Sensational Comics 19
A Mighty Tale, Told in the Mighty Marvel Manner
The Horror that Hit Hollywood!
Deep within a rundown row of warehouses, a figure was moving around. To a casual observer, he (or she) might wonder why Norman Osborn, head of Osborn Chemicals and one of the richer men on the East Coast, was walking back and forth in an old laboratory.
The proper reason began some months ago after having his former partner Mendal Stromm removed; Osborn could excuse some embezzlement but not such sloppy attempts to cover it. Osborn was attempting to recreate an experiment when the resulting mixture blew up in his face. The time in the hospital and the green haze created by the chemical enhanced him, made him stronger and smarter. It also could have made him crazy, but he was too sane to think that as he finished the details on his goblin suit.
"I need more power, but as Norman Osborn I'm limited; too many rules, too many weak underlings plotting against me. Crime! Now that is a field where my genius would work to my advantage!" He slipped the green molded fright mask over his face. "As the Green Goblin, I'll make my mark on the underworld! I'll be able to ignore those petty laws that govern lesser men, but I must make my mark." He browsed a series of newspapers. "I must have a display of strength, but against something the other gangs would respect."
His eyes narrowed as he came across the latest edition of the Daily Bugle. "'Spider-Man: Threat or Menace' eh? Yes, I could work with that" His eyes fell upon another headline. "'Monster Roaming Desert'? Even better! Why, I could remove Spider-Man and have that monster work for me! I may not even need the other gangs!"
Throwing the papers aside, he rushed to a nearby telephone. He was almost giddy as he dialed the numbers. "Fancy Dan? This is your boss. Pack your bags boys, I've got a job for you!"
-H
B.J. Cosmos, head of Cosmos Productions, pulled into the lot. His roadster had seen better days, as had his entire company. The Nameless Thing from the Black Lagoon in the Murky Swamp had been his masterpiece, but that had been some time ago. In fact it had been the only turkey his company had produced that had turned a profit. Every project since then had been worse and worse. He kept the company afloat by distributing other clunkers to the drive-in circuit, but he knew that wouldn't last. American International was squeezing out the competition by offering good movies, or at least a better quality shlock than his endless swamp monsters and masked wrestlers. "Maybe I could retitle them? Do a series of Unknown Things instead of Nameless?"
He made his way into his office where an excitable page was holding the phone. "Sir, you have a phone call!"
"What, my ex-wife wants my cufflinks too?" He snatched the phone away. "Hello?"
Cosmos listened carefully. His skin paled despite the heavy tan. "Ok, sure." He carefully hung the phone up.
"What was it sir?" the page was feeling that he should have prepared his resume earlier.
"We've been bought out. Someone wanted a film studio, so he bought up my debt. He wants everyone to stay on at twice their salary on the condition that we shoot a script he wrote."
"But…that's wonderful, isn't it?" the page scratched his head.
"In this business?" Cosmos shook his head and poured himself a drink. "Probably some rich kook, a gangster, or some prima donna who's going to tell us how to make a movie." He shrugged his shoulders. "But since he bought us outright, the pressure is on him, so more power to him." He raised his glass in a toast. "To Mr. Verde, whoever he is!" He downed the contents in one gulp.
"Now that we're in the black for once, let's get started. Our first order of business is to find our star."
"Who's that? Rock Hudson?"
"Nah, the boss wants someone to appeal to the teen market. He wants Spider-Man! Get the boys from marketing over here. I want this to run in all the trades, coast to coast. 'Attention Spider-Man, will make you a star! Care of Cosmos Pictures, Hollywood CA USA', now run with it! I want that webspinner on set by Monday!"
-S
Sometime later, Peter Parker sat back in his seat. Twelve hours earlier he had been in in the offices of J. Jonah Jameson, publisher of the Daily Bugle when the older man had been screaming at anyone within earshot about the unlikelihood of running a full page ad calling for Spider-Man to come to Hollywood. He considered letting the mustached publisher continue his tirade but the ad struck his fancy. "Why not? I could use the money." One sweet talking later, plus a promise to bring back plenty of photos, he found himself flying out west.
The woman sitting next to him was silent, but the way she was gripping the armrests told him she was a bit nervous…or else she had an intense dislike of armrests. Surrounded by slumbering or otherwise occupied passengers, Peter looked at his neighbor. She was average height, dressed in a simple shirt and slacks. Her hair was short and pulled back. "Heading out west?"
She glanced at him. She didn't look much older than him. "Maybe; I'm looking for someone."
"Really? I'm on assignment for the Bugle. Are you looking for movie stars?"
