"Jackson, dude! Is good to have you back with us" Ethan, a football player mate of mine, exclaimed happily, greeting me with a friendly pat on the back "I am so glad that they decided to contact you back. That kid might be good on his feet, but knows nothing about being in a team".
A year had passed since San Valentine's day. A year since Holden and me made up and got back together. A year since my whole life turned upside down. My publicist is thrilled with all the fame I've gained lately. But still complained about all the time, behind my back so I wouldn't get even more stressed, about all the work she gets organizing my interviews, commercials and contract meetings. My manager has been on the clouds ever since my world wide confession and began making all kinds of plans for the future of my career.
Luckily, until now, no one had any problem with my sexuality. I get some hate mail from time to time, but I am glad that they didn't try to hurt me by damaging my property or hurting the ones I love. I don't know what would I've done if someone ever tried to hurt Holden or my family and friends.
My private life, on the other hand, was absolutely perfect. After some... well, a lot of passionate make up sex all over my... no, our condom we fall back into a relationship as if we had never fallen out of it. I did my best effort to make up for everything I made Holden suffer all these years. I took him out for fancy dates all the time, held his hand in public and kissed him, not caring how many people were watching.
I'll admit that this new behavior wasn't exactly all for Holden, mostly it was for me and my fear of him finally discovering that I wasn't worth it and leaving me... again. I still collapse in relief each time I get home from working and find Holden wearing one of my shorts or sweaters, making food for both of us. My stomach still fills with butterflies each time he turns around to greet me with a huge smile, when he notices my presence. I still growl possessively each time he gives me a sweet peck on the lips before returning to his amazing cooking. I still hug him from behind, trapping him in an embrace of iron, nuzzling my face on the crook of his neck. Never ceasing to be amazed that this breathtaking perfect creature was mine and had forgiven me.
My behavior didn't only affect me or only helped fixing my relationship. People all over the United States, especially adolescents, started confessing their sexuality. From gays to bisexual and from pansexual to asexual. Unafraid of being themselves. This, after getting back with Holden, was the best thing that I've got from my confession. I was so happy that I even started talking with Holden about beginning an organization together in favor of free sexuality, but still didn't decided anything.
On the other hand, my working life brought a big surprise. My old team, the one that replaced me with a younger player, wanted me back. It hurt a bit that the decision only came after gaining a lot of fame (more than before), but I still accepted. I made this decision mostly because from all the teams I've been in my whole career, this one is my favorite. I am friends, not only play mates, with every player on the team. Also, I've stayed the longest time here. So coming back to play here made me almost as happy as getting back with Holden. Especially since no one bat an eye at my confession.
"Jackson!" everyone cheered when I entered the dressing room.
"Hey man!" Scott pat my back "Afterwards we are going out to celebrate your returning to the team" he told me I tried to suppress the blush of satisfaction from my face. If his knowing smirk was something to go with, I wasn't doing a great job "Make sure that Holden comes too, 'cause we are bringing our ladies as well".
I didn't comment on how he referred to my boyfriend as a 'lady' and only nodded before starting to change.
-Secret's out-
Training went well and I had a lot of fun. After a shower and dressing, I only called my lover when I reached towards my car.
"Jackson this is not the best moment" that was how I was greeted when Holden finally picked up.
"What is wrong?" I asked him concerned.
Did something happened to him? I thought worriedly. Please God not let it be a psychotic fan!
"A friend of mine is going through an important moment, it might be the most successful moment on her professional career or the most disappointing moment in her life" he told me.
From the strain in his voice I noticed that he held this friend close to the heart, and was very nervous of the result of the day.
"It's fine Holden" I tried to calm him down "I just wanted to tell you that the guys and me were going out tonight to celebrate my return to the team...".
"That is amazing, even perfect!" interrupted me Holden excitedly, making me very happy "Then I won't feel bad for leaving you behind tonight" and just like my happiness evaporated.
"What?" I asked confused and a bit hurt, but tried to hid the last one.
"I will be going out to have dinner tonight with my friend and her family to celebrate her promotion or to be there because she didn't get it" he explained to me happily, all the nervousness gone and unaware of my mental crisis.
