Things Zack Did To Me

by Araved Knight

Tifa is cleaning Cloud room,and she found an interesting books about Cloud... Not too good at summary,first story. Rated T because i'm a paranoid man.

1. Chapter 1

Things Zack Did To Me at ShinRa

Summary:Tifa is cleaning Cloud's rooms,then she found something interesting about Cloud…

Sooooo,this is my very first fanfiction! Well,this is brought to you by Araved Knight. Well,I think it will have some little mistakes…. Alright,I admit that this will have MANY mistake and maybe you will think that my joke is "not funny". Well,just enjoy it and gimme review! Okay,here goes!

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Chapter 1:The Beggining

It was a great day at Seventh Heaven for a certain barmaid. No Meteor that going crush the Planet, no more Sephiroth to deal with, no Omega WEAPON to stop, no freak people that try to revive Sephiroth, no Bahamut SIN to destroy, and most of all. It's Sunday,Cloud went delivering to Junon(even Sunday,he still must work. Poor Cloud),The kids took some nap, so Tifa-err,the certain barmaid just decided to clean some room,to spent her time.

'Right,let's check the room now.' Tif-ehem,the BARMAID thought.'My room,check. Kitchen,check. Kids room,check. Guest room,check. Bar,check Bathroom,che-wait,what are bathroom doing in my list?. Oh,well. The last room is….Cloud's room'

So the Ba- "STOP WITH THE SO CALLED 'BARMAID' ALREADY!" Tifa Shouted,breaking the fourth dimension. And almost waking up the kiddies. Key:Almost

So Tifa went to the Cloud's room,and dramatically opened the door. And then she met something.

The REALLY messed up room,(much to her dismay). So she cursed under her breath while she start cleaning the room. The room itself,has boxers on the floor-oh,look! It's the legendary chocobo boxers that sat on the chair!,books on the bed (Tifa read it's title "Reno Life Style" Creepy…),and many papers scattered in the room,then a mysterious box sit in the corner.

After finishing cleaning (2 hours cleaning is NOT nice…). She went to the mysterious box to search what's inside. Opening it,she found a… uh,a orthophedic underwear? '… I guess this is one of my underwear that I use when I was young. Cloud must answer this and then he will face MY wrath' she thought.

"Achoo!" Somewhere,a certain chocobo-head is sneezing while riding his motocycle,almost making him fall.'someone must be threathen me somewhere… but,who?' unfortunately,he will know the answer when he went back.

Back to Seventh Heaven,She found some of Cloud old ShinRa equipment. Rifle,uniform,helmet,and…. A book? 'What is this?'

She opened the book to find it was book with list of things that Zack (the spiky SOLDIER,she remember) did to Cloud when Cloud was a ShinRa infantryman,she began to read the list.

Number 1. Forced to eat greens

"C'mon,chocobo. Eat the greens. It's the mimett green. Your favourite"

"Zack,first of all,I'm not a Chocobo. Second,you can't force me to eat that. Last,I don't care if it's a mimett greens. Hell,it isn't even my favourite!" Said Cloud

"aww,pwease?" Zack used his infamous puppy dog eyes.

"NO!" Cloud Shouted while try to avoid Zack puppy eyes,he looked to his left to see… His bunkmates tried to swallow some purple-yellowish-soup,and now Cloud is disgusted by just seeing that. Ew…

"… Alright cadets,you must eat the greens right HERE,and NOW. This is an order from first class SOLDIER" Zack commanded him like-a-SOLDIER,well actually he IS a SOLDIER.

Cloud,being a poor cadets he is just jawdrop at Zack sudden order,cause Zack never command anyone! Well,unless he is out of black mail though."bb-bbut-"

"No but, so what are you waiting cadet? Eat up!"

Cloud just stare at him disbelievingly and start eating his greens while mouthing some coloured words,while Zack grinning as he saw him eating his meals

"Did I mentioned that it has some zeio nuts in there too?"

Cloud Notes:I just noticed it taste good,and I just stay in the infirmary for only 2 hours too. But there was two things:

- Hojo is in the infirmary (VERY bad things)

- Even if I stay at the infirmary for 2 hours,I spend my time in the bathroom for the rest of the week…

Tifa reactions:she just laughed after he imagined Cloud eating Greens and Zeio nuts,and she mentally noted that tonight Cloud will have Mimett-Zeio salad for dinner

Number 2. Taken as a pet

"Angeeeeaaaaalllll,please. Just this one,I swear!"

"no Zack,you can't have him"

"why? This is a very great golden chocobo! You can even ride him if you want!"

"Zack,do you even notice that you almost kill him? AND do you even need to remind that you bring Cloud to me when I was in a freaking bathroom!? Now,get out before I drag you to Hojo!"

Cloud Notes:Once again,I just noticed that Zack can run very very fast,and then I never seen him for 3 weeks. I have great things this time:

- Angeal make the best herbal tea

- Zack was brought to Hojo,which explains why he disappeard. Angeal can be really mean….

- That time,because of Hojo experiments,Zack hair become as long as Sephiroth's. the main different is Zack hair still spiky when it's long. And it's very sharp too.