"Family, actually." Her tone was level, but it was clear she didn't want to discuss it. He took the hint.
"Hope you find them. Have you ever been out west before?"
"A few times, but I'm always busy."
"I know what you mean. It seems any time I leave the city it's always on some kind of business." Parker leaned back in his seat as the conversation drifted into more general topics before it finally slowed into silence.
-H
Betty left the airport with no general direction in mind. There had been rumors and sightings of her mother across the country, but nothing concrete. "I must be sure!" She glanced at a rack of newspapers. Most of them were begging for Spider-Man for some kind of picture deal. She stopped dead in her tracks when she picked up a late edition.
"Monster found?" She turned the paper and sighed. The monster that had been spotted in California wasn't her mother, just another giant species of insect that had been previously undiscovered. Putting the paper back, she headed back into the terminal.
"Reports are coming over the wire. Witnesses across New Mexico are reporting seeing a giant green woman rampaging across the desert, we'll keep with this story as it develops" a radio by the lunch counter blared.
"Well, it couldn't hurt." Betty headed over to the ticket counter to book the next flight to New Mexico.
-S
Peter stepped out of the cab. He ducked down the nearest alley and slipped on the red and blue togs of Spider-Man. "Might as well save some of the petty cash, but I'd prefer to make a real entrance!" He climbed up the wall towards the roof.
"Not many skyscrapers here, but I could do a running start." Spider-Man broke into a dash. Using his spider enhanced legs he cleared the rooftops until he neared the Cosmos Productions building. Aiming carefully, he shot a webline to the front entrance and slid down it to a stunned crowd's applause.
"Spider-Man, I'm here to see Mr. Cosmos." Spider-Man started to stroll through the gate when the guard moved to intercept.
"Yeah, you and half of Hollywood buddy. Get in line first." The guard, a burly fellow with a neck that could crack walnuts, pointed at the block long line of people dressed in variations of his costume.
"Oh brother!" Spider-Man shook his head. "Sorry, but if Mr. Cosmos wants the real Spider-Man, he'll get him!" With that, Spider-Man easily jumped over the startled guard. Aiming his webshooters, he shot a line at the nearest soundstage and easily scrambled up towards the roof.
"Good introduction Parker, but I think I'd better find Mr. Cosmos and fast before I get busted for trespassing." He spied an official looking building near the center of the studio. Shooting a webline to the front door, he slid down. Landing, he was greeted with cheers. "Well, if this gig doesn't work out I can always see if they need another Fairbanks."
He strolled into the office. "Howdy Mr. Cosmos, your worries are over!"
Cosmos glanced at him and went back to his phone call. "Yeah, just another goofball in a cheap costume."
"Cheap?" Spider-Man marched over and easily lifted the imitation oak desk over his head before walking up the nearest wall. "How this for cheap?"
"Morty, I'll call you back. Our star just arrived." Cosmos dropped the receiver.
-S
"So, let me get this straight. You want me to fly out to the desert and fight the Hulk?"
"Not the real Hulk kid, a robot. Our new investor has it all planned. Says it's top of the line. See, in the script you're the chosen hero forced to fight for his life on an alien world. The henchmen of the evil desert warlord lead you to their evil overlord and you and her fight. I already got the location, cameras, dancing girls, and the works all set to go."
"Ok, but what about money? I can't take a check made out to Spider-Man."
"So? Our new boss already thought of that. If you want, we can donate it to your charity of choice or we can just give you cash up front. What do you say?"
"Sounds like you have a new star. Where do I sign?"
-H
Jennifer Ross didn't intend to get involved with gangsters, but her other half had no such qualms. The three men, the Enforcers, had found her alter ego in the desert. From what she could gather, the trio made an offer. Their boss was interested in hiring her; or the She- Hulk at least, and she was tired of waking up in chains in the middle of nowhere.
Ox, the largest of the three, dropped a plate with cold chicken near her feet. "The boss don't want you to work on an empty stomach."
"I'm not hungry." Jennifer would have kicked the plate away if her legs weren't shackled to the surrounding rocks.
"Not for you. We meant the other you." Ox shrugged. "Got to admit, this has to be the screwiest set up I've ever worked."
"Hey, no talking to the help!" Fancy Dan, the self-appointed leader of the trio, stormed into the cave. "We wait until sundown then we let the gray lady go. Until then, no talking! We're not running a sewing circle here!"
"Ah, calm down Fancy." Montana, a lanky cowboy, swaggered by. "Ox didn't mean no harm and it's almost sunset away. What's the problem?"
