Author: Andrea
Title: Proof
Chapter 3
Scully POV
Rating: M
Disclaimer: M,S & Maggie belong to CC and Fox
Spoilers: Pilot loosely
Notes: Thanks to Dan and Karen for beta reading
Please send feedback to
I'd driven straight to my mother's house after I called Mulder to tell him I was out. She'd listened with quiet patience while I told her what had happened. While she'd said nothing, she wasn't able to mask her feelings about the relationship I'd agreed to with Mulder. She'd fielded the inevitable phone call from him, although I knew I was going to have to deal with him at some point. She'd plied me with tea, sent me for a hot bath and tucked me into bed, all without telling me what she thought. She had a hard enough time dealing with the fact that I'd slept with men outside of marriage, never mind a man who I knew didn't love me. She'd asked me why I'd agreed, and was obviously a little shocked at my answer, but, bless her heart, she hadn't said I should have known it would never have worked.
It had taken me a long time to fall asleep. I was ashamed of what I'd done; not for having sex with Mulder, but for lying to him. I was enjoying the sex more than he could possibly imagine, but the guilt was eating me alive. If we were going to continue in our partnership, I was going to have to confess to him. It was going to be humiliating, but I couldn't see any other way. It wasn't until I'd made that decision that I was finally able to fall asleep.
The room was still dark when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"What time is it?" I mumbled as I rolled over expecting to find my mother. I was shocked to discover Mulder sitting down on the bed beside me.
"It's 2:20," he told me quietly.
"Mulder!" I sat up quickly. "What are you doing here?"
"You're mother called me."
"No," I groaned. "What did she say?"
"Not a lot," his voice was muted.
I reached over to flick on the lamp. I needed to see his face. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't sadness.
"What did she say, exactly?" I now feared that my mother had made my confession for me.
"She said she wasn't going to tell me what she thought about me asking her daughter to be in such a relationship," he began softly. "I thought we agreed not to tell anyone, Scully."
He could have been very angry with me, but I still only saw dejection.
"I'm sorry, Mulder."
"Of all of the people not to tell, Scully, your mom would've been at the top of my list."
"I don't know what else to say, except I'm sorry." The sorrow in his eyes was making my heart ache and I hadn't even gotten to the big stuff yet. "And I owe you another apology," I heaved a huge sigh.
"What for?" he looked puzzled, which was infinitely better than the desolation that had I'd just seen.
"I lied to you."
"Lied to me?"
"Well, withheld the truth," I clarified. "When I agreed to this no-strings relationship, I wasn't being completely honest with you."
"Scully," he began, but I cut him off.
"Mulder, please let me finish, this is hard enough," I chided him.
"Sorry, go on," he picked up my hand absently.
His touch was distracting me and I found myself staring at our hands.
"Scully?"
"Sorry," I shook myself out of my reverie with a sigh. When I brought my eyes up to meet his again, I found him looking at me expectantly. I let my gaze drop quickly. I knew this was going to be hard, but it would've been so much easier if he was angry with me. This gentleness was killing me.
"What weren't you honest about?" he prompted me.
"That I have feelings for you," my voice was barely above a whisper.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
My head jerked up at his question. It wasn't the response I'd been expecting. "Jesus, Mulder," I looked at him in disbelief. "You'd just told me you weren't in love with me."
"Before that, why didn't you tell me before that?"
"Because I never knew what the hell you were thinking," I sighed in exasperation. "One minute you'd confess your love and the next you'd be aloof. I had no idea what was going on in your head."
"I know this won't make you feel any better, but I have no idea what was going on in my head most of the time either," he gave me a small smile.
"You're right, it doesn't make me feel any better," I didn't return his smile. "So now that we've cleared this all up, can we please put it behind us?" I pulled my hand out of his. "We still have work tomorrow, so can I please go back to sleep?" I flicked the light off and lay down again.
"There was one other thing," he turned the light back on.
My heart began to pound in my chest. I closed my eyes and waited for him to say it; waited for him to say this would put too much of a strain on our partnership. The silence, however, was deafening. I finally opened my eyes to see what he was doing. He hadn't moved from his position on the bed. His eyes were fixed on me. I still had no idea what was going on in his head. "What other thing?" I broke the strained silence to ask.
