Xo: I finally wrote a one-shot. This doesn't go with any of the other stories, so enjoy the standalone.
Disclaimers: I don't own anything.
Warnings: This short thing contains character death and irreparable grief. Also, implied boy on boy love. If you're sensitive, move along now. Minors, be responsible, as always. Thanks!
Written from Atem's perspective.
o~o~o~o~o~o
I knelt in front of the grave, rain pattering down on the ground around me, splashing mud onto my black leather. Guilt is eating me away inside, consuming the heart that doesn't belong to me. This body is not mine. This life is not mine. This world is not mine. None of this was ever meant to be mine. But it is. In a horrible twist of fate.
"I-I'm s-so s-sorry, Y-Yugi." I manage to stutter out, my voice shaking. The deep baritone doesn't match the small body I inhabit. I gaze at the name so carefully etched in the marble stone that's only inches from my pale face. I know my looks so well for I gazed upon them for hours, watching my aibou duel, watching him fight, watching him grow, watching him die. "I-I n-never meant f-for this to h-happen." Hot tears are falling down my face.
I'm the pharaoh, I don't cry. I can't stop it. Fingers trace the name in the stone. They're shaking. I'm shaking. Is this really me? My spirit is shattered, thrown to the winds. I can't do this. I can't be this. I will never be able to live up to my little one's name.
"Atem." Anzu. Her voice. I can hear it through his ears. Not mine. Never mine. "Come on, Atem. You've been here for hours."
Where else would I go? Back home? To his home? Try to live his life? Or tell everyone the truth? That I killed him? I stare at my hands. No. Those shaking digits do not belong to me.
"Yugi. . ." I whimper. The great pharaoh is on his knees in the pouring rain, crying. I can't stop. The pain in my heart is ripping me apart, torturing me. I deserve it.
"Atem, please don't do this to yourself." Anzu begs me.
I can't do anything to myself, for this body is not mine. Doesn't she see that? How dare she love me even in his skin? Who I am supposed to be? There is not future. No present. No past. Not without him.
"I-I... I c-can't." His hands clench into tight fists, nails biting in skin. His blood pours over his soft, pale, skin. His eyelids shut over ruby orbs. His vocal chords allow a scream to fill the air. A scream riddled with the heavy sounds of loss, of hate, of overwhelming grief. What have I done?
"Atem." Anzu tries again, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Do this for him. You can't kill yourself over this."
"H-How could I-I ever live u-up to him?" I shudder.
"Yugi'd want us to move on and keep living." She softly smiles. I can tell even without looking. Always the optimist. She doesn't know what I have to live with. Of whom I live in. "Live the life he couldn't."
I am living the life he couldn't. I stare my damp silhouette in the marble. Ra, how I loved him. How I still do. I can't look any longer. How it hurts.
I hate these mortal binds that now hold me. They hold me back from him. Hold me chained in a world that is no longer mine. It should all be his. He should be the one standing here, that curious expression that I love so much on his face. I open my eyes and glare with hate the careful carving on the stone, inlaid in amethyst, to match the eyes this body used to own. The eye of Horus stares back at me hatefully. Taunting me. Telling me what I already know so well. That I did this.
I did this. I caused this. This is my fault. He should be here! Not me! How dare I even try to call this body my own? More tears. I just want it all to stop, to go away. I can't do this without him. I am so weak.
"Come on, Atem." Anzu is still there. Why can't she see the awful truth? The truth that I am a monster? "Yugi would never want to see you this way."
He would never see me again. He's gone to a place where I can no longer reach him. How it makes his heart burn in grief. I just want to hold him one more time. To touch him again. To love him the way I should've. I don't answer her. I don't look up as she moves away. As she vanishes. All that matters is that it's too late. Too late for him. Too late for me. Too late for our love. Why did I never speak up? Why didn't I tell him? Why didn't I hold him?
So I stay here and cry on my knees in the downpour. I cry over the grave that holds no body, no soul. Only words left to carry on the memory of the one I love. I clench my hand over Yugi's heart. It's all I have left now. This isn't it what it should be, this short life. I look up into my reflection. His face looks back at me, crimson eyes red-rimmed from heavy tears, grief etched into the fine skin. I wish he was here with me, still here to save me. But it's just me now. Just me in this body. Only me to live a life that was never mine to have, to hold.
I shut my eyes to block the sight. I will never be the same.