"The boss wants it done a certain way so that means I want it done a certain way, got it?"
Jennifer felt a pounding in her ears as the sun set. She would have changed into her other self, but their mysterious boss had been dosing her with a strange chemical. No matter how she tried, she couldn't bring herself to become green.
Gray, on the other hand, was no issue. Her muscles swelled all over. Ox, seeing the change, quickly unshackled her. She dropped to her feet as her body grew. Her mind grew fuzzy as the other took over.
"Ha! I love it!" the She-Hulk stretched and stood up. The chains fell away into a clump as she snagged the whole chicken and tore into it. "So when do I act?"
Fancy Dan; who wasn't the tallest member of the Enforcers under normal circumstances, stared up at the gray amazon. "When the boss says so, and not before, got it?"
The She-Hulk dropped the carcass onto Dan's hat. "Yeah, yeah; just give me the script and let's go over this turkey."
A strange humming filled the air. Across the night sky a bizarre figure flew in from the desert. The green and purple clad figure straddled a metal boom with fire pouring out of the end. The masked man laughed madly as he landed and dismounted. "Now this is what I like to see, all my toys on the board!"
"So this is the boss?" the She-Hulk tossed the script aside and walked over to the masked figure. He was dressed in a strange costume with a grinning mask over his head. The green and purple clashed horribly. A satchel hung at his side. The mask's face moved, somehow, giving the goblin face a disquieting realism.
"Ah, and you must be the She-Hulk. You can call me Goblin, the Green Goblin if you please. Or even if you don't." He extended his hand. She ignored it.
"So, we do this fake flick to rough up some punk hero?" She-Hulk folded her arms.
"Not getting cold feet, are we?" The Green Goblin's smile never wavered, but his voice dropped from charming to threatening.
"Naw, but that chemical you used on that weak Ross, you think you could whip up something to put her to sleep on a permanent basis?"
The Goblin was surprised by the question. "Hmm, possibly; tell you what- if you can defeat Spider-Man, then I'll see what I can do."
The She-Hulk stuck out her hand. "It's a deal!"
-S
It had been a busy morning. Checking into the hotel, Spider-Man managed to drag himself away from the four foot thick mattress and make it to the studio on time. Cosmos handed him a script. "We're getting the night shots out of the way first, to save time. Just take the taxi to the airport; we have a jet waiting for you."
"A jet? I thought we were shooting it here?"
"Nope," Cosmos shook his head. "We just arranged for a few square miles of prime New Mexico desert to be isolated just for us. Your ticket is waiting at the counter." He paused for a second. "Well, what are you waiting for?"
"Sorry!"
-H
Betty Ross was sure she'd had a harder time in the desert, but she couldn't recall when. She drove her rented jeep into a canyon and parked it. For some reason, the area surrounding the hills had been closed off by a movie company. The hills were also the last place anyone had reported seeing her mother.
Setting up camp, Betty leaned back inside her tent. "I'll wait until night fall. If I can just see her, then I can follow her back and wait until sunup." She drifted off to sleep.
-S
"Ok, this seems too weird, even for Hollywood!" Spider-Man had been inside a plane, a car, a room, another room, and was now in the desert. A skeleton crew lounged around the canyon. "Why aren't we shooting?"
"We're waiting until nightfall." The unit director fumed. "Boss's orders. You go into that canyon over there and we'll get a longshot with the camera."
"That…that doesn't make much sense."
"Yeah, but this gig pays. It was either this or shoot another plane thriller with Francis, and I'll be damned if I do that again!"
"Don't worry about it. Any mistakes can be fixed in post; now you're going to need to get walking. It's almost dusk. The rest of the cast will meet you there." The unit director none too gently pushed Spider-Man towards the canyon.
"But what about the script?"
"What about it? Be thankful we even have the location kid! Now let's shoot this turkey so we can home!"
So in short order Spider-Man walked through the desert and inside a seemingly empty canyon. "Hello?"
"Hey Spider-Man!" a familiar rumbling voice called out. Three familiar figures walked out of a cave.
"The Enforcers! I have to…wait a minute, those must be the crew!" He tried to calm himself down, but for some reason his spider sense was going into overdrive. "Hey guys, are we ready to shoot?"
"You could say that." Fancy Dan; or the actor playing him, Spider-Man forced himself to think, snickered. "But right now we should get the action out of the way first."
"But the script said we're supposed to team up to fight the monster. Where is it?" The ground started to shake.
"Oh, it's coming." Ox smiled, and Spider-Man began to think the three weren't actors.
