Okay guys, here is a new one shot~ and it is a ONE-SHOT it won't be a continued story, I would ruin the plot line. But without further ado here is In The Darkness~!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own the rights to any portion of the Inuyasha series or the song that inspired this fic, In The Darkness by Dead By Sunrise. :3 And my friend, Purduepup, who helped me form the summary~ ^_^
SUMMARY:
In The Darkness
I don't expect to be understood. I don't expect for anyone to sympathize. I don't expect pity. I don't expect to be treated any differently. I realize that what I've been doing for the past seven months is wrong. I know the feelings I have are wrong. The thoughts. The wants. The needs. But I can't seem to shake any of it.
I feel my heart being torn into separate pieces, but for different reasons. There's a portion for guilt. There's a portion for sadness. There's a giant portion of my heart that's out of love, but in most people's eyes that love is for the wrong person. To most people this woman would be called a whore, a slut, a home wrecker, a floozy, a jezebel, and any other foul name out there. But all of those are wrong. That's not what she is. It's never been what she is.
If anything this beautiful figure lying beside me, her head on my chest, is a life saver. For showing me what true love really is, no matter how taboo or forbidden. When I look into her deep brown eyes I feel something deep down in my gut and in my aching heart. I see the love in them. When looking into my wife's, all I see is bitterness that was at one point or another I would hope was love.
I'll admit I loved her and that I still do. But it's not in the same way and no longer compares to how I feel about this new woman in the picture. The way I feel about my wife, Kikyo, has changed completely, I used to be madly in love, even despite only being twenty-two when we first met and hit it off.
Now its five years and a marriage later and all I feel is guilt of having to be with her. I don't understand it. Maybe it's because of everything we promised each other. Maybe it's because I ruined another man's chance to be with her and feel that I should try and make it work between us so that it's not in vain.
I know that makes no sense but I can't make sense of it in my head either. We went from a loving couple who couldn't stand being away from one another for more than a few hours, to a couple who slept in different beds…in different rooms. To a couple who ate separately, hardly said "hello" and "goodbye" to one another anymore. To a couple who didn't even wear their wedding rings half the time.
It had been more than four months that we had had any sort of physical contact with one another, whether it be a kiss, a hug, or making love. The result? I went out to a bar, planning on only drinking so I could calm my nerves and try and clear my head, to try and rethink the way my marriage was heading. I didn't want to be divorced, that'd only be another negative thing against me with parts of my "family."
Perhaps that was another thing…I was following in my father's footsteps by marrying a woman whom I assumed I was in love with only to find true love in another and continuing a secret affair. Only difference, my father had the balls to end his shit marriage to be happy and to care for me properly since I was the bastard child. I on the other hand have too much of a guilty conscious to end it all and be in bliss for once.
While sitting at that bar, drinking and contemplating, she came along and sat beside me. We somehow struck up conversation talking about our favorite drinks, where we were born. Then somehow we ended up sitting at a small table in the bar off to the side talking more about things like high school, if we went to college. Normal conversation. She asked if I had a significant other and I lied through my teeth saying no.
That's when she smiled at me and said she doesn't either. At least she was telling the truth. Before I knew it, we were in her apartment, our clothes scattered across the place, and her legs wrapped around me as I fucked her against the wall.
After a few weeks of the affair I had to come clean about why I never took her to my place. To say she was furious was an understatement, but she stuck around and said she understands to a point. But she that she didn't like it. She had told me multiple times to make a choice, her or my wife, and I've kept coming up with excuses as to why I can't leave Kikyo. The sad part is, most the time I feel more guilt for not leaving her than I do for cheating on her.
Especially after tonight. I look down at the sleeping woman whose body is pressed against mine, she looked very peaceful, almost like she was smiling. She let out a soft sigh and moved closer to me. Glancing back up at the ceiling I silently wonder what time it is. Though Kikyo wasn't expecting me back until at least ten or eleven in the morning tomorrow, it didn't change the slight paranoia I held wondering if she'd be calling my phone or if she knew what was happening behind her back. Or if she would even care at this point.