"Your mother also asked me about my schooling."
"What?" I sat up again.
"Ya, she said 'didn't you take psychology at Oxford?'"
"Huh?" I wasn't sure what that had to do with anything.
"Ya and then she said 'and wasn't your specialty human behaviour?'"
"Was it?" That wasn't what I remembered.
"Well, not exactly," he chuckled, "But close enough."
"Ok, Mulder, I'm confused," my shoulders slumped. "How did that prompt you to come over here?"
"Don't you get it, Scully?" he picked my hand up again.
"Uh, no," I had no idea where he was going with this or what my mother had meant when she talked to him.
"Your mother was asking me to figure what your motivation was to do this when it was so out of character for you," he explained.
"Oh," I had to laugh. "So she found a way to tell you without breaking her promise to me."
"Ya," he chuckled with me.
"Hey!" Something suddenly occurred to me. "If you'd already figured it out, why didn't you tell me?"
"I tried," he pointed out. "But you insisted on it explaining it to me."
"Why did you pick now to start listening to me?" I shook my head.
"I always listen to you," he said softly as he ran his thumb over the back of my hand.
Once again his touch was distracting me and I found myself hypnotized by our hands. I was drawn out of my daze by Mulder lifting my chin with his finger.
"That wasn't everything," he told me when our eyes met.
"What do you mean?" This whole night had me completely confused.
"She said I should take a hard look at my own motivations, too."
"Oh, I'm sorry," I cringed inwardly. "My mother can barely conceive of people having sex outside of marriage, never mind outside of love. I'll explain it to her - gently," I added with a small laugh.
"You can if you want," he smiled tenderly at me, only adding to the confusion I was feeling. "But she was right."
"Right about what?" I still wasn't sure what he was getting at.
"My motivations," he explained. "I guess you were right all along, Scully," he was now grinning at me, "On both counts."
"Mulder," I sighed, "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
"You said that if two people claimed they were just fuck buddies either one of them was lying to the other person, or just lying to themselves," he reminded me.
"Right," I agreed. "I wasn't honest with you, but what do you mean 'both counts'? I may not have been honest with you, Mulder, but I was honest with myself. I knew what I was getting into. I called it off because of my conscience. I couldn't keep lying to you."
"I'm sorry I made you lie to me," sorrow filled his eyes again.
"You didn't make me do anything," I was becoming exasperated. "Is there something you're trying to tell me?"
"I already told you that you were right on both counts," he reiterated. "One of us was lying to the other person and the other was lying to themselves."
"So are you saying that you were lying to yourself?" I was still confused.
"Yes, Scully, that's what I'm saying," he sounded relieved. "Both of us were lying to me."
"And you realized this because of what my mother said?" I was stunned.
"I've never fallen in love with someone that I've been friends with first before. It's always started with the physical attraction for me," he explained.
"Thanks, Mulder," I huffed.
"Scully, the first time you walked into my office you looked like you might have just been separated from your high school tour group," he smirked.
"I didn't look that young," I argued.
"Ya, you did," he laughed. "You were cute back then."
"Whatever," I rolled my eyes.
"And I'm not gonna lie, Scully. I was never attracted to cute."
"Are you saying you're attracted to cute now?"
"Now you're beautiful," he leaned in as he spoke and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.
"So you love me because I'm beautiful?" I backed away to ask him. It still sounded like he was only attracted to me sexually. I knew what I wanted this to mean, but I'd been down this road so many times in the past I had to be sure. I had to be sure he felt the same way I did. I needed proof.
"No, that's just an added bonus," he chuckled and pulled me close again to kiss me.
"Then why?" I needed to know.
"Isn't it enough for me to say I love you?" he caressed my cheek with his thumb.
"You've told me you loved me before," I reminded him. "What makes it different now?"
"I don't know if I can put it into words," he brushed his lips over mine. "All I know is I'm never happier than when we're together and never more miserable than when we're apart. I could say it's because you're smart, funny, brave, generous and kind, but that probably describes a lot of people that I don't love." His feathery kisses became more insistent as he spoke. "I could talk about trust and loyalty and everything we've been through together but do we really need to dissect this? Isn't it enough that the thought of losing you scares me to death? Isn't it enough that the thought of hurting you makes me feel physically ill?"