A massive hulking figure stomped out of the cave. The gray skinned brute cracked her baseball sized knuckles. The sound echoed like a gunshot. "So, you're the Spider-Man, eh?"
"Ah…you must be the special effect?" Spider-Man dropped into a crouch. He had seen photos of the Hulk, but seeing something like her in person was different. "I don't suppose we could stop the shoot?"
"Sorry kid, but don't take it personal!" The She-Hulk tore a chunk of rock the size of a large car free from the mountainside and threw it at him.
He barely dodged it as Montana's lasso snagged his foot. "Come on, don't you guys watch movies? The hired help is supposed to attack the hero one at a time!" Montana and the Ox both yanked hard, yanking his leg out from under him. With his spider-powers, he managed to stay upright on the one leg, but he was slowed enough.
"Well sorry pally, but we're going off script!" Fancy Dan pulled out two pistols and opened fire. Spider-Man was able to dodge by diving into the dirt. He was still long enough for the She-Hulk to snatch him up.
"Like I said, this isn't personal kid." The She-Hulk squeezed, driving the breath from him. "Just stop fighting already!"
"You don't know me very well, do you?" With his arms down, he shot two weblines at her feet. The webbing covered her bare feet.
"What?" her grip loosened enough for the red and blue hero to slip free. "Cute kid, real cute!" She started to tear at the webbing.
"Four on one. I've had better odds, but I've got to take this to high ground!"
-H
Betty woke with a start. "Gunfire?" She slipped out of her tent. The sun had already gone down. Her body tingled with the usual energy as she shifted into her larger form. Her simple shirt and slacks fell away in useless tatters. Her new uniform, thanks in part to the designs of Janet Van Dyne and the unstable molecules of Mr. Fantastic, shifted with her new dimensions and held steady as she listened closely to the desert night. The white and purple body stocking looked like a futuristic swimsuit, but it held together better than her old uniforms and could be easily worn under almost anything.
"It sounded like it came from over that ridge. Could be nothing, but I'd better check it out!" She broke into a sprint and cleared the near mile in a single leap.
She landed in the middle of a fight. The ground shook with her impact, sending up a blinding cloud of dust. Moving forward, she tried not to show surprise at the sight of her mother fighting Spider-Man. "Alright, you're all coming with me!" She half-growled.
The sight of another gray skinned amazon was enough to pause the fighting. "Dagnabit, how many of them are you?" Montana swore.
"That's the phony with the Avengers!" the She-Hulk spat.
"The Avengers?" Fancy Dan paled. "We can't handle that kind of muscle!"
"You losers won't have to!" the She-Hulk tore another boulder loose. "I'll handle the double. You mooks just take care of Spider-Man!"
-GG
While the fight restarted, the Green Goblin watched with some interest. "Hmm, I hadn't planned for this! With Spider-Man dead, that brainless monster would have followed me without question. But now…too many cooks I think. Better to retire and plan again." He turned his rocket broomstick around and flew away into the night. "We'll meet again Spider-Man, and no amount of Hulks will save you!"
-H
"Ok squirt, you want this fight so bad?" the She-Hulk swung with the boulder. The Hulk easily smashed it to rubble. She dodged the enraged fists easily. Sparring with Captain America had proven rather valuable.
The Hulk held her fists up. "If I have to slap some sense into you, I'll do it."
"I'd like to see you try!" the Hulk snarled and rushed her again. In one smooth motion, she sidestepped the charging giant and drove her into the ground. At once she was on her, locking her arms behind her back.
"Yeah, the madder you get the stronger you get," the Hulk panted. "But it's the same deal for me!" the two titans grappled, neither of them losing or gaining ground.
-S
Spider-Man, meanwhile, had been busy with the Enforcers. Seeing two Hulks slugging it out had managed to demoralize them more than his constant jokes. "We're not going to win this one, are we boss?" Ox managed to wheeze after taking a kick to the chest.
"Shut up! Right now we run. Worry about that kooky giant later!" Fancy Dan fumbled with his now empty pistols. One second later they were webbed to his fists.
"Right now I'd say you've got bigger issues." Spider-Man slapped the smaller man down. Ox jumped behind him and wrapped his massive arms around the smaller hero.
"You're darn right!" Ox started to squeeze.
"Haven't we done this before?" Spider-Man slammed the back of his head into Ox's jaw. The bigger man howled in pain as he dropped the teen and staggered backwards. One well aimed kick to the knees later, Ox was down and webbed to Fancy Dan.
"Ah, heck." Montana dropped his lasso in defeat. "I know when I'm licked." He held his hands up. Spider-Man webbed them together.
