Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King, if I did Hao and Yoh would rule as shaman king and his 'queen'. And there would be incest… that pair is just so hot… Still don't owning SK, a pity, really.
Author Note: I'm proud of myself. I finally, finally, finish this story. You don't imagine the time I've got stuck with this. The thing just didn't come off right. Oh and I've changed the gender of Yoh and Anna's daughter; it's easier for me that way I always imagined that Hana mean a girl. But then again who's name their male child 'Flower'? I mean flower is girl stuff. And even the picture of the kid he looks like a girl!!! Oh well… let's continue okay?
Summary: I hate you, Hao Asakura. I always have hated you, and I always will. I hate you… because you stole my husband… Yoh.
Title: Undoing
Warnings: Spoilers of Shaman King Anime and Manga; mentions of suicide and language, slight incest … I think that's all. If you don't like, don't read. You have been warned.
Rating: M (no slash this time, perhaps in next fic… I don't promise anything)
---*---
I was alone. No, that's not correct; I've been alone in a long, long time.
In that day I thought I was going to die, but I couldn't… I had our daughter to raise… she was so little. Just two years old… When you left me… when you left your family… your friends… Horo… Ryu… Ren… Manta… Amidamaru… everything.
I didn't want excuses, I didn't want goodbyes, and I even didn't want the beautiful, but sad, smile you gave when you turn your back on me.
I could see you, I could hear you, I could touch you, but I couldn't have you, could I? No. Because you aren't mine. I never realized until that moment, that second… that you were his.
I never saw your heartbreaking eyes when you went to the cemetery, when you looked somewhere away, and especially when you looked to your sword. I never heard you calling him. I never realized it.
It was perfect… to me at least… our live together; however it was not for you. He was all you thought of.
Yoh… have you really forgotten me… our baby… our friends? It was so long ago that I last saw you…
Nonetheless I have this feeling, I know deep down in my heart where to find you… but I'm afraid. Ha… he would laugh so much if he saw me right now… the great Itako, Anna… a pathetic shadow of what she was ten years ago.
Yoh. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you! I could never say enough to you love me back. Everything because of Him!!
Hao…
I hate you, I hate you so much. I hate you with everything that I am.
I hate you, Hao Asakura. I always have hated you and I always will. I hate you… because you stole my husband…
Yoh.
One day you… just… walk out the door and I knew you wouldn't come back. It was not for the bag you were caring or for the sword in your shoulder… gone for so long; It was for your aura… your presence was saying farewell. You didn't have intention of come back.
I never told them the reason of your departing. I didn't want them to know… to pity me. Yet they were aware that they wouldn't… that you… Yoh… Were you really that miserable with me, was I not enough?
Forgive me if I am going to hurt you again, however I can't stand don't see you any longer. I am coming for you, Yoh. And I'm going to use whatever I can to bring you back to me.
---*---
Hao.
No matter how many times I call you, you never respond me back.
I thought… 'It's all going to be alright'… even if I in that moment feel it wouldn't. After all it was my mission… to destroy you. The great undoing of the Asakura family. Kill you.
I was so stupid then… and in the following years. I had to mess up things even more didn't I?
I came back home. My group separated. Everyone was doing something. I end up marring Anna. My live was perfect. Or so I thought.
Something was missing. I didn't understand it at first. I was depressed… I was looking for something and didn't know what it was and I was confused. I saw spirits and ask myself what was missing, I saw people on the streets and didn't comprehend why the pain.
It took me a few months following that routine to figure it out…
I was simply cleaning my old room when it fell on the floor. My Katana, Amidamaru's sword, the Harusame.
The very one that kill you.
And I saw fire, your pure hellish fire… your face so smuggling innocent, and my heart broke… and I cried, I cried so hard. It made all sense at last; the pain, the 'missing' feeling, the strange emotions.
You were gone. Forever out of my live. I couldn't see you ever again. I couldn't live 500 years to wait for you. I couldn't evoke you or ask someone to do it for me. I couldn't sense you.
