For as long as Castiel could remember, he had loved Dean Winchester. At one time that love was reciprocated by Dean, only that love was while Castiel was in his human vessel as a female.
Their story started back in 1989, seven years after the horrific death of his mother in his baby brother, Sam's, room; both boys found themselves moving from city to city as their father did odd jobs. Often times, Dean felt as if he was the parent in the family, making sure Sammy was cared for and doing well in school, while cleaning up his father after many drunken nights.
At just ten years old, the boy had so much sorrow and loneliness screaming from his soul that the heavens sent their best angel to watch over him.
Castiel, Angel of the Lord, was one of His top angels. While he was not what you would consider an Archangel like that of his brothers, Michael or Gabriel, he was often revered as one in the eyes of many in Heaven.
The first day that Castiel was welcomed into a vessel, he was surprised to be met with the bright blue eyes of his reflection with dark hair that hung past his shoulders. He was a juvenile... a female. An interesting choice, he thought for his first assignment.
His assignment was to befriend the elder Winchester for the time being. He would not be alone in this task as friend from the Garrison, Anna, and his brother Gabriel have also been welcomed into vessels to assist Castiel, should he need it.
"Cassandra, dear," a feminine voice called from down stairs. "You'll be late for the bus!"
Castiel took another glimpse at his vessel's reflection before a quick nod. "Yes, Mother," he called out, the squeak of his vessel's voice startling him.
Befriending Dean was a bit more complicated than even Castiel has anticipated. He had studied how other angels interacted with the humans in hopes that he could do it just as easily.Instead he seemed awkward and Dean ignored him most of the time. The younger brother, though, related to the little girl that was too formal in conversation for her age.
"Dean likes cars," the six year old said with puppy dog eyes before offering his carrots to the strange girl with the light eyes.
Castiel gave an awkward smile before taking the orange spear from the young boy. "Your information is appreciated."
"You're weird, even for a girl," Sam mused.
After that encounter Castiel spent more time at the lunch breaks with Sam, learning what he could about Dean. This didn't go unnoticed by the protective big brother. Normally, Dean would interrupt and ask what was going on, but he was happy to see Sammy laugh with someone and make a friend. It seemed so normal. Something neither Winchester boy was used too.
While their "Foster Father" Bobby would play off that he wasn't worried, he knew that every time Sam mentioned the klutzy girl, there was that same sense of relief that would lift a weight off both their shoulders.
"You would like her," Sam said to Dean one night at dinner.
Dean nearly choked on the Coke he was drinking to glare at his little brother. "I'm not interested in girls or friends, Sammy." Bobby laughed and shook his head at the boys exchange.
Castiel tried, unsuccessfully, for a year to get Dean to warm up to him. Both Anna and Gabriel tried to encourage him in their own ways, but he was beginning to feel as though he was failing his mission.
That is until his vessel's twelfth birthday, or at least that's what Castiel had gathered based on the reactions of her parents that morning. Celebrating with chocolate chip pancakes and a recounting of her birth.
He was glad that Cassandra's mother was letting her shy away from the dresses and skirts. While in Heaven, Castiel wasn't necessarily assigned a gender, he knew he would identify better as a male. At least he found it much more comfortable in the jeans.
"Kansas... cool," a voice in front of Castiel said. He looked up to see two pairs of eyes staring at him. Big green, puppy dog like eyes of Sam Winchester and the jade green intensity of Dean's. Castiel couldn't respond to young Dean as he was a loss for words as he stared into his eyes. It wasn't until Sam spoke up that he was broken from his trance.
"Happy birthday, Cassandra!" he said joyfully as he handed over a box wrapped in the previous Sunday's funny page. The present was the newest book from the Fear Street collection by R.L. Stine. Sam was an avid reader and to have him share a passion of his with Castiel warmed his heart.
"Thank you, Sam," Castiel replied, taking the gift and offering him a sincere smile.
"Had I known you liked classic rock, I would have made you a mixtape or something," Dean said sheepishly. Castiel gave him a confused look, not understanding the reference. Dean pointed to Castiel's chest, causing him to look down at the shirt he was wearing.
