Sad Eyes
Chapter 1: See Through Me
Perspectives in Bold.
Lyrics/Poems and time changes in Italics.
To those dying to be in love and to those dying because of it.
Poetry: To A Stranger by Walt Whitman
Disclaimer: I do not own MGLN nor its characters.
Passing stranger! you do not know
How longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking,
Or she I was seeking,
(It comes to me as of a dream)
Another ordinary morning, the sun's first rays creep over the eastern horizon seeking new land to conquer. Ordinary yet beautiful. The golden beams usher in pale blue skies. She visits the simple wooden park bench every morning.
Sometimes she is captured by the simplistic beauty of rippling waters shimmering with the dawn's first light. Sometimes she absorbs the earthy smell of rain soaking into the earth, nourishing seedlings trapped in the struggle of life.
Other times she is trapped in her thoughts, in her own struggle to live. She tries to escape those thoughts often associated with loneliness. Of a void she can't seem to fill. Though she is happy and what she considers successful, she can't ignore the slight ache in her heart that yearns for something. For someone she does not know. On most occasions those unwanted feelings are buried beneath her calm reserve and hidden behind crimson irises.
Today she stares thoughtlessly out across the water simply taking in the sight. She sips on hot coffee from her black travel mug. Then as she has done countless times before she casts a side glance at over her shoulder at an approaching jogger. Usually she'll spare the passerby a two second inspection.
But this time... this time her attention is captured.
Slender fingers cease the habitual motion of tucking golden strands behind her ear. She can't be certain whether she was breathing during those few seconds. Her heart beating in rhythm with the runner's footsteps.
Deep blue eyes that could rival the clear ocean behind her captivate the attention of her soul. But eyes that should be clear and bright are blurred by an unseen force. Most wouldn't recognize the emotions hidden away in the auburn haired woman. But she recognizes them from the mirror, the unexplainable loneliness. A human soul with a hole. The hole that throbs painfully so during the strangest of moments, when she is alone in the dark, surrounded in a crowd of people or wrapped in the arms of another.
There is more than simple reflection, there is a sense of completion. There is more than mere recognition, there is a memorable connection. She has nothing to compare the strange feelings with. Countless times in the past she has made eye contact with strangers, but she never reacted in such a way.
The jogger doesn't smile at the blonde nor does she frown at the intense crimson eyes focusing solely on her. Instead she appears confused. She tries to place the woman staring her way. Perhaps she recognized her from somewhere. Perhaps that is why the blonde on the bench is gazing so intently on her face. Whatever the scrutiny's cause she can't help surrendering to the stranger's powerful gaze. The rest of the world fades away as she drowns in molten pools of crimson. She stares back. She feels right. She feels... whole. As if before this moment, she was painting left without color and now suddenly someone had filled in the blank canvas.
There is something beyond the curtain of deep red, something in the shadows. It doesn't making her uneasy or fearful of the blonde's intentions. No, instead the private emotion causes her heart to clench painfully for unknown reasons.
At the strange feeling she averts her eyes back to the concrete sidewalk.
The blonde watched as auburn hair disappeared through the trees. She fought the urge to strain her neck in order to continue following the jogger with her eyes. Never had she been so entranced by another.
Maybe she was just in a daze after the long night. Maybe she was just tired and in need of sleep. Maybe fatigue is why she hypnotized by the runner. Perhaps she had spent too much time daydreaming. If sleep deprivation wasn't the cause for her staring then what did it mean? Even if her odd behavior meant something more, it meant nothing. She would surely never see the woman again.
And that thought alone seems to cause her eyelids to feel heavier. Heaving her worn body off the bench she makes her way out of the park, walks across the bridge, and back to her apartment. Unknown to her blue eyes track her until the trail makes it impossible.
The next day the runner passes by to find no one on the park bench. Her heart sinks a little lower in her chest but she doesn't know why.
The following day the blonde sits down with a sliver of hope that maybe she will see her again. She hears the footsteps approaching but something tells her it's not the woman. It isn't. She feels her face fall and an ache in her chest. The jogger never passes that morning.
The next day the golden blonde returns with a little less hope and little more fatigued. She hears footfalls coming her way and almost doesn't turn around in fear of the let down. She turns anyway and is greeted by auburn hair set in a side ponytail, bouncing in time with the runner's rhythm. The woman is wearing a form fitting white tank top, pink short shorts and pink and white Nikes. The morning sun catches those blue orbs making them sparkle in the blonde's perspective.
Crimson connects with cobalt. The battle to decipher each other's thoughts begins.