Tifa Reaction:she just snickering this time

Number 3. Being caged after forced to use chocobo costume

"Alright,folks! Here you see the legendary golden chocobo,The Chocloud! You can pet it for 10 gil! Who wants to pet it?" Zack Said with a stolen megaphone(from Reeve,you know.)

"Zack,for the sake of all things that breath,release me!" whined Chocloud,now he was thrown with mimett greens by the visitors. So he became hysteric due to his previous green-nuts incident.

"I will give you 500 gil if you let me ride it yo" offered Reno

"alright! Deal!" Said Zack Happily

"What's happening?!" shout ShinRa President and then everyone stop,well for your information,Zack is doing this in the center of ShinRa building!

"Sir! Please help me!" Shouted Chocloud from inside cage

The president eyes widened,then he turns to Zack and said something that made Chocloud bang his head to the cage."I will give you 5000 gil if you let me take that talking chocobo!"

Cloud Notes:*sigh* for the first time I met this ridiculous event,I swore that I won't use any chocobo costume! Oh,and the things I learn after this was:

- Running is nice,but running with ShinRa infantryman and third class SOLDIER hot on your tails isn't nice….

- Whenever Zack is seen with Chocobo costume,I must run very very fast to avoid him

- After that,I made Zack Give me 4000 gil for what he had done to me.

Tifa reactions:she go ROTFL and make more mental note to force Cloud using chocobo costume when Halloween

Number 4. Shocked because Zack jump to my back

Cloud is walking to his bunk to rest,this day was great for Cloud. He won the sword spar,Zack went to a mission from yesterday,Sephiroth had compliment his sword skill.

"This is my best day ever!" Shout Cloud loudly

He then started skipping to his bunk while smiling and humming the "I'm a little teapot" song. And ironically he didn't noticed everyone stared at him with widened eyes and then they ran away from him like there is no tommorow

And then he felt like if he was being stalked when he almost ended the song, he then turns around to found… No one,he then freaked out by this,i-stalk-you-but-you-can't-find-me things,what if he going to be kidnapped? What if some alien try to bring him to planet namek to beat Freezer? What if some assassins try to kill someone but ended killing him? And the last thing that crossed Cloud imagination almost made him wet himself:What if Hojo try to kidnap him so he can "play" with his body?

'No! Get away from my imagination you Bastarding Hojo!' He Thought

And then all of a sudden the stalker who revealed to be Zack,Jump to his back while he shouts:"Run like a wind Chocloud!"

So Cloud start running to the sunset while screaming all the time

Cloud Note:this was my best day ever,but why must Zack go play I-stalk-you-and-you-can't-find-me game without me knowing it? And why must he jump to my back as if I was a chocobo? Damn,alright I noticed something because of this though:

- I can run very very fast!

- Zack is good at stalking

- Everyone must stop calling me Chocloud

- And last, Zack must stop convince me to join the chocobo race at Gold Saucers,with I become chocobo,and Zack become the jockey

Tifa reactions:she wondered if she can try it too

Number 5. Became Hojo guinea pig to drink strange substance

"now cadet,if you drink this. You will become the best SOLDIER! Hahahahahaha-*cough* *cough*"

"uhm,alright. I will try to drink it professor" Said Cloud,he drank the substance until it's empty and he silently pried for his life. But,he somehow felt strong instead!

"I can feel power flowing through my body prof!"

"hm? Is that so? Wow,what the hell Zack put into that drink? I must know it!" Said Hojo in a very creepy way

"uhh,Professor? Why is my skin growing feather?" Ask Cloud,but unfortunately, Hojo had ran to find Zack. While Cloud screamed about his sk-err,feather. He started running to infirmary to see if he can be saved or no. Unfortunately,they thought Cloud was the Legendary Chocloud,so they brought him to the lab to see if he is endangered animal or not AND to made him became one of Hojo guinea pigs,which has happened a moment before.

oh,and Cloud? He just pray to god to kept his sanity.

Cloud Note:Dammit! I hate Hojo,I hate Zack,I hate anything that Zack or Hojo made! I swore to god if I was brought to Hojo lab I will say that they must use turks and run like a mad! Well,bad and good things came this time:

- I spent 1 month to get out of there,this was because Zack has told Sephiroth that I had become a hostage in the Hojo lab,so,he released me from there,Thank you Sephiroth!

- The feathers that grew on my skin will grew even more if I shaved it and the key to kill it was to burn it,so Genesis burn the feather on my skin and turned it to ashes,while I had suffered serious injury because of Fire3. Damn feathers and damn Genesis with his Fire materia.

- Anything that coming from Hojo or Zack must be crushed to make sure nothing crazy happen

- Everyone really must forget the Chocloud name

Tifa Reactions:she laughed so hard.

"Tifa,I'm home" called Cloud

Tifa gasped and shove the book to her shirt (damn,lucky book) and then she rush to Cloud,"welcome back Cloud,I have something to ask you know."

"What is it?"

"Why do you have my underwear?"

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One down,Many more to go folks! So,how do you like it? Please press the shiny button that named "review" and tell me your opinion about this story

Araved Knight over and out!