So I did what I do the best. I ignore it… you… my memories… my pain… and my guilt. But it was not enough. The subsequent months… years… were torture.
No one saw my sadness… not even Amidamaru or Anna, the closest to me.
I was a ghost of myself. But I continue to live. I even had a baby girl, Hana, she was so cute and little, it helped me to stuff the agony to a deep and dark part of my heart. I was dying inside but I continue to live until I bare it no more. And I had to leave. To be far away. To find peace for my mind. To learn to be myself… without you.
Two things that I regret even now are that it toke me so long to realize and accept the consequences of my actions… the other is my daughter. She doesn´t deserve the father that she have. Someone so coward to run from himself… to kill part of himself… someone like me. No matter. Anna is with her. She will take good care of Hana. And somewhere in her descendents you will be reborn… for that my suffering is already worth it.
I remember the moment I opened my arms to the real truth of your murderer and me… it was like if I was free of everything. Every responsibility, every weight in my mind and soul, every bitterness disappear for a split second and I was truly happy and free thanks to the knowledge of you and me: Two half that are one whole.
*Flashback*
Yoh walk in the street, the feeling of completion rapidly fading away and leaving behind the confusion. Where I'm going? Where I can go to forgive myself, to find myself… and you… Hao. I know that place exist… where… where I can see you? Hao… Hao… Yoh keep going, without realizing the places he was pacing by.
It took him a while to see that he had stopped. Surprised he looks around and sees an airplane… a familiar one. Where and when have he seen this particular plane? AH… yes, he remembered now. It was the same that he and his friends had used to go to America.
The Shaman King Tournament.
It hurt less to bear it in mind, the memories; now that he finally had accepted his guilt and the pain of Hao's death. It was there his answer too? The shaman village? It was there the place he could see his aniki again? He would try. It wouldn't hurt more that the pain he already experimented.
So he bought a ticket to America. His things in is bag and katana on shoulder. It wasn't much, just a few clothes, money and a few precious objects that he never leaves behind. The Futsu no Mitama no Tsurugi, Hao's journal, Chou Senji Ryakketsu, (no one knew he preserve it) and the last object, an album full of photos of his friends and family… strangely his orange headphones stayed home….
The waiting was short for him, who had taken years to accept his own feelings. Yoh spent the hours of the trip in quiet solitude of his mind. It was been so long ago he had the time and disposition to do so.
—Time cut—
When Yoh arrived to the place where he knew the Patch Village was, he stopped. Even if his eyes and ears didn't see or hear anything his Furyoku was welcomed by the Great Spirits. The shaman closed his eyes and walked to the patch. If the mortal senses couldn't show him the way, the essence that he shared with wall the shamans in the world would guide him.
Felling another Furyoku Yoh opened his eyes and out himself in guard, even without Amidamaru, he could still fight. But his preoccupation was unnecessary because the person he had feel was… Silva.
"Silva?"
"Welcome back, Yoh. Please come with me" The priest was as Yoh remember him. Yoh smiled and followed the other shaman.
*End Flashback*
After that it was easy. I was taken to Goldva-sama and was invited to be a part of the tribe. Even today I'm surprised how smoothly the things had gone. But no matter.
It has been six years since I arrived to the village… and it's ok. But what was best for me was that I could sense you… When I say 'sense' I'm referring to the few moments that the Great Spirits allow me to feel totally peaceful… complete. It was a surprise, really, when I was allowed to the Holy Land of Stars. Everyone had made a fuss over it, but the irony of the situation was when Silva and Karim were allowed also. It seems that since the last battle those two could have come and gone from one place to another… Goldva-sama was not a happy person that day.
It's now a habit to come to the Great Sprits when I have doubts on my mind or when I'm have free time. It is an obligation of the tribe to train daily to the next Shaman King Tournament even if it was 500 years in the future.
Sometimes I just want to be with you Hao. I imagine how our reencounter would be. I want to feel whole again but I don't want to give up. In a way I want to make you proud. You never quitted, you always fought for you goals. Yet the idea is there. I confess to you that if, and only if, I was called… I … I would gladly die.