The jogger can't stop from marveling at the way the rays of light hit the golden tresses, creating a halo about the other woman's face. It's a mesmerizing sight. She notices the blonde doesn't smile but it doesn't bother her. In fact the almost stoic expression draws her in, enticing to come closer. To know more about the mysterious woman.
This time the blonde breaks the connection, scared of the strong pull she feels toward the woman.
The next days follow a similar pattern of staring contests. Although some days neither girl makes eye contact and taking delight in the fact that the other is there.
Two weeks pass and the jogger does something unexpected. Instead of passing behind the blonde, the footsteps halt and change into a slower rhythm. The sound draws closer to the sitting blonde.
The woman on the bench doesn't turn around to look for the jogger. She remains seated, taking occasional sips of her coffee. She is content to stare out across the water. The footsteps stop a few feet away from the bench on the opposite end of the blonde.
"Do you mind if I..." The auburn-haired woman gestures to the empty space beside the blonde. The woman shakes her head, granting her consent.
Silence filled the air until the jogger catches her breath and shyly says, "I don't have anyone to talk to. And some people say talking to a stranger about a problem is easier..." The blonde looks over at her new companion only to have the other woman hastily shift her blue eyes to her feet. "You know what I'm sorry you probably think I'm crazy and... And I'm bothering you when you just came here to watch the sunrise. I'll leave. Sorry.."
The golden-haired beauty acts before she realizes what she has done. She reaches out and grasps the other woman's wrist. Upon having the runner turn around she releases her to search for the right words. "I don't mind listening. I have time." The crimson orbs are soft and full of warmth. Worried the girl might leave she adds, "I'm Fate." Her voice is inviting, gentle, and husky.
"Nanoha." The runner states with genuine smile. She extends her hand to the other woman pleasantly surprised when a warm palm slips against her own. Little tingles of electricity run through her hand even after she reluctantly releases it.
Nanoha takes her seat but remains quiet. She is trying to understand why the stranger's hand felt so... Nice in her own.
"So... that problem?" Fate prompts the suddenly silent woman.
The runner fiddles with her fingers atop her lap. Fate watches in curiosity to see what her companion has to say. "I'm getting married."
An unexpected sadness appears in her dull crimson eyes. I'm I the only one alone, Fate asks herself.
"And I'm terrified." The jogger admitted quietly. "Don't get me wrong or anything. He's a great guy. It's just..." Blue eyes look out across the vast horizon searching for the words that could possibly explain her confusing emotions.
The blonde remains silent waiting for her companion. "He's just... Argh! It's so complicated." Nanoha covers her face with her delicate hands and sighs loudly. The blonde looks on with fascination as the other woman throws herself back into the bench. Hands slid down her face. Fate strains to hear the next words that escape the auburn beauty, "Do you think love just dies over time?"
Cobalt eyes desperately search crimson for the answer. The golden blonde takes a deep breath and breaks their connection in favor of staring at fallen leaves scattered randomly across the grass. The question weighs heavily upon her mind. She leans over the side of the bench to retrieve a yellowed leaf.
Does love wither away in the same fashion leaves dry, disintegrate, and fade into nothing?
"No." The blonde responded after a long pause. "I think... I think we can allow love to fade away. We get lazy. So consumed with making it through everyday that we assume our partner knows we love them. But they might grow insecure and the words they need to hear aren't coming their way." Fate twirls her warm beverage in her hands, "So when you ask whether love can die, you need to ask yourself if it is or was the right love?"
Nanoha smiles sadly at the wording, "You mean true love?" Sarcasm coats her words.
The blonde grins and shakes her head, "I don't know if I believe in true love or soul mates or whatever you want to call it. But I do believe in the right love."
The jogger furrows her brow, confusion written across her face, "The right love?"
Fate bites her lip prior to answering the question, "I guess what I mean is when everything about your relationship feels right. Like their the final piece to a puzzle you didn't know you had. I guess that sounds like soul mates. But I think the right love is a lot less of fairy tale."
Fate pauses to collect her thoughts, "It's both parties making compromises to make the other person smile. It's being selfish because you want their time. It's having fights but refusing to walk out the door, choosing to sleep on the couch because at least you know they're in the other room. It's saying 'I love you' when they are sitting on the couch reading a book and you notice how beautiful they look in an T-shirt with holes and faded shorts." The blonde smiles and stares into her coffee.
