Remus Lupin climbed into the "haunted" shack for the 2nd time this school year. The stages of being a werewolf took so much out of him everytime, he didn't know if he could bear through O.W.L.S like this; 5th year was already proving to be tough. At least he had James, Sirius and Peter, though he was positive they were asleep by the time he had made his way back to campus. Lupin crawled onto the makeshift cot he and James made in their 3rd year. It was holding up nicely, especially since Peter and James had also donated blankets and pillows to the cause of helping Remus sleep.

As he pulled the shabby blanket over his skinny, bruised body and began to drift away, Remus noticed a slight creak in the floorboards. As usual, the exhausted boy ignored the sound of the house, if a house is even what you'd call it. He tossed onto his side and fell into a deep sleep. If something took him in his sleep, he welcomed it.

A pair of yellow eyes cut through the darkness and crossed the room towards Remus. The eyes stayed glued to the small body of the boy ahead of him. The eyes watched as ribcage rose and fell with a rhythmical breathing. As quietly as possible, the eyes suddenly became an entire body, the owner of the eyes revealed to be a huge, shaggy dog that was blacker than the night surrounding them. He creeped as silently as he could towards the bed until he was at the edge. He pushed his nose into Lupin's hair and russelled it a bit. When the sleeping boy didn't wake, the dog jumped onto the cot and curled up along the back of the boney body. He noticed a brand new set of scars acquired by the werewolf's most recent transition. The full moon shifting away, finally settling into Scorpio.

In the morning, Remus woke up with no blanket. He vaguely remembered throwing it away in the night, but not knowing why. When he looked down, he realized why he was so warm. Sirius was curled up to him, still in his shaggy dog form. Remus rubbed his head and the dog instantly awoke. "Hello," he sighed. Sirius licked his hand where Remus had gotten a rather large new cut, causing the boy to pull back. "Don't, it might get infected." Sirius lowered his face before Remus could apologize. Instead, the boy hugged the dogs head to his chest. "Thanks for being here…" Sirius licked his cheek happily and began to jump from the cot. He tugged Lupin by his socks, trying to get his attention.

"Ekips-oooh!" He tried, but failed to complete the healing spell. "Whats up?!" he cried as he looked down at Sirius. The dog looked back and forth frantically from the window to the boy on the bed. Remus could see children from Hogwarts flying outside in the distance. Morning classes had started!

"Great!" Lupin thought, another detention for missing classes…

"May as well just stay here and shirk it all." Remus was zoning out, lying back into the bed before the dog jumped back up to try and pull him up without biting too hard. Remus swatted him away. "Go away. I'd rather stay here. Perhaps I can tell the headmaster I was just in too much pain…" Excuses filled his brain; He could skip his usual healing charm and potion routine to appear in rougher shape. Perhaps he "ate something disagreeable" while in the forest. Or maybe even was attacked...who knows what Professor Kettleburn let out there in all his years a professor, the possibilities were endless!

Remus had convinced himself to stay down. "Go away Sirius, I want to lay here today." The black ears of the dog perked instantly and he cocked his head. Remus could almost see a furrowed brow. "No Sirius. Not today...I don't feel up to it." The boy turned his back to the dog, and moments later felt his weight leave the bed altogether.

Remus fell into a deep sleep, the types he takes over the summer when his depression reaches its peak. He sleeps so deeply and heavily he forgets how dirty his is, how sore, how hungry. All his senses shut down and he falls to a infinitely dark place in his slumber.

When he awakens hours later, the sun is at its highest, the crisp November air making the shack a little cooler. Remus didn't care about the temperature of the room, he pulled the blanket up again to cover his face and closed his eyes.

Remus falls into another deep pit of sleep. In his head, he can see images of his skin ripping, his mouth widening, his eyes changing color. He never had seen himself as a werewolf. He was too ashamed to look in the mirror. Images turned more sensory. He felt his teeth gritting together, his nails clawing into the blanket, his toes curling inwards so tightly his nails dug into the soles of his feet. He awoke to a sharp pain and realized that the cut on his hand had reopened from clenching too hard.

Remus felt the sudden urge desperately cry. His body, covered in scars, sore, aching, and pounding, never feeling relief. It weighed heavily on his mind. Although the boy was extremely smart and loyal, he sometimes felt that if he never came back from the Forbidden Forest again, that if his next transformation did kill him, he wouldn't care if he died.

The painful lucid dream he experienced made Remus want to reconsider sleeping his day away. Although, he had no particular desire to go back to the main campus either. He found the watch he was wearing before the full moon caused him to morph and checked the time: 4:30 in the afternoon. Of course he couldn't go back now, he'd be spotted by someone for sure. Remus felt trapped. He'd decided to spend his day here but didn't think through the part where he'd have to return to his dorm, his classes, his life as a "regular" Hogwarts student.

"But I'll never be regular." he muttered to himself, defeated.

He climbed out of the bed and slunk over to where he hid his clothes days before. As he was stepping through the room barefooted, he stepped on something. He yelped out but when he picked up the object that cut him, he silenced himself. It was a small, sharp piece of glass, probably left from a broken window years ago. He grabbed his wand and successfully cast Ekipsy on his wound. The blood dried and the wound healed, as usual. Remus examined the glass that had stuck was stained slightly from his blood, the edge that cut him a light red hue. He stared at it for a moment before he abruptly brought it to his wrist. He didn't even brace himself before he dug it across his forearm, under his elbows. He shuttered a little and then felt the the sting. It was...pleasant. Something about the sting, about the tiny droplets of blood rushing to the surface of his skin. Remus didn't know why he liked it….it was strange, and disgusting...just like being a werewolf.

Suddenly, the idea of finding pleasure in his pain did not bother him so much. IF he had to live his entire life as a shameful feral beast that he had no control over, he may as well have control over something. Remus realized suddenly that he had very little control over anything: his home life or his condition as a werewolf. But, he did have control over this. He began to dig the glass into his thigh, making sure he cut his enough that his intrusive friends would not see. The single drop of blood that fell down his leg made a trail of crimson on the pale skin beneath it.

He made another incision on his upper thigh and used the blood to draw a half moon.