For all I know she was having an affair or two herself. I secretly hoped she did find out or had knowledge of it, maybe then she'd be the one to divorce me finally. So we could end this loveless marriage. So we could stop the games and the pretending. It'd be easier for her to divorce me than the vise versa in my eyes. At least then it would just be blamed on me for not maintaining the marriage. Instead of me divorcing her for another woman, as well as me not maintaining whatever it is that we have. It would also protect my lover from the title of "home-wrecker."
Tonight's affair was different. It wasn't the first time Kagome and I had proclaimed our love for each other but it was the first time it wasn't in the throws of passion or right after. We had begun the evening by seeing a movie at the theater downtown, our fingers were intertwined and she had her head on my shoulder the entire two hours. It felt nice.
I had lovingly kissed the back of her hand and smiled at her when she looked up at me. Our eyes locked in that movie theater and we kissed deeply. It wasn't lustful but that of what an actual committed couple should have. I whispered to her that I loved her and she grinned wider, if possible, and told me that she loved me too. I could have sworn that I saw her eyes get a little glassy; like the way they do when she gets ready to cry. And I wasn't sure if it was because of the sincerity in my voice, if it was because that was the first time I had said it first and the first time we weren't entangled in the sheets of her bed, or if it was because I was still with Kikyo.
No matter the reason, we stood up in the theater and left, walking around downtown, going in a few various stores. I bought her a necklace from a small jewelry shop, it was a letter 'I' that hung elegantly from the silver chain, and was beautifully outlined in diamonds. She smiled as I placed it around her neck and put the links together. She told me that she wouldn't take it off. And I felt as if I was punched in the stomach, she was willing to keep this necklace on despite the fact I was still with Kikyo and had not yet even filled out the paperwork to have her served with the divorce papers.
I had gotten another wave of guilt pass over me, because though I didn't lie to her often, I had told Kagome I had started the divorce process already. She'd kill me if she ever knew the truth. But maybe that was me trying to motivate myself to get it over and done with. I tried pushing my thoughts away and lightly placed a kiss on her neck which drew a soft sigh from her lips. I remember her turning towards me grabbing my hand in hers and saying we should head back to her place.
Before I knew it she was laying back on the bed in nothing but her bra and panties, as well as the necklace draped around her neck. I stood at the edge of the mattress letting my jeans and boxers fall to the floor. I stepped out of them and kicked them to a crumpled pile of our other clothing then proceeded to climb into bed with her. I placed the condom in my hand to the side and ran my tongue slowly up my lover's stomach. The appendage moved around her navel drawing soft gasps from her perfect lips. The light of the moon danced off our skin and only seemed to make her more gorgeous.
I nipped at her skin as my fingers hooked in her panties and started to tug them down. As I got them off of her I leaned forward and ran my lips along each of her inner thighs. I felt her shiver as my warm breath tickled her skin. My tongue flicked out against her skin. I switched back and forth between each thigh. Her skin was so soft and felt wonderful against my own. I looked up at her in the dark room, the moonlight being our only light, illuminating our bodies, and watched as she slowly removed her bra.
Soon her back was arched up off of the sheets as my head was between her legs; my tongue lapping against her womanhood, flicking over her clit. Her fingers were entangled in my hair, tugging every so often. My hands ran over her sides and up to her breasts, squeezing and teasing them. I felt as if my heart was aflutter as I lifted myself up and grabbed the condom. Before I was able to get it open, I felt her hand over mine, she sat up and our lips connected in a passionate kiss. She carefully took the condom from me and tossed it elsewhere.
I pulled back and looked at her and she looked back at me, "I want to really feel you in me…I love you…and I want all of you," she said, her beautiful coffee-brown eyes staring directly at me. I knew that I really had fallen hard for her. She was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, not my cold-hearted wife. Even when things were good between us I don't remember feeling quite the way I did about Kagome. I inwardly cursed myself for being such a coward and not filing for divorce over six months ago…hell I should have put in for a separation over a year ago.
