A quickie I came up with after watching Merlin for the fourth time. It's a bit sad but I had to write it.
It's been a long time...a year today, since the battle at Camlann. In three days it will be the anniversary of my coronation as sole ruler of Camelot. A lot has changed since then, so much I don't know where to start. Perhaps I should start with Merlin? He's been a good friend these past months; always making sure the kingdom is safe, offering comfort, and finding time to make us smile. And yet, he still mourns, I see it every day, in his eyes, that spark of happiness is burnt out, maybe forever.
It is strange that a friend like him turned out to be a sorcerer, or...shall I say: warlock. Merlin has to correct me so often, I always make the mistake of using the word sorcerer. The knights don't have it down either...I don't know if you can tell, but I'm laughing right now. Speaking of the knights, nothing has been the same since my coronation. They are still cheery, telling jokes and keeping patrols lighthearted (at least that's what Merlin tells me), but as with Merlin, there is something missing. Not so much the joy I once saw in our court sorcerer's eyes, but a piece of them has been stolen.
I feel the same. I cannot deny that a part of me is gone forever, and all I can do is remember you. However, there is a part of you that was left behind, a part I've cherished from the moment I laid eyes upon. You didn't get a chance to find out, so now is as good a time as ever. You have a son. We named him after you: Arthur Thomas Pendragon. He has your eyes, brightest blue and shining like the ocean. And his hair, it reminds me of yours, what with it's wheat-colored hue, but he also inherited my thick curls. He is a gorgeous boy, Arthur, and I'm sure you'd be proud. Arthur is only three months old as of two days ago, but he already plays with his hands, and he wriggles about so much I have a hard time watching over him. And he talks, not intelligibly mind you, but it warms my heart to listen to him. Yes, you would no doubt be the proudest father in all of Camelot.
You know, one might think my coronation's anniversary is a cause to celebrate. I wish I felt the same as the majority of the kingdom. But I don't, neither does Merlin, Gaius, or any of the knights. We miss you, so, so much. It's difficult to know this is the first of many years I'll never see your face again. With little Arthur around, I know I'll be able to cope, but coping isn't the same as living to one's fullest. By God, I can hardly see while I write, Arthur. It's painful to remember the years together, what I wouldn't give to simply embrace you once more, if only for a moment. To feel your lips against mine in a greeting we always took for granted.
I'm sorry, I got carried away with my emotions. I do that a lot since the coronation. Hmm, Arthur is whining for my attention, and when I looked at him he smiled. I can't help but let my tears gather, he has your smile too! It's almost painful to know, but at the same time my heart lightens, knowing he is half yours.
Merlin is distracted these past few days, I've caught him with red, puffy eyes more than once, he's been crying. So have I, for the anniversary of my coronation is also the anniversary of Gwaine's death. And while I am greatly grieved by this...there is one anniversary worse: Arthur, in three days, it will have been a year since you died at the Lake of Avalon. One full year, and the pain has not subsided as I hoped it might. I miss you, I know I already said so, but I must say it again. I miss you so much, Arthur! And I love you with all my heart, nothing can ever hope to fill the gaping hole you left behind. Nothing.
I must go now, my attention is needed in the council chambers. But I will never forget you, Arthur, even though you cannot read these letters, I'm still going to write one every year. Every last year until the end of my days. For you were everything to me, and now you're gone, there's nothing to be done. While I have long since accepted this, it's hard to imagine living my life without you, even though I already have been for a year. Arthur, wherever you are, Camelot is well, peace reigns over the land, you're friends miss you, and I, Arthur...I love you, I miss you too, and your son is the light of my world right now. When we eat the feast in honor of my reign, I shall toast to you, we shall think of you always, and the golden days you brought about for Albion. For you were, and always will be, the Once and Future King, and you will always be remembered, even unto the end of days.
You're wife, queen, friend...
Guinevere.