"What?" I repeated stupidly, not believing my ears.
My boyfriend prefers to celebrate the success of a friend he had never mentioned to me, rather than celebrating my return to the team?
"Jackson, love, are you ok?" he asked me concerned.
I could have voiced my protests, my discomfort, but I couldn't, Not after all the times he swallowed his anger at my hiding, for years. I just couldn't complain for something as stupid as a dinner.
"Nothing, babe" I answered him "I am just tired from training, They worked my butt today and It's been a while since I've had such a harsh work out" it was a small white lie that didn't hurt anyone.
"I wouldn't say that" he replied coyly "The last few weeks were... intense" I could practically see his smirk and the mischief shinning in his eyes "Don't push yourself to the limits" he ordered me, all teasing gone and all concerned boyfriend now.
"Yes, sir" I replied with a mock soldier voice.
"Bye, love. Have a good time tonight" with that said he ended the phone call.
I sighed sadly to myself, got on my car and then drove to our condom.
-Secret's out-
"What do you mean by 'he won't make it'?" exclaimed Lydia unhappily. Ethan's wife can sometimes be as noisy as her husband.
"He already had plans for tonight with his friend" I replied curtly, making it clear that it was the end of the discussion.
Luckily they followed my lead and dropped the issue, returning to their menus. We ordered our meals and spent the rest of the evening smoothly. Or at least I thought it went smoothly, until I heard a very familiar voice.
"I am going to the restroom" announced Holden to the people gathered two tables to the left, and saw him walking my way towards the restroom "Jackson?" Holden exclaimed surprised. To my relief it was an exclamation of good surprise not bad one "I didn't know you were having dinner here? What a coincidence".
He flashed me a big smile, showing me his white teeth and his charming dimples. Blue eyes shining with happiness from seeing me again. Something I never thought I'd have back.
"Holden?" Melissa, Scott's wife, jumped on him and dragged him into a bear hug "Why didn't you assist to the dinner? I missed you" she pouted.
Sometimes I wonder why I thought that my circle of friends would shun me for dating Holden. They were all enchanted with him. I should have known that they would fall for him, everyone loves Holden.
"I am here with a friend. She got promoted to Major" answered Holden with a sheepish expression, but I could see the hurt and question lingering on his eyes as he looked at me.
"A major? I didn't know you had contacts in the army" Jacob, a play mate of mine, commented impressed.
"Only her" he replied "Well, if you excuse me I'll be heading to the restroom" he told us before walking away.
"Do you know daddy?" for a second I thought that someone else was being asked that.
That my heart was still whole and didn't break into pieces with those simple words, said in such an innocent and sweet tone. However, my luck wasn't suck. I looked down at my left, locking gazes with a pair of big hazel eyes and asked:
"What?"
"Edison!" a gorgeous woman exclaimed, appearing behind the little boy "How many times have I told you to not wander by yourself? It could be dangerous. Next time at least tell someone!" she looked like a scary bear mom, ready to kill someone in order to protect the ones she loves "I am really sorry for the bother" she apologized to us.
I should have said something cool, flash my typical winning smirk... but I couldn't. Not when I was facing the love of my life ex-lover and mother of his child. A son Holden had never mentioned before.
Did he thought I'd make such an awful father? Or did he think that we wouldn't last long? is he ashamed of me? Impossible! He was the one that bugged me so much to go out on public.
Luckily my best friend, Isaac, saved me from answering and stopped my train of thoughts in the meanwhile "It's ok" he told the despiteful (at least for me) woman "So... he is your son?" he asked plainly looking for answers.
"Yes" she replied shortly, not giving out anything "Wait a minute... aren't you the famous football player that Holden is..." she stopped in mid-sentence, finally understanding the tension in the atmosphere "Edy, sweetheart, go with grandpa and grandma, ok?" she told the kid softly "I need to talk with Hol... your father's friends".
Hearing it crystal clear from an adult's mouth crashed my heart again.
"Ok, mommy" he said, before rushing to another table.
