So I'm trying to get back into the swing of fanfic writing after a really long absence, mostly due to lack of creativity. This is something I wrote a while ago and never got around to publishing.

Disclaimer: HP = not mine.

And here we go!

Not Just a River in Egypt

James was pretending not to watch Lily.

It was easy enough, of course, and he thought he was being rather stealthy about it.

He was seated in the library, a place that, under normal circumstances, he had a rather strong aversion to, just a few tables away from the object of his secret scrutiny. He knew Lily usually studied before dinner on Sundays; Lily was always calm when she was studying, and so he had taken this chance to observe her in her natural habitat without the usual annoyed or exasperated expression that graced her features when she was around him. He had dragged Sirius with him under the pretext of researching a spell for their latest prank, but really he wanted a cover story should anyone question his presence in the library.

Every few minutes, James would glance up from the book he held in front of his face and stare at the redhead for approximately five to seven seconds before once again returning his gaze to the page. He had read the same paragraph thirty eight times now, but it didn't matter because his plan was working perfectly; Sirius, fool that he was, was completely focused on the book in front of him (this momentarily struck James as rather odd, since under the best of circumstances Sirius paid only fleeting attention to books), and Lily was none the wiser.

Seven years he had known Lily Evans, and seven years he had been in love with her. Well, okay, maybe he had only loved her for three years, since those first two years at Hogwarts he had thought she was a rather annoying know-it-all and the next two he was too interested in the attention other members of the female sex paid him to care about the scrawny red head in some of his classes. But once they all returned for fifth year and James had noticed how Evans had filled out rather nicely and smiled so that her whole face lit up, he started calling her Lily in his head and tormenting her if only to hear her voice. And though his attraction started out as a purely superficial one (he was only fifteen after all) it didn't take him long to recognize that Lily had a fire that burned in the hearts of a precious few, that she was loyal and kind and selfless and everything that James had ever wanted to be. And maybe it was unoriginal to call a redhead "fiery", maybe it was clichéd to say she made him want to be a better person, but it was true and it was a truth that he tightly held on to.

What hurt the most, perhaps, was that Lily never showed any signs of reciprocating his feelings. He would ask her on a date and all she would do is laugh and yell and call him names. Admittedly, the first time he asked her to Hogsmeade he hadn't asked so much as ordered, but he had been nervous and really, hasn't she ever heard of second chances? And perhaps he had never been especially nice to her in the past, but little girls had cooties and that was just the way things worked. And so, to protect himself, he learned how to make jokes out of her insults and sometimes insulted her right back, all the while hoping she would realize that he didn't mean it, not any of it. All he wanted was a chance to show her that he could be someone selfless and courageous, and that he would do all of it for her.

That was why this year, James had a plan. He was Head Boy now. He had a chance to show Lily and everyone else at Hogwarts that he could be a leader. He wouldn't harass the first years anymore (well, he wouldn't harass them too much) and he wouldn't play any more pranks (except on the Slytherins…and anyone who beat him at Quidditch…and anyone who annoyed him in general) and he really would show up on time for patrol duties…no really, he would. Lily was going to see that he was serious and responsible, that he was just the kind of boyfriend that she needed.

He glanced up at her for the second time in as many minutes, and smiled at the way the sunshine glinted off her red hair and brought out the orange and golden highlights so that a living, breathing flame flowed down her back. He noticed how she bit her lip every time she came to passage that didn't quite make sense, how her brow furrored as she re-read it, and how her lips quirked up when she finally understood it. He thought it was endearing how she would blow her bangs up out of her eyes every few minutes, only to have them start to slowly slide down all over again. And when she looked up from her book and her notes, he quickly looked back down so that she wouldn't notice his staring. He was sure she wouldn't appreciate it.

James looked at Sirius once more, just to make sure his friend wouldn't catch on to his real reason for wanting to visit the library. He was sure Sirius wouldn't appreciate it either. But no, Sirius was still engrossed in whatever it was he was reading, grey eyes fixated on the page, oblivious to James's plan. Yes, he was rather stealthy indeed.

Lily was watching James pretending not to watch her.

She was sure he thought he was being rather sneaky about the whole affair, but really she had figured it out about five minutes after he came into the library.

He was seated just a few tables away from her, and every time she looked up from her notes because she felt his eyes on her he would look back down at his book like some silly five year old with a secret crush. And maybe it was just a little bit cute, how he came to the library, which he obviously hated, just to watch her, but really it was mostly pathetic and more than a bit distracting. Not that she was distracted by James Potter, just, you know, that it was distracting in general to have someone watching her while she was trying to concentrate.

