their souls. This was a well calculated and maneuvered play on Bobson's part, using the tried and true American strategy of asserting dominance and camaraderie by singling out the weakest member of the pack. Confident in his now established superiority, he T-posed and dumped five pounds (because the metric system is for losers) of spaghetti marinara onto the purple pervert's porn.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Mineta cried out with the agony of Hillary Clinton making Pokemon Go lame, "THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT WHEN I ASKED FOR THE SAUCE!"
The entire class laughed even harder to the extent that Shoji was expressing unfathomable mirth with every single one of his tentacles, concluding the event in which Bobson became friends with all of his classmates except Mineta and established himself as a likable character in my narrative.
After an arbitrary timeskip of a few days, class 1-A was helping to clean the aftermath of a villain's rampage in the city, as community service is part of being a hero.
"God damn!" Bobson shouted over his breath, "This place deadass looks like Hiroshima!"
To his right, Hagakure gave him a look of offended indignation, but none of that mattered because while she can give all the looks she wants, nobody even knows how she looks.
The class had been at it for an hour, and were looking somewhat worse for wear. On behalf of his fellow classmates, he asked Aizawa if everybody could take their lunch break.
"Yo Ass-zawa! Can we eat some fucking shit?" Bobson politely inquired.
"I don't know," he replied, prepping up the most fucking annoying passive aggressive teacher joke in all of fucking existence, "Can you?"
"Shut fuck student commander, I am infinity pursuit gived you instant sorrow!" he screamed as he flexed his muscles and popped a boner.
"Lunch break it is!" Ass-zawa remedied, sufficiently intimidated by his student's physique and the many possible interpretations of whatever just came out of Bobson's mouth.
Bobson chose to sit next to his friend Tsuyu, or squat to be more accurate. He felt a kinship with the girl as they both sit like drooling idiots. Still not entirely comfortable with Japanese cuisine, he usually made his own American food, and today's was no different. He had to do his best with the groceries he could find in this new country, but he had managed to cobble together a cheeseburger out of three red solo cups, several Pocky sticks with the chocolate licked off, and a cheeseburger.
Tsuyu had made a bento, and she was eating the contents of the bento, which was food. But the important part was that it was made with love, and Bobson wanted a piece of that.
"Yo Tsu! I'll trade my big ass cheese「B」orger for your 「B」ento!" He offered as if Tsuyu was fucking stupid enough to accept.
"No thank you, Bobson, I prefer my bento," Tsuyu replied, because she wasn't fucking stupid enough to accept.
In response, Bobson pulled a handgun from his pocket and pointed it at the frog girl, "I demand that you open up trade to the United States of America," he said.
He then enjoyed his new bento by eating it with a fork while Tsuyu choked on a red solo cup and had to eject her stomach. I'd like to point out to everyone that this is foreshadowing to the part of the story in which Bobson shoves his enormous horsecock down Tsuyu's throat because she chokes on that too and has to eject her stomach.
"What's wrong Tsuyu?" he smugly asked because he's kind of a huge asshole, "Feeling kind of hoarse?"
See it was really funny because Bobson has the head of a horse and the dick of a horse, and it can be difficult to remember that sometimes because it is rarely relevant and there is no visual media here, but I appreciate you trying your best.
"Hey guys! What's up?" greeted Mina with maximum cheer.
The studio audience began to clap and holler incessantly, it was time for the best part of the episode. The part where this pink motherfucker fails to mind her own business and shows up and it is incredible because she is a prime specimen, opposite of the basic bitch, the acidic bitch.
"Oops," Bobson stated as he tripped over his own penis and fell muzzle first into Mina's acidity titties. Both Mina and Tsuyu probably said something but I couldn't hear it because the studio audience full of goddamn weeaboos fucking lost their shit.
"Haha, I'm sorry," he apologized, probably not sincerely, "But hey, I've got style, I've got grace, I'm Mr. United States."
Upon hearing this, both ladies reached Plus Ultra moistness. In fact, Mina spurted, except continuously like someone's idiot child who keeps leaving the faucet running, instantly melting her panties and vaporizing the ground around the trio, sinking them into the earth. Tsuyu had squatted down and expelled several hundred eggs with the erratic ferocity and vigor of water coming out of the faucet and hitting the inside of a spoon the same idiot child is trying to wash, splashing in a flash of chaos everywhere that the light touches, which is a sin because that is the property of God.
"Real shit?" Bobson asked when they were about fifty feet below ground, realizing that his two classmates were hot for him as Mina's uncontrollable arousal plunged the threesome straight to the pits of Hell.
"Fertilize my eggs Bob-san!" Tsuyu hypercroaked, bending over forwards and removing her mate's pantaloons with her oral aperture of length.
"ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÜÜÜÜNNNNGGGGGHHHHÄÄÄÄÄÖÖÖÖÖÖ!" quietly moaned Mina. While her spontaneous secretions took the group down, Bobson's baloney pony pointed up, veined and throbbing like a phallus, which is good because it is.
Froppy did a hoppy onto the meaty woppy and it was sloppy but Bobson had other plans, he flipped her over like an obese turtle, a pancake, or both at the same time because he wanted to be on top, just like how America is always on top.
They were now initiating fornication. Bobson thrust his dick into Tsuyu's West Virginia, pulled back, and thrust again. Then he did it again. He adjusted his grip a little bit and did it a third time. He repeated this action five more times before Tsuyu clenched her body and mind a little more. Then he thrust again but deeper. The balls were slapping now but that did not stop what he did next. He thrust again. He slapped the posterior of Tsuyu Ass-ui, and he did a Kirishima because he got a little harder. Then he thrust again. He thrust again. In God we thrust.
During the next few thrusts, Bobson shouted, "Fuck you cheeseburger slut you want cheeseburger too bad you get my cum!" which was completely uncalled for.
Bobson started thrusting faster and it looked like a Stand fistfight except instead of punches it was cock and vagina which were both mosaic censored because they are in Japan. Sorry I forgot to mention it. Then he thrust again.
"BITCH LASAGNA!" Bobson beamed as he creamed Tsuyu's insides, climaxing and reaching the conclusion of Disney's Penis and the Frog.
Tsuyu lay face down in the earth's lithosphere, leaking a fondue of semen and blood out of her ravaged moist machine, which was kind of unsanitary so Bobson sealed it up by cramming in several sheets of lasagna he made with his Quirk. Their coupling was so passionate and hot that it fried all of the eggs Tsuyu had expelled, scrambling her fertilization plans while she lay exhausted, sunny-side up. Some extra yolk dribbled out of Bobson's still hard-boiled peen and he let it fall onto his friend's face. Although Tsuyu wasn't an over-easy girl, she definitely wanted her classmate to poach her a second time, American dicks were definitely all they were cracked up to be. She just got laid. This is eggscrutiating. Omelettes. I'm going to fucking kill myself.
Feeling a little bit guilty that he took her lunch and then her virginity, Bobson hand-fed Tsuyu her own scrambled eggs with tender care and affection. Warmth blossomed in the couple's hearts, Tsuyu gently croaking with affection in the afterglow of their amplexus and Bobson feeling contentment and love in the wake of their intimate union, the two's eyes meeting in mutual jubilation.
"BRAAAAAAÄÄÄÄÄÄÄP!" Mina went, reaching the end of her acid levels, shidding and farding and camed everywhere.
To be continued