Bah, I cannot get over Allegiant. I can't, I can't. So...Here, I bear an alternate ending for anyone else who was also shattered by Allegiant! Come! I hope to give feels that won't destroy you!
(Continuing from when Tris is in the room with David)
...TRIS
I dive for the button, ducking beneath David's leveled arm. The barrel of his gun is still pointed at my chest, but there is no time. There is no time.
Something explodes inside my ears, whitening the edge of my vision, but it seems far away, like I am listening through the panel of water. I reach the button, so much power beneath my palm and I have nothing else to think of before I press down.
Another explosion. Another pop. A flood of pain, pouring into me, making me choke. I can't breathe. I can't see. Everything is murky, cloudy. My instinct is to shield myself, cover my body as best as I can. But for what? I can't seem to remember, all I feel is fire, flames of agony licking over my abdomen and the slick feeling of something wet gushing over my skin.
"How...How heroic," David wheezes. Why does he sound hurt? Did I hurt him? I want to look, but I can't see. I can't see.
"Such irony. Returning to save your sister after nearly letting her die the first time? Practically handing her over. Is this your way of redemption?"
Caleb.
Caleb.
I blink my eyes rapidly, trying to clear them, trying to make sense of the scene that lies hidden before me.
The fog in my eyes momentarily retreats, leaving me staring at David, clutching desperately at his stomach. Red blooms across his flesh, dripping down the side and to the floor.
I give him as hard a look I can muster, spitting the words through my teeth before he goes. "You won't see her-where you're going.
I am satisfied to see a trace of fear pass through him. His gun droops in his hand and his eyes slowly close.
But I have no sympathy for the man who once loved my mother. Who shot both of her children.
No, all I see is my brother lying a few yards from me, suited in the death serum coat, the red smeared across his body a stark contrast to his pale face.
"Caleb," I croak and his eyes flicker to mine.
Voices scream inside my head, whispers that cannot be silenced, a cacophony of raging guilt and wailing terror at the prospect of losing another person I love.
Why did you come?
Why did you come back?
Why didn't you let me save you? I was ready!
Ignoring the agony that shoots me time and time again when I attempt to move, I try to reach my brother, crawling across the floor. A small river trails its way behind me, like the dam I built inside has finally broken, the walls I've built around myself, each brick carefully constructed of my own fears, my own pain, now broken, spilling from me in blood.
I'm almost there, I reach my hand forward, clutching at his hand, palm up. I grasp one of his fingers, desperate to have him look at me, to see me and tell me that he is all right. I want a million impossible things in that moment, a second full of the longing I know I will never have.
"Caleb!" I whisper as loudly as my body will allow. I can't let him go. I can't, I can't. I won't.
A few moments pass in silence, enough to send me reeling in panic, but then I hear a soft moan. "Beatrice."
"Caleb! Shh, shh," I automatically say, trying to think of words of comfort. I want to tell him that he is going to be fine. I want to tell him that he will heal, that today will leave nothing but scars inked in his side. But I know he has already calculated the likeliest outcome he has.
He already knows there isn't one.
"Tris...I'm sorry," he says, his voice faint that I have to lean forward on my wound to hear him. I bite my lip to keep from screaming.
"It's okay, Caleb. It's all okay. I forgive you."
His eyes look to me, glazed over and wide. "Remember that...that Candor game we played as kids?"
I nod as best I can.
"One of my secrets...something you should know...Is that I always thought-you were a better person than me." He tries to smile, but I don't think he can find his lips. "You were willing to d-die...for a trai-traitor."
"No, Caleb, no," I say, tears stinging my eyes, falling down my face, mixing with my blood. "I was willing to die-for my brother."
"Do-do you think...Mom and Dad will-will forgive me?"
I squeeze my eyes shut together, desperate for this to be a dream, a living nightmare. A simulation, anything else but real. "They already h-have."
For the first time i a long while, I see hope light his eyes.
Five seconds pass.
Three heartbeats.
And I watch the light leak from his eyes as he stares off, past my face into nothing. "I...I see her, Beatrice."
And then he stills.
My brother is gone. All that is left is a blood-stained suit with the body of a boy inside, whose hand I cannot seem to let go of.