"It's accepting the fact that they need to stick to doing the dishes because everything they cook tastes like salty charcoal. It's feeling happy and content wrapped in their arms as you listen to music cause you're too broke to go out. It's knowing your partner isn't feeling well just by the way they move around... by looking beneath the surface of their eyes. It's feeling that insatiable desire for their body, heart, and soul."
Fate shakes her head, "It's watching how much each other spends before you're in debt. It's fighting over the name brand or generic brand of peanut butter. It's arguing about toothpaste left in the sink."
The blonde inhales a long breath, "It's dying of excitement to be getting married because they are all you want. It's needing that person to be only yours not because it's the right time or the natural progression of things. But because they are the right one. When it's right...There's nothing to be afraid of." Fate smirks and waves her hand, "Besides the normal stuff like kids or no kids, apartment or house." The blonde chuckles.
"Wow." The simple reply slips from Nanoha's lips causing the blonde to blush. Fate hadn't planned on saying all that to a woman who was nothing more than a stranger. The rant slid uncontrollably from her lips. The culmination of thoughts and emotions she had on the matter after a string of failed relationships. "You seem to know what you want. Have you found the right love?"
"If I did do you think I'd be here watching the sunrise alone?" Fate laughed humorlessly. "I think I know what I'm talking about, but I guess I won't be certain until that time."
The runner nods in agreement while feeling weirdly at ease knowing the other woman is single. "We've been together for three years." Nanoha shakes her head, closing her eyes to keep from crying. "But even when we're together I just feel... alone. I know love is more than butterflies and fireworks. It's just I wish there was at least..."
"Passion, desire." Fate finishes for her simultaneously catching mournful cobalt eyes. There is something about looking into those crimson orbs that causes Nanoha's heart to beat faster.
The jogger breaks the contact in favor tracing the veins in a fallen leaf. "Yeah." She sighs her frustration, "Maybe I'm just being childish and in hoping for a fairytale romance. My mom keeps telling me he's safe... Emotionally, financially."
Fate says nothing in response, choosing to watch the rippling waves and circling sea birds.
The auburn-haired woman wipes away stray tears. "Maybe everyone is right and I have cold feet."
Fate can't bear the sight of tears streaming down peach-colored skin. She gathers her parting words. "It's cliche but love isn't easy. There's no handbook on love that has all the answers." The golden goddess releases a giggle, "It's definitely not "Why Men Love Bitches"." Nanoha laughs and Fate feels accomplished.
The blonde pauses, "Maybe your questioning the reason you said yes because of cold feet. Being nervous about such a big commitment is acceptable. Being terrified is different." The long golden mane falls to Fate's knees as she stands. Stretching her stiff muscles she continues, "Three years is a lot to give up, but living the rest of your life in uncertainty is worse. I hate to say this overused line," Fate sighs dramatically, "listen to your heart. It's the best guide we've got." She turns her back on the other woman, taking a long swig of her warm beverage, "Good luck Nanoha."
"Thank you," The jogger whispers, "Fate-chan."
Fate nods, fighting the urge to turn around to stay with the other woman. "You have nothing to thank me for." The idea of the auburn beauty belonging to another was overwhelming Fate with emotions she couldn't comprehend. "Take care of yourself, Nanoha."
Nanoha tracks the glittering golden tresses down the park path. She focuses her attention back to the ocean that is turning rough as the wind picked up and storm clouds moved in. Turning away from the darkening skies Nanoha searches for a black leather jacket and jeans she thinks will be crossing the bridge. She catches the stranger making her way across. Blonde hair bound by a single black ribbon blows to side in the wind.
The woman bows her head, shoves her hands into her jacket pockets, and goes forth, head first against the wind. Every step is strong and purposeful in propelling her forward against the challenge. Something about those haunched over shoulders brings an odd sadness to Nanoha's heart along with a longing to make the melancholy feelings disappear. Nanoha heaves another sigh filled with hopelessness. Closing her eyes, she prays to any deity willing to listen.
The raindrops falling on her heated skin is a harsh reminder that when she opens her eyes her problems will still be there. Deciding pneumonia won't help her situation she continues with her run, hoping her fiancé has already left the apartment.
In the midst of all her problems she reflects on her conversation with the blonde stranger. Every time she closes her eyes she sees crimson eyes filled with emotions she swore she saw elsewhere.
A/N: I decided to finally release this story. I've had it for a while and currently finishing the 8th and final chapter. Fear not I'm working on The Right Kind of Wrong, chapter 22 is fifty percent complete (15 pages). Bad Romance is further along and about 60% complete. This story is some random idea came to me and puzzles me on how to define it. Let me know what you think. If you want the rest. Thank you for reading! Please review.