I looked Kagome lovingly in the eyes and smiled, watching her return the expression. I leaned forward and kissed her, her arms draped around my neck and she gently fell back into the sheets and pillows. I rocked my bare shaft against her womanhood, creating a shared moan between our lips. I felt the sting of what would have most likely been at least one tear in my eye. Why I would be crying, I really can't answer as it is a mystery to myself as well.
During our shared kiss, I lined my shaft up against her and pressed myself into the tight warmth of her body, causing us to gasp lightly in unison at the sensation. I had never before been inside of her without a condom and as far as I knew she had never had sex without one either. It only caused my heart to jerk and twist more. This woman beneath me, her arms wrapped around my body, she trusted me. She trusted me a lot. And I couldn't even do her the simple favor of leaving a woman I was no longer in love with. Maybe that's what the stinging feeling in my eye had been. As that thought burned its way deeper into my mind I started to move my hips.
Our rhythm was in perfect sync, we matched each other's thrusts perfectly. Her hands trailed through my hair, as we shared another passionate kiss between our groans, gasps, and panting. "I love you…" I heard her say softly mid-moan. I ran my tongue over her sweet lips and returned the words as I kissed her gently, my thrusts beginning to quicken soon after. I realized that with her was where I was supposed to be.
She reached her climax at least twice during our love-making, moaning my name loudly in her ecstasy, and I soon after her, her name finding its way out of my lips in pure bliss, followed by another utterance of I love you. I had said I loved her more in this one day than I had to my wife in the past year.
We lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, sharing kisses, and loving looks.
And now I lay here in the darkness with my lover pressed against my side, my arm wrapped around her, how a man should hold the woman he truly loves. I lay here staring at the ceiling, alone with my thoughts and emotions about everything. I stared down again at the sleeping woman next to me and I lightly press my lips to her forehead.
Smoothly getting out of the bed without waking her up, I grabbed my cell phone and walked out into her hallway, gently closing the bedroom door behind me. I looked at the time, 3AM. I close my eyes, going through my thoughts again and taking deep, slow breaths to calm my nerves. It was even harder than I imagined, but at the same time one of the easiest things I had ever brought myself to do.
I dialed. I listened to the rings. I hoped that there would be an answer soon. It rang some more. With every tone my anxiety grew, but so did my will. Finally a voice answered.
"What? It's late," her quiet voice said, cold as ice. I took a deep breath and spit it out, "I…I'm sorry to do this over the phone and so late. I'll do it in person too…but…I want a divorce, Kikyo."
It was silent, and then I heard her sigh. I'm not sure if it was sadness or relief that I heard from her. "I guess…we both saw this coming…Okay. I'll…I'll move out soon. To be honest I've already found a place. I was trying to gain the courage to say this to you first, Inuyasha." I heard my now soon-to-be ex-wife say, still unsure if her tone was sadness, acceptance, or relief of what was now finally happening.
It was my turn for silence, which I was for a short minute, "Okay, I don't really know how to end this conversation…I'll go down to the courthouse tomorrow and get the paperwork, by Spring it should be official." I quietly spoke, trying to not wake up my sleeping lover. "Yeah. But…I do wish you well," she said back to me. It was the most thoughtful words she had said to me in a long time. "You too," was all I was able to respond with.
Our call ended.
I held my phone tightly, and looked at it in my hand, letting out another heavy, but quiet sigh. I turned to return to the bedroom, and saw her standing in the doorframe. I looked at her, guilt more likely than not written on my features. "It was her…right?" she quietly spoke.
"Yes…I'm sorry I lied to you, but I just…I was trying to-"
She cut me off, "It's okay." She looked back at me, a stern but gentle look in her eyes, "But don't lie to me ever again. At least it's done and the process has started," she reasoned, staying calm and understanding, something she had always been since the moment I met her.
I walked over to her and hugged her gently, drawing her into a long, meaningful kiss, "I promise. I'll never lie to you again." After another deep kiss we returned into the bedroom, climbing into bed and falling asleep together in each other's arms.
And that does it for that short one-shot. I hope it's enjoyable, please let me know what you guys think of it. ^_^