The voices inside me continue to wail, but they are dulling now, fading with the fiery pain that threatens to consume me. A blackness creeps into the corners of my vision and I am scared to close my eyes.
But then it spreads over me and I am weightless, falling into its shadowy arms.
Tobias
When we make it back to headquarters, something feels wrong. Two things I notice, unimportant to those around me but obvious in a way that only I know them to be.
Firstly, Tris is not here. She knew the time in which we would be back and I expected her to be waiting, eager, happy, glad that we had finished everything that separated this world from a better life. But she isn't.
Second, Cara stands in front of the statue, drips of water plunking behind her and her face looks grave.
I do not need any other reason. I step out of the car as she walks forward, a hesitancy in her stride that can only be the hint of a stride of deliver ing bad news.
I approach her, gazing down at her waiting. It might be nothing. It must be nothing.
Nothing could have happened to make her avoid my gaze like that.
"Tobias..."
"What?" I ask, crossing my arms, shielding myself from whatever news she is about to deliver as if it can offer me some kind of protection. "What is it?"
"Um...Caleb...Caleb is dead."
I raise my eyebrows, wanting to be comforting but also trying to point out the obvious in a compassionate way. That was the plan. Caleb was meant to die. He wanted redemption for his acts and only he can know if he received it. I hope for Tris's sake he has.
She shakes her head. "No...Caleb was shot by...David who was in the room. But Tris went first."
A numbness creeps over me, a denial to understand her words. "She...she did what?"
"She took Caleb's place. She overcame the death serum, but David shot her. She's in the infirmary...with multiple gun wounds. They aren't sure if she will make it."
I fall back a step, staring down at her, waiting for her to tell me the punchline. The end to this sick joke.
Because it must be a joke.
"She's...She's there if you want to see her. I think it"-
I step around her before she can say anything else, the world blurring around me as my walk turns into a pace, as my pace transforms into a run until I am sprinting into the building and up, up, up.
Anxiety and fear churn in my stomach, becoming a heavy weight settling in my gut. I slow down as I reach the doors of the infirmiry, trying to get a grip on myself before I walk inside.
But no one can really prepare themselves to see a loved one broken on a bed.
I see Tris, lying down, things hooked into arms with bags dangling on metal hooks by her side. Her stomach is bandaged as are parts of her neck and it takes all my strength just to keep standing. My legs shake as I walk toward her, my fingers inching up the thin white blanket and to her hand.
Her eyes are closed, her stomach swaddled in gauze, revealing pinpricks of red and I can almost pretend that that's the extent of it. Just a bit of blood. A scrape from falling. A cut from landing on a piece of glass. That there aren't holes punched through the girl I love.
A nurse approaches. Checks one of the bags of clear fluid. Writes something down. Such mundane things. Can they not see what might be lost? The most beautiful panel of colored glass, born from a hearth of fire, breaking right before them?
I guess the people trained to assist those in pain have learned to block the suffering from the uninjured.
How ironic.
I look up at the nurse, her withered face appearing tired. I want to ask her if David is alive, if the man who might just as well have stripped the floor from beneath me is still breathing. But I am frightened to ask. I am frightened that if he is alive...I will be all too willing to render that.
And a part of me worries that he is dead. That I will not be able to make him suffer the lengths that he deserves to. That he had a smooth death, to embrace a door to peace that I envy him for.
Maybe he didn't find peace.
It is a selfish hope that I don't let go of.
TRIS
I see birds. A mob of wings peeling off the sky. A mesh of feathers and claws, of beaks and smears of black, the tumult of darkness rolling forth like a bad omen that I should be scared of.
After all, I've been so afraid. Of the things I can't control. Of trying to be someone else instead of the person I was born to be. I was crafted from bravery, raised by selflessness, and left for sacrifice. And now, I notice that I don't fear the birds, like the ravens emblazoned onto my skin.
No, I do not fear them.
I marvel at them.
Because they are free.
TOBIAS
I never let go of her hand. I stay with Tris, grasping her fingers firmly between her own, as if the tighter my hold, the more likely she is to wake up. Because she will wake up. She will, she will. Everything in me is bound to her; to this small innocent-looking girl who has the ability to light a faction of fire. A girl who would do anything for the people she loves. A girl who would die for her brother, a traitor, and willing to leave other who care for her behind.