"God, Mulder," I reached up to cradle his face with my free hand. "That's exactly what I needed to hear."
I struggled to get out from underneath the blankets so I could get closer to him. He was pulling me onto his lap as I was thrusting my tongue into his mouth. When he slid his hand along my thigh and under my pajamas it made me remember that I was wearing my mother's nightgown and I was in my mother's spare room.
"Mulder, we can't," I pulled back again, breathing hard, "Not here, not with my mother in the house."
"She's not here," he leaned toward me in an attempt to capture my lips again, but I leaned away from him surprise.
"What do you mean she's not here?"
"She had an overnight bag packed when I got here. She said we needed our privacy," he informed me with a shrug.
"What? Where did she go?"
"I have no idea, but she has your phone if you want to call her," he handed me his phone.
"I just want to make sure she's okay," I nodded. She answered on the second ring.
"Mom, where are you?"
"At the Holiday Inn, dear. Did you and Fox get everything sorted out?"
"Yes, mom," I felt a blush begin to creep up my neck. Knowing that my mother had left us alone to have sex made me uncomfortable. "But you didn't need to leave. We could've gone back to my place."
"I don't understand how neither of you realized that he was in love with, Dana," she ignored my concerns. "It's been obvious to me for a very long time. It was actually you that I wasn't sure about," she chuckled.
"Mom, I-," I began, but she cut me off with a yawn.
"It's very late, dear. I really should get to sleep. Goodnight and please say goodnight to Fox for me. I'll see you in the morning." With that the line went dead.
"She's at the Holiday Inn," I shook my head with a laugh as I handed Mulder his phone. He threw it over his shoulder absently and I heard it thud gently on the carpet.
"Where were we?" He asked in a smoky voice as he began to unbutton his shirt.
"I was worrying about having sex in my mother's spare room," I reminded him with a grin.
"I hope you're over that," his eyes were blazing as he stood to take off his pants. His shirt had already joined his phone on the floor.
I hadn't been over it until I saw how he was looking at me. My heart was pounding and my stomach was flip-flopping madly. Whatever concerns I'd been feeling were forgotten when he pushed his boxers off. Seeing how hard he was sent a rush of heat to my core. It may have actually qualified as an orgasm.
"Fuck, Scully," Mulder's raspy voice only added to my excitement. "You have no idea how much I love it when you like at me like that."
I wasn't sure how I was looking at him, but I didn't get a chance to ask. He bent to kiss me roughly and just as I was losing myself in the feeling of his tongue on mine, it was gone again.
"This has to go," he pulled my nightgown off and tossed it over his shoulder. Before I could tell him that I agreed wholeheartedly, he had grabbed me behind my knees, pulled me to the edge of the bed and dropped to his knees. "I need to taste you."
I groaned when his mouth covered me and gasped when he ran his tongue slowly over my clit.
"Mmm." I felt his lips close as he lifted his head slightly and made a sound like he was drinking me. "Have I mentioned that I love how fucking wet you get?" he asked breathily. He didn't wait for my answer. He had flattened his tongue against me and wiggled it gently as he dragged it over me.
"Oh my God," I moaned and arched my head back into the bed. "Mulder," I tried to get his attention, but his name caught in my throat as he ran his tongue over me again. "Stop!" I finally managed to say, although it was louder than I intended.
"What?" I could hear puzzlement in his voice but his eyes were still dark with lust.
"This feels incredible, Mulder, but I want you up here where I can touch you and kiss you," I explained.
"Scully, I've been wanting to do this since you gave me that amazing blowjob yesterday. I want to do the same for you. I want to make you come that hard," his eyes were burning into me.
"Don't worry," I lowered my voice. "I'll give you plenty of opportunities to make me come that hard, but right now what I want most is you." I scooted back on the bed.
He followed me slowly, his eyes practically devouring me as he moved. My breath shortened to quick gasps as I watched him lower his mouth to mine. My hands went to his hair as I began to kiss him hungrily. I groaned into his mouth when I felt his cock surge against my hip, but then I was whimpering in dismay when his mouth left mine again.
"How about a compromise, Scully?" he looked at me with eyes as dark and lustrous as obsidian.