---*---
Anna travelled a lot and suffered a lot to be where she was today. Since she decided to search for Yoh and was firm to bring him back, it had passed 9 months. Soon her baby anniversary would come… if they were lucky, they could spend it with Yoh…
Yoh.
She was shocked how challenging it was to locate the Patch Village since she knew the location. They (She, Anna, Manta, Ryu, Faust, Chocolove, Lyserg, HoroHoro, Pirika and even Jun and Ren with all of their spirits, including Amidamaru and Mosuke) were lost in circles, even if being the shaman contestants and had previously visit the town, they just couldn't find it.
She admit it that at first she had panic, how it was possible? The Shaman Competition was something that had been bond in her mind. She didn't, in all those years, forget a single moment of the battles that they wrestled. Fortunately they were in the right path, and soon, very soon, they would arrive.
Yoh… wait for me.
---*---
Silva was worried, there was something in the air… something… like a foreboding… that leave his skin trembling. Whatever it was… it would happen shortly. All of his senses were on alert, he had a bitter taste on his mouth and his spirits were strange and, to his astonish, dejected.
He was almost affair of finding it out.
---*---
Yoh was smiling.
It was time
---*---
Anna couldn't help herself and grin. They and arrived at the Patch Village. Anna was running excited to the store and the natives, asking this and that to her anniversary present. The older shamans laugh to each others. It was right on time, they could see Yoh in the day of his daughter birthday.
"Let's find him and give him a swat for not telling us anything these past years" offered Manta.
Anna smirked. She couldn't wait. This is the happiest day of my live.
She heard the cheerful wails of her girl. It was as her dream was a reality… she would recovering her husband… she was certain.
---*---
Silva run to Goldva house… he was called… but now the felling of dread that encompassed him for the last days was suffocating. His mind hadn't yet wrapped itself in what had cause him this… sentiment.
It all made sense when Goldva spoke to him.
"Yoh's companions had arrived."
---*---
Yoh gave a step forward.
He was ready. Everything was as the Great Spirits had wanted. It was time for him to rest. In the back of his mind he questioned his decision. It was really fine abandoning his friends, the ones he leaved when he came to the patch and now the patches themselves? Yes, it was fine, because it was this… this choice… this destiny… that he had persecuted for years. Now he had finally being rewarded.
His long hair remind him of his brother… of the wish that he had of seeing Hao again.
He gave another step to the Great Spirits…
…and let their power engulf him.
A scream was stuck in his mouth. Slowly his body was dissolved in the power of the Great Spirits. Up is toes, then is legs… the burning sensations were horrible; the pain unstoppable. When it past his chest he felt the fire cooling to be replaced for a numb feeling. Yoh close his eyes and, like he was asleep, let himself drown in darkness.
Hao… was Yoh's last thought.
---*---
Anna had to be dreaming… this couldn't be happening. It must be a lie…
When Silva appeared her first reaction was joy. After almost decade, little had he changed. But almost immediately her smile died, because his expression was livid and he was shaky. When Ren asked for you it look as if had punch the priest. And when she insecurely had call his name… everything made sense.
But she thought it could not been worse… she was wrong.
Yoh died… no… he KILLED HIMSELF! And when? In the fucking day they had arrived! In his daughter's birthday. And the worse… the very worst of it all was for the reason that he had killed himself because of his good for nothing, murderer and psychopath brother HAO.
The fucking bastard and steeled her husband again.
Asakura Anna plunge on the floor crying her defeat and misery.
---*---
He didn't feel nothing… not alive… not dead… but static… as if he was floating in void.
He opened his eyes to find another's exactly like his.
"Brother" his mirror image great him.
He could have cried in relief. He was complete again, he had found the precious thing he was looking for. The fire shaman half-smirk half-smiled and let his head fall to Yoh's. The other half of the red shaman complied and meet silently the lips of the other, selling a promise and his soul.
A single whisper leave the younger mouth.
"Hao"
~Fin~
A.N: I'm happy.