"Oh!" he laughed, the sound still so foreign to him. "My parental unit gave it to me."
Dean nodded. "Well, Happy birthday, Cas."
Shortly after that exchange, Dean had been making more of an effort to be conversational with Castiel. The more they were around each other, the more Dean opened up. Soon Castiel knew that up until they moved in with Bobby Singer, his brother and he rarely made friends, as the pain of saying goodbye was becoming harder with each one.
Dean also revealed that he thinks his dad might be involved into some weird things.
"What do you mean?" Castiel asked as he placed the pickles from his burger on Dean's plate. Dean loved them which worked out for Castiel as he didn't care for their flavor.
Dean shrugged. "I don't know, Cas. Like he told me this one time when we were in Georgia that I had to put salt -" he picked up the salt shaker from the table between them - "on the window sills and door."
"Did he say why?" he asked. Castiel knew that John Winchester, Dean and Sam's father, was what was called a Hunter. He would hunt for various monsters and demons. The salt, was generally an indication of ghosts or spirits, but Castiel was unsure of how much Dean truly knew about his family's importance in the battle of good versus evil.
Dean took a pickle in his mouth and shook his head but Castiel could see in his eyes that he was lying. "Nah, just figured the son of a bitch was drunk again."
By the time Dean and Castiel's vessel were sixteen, their relationship was one of an inseparable nature. Castiel was spending so much time at Bobby Singer's house just to be with Dean that Cassandra's parents demanded to meet with Dean's father.
That dinner was awkward as John Winchester finally did make an appearance. Sitting at the table with Sam, Bobby, Steve and Cathy - the vessel's parental units, John and Dean. Castiel honestly didn't know what to expect.
"You know, I don't approve of Dean dating as much as you clearly dislike Cassandra doing it," John had said at one point during the dinner. Castiel looked over at Dean and noticed that the tips of his ears had turned bright red. This was something that he had learned Dean does when embarrassed. "They're kids," John continued. "And honestly I think having the boys here with Bobby was the biggest mistake I'd ever made."
"Not now, John." Bobby said in a clipped tone, fed up with his friend's inability to be a father when the boys needed it the most.
"I never said I disapproved. Your son is nothing but a gentleman to our Cassie. And honestly the way she lights up at just the mention of his name or the sound of his voice, who are we to deny young love?" Steve countered.
Young love? Castiel couldn't believe what he was hearing. He tried to use his grace to tap into Dean's soul, something he didn't do often as he felt it was just as intrusive as reading someone's journal. He expected to feel the embarrassment radiating off of Dean, as he felt it too. He also felt the familiar sadness and loneliness that brought him to his mission. This time, there was a different longing in the mix. A longing that Castiel had never experienced before. Castiel looked at Dean, who was looking right at him.
"We are their parents! As such, I know that my boys will not have that. They will not succumb to love. They have a duty to do. It's the family business!" John shouted, slamming his fist on the table to emphasize his point.
"I'm so sorry, Cas," Dean whispered to Castiel. Without thinking Castiel placed his hand onto Dean's face, cupping his cheek into his hand a wiping the stray tears from under Dean's dark lashes.
This motion and watching Dean react this way to his father's outrage caused a new emotion within the Angel. Since becoming friends with Dean, he had been able to identify happiness, sorrow, anger and worry. This one was new, as slightly painful yet invigorating. Like his heart was being twisted at the same time his stomach was alive with fluttering.
Love? Castiel wondered as the word floated around in his head.
Later that night while relaying that day's events to Anna and Gabriel, his suspicion was confirmed by Gabriel, the last person he expected.
"Oh man!" Gabriel laughed. "That's just screwed up. You're like what? A millennia old and in love with a sixteen year old?" His laughter was becoming most obnoxious.
"Castiel, I believe the feeling you received from Dean was either hurt or perhaps his own affection for you," Anna explained.
"You mean, my vessel. He's falling for the sixteen year old female with braces and dark hair."
