EPOV

It's been over two years since I left my love in the woods. My words torment me over and over again, how could she ever believe that I didn't want her. It was the worst act I have ever committed. Out of all the horrible crimes that I have committed, telling my Bella that I did not love her was the worse and it was unbearable to live with. My life without her has no purpose; I am miserable in myself loathing. I deserve the pain that I feel and disserve much worse. I would spend eternity in the dark corners of my room; feeling the relentless burn in my throat from the weeks that I allow go by without hunting. I am only thrusted out of my room by my loving family, which I do not deserve. I want so desperately to go find her and express my love for her and have her back in my arms. She probably doesn't even want me back. Even her presence could bring me out of this hell that I have created. I can't, I won't. She deserves better and I won't let me selfishness ruin her so deserved opportunities of life. She deserves so much better; husband, children, and life. I ach at the thought of it; knowing that I could never give her those things. What have I done? My sister Alice has pushed me, relentlessly, to get me out of my room and join the world like the rest of them. We moved to a little town outside of Seattle. And I gave in and applied for a Dr.'s position at the hospital. I had no desire to do it but if it makes my family happy then I would, for the time being. My family worried so much about me and I hated causing them so much pain. Their constant silent worrying, from within their minds, was the motive to get me up. I hated to cause them pain. My mother, Esme was concerned for me and I figured I would give it a shot.

"Come on come on, you don't want to be late for your first day?" Alice asked sheepishly, trying to guard her thoughts from me.

"Yeah, yeah I am almost ready." I slowly got ready. As I was finishing buttoning up my shirt I headed down stairs to be greeted by my entire family. Their eyes were matched to a mother's who were sending their child off to kinder garden; anticipation, worry, relief and excitement.

"You ready son?" Carlisle asked as he was opening the front door.

I acknowledged that I was and we headed off to the hospital.

The hospital was like any other hospital. I quickly learned the routine in a matter of minutes and was off to work. Patient after patient I dragged myself by the monotonous minds of the staff and the patients. These are the days that I would trade my curse of being able to hear the thoughts of others for anything in the world.

I had almost finished my day when I was called to a room that was on the third floor.

"Dr. Cullen, you are needed in Mr. Wises room in 315. His wife would like to consult with you before they are discharged, I would be happy to assist you to the room." the over enthusiastic nurse gestured. While her words were polite her thoughts were racing with imageries that I am sure her husband, by the sights of her wedding band, would not approve of.

"Yes, that will be fine." I only allowed her to join me because I was afraid of the thought of getting trapped over the monotonous routine of explaining the protocol for discharging a patient.

We arrived at the room a few moments later. Mrs. Wise rushed up to me with a genuine concern for her husband. I was pleased to see her devotion and love that she had towards him and for a quick moment I wished that my Bella shared those same feelings. No I won't think that. It was too much to even think that. How could she? Stop! Stop!

Mrs. Wise asked for a couple more supplies of gauze and topical cream for her husband's wounds. I gave a quick glance towards that nurse who quickly understood and went to the nurses' station to retrieve the items. She returned emptied handed but had a couple other nurse by her side. I was confused for a brief moment by her actions, but as soon as I heard their thoughts I decided I would retrieve the items myself.

I was headed into the supply room. When I was only a few steps away I felt a surge of electricity hit my body. I had an overwhelming feeling, a feeling that I have once felt. No, it can't be. I ignored the feeling and entered the room. My walk came to a complete stop as I saw her. She seemed so real, I have imagined her so many times. Us encountering each other, seeing her, feeling her, kissing her……no it can't be real. Why is my mind doing this to me? Suddenly as she saw me her face froze and our eyes met. I was so engulfed by her glare. She seemed almost frightened, why, why is she scared of me. Oh no what have I done, I do not want her to think that way of me. Not that she thinks at me at all. God knows I do.

"Hello Bella." I said trying to control my enthusiasm.

"Hi" She looked away and found quickly what she had been looking for. Her heartbeat accelerated but I tried not to think it was because of her happiness of seeing me.

"I didn't kn….." I tried to tell her that I didn't know she worked here, anything to stay in her presence, but we were so rudely interrupted by someone in the hall. I hated that person, I would have killed that person right there but only feared it would cause fear in her. She looked away from me and bolted out the door barely missing my arm as she passed by. I stood there for what had seemed like forever wishing she was still there. I felt the pain crawl back over me. The pain was agonizing and it took all that I had to control myself to walk out and retrieve my belongings that sent me there in the first place. After leaving the patience's room I quickly headed towards Carlisle office to tell him about Bella.

"Dad, I saw her…..I saw Bella!" I was almost panting as if I needed the breath to speak. I was completely unraveling as I told him my encounter with her.

"Well son, I think you need to keep your distance for right now, you have no idea what her thoughts are and you don't want to make any sudden approaches that will alarm her." Carlisle knew that I wanted to run to her and throw myself at her regardless of the prospectors and confess my love to her and plead for her forgiveness. I don't care what fool I made myself to be, as long as I had my Bella back.

I left his office looking for her hoping that I would see her. I searched, even though I said I would not but I couldn't help it. I left the hospital without seeing her again. It was torture, I saw her but I wanted more. I wanted to see her again. Another night I spent in my room, dark, a lone, thinking of her. But, instead of thinking of our past I was reliving our brief moment encounter today. I got up tired of dwelling the thoughts of seeing her and decided to go and find her. Then I sat back down, what if she does not want to see me and anyhow I have no idea where she lives. I rose up and down for about an hour contemplating what I should do. What I wanted to do and what I should do…..for her. While deciding I heard a knock on my door.

"Give her time, for some reason I can't really see what's going on with her." My spunky sister said. She is so sweet; she always brings a smile to my face. She hated to see me like this. She always kept an eye on Bella for me when we were together but after I left her she started to have a hard time seeing what was laid before her. Alice was gifted at seeing the future, her gift to the family. I shrugged it off, only able to think about seeing her again.

"I know, but I can't get her off my mind. I didn't know she worked there. Why didn't you see that?"

"I don't know, I felt something but I didn't know what it was and I still don't?" Alice replied trying to comfort me.

She left a few moments later, and I decided that I would try and find her. She had to live near but I had no idea where. I hadn't even picked up the smallest scent of her since we have been here for the past few weeks.

I left the house and I headed back to the hospital, thinking that it would be the best place to start. I picked up a smallest faint scent of her off towards the east and headed that way. The scent took me on a wild goose chase. I was going in circles and getting madder and madder by the second. Was I really that bad at tracking? I finally came to where her scent ended, but it was nowhere as if she vanished in mid air. What was going on? Why can't I find her?