"Now, what about our two playmates?" He looked at the two titans locked in combat.
-H
Neither the Hulk nor the She-Hulk had budged. It looked like they might have been frozen forever when the Hulk noticed her mother's hands darkening. The surprise was enough for the She-Hulk to head-butt her. "Weak, like I always thought!" the She-Hulk snarled. Her vision grew blurry. "What's happening?"
With a growing horror, the She-Hulk looked down at her hands. The gray skin was slowly turning green. "What? It's not possible!"
"Please, let me help you!" the Hulk extended her hand.
"And be locked away again? Never!" the She-Hulk turned and started to run. Spider-Man webbed her feet, driving her into the dirt.
Her daughter was on her in a flash. Reaching into a hidden pocket, she pulled out a vial. Popping the top, she splashed the contents over the She-Hulk's face. Her mother howled in rage and tried to tear the webbing off her feet, but slowly succumbed to the chemical and passed out.
"What was in that stuff?" Spider-Man limped over.
"Just something whipped up by the Fantastic Four." The Hulk finally turned her full attention to the red and blue wallcrawler. "Say, aren't you Spider-Man? What are you doing out here?"
"I guess you don't read the papers much, do you?" A thought suddenly struck him. "What a minute, if the Enforcers were real, does that mean the whole picture was phony too?"
As a perfect epilogue, the Hulk helped carry the Enforcers back to civilization. A few quick phone calls later, and the three of them were on a Stark owned plane back to Hollywood. Betty watched her mother's slumbering form the entire trip over.
-S
For Spider-Man, his luck ran true to form. He did manage to take some decent shots of the Enforcers, but when he reported back to the studio, Cosmos simply met him at the gate. "Sorry kid, but with the picture down the tube you don't get paid."
"What? But what about the contract?"
Cosmos pulled a thick document out of his coat. "You didn't read the fine print, did you? It clearly states that you were to receive a percentage of the back end of the overall gross. Since there's no film, there won't be any gross. Any upfront costs were to be deducted also."
"What upfront costs? You never paid me anything!"
"We flew you out to New Mexico, didn't we? We put you up in a swanky trailer, didn't we? Those things cost money kid, and we'll just break even as is."
"I don't even have enough for a bus ticket. How am I supposed to get home?"
Cosmos shrugged his shoulders. "Use your webs kid. Now buzz off, I'm seeing Doris Day about a new feature."
"You wouldn't be related to a guy named Jameson, would you?"
The ground shook hard enough to make Cosmos drop his cigar. "What the?" Cosmos's words were drowned out when two giant women, one gray and one green, marched around the corner.
"We couldn't help but overhear." The Hulk crossed her arms. Arms roughly as thick as Comos's torso, he couldn't help but notice.
The green skinned amazon yanked the producer up. Her grip was gentle, although he noticed how little she strained herself. "We've been through a lot and we'd think it would be awfully kind of you to send us back to New York…say first class?"
"Uh, sure! Sure, whatever you say!" Cosmos agreed. "Go talk to Manny in accounting. I'm sure he'll arrange everything to your satisfaction."
"He'd better." The Hulk narrowed her eyes. "I'd hate to accidentally crash into your studio."
The green skinned amazon dropped him like a sack of garbage. The trio strolled inside the studio as BJ Cosmos tried to regain some dignity. He failed miserably.
An idea came to him as he lay in the dust. "I wonder if Doris Day would put on some body paint? Yeah, get some dancing girls in there, some swinging music…BJ, you've done it again!"
The end
Based on "the Grotesque Adventure of the Green Goblin!", which first appeared in the Amazing Spider-Man I#14 (July 1964) with credits to Stan Lee (script), Steve Ditko (pencils/ink), Stan Goldberg (colors), and Artie Simek (letters)
With extra special thanks to Darci for the proofreading.
Next issue, Hulk VS Giant Woman!
Sensational Lore
They Call Me Bruce
Another great fanfic
From Wolvmbm
Great retelling of Fantastic Four#26, but given her actions in World War II, couldn't Captain America be used in the fight?
All this an upcoming retelling of the Amazing Spider-Man#14 in the next issue. This is truly a great retelling of the Hulk's early adventure, but with several twists or two in them. Now I wonder what will happen when you have this title become the Incredible Hulk? Please do keep up the good work upon such a great series such as this.
Thanks! As for the title, I'm still keeping it the same. There are plenty of Hulk stories to choose from, so don't worry about that.
Tales to Astonish#18-Showdown with the Human Top!
Amazing Fantasy#11-The Fury of Hydra
The Avengers#7-VS the Masters of Evil!