"And perky breasts," Gabriel adds.
Castiel rolls his eyes at his older brother's antics. Anna nods in agreement to Castiel's statement. "This is true, he is falling for your vessel, but you are still giving her life. This is a dangerous line you are toeing, Castiel. Your mission is to help his soul, we can't have Lucifer hear him."
Castiel sighs and nods. He's well aware of his mission, he just doesn't know how to approach this human emotion in particular. "I will remember my task," he responds simply.
Try as he might, Castiel was powerless against the emotions that were building in young Dean, and he knew that he was feeling similar emotions if the readings he was getting from Dean were any indication. Castiel wanted to tell Dean the truth, that he was an angel of the Lord but he knew he couldn't reveal himself.
Castiel found himself being more like a young kid in love than a warrior. He even got excited to show Dean his new, metal free smile, once his vessel had the torture devices removed from her teeth just after her seventeenth birthday.
He had gone to Bobby's house, where he was informed that Dean was back in the yard, working on his last Christmas present from his father. The yard was actually the junk yard behind Bobby's garage that he would use to scavenge parts for any vehicles that needed work on by the locals.
Castiel found Dean bent over the front of a car, singing along to a classic rock song as he worked on something under the hood. Castiel felt that familiar feeling of his heart pounding against his chest as if it were trying to break out of his rib cage and the fluttering in his stomach and dizziness as he looked at Dean's rear end. Lately Castiel had been getting these feeling from the silliest things. It could be Dean's smile, his laugh, a gentle touch of his skin on Castiel's, or even the way Dean would say Cas.
Castiel cleared his throat as he approached. Having witnessed what happened one unfortunate time Sam had honked a horn of the truck Dean was helping with a truck and struck his head on the hood as he jumped up in surprise. Castiel didn't like to see Dean in pain, physically or emotionally.
Dean looked over his shoulder. "Hey ya, Cas," he said with a smile. "Wanna hand me the five-eights socket wrench?"
Castiel grabbed the tool he asked for and moved closer to Dean. "Here, Dean."
"Thanks," he winked at him and fitted the tool where it was needed. "Why weren't you in school today?" he asked with a grunt.
"Dentist," Castiel said simply.
"Come on you stubborn son of a bi-" Dean grumbled then laughed as the bolt he was working on loosened. Once he completed that task he straightened up and grabbed the rag out of his back pocket, looking Castiel over. "Did they have to tighten again?" Dean asked, concern flooding his eyes.
Castiel flinched at the memory of the last tightening. While he didn't necessarily feel the pain, he did feel the pressure and uncomfortableness. "No." Suddenly his excitement to show off the new look was dwarfed by what he had learned to be nerves.
Dean moved closer to him, the scent of sweat mixed with his shampoo and car grime flooded Castiel's senses. Castiel watched as Dean's tongue darted out, moistening his lips. His green eyes moving along Castiel's face.
Castiel couldn't help but smile when the corner of Dean's mouth lifted into a crooked smile, a dimple forming in his cheek.
"Oh shit," Dean swore, his smile getting bigger. "They're gone."
Castiel felt the heat on his vessel's cheeks, a familiar feeling whenever Dean noticed something as simple as this. "Yeah, still getting used to the smooth feeling."
Dean's eyes jumped from Castiel's eyes to his lips and back. "I bet." Castiel sucked in a breath as Dean moved closer, his breath fanning over his face. "I'm sorry," Dean said softly.
"Dean?" Castiel asked, not understanding why he would be apologizing for his braces being removed.
"This," Dean breathed before placing his lips against Castiel's. Castiel closed his eyes, the feel of Dean's full lips against his vessel, ignited him. He knew what was happening. He was experiencing the first kiss. Something that he had seen in films and read about, but to be a part of it, this was something he knew he couldn't tell the others about. It was a much better feeling than puberty, that's for sure.
Dean pulled away slightly and asked, "Is this okay?" Castiel could only nod, afraid his voice wouldn't work. "Do you trust me?" Dean asked him.