"What kind of compromise?" I seemed to be having trouble catching my breath even though I was completely motionless.
"This kind," he ran his fingers lightly over my belly. I gasped when he slid them between my legs.
"God, Mulder, you really know how to bargain," I breathed as I lifted my hips to give him more access.
"I really know how to get what I want," he corrected me as his thumb grazed my sensitive flesh.
"What do you want?" I rocked my hips against his hand.
"I want to watch you come without being distracted by my own orgasm," he eased two fingers into me. "And this way works even better," he lowered his lips to mine to give me a brief kiss, "because I get to watch you up close and we both get what we want."
"Jesus," I groaned again as his hand began to move slowly. I pulled his head back down and began to ravage his mouth, but soon, too soon, I wasn't getting enough air.
"Are you getting close, Scully?" his voice was rough.
"Yes," it came out staccato.
"I'll slow down then," the dark tone of his voice made me shudder.
"Mulder, please," I moved my hips in fruitless effort to regain the same contact.
"No one has ever done that for me before, Scully," he ignored my plea. "No one has ever been solely concerned about my pleasure like that before. At first I thought it was because you knew how to give incredible head, but tonight I finally realized the real reason," his hand had begun to caress me gently again. "You did that for me because you love me."
His gentle touch had brought me close again, but his words sent me over the edge.
"Oh, God, coming!" I gasped as my body began to quake. Mulder was fast enough to slide his fingers into me before my muscles clamped down and my body seemed to levitate off of the bed when his thumb found my clit. Waves of heat and ecstasy radiated out from my centre as I felt myself tightening around his fingers. My head arched back and my heart pounded in my ears as I pulsed under his thumb. When the shock wave began to subside, he pushed his fingers into even further created a second surge within me. It seemed like a sweet eternity before my shuddering finally quieted.
"Shit, Scully," I was surprised to hear disappointment in Mulder's voice. "I wanted to really prolong that like you did for me."
"Then you shouldn't have talked to me like that," I dragged open my eyes as I grinned slyly at him.
"I'll keep that in mind," he chuckled. "But you did come hard for me. You have absolutely no idea how much I love the way you come," he lowered his lips to mine again.
"Mmm, want you inside of me," I said into his mouth as I urged him on top of me.
"Fuck!" he groaned loudly as he slid into me. "You are so fucking hot," he practically hissed into my ear. "Fuck, Scully," groaned again as he began to move.
"Harder," I panted as I grabbed his ass to encourage him to move the way I wanted.
"Nnn," he protested.
"Please, Mulder," I panted. "Gonna come."
"Already?" his voice was tight.
"Yes, yes, yes," I chanted. "Please, harder."
"Fuck, Scully," I felt his body begin to grow taut as he started to drive into me with all of the energy I needed. "Scully, Scully, Scully," he repeated his mantra over and over as his body began to quiver. "Fuck," he roared as his final powerful thrust sent me plummeting over the precipice with him.
When I began to surface from the rushing white haziness of my orgasm, I felt Mulder still trembling above me. I kissed him gently until his body quieted, stroking his back softly.
"I wanted that to last longer, too," he finally murmured, making me laugh.
"I think we were both a little eager," I pointed out.
"Mmm," he chuckled and rolled to his side, pulling me with him. "I like that you are as eager as I am."
"I love you, Mulder," I reminded him. "What can say, you make me eager."
"Let's call a spade a spade here, Scully. I make you horny."
"Very horny," I had to laugh. "Still think I'm repressed?"
"Jesus," he muttered. "Are you ever going to let me forget that?"
"Wasn't planning to," I smiled contentedly. "Let's get under the covers. My horniness has resulted in sleepiness."
"I think that was the orgasms," he corrected me.
As soon as we were under the covers he spooned up to me and pulled me tightly against him.
"Love you, Scully," he mumbled into my hair. Within seconds his breathing had become slow and regular.
As I lay cocooned in his arms it occurred to me that our entire relationship had been spent with Mulder trying to prove something to me. His love for me was something I'd wanted to believe for a very long time. I doubt, however, that in his quest to open my eyes, he'd ever envisioned a scenario like this would be how he'd end up making a believer out of me. All I'd ever wanted was proof.
end