After making sure that her son was safe, in his grandparents arms, she turned to face us. Seriousness clearly written on her face.
"First of all Holden is not Edison's biological father or adopted one, for the matter" her words brought such a relief that if I were standing, I would have collapsed on the chair "Holden was the first male that I brought home. The only male figure that Edison had, aside from his grandfather, since his father died when he was just a baby. So when Holden came into the picture he made up his mind of the role my friend had in the family, even if Holden was just a very good friend to me Edison won't hear to reason" she explained to us sadly "We once tried to talk about it, but that only ended up in tears" she looked at me apolitically "I am sorry for the misunderstanding":
"Don't worry" I replied once I finally found my voice. The knot on my throat had gone away and I was able to breathe again "So, what is the plan? How will you make little Edison understand?".
She didn't drift her gaze from mine, but I could see the guilt starting to creep in her eyes.
"The plan is not to" a voice from behind me replied, and just like that the knot came back "I was going to talk to you about it at home tomorrow, but I guess it has to be here and now" Holden ordered a couple more of chairs and they joined the table.
From the corner of my eyes I could see that everyone was attentive to what was happening. My friends looked at me with concern and pity, but I could see the same desire of knowing what was happening next, as their wives and girlfriends. I felt like a character in a soap opera.
"I am in the army" began explaining the woman "Now that I am a Major I can stay more time at home, but I'll still leave Edison alone for long periods of time" (At least Holden didn't lie on that, I thought) "And I can't ask for my parents to keep on raising my son".
"That is where I enter" continued Holden, and I hated how in synchrony they were "Giving the clear attachment that Edison has on me, we talked about me taking care of him while Kate is away" he took my hand and squeeze it in comfort "But I didn't decided anything yet, not until I discuss it with you" he told me, trying to reassure me that he took me into consideration "I will accept anything that makes you comfortable, because we are a couple and we make decisions together".
"I... I need time to think about it" I told him "You have all the time of the world" he promised me.
I sighed and looked at my now cold steak, thinking: What did I get myself into?
-Secret's out-
"Jackson, talk to me love. Please!" Holden practically begged me.
A month had passed since the eventful dinner, and I've never been more conflicted in my life, I barely spoke to my boyfriend, minus the usual greeting and kiss goodbye. I drowned myself on training, making my coach very happy but my colleagues worried. I just couldn't handle it all. Coming out, my new contract and Edison's maybe-maybe not adoption.
"What do you want me to say?" I asked him tiredly with a small sigh.
"Anything!" he replied. The desperation in his voice made me flinch and grimace in guilt for making him sad, after promising not to "tell me that you don't hate me. That you forgive me for getting so close to another person's son and not telling you until it was too late" by now he was trying to muffle his sobs unsuccessfully, and tears were running through his cheeks "Tell me that you still love me!" he begged me.
"Of course I love you!" I exclaimed astonished and hurt that he would think otherwise "It's just... too much in so little time. I just got back to my favorite team, after a year of playing in its rival. And to add the cherry to the desert, during my celebration dinner I found out that you have a son!" I ended up screaming. Then I cursed under my breath when I saw Holden wince at my tone of voice "Sorry. It is no excuse to shout at you, but... it is too much".
"I understand" he told me softly "But trust me when I told you that I didn't plan it".
"Always I replied without a second thought "I always trust you".
"Good... Do you forgive me?" he asked me.
I kicked myself for causing him so much pain that he ended up sounding so vulnerable.
"There is nothing to forgive" I told him honestly "You just were your amazing self like always".
He flashed me a huge smile and jumped on my arms. I fed on his warmth as a starving man "Thank you" he murmured against my neck.
"No, thank you babe" I whispered back and finally made a decision "I accept" I told him, feeling how he went still in my arms "I want to try to be Edison's second family. It is time for us to take the next step".
"Really?" he asked me, excitement clear on his face.
I just nodded my head and tried not to fall backwards when he attacked me with kisses. Later that night, after some steaming hot sex, I would lay on my bed with the love of my life secure in my arms and ask myself: Why did this gave it so much thought? But for right now I'll just enjoy Holden, because life it's good.