From the very moment she met Potter, she had known he was the sort of person she needed to avoid. Naturally brilliant and good looking, with wealth and an old family and all the privileges that came with it, he didn't need to take school or life seriously. It didn't matter if he crashed his broomstick doing some stupid stunt because his parents would just buy him a new one; if he blew up his trunk practicing dueling spells with Black, then they would replace everything in it. And both those circumstances had, in fact, happened. Even as a first year, James was confident and charismatic, while Lily was shy and quiet and completely out of her element in a wizarding school. Oh sure, that changed as she got older, and now she had plenty of friends and popularity. But Potter was and has remained a thorn in her side ever since the first time her knocked her over with his trunk at Platform Nine and Three Quarters on her very first day of school.

When they were younger, he had teased her and pulled her hair and tied her shoelaces together so she tripped down the hallway. He threw spitballs at her in class and exploded dung bombs in the common room when she was trying to study and told the whole school that she had cooties. Of course, he picked on everyone who wasn't in his select group of friends, and he sometimes even picked on them (though all in good fun), but it seemed like he was especially mean to her. And then, for a while, he ignored her in favor of those other bimbos who seemed to hang on his every word because he was good at Quidditch and didn't need to study to get good grades. He didn't prank her or tease her or really even acknowledge her presence anymore for about two years. Lily liked to think of them as The Golden Years. And if she didn't think about that fact that she had felt a little jealous when he smiled at those other girls or pranked someone who wasn't her, well, then, that was fine.

Everything changed her fifth year at Hogwarts. Somehow, that summer, when she had looked in the mirror and realized that she was no longer gangly, that yes, she looked good, she had known that it was all going to change, but she never expected so huge a difference. She didn't think he would ask her to Hogsmeade (well, order her to go to Hogsmeade with him) or tell her that she was beautiful (even if he didn't use that exact word and did it in a much more obnoxious manner) or confess his undying love. She thought he was kidding about that last part though. So she did the only thing she could think of, the only thing she could do: she hurt him back. She laughed when he asked her out and said mean, horrible things that she wouldn't say to anyone else. She was a nice person, usually, but James Potter seemed to bring out so many emotions in her that she just didn't know what to do with them all. And so she hurt him, because the only alternative, the idea that he really had changed and he really did like her…well that was too scary to deal with.

This year, his change was too obvious to ignore, so mostly she thought of selfish reasons for his new personality. He didn't prank people so much because he didn't like serving detentions and he showed up on time for patrol because he didn't want his Head Boy badge to be taken away. She still hadn't come up with a satisfactory excuse as to how he had even become Head Boy in the first place except that Dumbledore had finally lost it. She made perfect sense as Head Girl, but Potter as Head Boy, Potter actually doing a fair job as Head Boy? She didn't even allow herself to think that all these changes had been for her.

Lily blew some hair out of her eyes and looked up once more to watch James look back down. He really was handsome, she would give him that, all hard planes and high cheekbones and soft messy hair. She noticed that he hadn't turned the page of his book in about an hour, how his big hands ran through his hair every few minutes. Funny how that didn't bother her as much as it used to. He looked over at Black once more. Those two were never apart, and she might have made jokes about why don't they just marry each other since they're always together if it wasn't for the rumors of abuse and Sirius living with the Potters now to stay her tongue. She knew James was immensely loyal and giving, and she couldn't help but wonder, not for the first time, what it would be like to have that loyalty for herself. Now that she looked at him, Black did seem awfully engrossed in that book he was reading. Never a good sign when it came to him, but she decided she would rather not get involved. It was safer that way.

Lily looked back down at her book and copied another key passage into her notes. She was doing a fine job of pretending that it wasn't damn near impossible to ignore the intense gaze on the back of her head if she did say so herself.

Sirius was watching James and Lily act completely ridiculous.

It was obvious that they were both pretending not to be watching each other. If it wouldn't have ruined the entertainment, he would have thrown his head back and laughed. When James had asked for his company in the library, he wasn't fooled for a minute as to his friend's actual purpose, but the eager look in his eyes had made Sirius go along with it anyway. It was the least he could do.

Those two would end up married some day, he was sure of it, if only they could get their stubborn heads out of their arses for long enough to see the truth. But until that day, Sirius would simply wait and watch them make fools of themselves.

Sirius turned back to the rather interesting book he was reading about transfiguring animals out of stationary objects. He was trying to figure out how to turn a quill into a swarm of bees; James was irrationally afraid of the insects, and he had to pay the git back for this somehow, after all.

Fin.

So that little greenish button in the bottom middle of the screen is looking pretty tempting right now, isn't it?