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A Lot of Things
Chapter 1/1
Disclaimers: I don't own any of the Jag characters, yada yada, you know the drill.
A/N: The story takes place at Christmastime in 2002, however, most of it refers to the episodes 'Lifeline' and Adrift I and II'.
A/N: The sequence of events and details of the Christmas 2002 episode 'All Ye Faithful' will be slightly different that the original episode.
September 2006 challenge
Mac: Did you think you'd sneak away without saying goodbye?
Harm: Goodbye? Why not good luck?
Mac: Didn't I say that once? When I was stupid enough to leave?
A lot of things…
Long ago, she'd asked him what he wanted and unable to find the words, he'd answered her…in the only way he thought he had the right to, and so he said….
A lot of things….
Then he tried to sneak away, thinking that he'd already said too much, but she wouldn't allow him to leave. She pressed the point and asked him, what he wanted most. He was losing her, he could feel it, there was so much that he wanted, and it all centered on her. He wanted to say the words he'd stupidly kept to himself for far too long, just once….but he did not. He believed that it was too late, too late for…
A lot of things…
When he'd gone to her office the following week, after noticing how distracted and distant she seemed, to apologize for his careless behavior. He couldn't deny to himself that he went to her office with another purpose. To look into her eyes and see if she had been affected by that kiss on the Admirals porch, as he had. Because he knew her too well, when he looked into her tired eyes, it allowed him to see…
.A lot of things….
When she became angry that he wouldn't attend her wedding rehearsal dinner because of a scheduling conflict with his, long ago scheduled, carrier quals. A lot of things he'd suspected were apparent to him in that moment. Something wasn't right about Mac marrying Mic,Harm had known it all along. Mac's overreaction to his not being at her rehearsal dinner confirmed it. Even though he told her he'd try to make it to her wedding, he also seemed to make the situation worse when he asked her why she needed him to be there. As she pushed the button to close the elevator doors just before she left and said good bye and not good luck itonlyincreased the inner turmoil they both feltabout…
A lot of things…
He'd tried to return in time for her wedding, in order to prove to her that he truly was her best friend. Instead his accident ended up being the reason her wedding was postponed. He remembered that when the cold waters of the Atlantic were taking their toll on his body, he could only think of getting back to Mac, so that he could say all the things he should have said long before their conversation on the Admiral's porch. He should have said…
A lot of things…
As he was regaining consciousness after his rescue, he could have sworn he could see her, she closed her eyes and he heard her say his name…but then, when he became more aware of his surroundings, he only remembered the voices of the medical staff. A part of him wished to go back, to the familiar voice he heard saying his name, he wanted to go back home, back to JAG, back to….
A lot of things….
When he found himself in a hospital, with a woman that he remembered only as an acquaintance, standing at his bedside, to say he was confused would have been an understatement. At that moment, he couldn't fathom being closer to this woman than he was to Mac. He couldn't remember all the things that happened,….and not happened between them He couldn't remember …..
A lot of things….
Then they all came to visit him, Bud and Harriet, Brumby, Chloe and …Mac. Renee had been kind enough to fill him in on the details of almost everyone's life, ending with Mac's impending marriage. She had neglected to tell him that Mac had been largely responsible for the ability of the SAR team to find him. His attending physician had given him that information, just before they all filed into his room. Though he didn't make it obvious to anyone, that fact that she had found him, turned his heart toward her, even more than before. Though he was looking at the Admiral and others that stood around his bed, he was always aware of where Mac was….he was finally aware of….
A lot of things….
When they all turned to leave, he wanted to ask Mac to stay. Why didn't he ask her to wait? He just wanted to talk to her alone, about anything or nothing. He just needed to connect with her, the way he always had. Too much was happening, too quickly and he just wanted to talk to her. He knew by then it wasn't the time, but that didn't change anything…the fact of having Renee or Mic in their lives never really changed what they were to each other He realized now, that it had never changed…
A lot of things….
Now it was over a year down the line, and Harm was driving toward Mac's apartment, following her from Bud and Harriet's Christmas party. She told him she wanted to give him his gift tonight. Their lives were so busy that he hadn't been to her apartment since before she was TAD on the Seahawk. It had been another year of missed opportunities, of dancing, as Mac called it. On the seat beside him he had framed a picture of them together. It had been taken in Afghanistan , he stood with his arm draped casually around her shoulder. They'd just survived yet another near miss and in spite of it all, went along as though they had all the time in the world. When she looked at this picture, would she see it? Couldn't she how much she meant to him? What he felt for her was soul deep… he felt…
A lot of things….
His gift for her was forgotten on his front seat, when before he realized she'd even gotten out of her car, she opened his car door and asked him to follow her with a penetratingly mysterious smile. Slightly dazed, he followed her into her apartment building. She said very little but her smile warmed him, setting his imagination running wild and whatever concerns about what needed to be said where far away. When she pressed the button that sent the elevator to the roof of her building, he was puzzled, but when she took his hand, he decided to let her lead the way, that things could only get better….
A lot of things….
She led him out onto the roof, the night was cold, but thankfully the winds were calm. When he asked her if this was his Christmas present she stopped and turned to face him. She said only that his present would come later, looking into his eyes and leaning in closely. In a hushed whisper she asked him to look up. And when he did, he saw a clear midnight blue sky, full of stars shining like diamonds. She asked if he remembered the night in Afghanistan when they were trying to keep warm and stargazing. He answered that he remembered….
A lot of things…..
He released her hand and smiled down at her as he unbuttoned his overcoat. He told her that she needed to stand just a bit closer if she wanted to help him remember exactly how it was that particular night. She consented,, unbuttoning her warm winter coat as well. When she asked him what he thought might have happened, had they not been caught in friendly fire that night. Without a word he took both of her hands placing them on his chest, inside his overcoat and in the most natural of reactions, Mac's hands traveled slowly up the front lapels of his uniform jacket, slipping her arms around his neck. Harm parted Mac's opened coat and snaked his arms inside, pulling her body close to him, his hands warming quickly at the small of her back. It was time to tell her, so many things, but he could only say one thing. The one true thing he should have said long ago, that he loved her, and after she answered that she loved him too, suddenly there was nothing else to say…
Not a thing…
There were only things to do.
FIN
AN: I know these challenge words were broken up and spread through out the narrative and some are in another tense..
A/N: I'm still working on Wings of the Morning, just doing a bit of word play again, to begin catching me up on my challenge fics.