"We're going to make you gay."

Matthew Gray Gubler, resident boy-genius/lunatic of the hit show Criminal Minds hesitated. "What?"

"Sorry, Matt, we tried, really; but every time we get you on screen with a woman test viewers and critics all hate them. You know we've tried like four girls." Debbie, the lead writer of the show tried to reason with her actor.

"So your solution is to make me gay?" Matt squeaked in an incredulous, annoyed tone.

It was a well-known fact that Garcia's character had been mostly based off of Debbie's personality so it was no surprise that when the woman spoke she'd have facts to back up her claims. "We didn't come to this solution lightly, we've ran a question air and on screen testing with target audience groups, we did a poll on the web site—"

"Do you think Dr. Reid should suck co—?"

"'Who," she cut him off loudly, "'should be Dr. Reid's next love interest?' was the title of the poll, and the choices were: Prentiss, Garcia," she emphasized, "a new female character, or Morgan?"

"Oh, dear God, you're going to set me up with Shemar." The pure look of horror was almost comical.

The writer fluttered her hands at him, gesturing for him to calm down, "Morgan is as straight as it gets, that would cause us to lose a huge chunk of fan base. So, no, not with Morgan. However, the poll did see a 77 percent vote for Morgan. And, as I was saying, Matt," She pressed, snapping her long polished fingers at him, "you already have a large following of female viewers who are sympathetic to the gay community, as well as a large amount of gay men."

"I don't know where you guys get your information from."

"The studio pays a lot of money, Matt, to know what the viewers want and to effectively maintain and or increase views, A.K.A revenue, A.K.A your pay check, pretty-boy. That aside, why don't you visit some fan pages sometime? Ever heard of fan fiction pal? They aren't piling you with pussy over there." Giving away the distinct possibility that she had read a good deal of it.

If the title hadn't had been so self-explanatory he would honestly have no idea what she was talking about. Fiction written by fans, about him? He made a mental note to check that out latter—wait, 86 that. Criminal Minds was a dark show with dark viewers; reading about himself being killed by "un-subs" and probably A LOT worse didn't sound like a fun way to spend his spare time.

He pulled a dramatic sigh, "Look, it sounds like the choice has been made. I'm a living Barbie doll, give me script and I'll follow it. But know that I do this under duress and if this doesn't increase ratings I'll be evoking my rights to consider my contract. My manager is the one that really studied that old thing, but I'm certain somewhere in there it has to say Reid doesn't suck dick."

"If ratings don't increase I promise you Matt, I'll pull the plug on this experiment myself." She promised.

Gubler turned and made his way to the booth, the only room in studio D16 with any prospective quiet at lunch time. The actors of C.M. were big league in the grand scheme but this wasn't an A-list Hollywood hit, the studio didn't have the money to fund a trailer for each actor. Instead the girls got a huge wardrobe room that had been tricked out with cubicles, and the guys had a large walk-in style closet with a folding screen for the shy boys to change. It wasn't glamorous, but it worked. Besides, every penny not spent on the little luxuries at the office probably got split up (into fractions, of fractions, of fractions, of that penny) into which a percentage was put in his pocket. Maybe. So, the sound booth would have to do for a little quiet brooding and lunch.

Fruit salad and cashews is the practical choice for skinny ass model/actors. He sat cross legged on a rolling chair and spun it around like a child would as he picked at his fruit.

Gay.

Dr. Reid wasn't Gay.

And Gubler was defiantly not gay! He'd been accused of it enough in his life, though. First, of course, in school, having had always been a little smaller and prettier than the other boys; and occasionally with his family, especially when he had "come out" to them as a model: his brothers had loved that. His own mother had even called him androgynous once. Fucking family.

But he wasn't gay! He had nothing against the gays, it was just that women were so… perfect. He thought of all the beauties he had seen and been with, he'd been pretty lucky in the lady department. He sighed, loosing unknown amount of time thinking on that pleasantness.

Katie, Courtney, Tammy, Jennifer, Shequanda, Rachel, Sarahi`, Stephania, Natalie, The Christinas, Sheila, Dora, Shanna, Lucia, Heather, Ramona, Roxanna-Oh God, Roxxxxana-Laura, Pansy, Dilruba, Emily, Andrea, Niqroya, Lucy, Jasmine, Patricia, Diana, Meredith, Betty, Alicia, Kimberly, Yannah, Hillary, Mackenzie, Mary-Beth, Alexandra…he was sure there was more, but one man can only be asked to remember so much!

The idea of having to kiss a guy was just…. And, somehow, he didn't like that they wanted to make Reid gay. He knew Reid wasn't really his character: some writer had dreamt up the geeky, nervous, half-crazy, genius that was Reid; Matt had just given the man a face. But after all these years playing him, portraying the emotions and depicting the soul of the man, it was hard to let a few viewers and some internet poll change Reid like that. Then again, if the viewers didn't like Reid, they'd have him killed-probably raped to death by a giant, gross un-sub—

Oh, God! What if the actor they choose is gross? He dropped a pineapple chunk. What if it's some over the top muscle man that bruises him during a "romantic" scene? Not to sound like a wimp, but he was small framed and light weight, the last thing he needed was some behemoth leaving him black and blue after every shoot.

This sucked! He pulled out his cell and auto dialed his agent. "Hey Devon, it's Gubler. Listen, stuff's getting hairy at the set; I need you to bone up on my contract in case I have to dash."