I have kidnapped Max II. Has anyone else kidnapped Max II? Cause if you have, I didn't know, and don't care.
Max II: She cares, she just wants to sound badass.
Me: No, I really don't care.
Max II: You don't care about as much as you don't care about food.
Me: No, I really couldn't care less. And did you just call me fat?
Max II: Disclaimer.
Me: Don't change the subject.
Max II: If you get sued, I'm bribing your lawyer to screw you over.
Me: Bribe him with what? You don't own shit.
Max II: Just do the disclaimer.
Me: You haven't answered any of my questions!
Max II: And?
Me: Answer my questions, or I'll lock you in a room with the original Max. She can kick your ass, too.
Max II: Max is also kidnapped.
Me: Damn. . . I'll find something else to threaten you with. . . .
Max II: Just do the disclaimer.
Me: I do not own Maximum Ride. However, the question of my owning Max II is still being debated. . . .
Max II: She doesn't own me, either. No matter what she may think.
Me: On with the story!
Max II: If you can call it a story.
Max II: Kidnapping is illegal, you know.
Me: Yeah, but as far as anyone knows, you don't exist.
Max II: I do too exist!
Me: Hence the 'as far as anyone knows'. Your not a very good listener, are you?
Max II: It's not my fault, you bore me.
Me: Your tied to a chair, you don't get to insult me.
Max II: And what if I do insult you?
Me: I'll just keep you here longer. Lets face it, you have no one to come rescue you.
Max II: I have plenty of people to come rescue me!
Me: Like who?
Max II: They would rather remain anonymous.
Me: Liar.
Max II: I will get out of here.
Me: When pigs fly do you think they'll flap their little ears or just spin their tails like a propeller?
Max II: Maybe they'll get kidnapped by megalomaniac scientists and kept in a cage where they will be experimented on mercilessly and given bird-DNA which gives them wings.
Me: . . .
Max II: And then there was silence. Finally. There hasn't been silence since she kidnapped me. . .
I walk into the 7-11 for a soda. As I'm opening the door to the fridge of sodas gallore, I'm suddenly pushed in and the door shuts behind me. Well, the door trys to shut behind me. There is absolutely no space whatsoever in between the door and the soda rack, therefore I kinda just have my face smooched into a bottle of Pepsi. Someone is behind me pushing up against the door. She's going on and on about something, saying sorry and other stuff I wasn't listening to. She fumbled with my hands and finally managed to tie them together. She takes me out and drags me to her house without anyone noticing somehow.
Max II: Do you know how long it took her to figure out how to tie my hands together? I got freezerburn on my cheek.
Me: *pops the cap of the pepsi and takes a nice, long, refreshing drink* Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Max II: Your the devil reincarnated. No worse, your like the devil's mother-in-law reincarnated.
Me: Do you want some?
Max II: Yes!
Me: What's the magic word?
Max II: *mutters something*
Me: What was that?
Max II: . . .
Me: Come on, you can do it!
Max II: It's not worth it.
Me: Suite yourself. *takes another drink*
Max II: Please!
Me: Nope.
Max II: 'Nope'? What do you mean 'nope'?
Me: That's not the magic word.
Max II: That's always the magic word.
Me: It's not my magic word.
Max II: Just give me the damn soda!
Me: You want something to drink?
Max II: YES!
Me: Fine, I'll get you something. *goes in the kitchen*
Max II: Finally!
Me: *comes back* Here you go!
Max II: MILK? Are you fnicking with me?
Me: Why would I fnick with you? Do you think I would enjoy fnicking with you? Is the idea of my fnicking with you something you think about on a regular basis?
Max II: I'm getting the vibe that you mean that in a perverted way.
Me: No, I would not like to fnick with you, but the offer flatters me.
Max II: I didn't offer for you to fnick with me.
Me: You said it with your eyes, Max 2.0. You said it with your eyes.
Max II: Now your ripping off a commercial about mens hair.
Me: How would you know? When was the last time you watched tv?
Max II: In the waiting room of the proctologist.
Me: Wait, WHAT!!!!!!!!!?????? You went to the PROCTOLOGIST!?!?!?!?!?!
Max II: No, it was to support a friend.
Me: Did he find your head?
Max II: What's that supposed to mean?
Me:Why the hell were you AT the proctologist?!
Max II: I told you, it was supporting a friend!
Me: I'll believe that when the flying pigs escape from the school.
Max II: They already have, didn't you see that special on CNN?
Me: You mean that one on raw pork and salmonella?
Max II: Um. . . no.
Me: Then no.
Max II: . . .
Me: . . .
Max II: Why'd you kidnap me?
Me: 'Cause as far as I know, all the good characters were taken.
Max II: And I'm not a good character?! And who are all the good characters?
Me: Fang, Max, Iggy (a couple times), Nudge, etc.
Max II: But I'm a good character.
Me: Actually, your a pretty minor one. Scratch that, your a pretty random one. You never know when your gonna just pop into the story-line.
Max II: *WTF face* I don't wanna talk to you anymore.
Me: Awwwwwww, did I hurt your feeling?
Max II: *glares*
Me: Okay, I apologize. I'm sure you mean a lot more to the story than JP lets on.
Max II: *glares*
Me: Your still not talking, are you?
Max II: *glares*
Me: And there you have it! She's one of those 'I'm not gonna talk to you until you say what I wanna hear' people.
Max II: *glares*
Me: I'm just gonna cut it off here, apparently there's not going to be anymore talking today. . . . Bye!
Max II: Don't come back.
Me: Hey, your talking!
Max II: *glares*
Me: And there you have it! I have to say, I'm a little disappointed, though. She still won't tell me why she went to the proctologist. . . Or if she called me fat. . . Or what she would bribe my lawyer with. . .
Max II: I told you, I was supporting a friend!
Me: What friend?
Max II: Don't review!
Me: *trying to duct-tape her mouth* Stop changing the subject! And don't listen to her! REVIEW!!!!!!
Max II: mphhhhh!
Me: Bye!
Max II: MMMMPPPPHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! MMPH-MMMMMMPPHHHHHH-MPH!!!!!!!!