Now Castiel opens his eyes and looks into Dean's. He can see the sincerity there and feel his intentions. "I love you, Dean." Castiel says before he knows what he is doing. A moment of panic floods him but is quickly extinguished at Dean's smile.
"Thank God, you said that first," Dean laughed as he cupped Castiel's face in his hands. "I love you too, Cas."
"Cassie..." the knock on the door made Castiel jump. Cathy, who was in the process of doing his hair, laughed. "Dean's here."
Castiel's blue eye's met the gray of Cathy's in the mirror.
"Give him a drink, Steve," Cathy answered. "We're almost done." She gave Castiel a soft squeeze on his shoulder. "Actually we're done, but I made your father wait for twenty minutes before our prom," she teased.
"Why?" Castiel asked. "Were you afraid to go?"
Cathy shook her head as she collected the various grooming items. "Oh no, I just wanted him to squirm with your grandpa," she laughed at the memory. "He was convinced that my father hated him. Dad played along with it, of course."
"Of course," Castiel agreed. His vessel's grandfather reminded him a lot of Gabriel. Always up for a good trick or joke.
"So, Dean," Steve started, clapping the nervous teen on the shoulder. "You want a drink?"
"Uh... No, sir," Dean responded, holding the blue orchid for Castiel in one hand as he rubbed the other against the fabric covering his leg.
"Well, knowing Cathy, she's telling Cassie all about when I took her to our prom." Steven laughed, grabbing the camera from the mantel and checking for film.
"Oh," Dean said lamely.
"Steven, don't bore the poor boy," Cathy teased as she entered the room. "Oh, Dean," she breathed, reaching out for a hug. "You look handsome, dear."
"Thank you, ma'am."
Cathy stepped back with a watery smile. She couldn't believe that the young man in front of her was the same gangly kid that kept a protective eye over Sam and Cassandra.
"Will you be stopping at Bobby's on the way? I'm sure he'd love a picture as well."
"I honestly don't think Bobby owns a camera," Dean laughed but stopped short at the sound of Cassandra's laugh behind him. He spun on his heels where he was greeted with the wide, beautiful smile of his best friend.
"Cas...You… W-wow," he stuttered as he took in the full look. He can recall Cas wearing dresses when they were younger but she suddenly started being more tomboy-ish. To see her cleaned up and in formal wear was a very pleasant surprise.
"That's teen boy for, 'you look beautiful'," Steve clarified.
Castiel laughed. "Thanks, Dad. You look dashing as well, Dean." Dean gave him that crooked smile that made Castiel's insides dance.
"Oh, I got this for you," Dean said in a rush as if he forgot something important. "I know traditionally you get one to match the dress but the blue reminded me of your eyes."
Castiel smiled. "I don't think a black flower would have sufficed anyhow."
Dean laughed shaking his head as he placed the corsage onto Castiel's wrist. "Weirdo," he teased softly.
About halfway through the dance, Dean and Castiel took a drive out to an open field where they lay on the hood of Dean's 1967 Chevy Impala. It was the first ride Castiel had in it since Dean had refinished it. It took him nearly three years to complete, but Castiel was impressed with the outcome.
Dean shrugged out of his suit blazer and wrapped it around Castiel's shoulders. "Did you have fun tonight, Cas?" he asked as he brushed a stray curl behind his ear.
"I did," Castiel responded with a shy smile. Dean wrapped his arm around his shoulder pulling him close to him.
"Dean. I need to ask you something."
"Of course, Cas."
"Do you think it's possible to love someone on more than a physical level?"
Dean pulled away slightly to look at Castiel. "Come again?"
Castiel sighed, trying to figure out how best to approach this subject. "Like souls. Do you believe that your soul will find it's mate?"
Dean chuckled softly as he pulled them to lay back and look at the sky above. "Are you asking about soul mates? Have you been talking to Sammy again?" he teased.
"No. Y-yes… maybe?"
That made Dean laugh louder. "Think then speak, Cas."