I think of the moments I first saw her, the days I watched her train from a distance, the night I first kissed her in the dark shadows of a chasm, all thoughts flashing through my mind as if they can keep her anchored here. To me. Because I know she is strong enough.
She has been strong enough to endure, pain after pain, battle after battle.
And now, she is going to be strong enough to live.
I wake a few hours later, unknowing that I had fallen asleep, feeling fingers on me. They're in my hair, against my arms, light touches trailing across my skin. I glance up.
Tris's eyes meet mine, bright and open, like a window of air I am given after hours of drowning.
She gives me a smile, but there is a sadness too, undoubtedly from the loss of her brother.
"Tris," I say, instantly standing up. I need to feel her against me. Need to feel her alive and unbroken in my arms, safe and all right. I cup her face in my palms and kiss her, not even bothering to say anything else before I do. It is the only reassurance I can get that are far bigger than words.
"I'm sorry," she tells me, her eyes glistening. I pull back the covers lightly and gently maneuver inside until I can wrap my arms around her. I am careful not to jar her injuries. "Don't apologize," I say to her, far too overcome with euphoria to be angry, but I am sure it will come later. "I understand why you did it."
"But he's dead," she says bluntly, a tear spilling over. I rest my cheek atop her head. "He died for you in the end. If anything, I'd say that it was the best way he could have thought of going."
I feel her nod beneath me, but I know her grief is bigger than my consolation, so all I do is hold on to her, the comfort just as much for myself as it is for her.
"I love you," she whispers quietly and my hold tightens. "I'm sorry for almost leaving you."
"Shh," I say, kissing her forehead. "You're okay. That's all I want. Just you. Forever."
TRIS
The sky is dark, a murky shade of grey and black, splashes of white weaving through the clouds.
Even the sky has decided to cry for us as we bury our friend.
We stand outside of the gates, a hold dug deeply into the ground where Uriah's body will lie. I can't help but think that he deserves someplace better, prettier. Someplace lighter that matches his smile.
But no, here will have to do.
Christina cries silently beside me and I squeeze her hand, trying to offer her a reassurance that I cannot even offer myself.
So many dead. So many gone. So many beautiful faces erased by the hands of battle.
I swallow back the sob building in my throat, trying not to picture Uriah's face in my mind, his smile, the time he shot a muffin off of Marlene's head. I try to keep it all back, like none of it is real. Like they are both still okay.
People begin to drop flowers down once his coffin is lowered, a simple shade, a simple decoration, something so bland next to a person once full of such color. Zeke steps forward with Shauna, the tears in his eyes causing me to look away.
All I can see is Uriah waving to me and a bright light, the thing that wiped his last smile from his lips and stole away his future ones.
Christina drops a rose down to him and I step away from Tobias to do the same.
"Say hi to Marlene for me," I whisper quietly before stepping back. I picture both of them together in my mind's eye, his arm slung across Marlene's shoulders, both clutching a muffin. Maybe you'll be all right, I decide and feel a small sign of hope rest in the form of a smile on my lips.
I stand in front of the water structure, watching buds of it being released into the air, hitting softly against the stone. I wish I could be patient like that. Relentless. But perhaps I am in a way.
Perhaps I was born to do something small-to send a bit of water to ripple against the grand surface of things. Perhaps I am doing that. Maybe I am just one step closer to the corrosion of my own stone. Perhaps one day, I will see the dam break.
Hands slip across my waist then, making me jump slightly. But I smile to myself, turning to face Tobias who looks at me in such a way that is hardly real. He pulls me close to him and I do not object as he leans down to kiss me, wrapping me firmly against his chest.
"I love you," he whispers quietly against my ear. My smile widens. "Where do you want to go?" I ask and he pulls back slightly to look at my face.
"What do you mean?"
"We can go anywhere. You and me. Together. What do you think?" I slip my hands through his, the happiness inside me more euphoric than I ever thought I could be.
Tobias laughs quietly. "I think...that I would like that." He touches the ravens on my collarbone then, the light graze of his fingertips sparking electricity through me, a raging fire that I never want to stop burning. I look down, watching him trace the lines of wings, each a symbol for my family, all dead. All gone. I place my hand over his. We have been locked in this world's cage for far too long and now, like the birds on my skin, it is finally time to fly away.