"Would you love me if our souls were separated and found each other on a different plane?"
"Still not following, Cas."
Castiel let out a huff of air, frustrated. "Do you believe in God?" He knew the answer but he had to start it this way.
"You know this, Cas." Frustration starting to seep into Dean's tone. "I don't."
Castiel rolled on this his side to look at Dean. "What happens to your soul when you die, then?"
"Seriously, Cas? What's this all about?"
Castiel pulled himself from Dean's embrace, sitting up to look at him. "I need to know, Dean." Guilt, a new emotion for Castiel, crept up inside him. He didn't want to hurt Dean but he knew the more he loved him, the more it would hurt when he went back to heaven and the vessel ignores Dean.
"Are you trying to breakup with me?" Hurt flashed in Dean's eyes.
"No."
"Then what, Cas? What do you want me to say?"
"I'm sorry," Castiel said softly, looking down at his hands folded in his lap.
"Cas, I don't understand your thoughts right now." Castiel closed his eyes, tapping into Dean's soul. He could still detect love the strongest but it was starting to be muted by the confusion and hurt. "Hey… Babe, don't cry." Dean said softly as he brushed the warm liquid off Castiel's face with his thumbs.
"I ruined your night, Dean. I'm truly sorry."
"Cas, look at me." Castiel obeyed. "You're family. We need you. I need you. I would move heaven and hell to find you. Please don't doubt our love." Dean gave Castiel a soft kiss. "We may be kids but I have no doubt that if we lost each other, we'd find our way back."
The emotion Castiel was feeling within himself and through Dean was overpowering. He attacked Dean with his lips, the first time in the year they had been courting that he was so bold with his affection. Dean meet his kiss in kind, the fear of losing Cas overtaking him as he pulled Cas into his lap.
They had steamy make outs before, but this was a desperate need to show one another how they felt. How their worlds would be incomplete without the other.
Castiel's vessel was drowning in a need he couldn't identify. A yearning he had never felt before. A hunger that deepened with each grind on Dean's hips against his own.
"Cas," Dean growled, pulling his mouth from his. "As much as I want to go further-"
"We can't," Castiel finished.
They both agreed to head back home since Castiel had a curfew and Dean wanted to be a gentleman.
Castiel isn't sure what made Dean miss seeing the truck that swerved into their lane. He only remembers the sound of the tires squealing, metal crunching and glass shattering. The trucker came out apologizing and asking if everyone was okay.
Castiel affirmed that he was, but couldn't get a response from Dean. He waited for the trucker to go back to radio for help before he assessed the damage on Dean. He got the worst of the accident, his breathing shallow and non responsive.
"God, no," Castiel breathed. "Please no…" Tears were streaming down his face. Had he had his full grace he could heal Dean but that wasn't possible. "You will live, Dean. And you will love again," Castiel said before placing a kiss on Dean's lips. He then looked up at the Heavens. "Father, please. I failed him. Please don't take him from Sam. Give him a chance to live!" The sobs coming harder from Castiel's chest. "Please, Father! Take me back. SAVE HIM!"
Castiel felt his prayers being answered. His body hummed, pain washing over him as he started to cough up blood.
"Cas?" Dean finally asked weakly, his eyes slowly registering on Castiel. "Cas?!"
Dean looked over at Cassandra, blood making the dark dress darker as it spilled from her lips. There was so much that he didn't know where it was coming from. "Cas, please hang on." Dean tried to move to her but pain seared his side as he moved.
"Help's on the way," a stranger yelled from outside.
"Dean…" Castiel whispered bring his attention back to him.
"Cas, baby, please. You're gonna be okay." He cried. Castiel shook his head.
"I'm dying…" he reached up to Dean's face. "I love you."
"Damnit, Cas!" Dean shouted. "Don't give up!"
"I love you," Castiel repeated.
Dean gasped aloud as Cassandra's body convulsed, her blue eyes glowing as a bright light surrounding her. "I love you," Dean cried holding her hand. He watched a bright light leave her body before she went limp just as the sirens started to be heard.