Named after Flares by The Script. Great song

WARNING: underage non-con. You have been warned.

The door squeaked as I opened it. I winced. Great. Gotta fix that now.

'Um,' I muttered, leaning back to give the boy a view of the room. 'I changed the sheets this morning so they're clean. And the towels are in the linen closet.'

The 17-year old clutched his pillow to his chest, staring into the dark void of the room with blank, grey eyes. My breath hitched. The way he stood, his unruly black hair sweeping across his forehead, and how he bit his lower lip, was so like Seiichi's it was scary.

I coughed awkwardly. 'I leave for work at seven tomorrow,' I said gruffly. 'I can drop you off to school if you don't want to take the bus. I mean…you don't have to, I just…'

Shit, that was real sensitive of you, Kensei. After what this kid's been through, you want him to go to school and-

The kid was just staring at me, silent as ever, waiting for me to finish my sentence. I inhaled deeply.

'Look,' I explained. 'You don't have to if you don't want to. It's just an option. Okay?'

He blinked slowly and looked back into the room. He nodded slowly. I gulped painfully. The longer I stayed around him, the more he started to look like Seiichi. I needed to get away from him before I lost my mind.

'I'm…going to bed now,' I said hurriedly. I didn't care if I sounded rude. If I wanted to preserve what little sanity I had left, it was wise to leave quickly. 'Holler if you need anything.'

I closed my door behind me as soon as I entered, my pulse roaring in my ears. Breathing heavily, I leaned against the door as I slowly slid to the floor. I clenched my hands into fists.

I was always bad with kids. Never knew how to handle them. And I sure as hell didn't know how to handle a kid who had just lost his parents in a car accident. Especially when I had been hopelessly in love with his dad.

I got up groggily and looked around. Where the hell was I? Whose bed was this? And why the hell did I feel like I got hit by a truck?

'Morning.' A guy with shaggy black hair and horn-rimmed glasses grinned at me as he pawed through some drawers. 'That was some party, huh?'

Party? I glanced to my right and saw a dark-haired girl curled up on the side. Oh, and I was naked. Guess it was some party if I scored.

'My roommates get pretty wild,' the guy continued with a laugh. 'I don't really mind. Shinji knows how to throw a party. Though it's kinda weird when I find strangers in my bed sometimes.'

Oh. So it was his bed. Shit.

'Ah,' I mumbled sheepishly. 'Sorry about that.'

'No worries. We don't have to be strangers.' Still smiling, he extended a hand. 'Seiichi Hisagi. Nice to meet you.'

I looked up into bright, grey eyes. Some reason his smile made my stomach flip. I took his hand and my palm tingled. 'Kensei Muguruma. Likewise.'

Kid wasn't up at seven. And he'd locked the door. It was still locked when I got back home in the evening. Not surprised. I didn't spot any dirty dishes in the sink either so I assumed he hadn't left the room all day. I guess I should be worried. I mean, I did agree to be his guardian and all. Kinda.

Shit, did that mean I had to share my beef udon? And I was so looking forward to eating it when I got home. I sighed in aggravation.

'Hey,' I grunted, rapping at his door impatiently. 'You hungry? I got some udon if you want any.'

No reply.

'Hey, you gotta eat sometime, y'know? You're gonna get sick if you don't.'

Still no reply. I felt a muscle tick on the side of my forehead. He was really starting to get on nerves now.

I opened my mouth to give the final ultimatum when I heard a noise from behind the door. It was faint but I recognized the sound right away. It certainly shut me up and made me walk away without another word. It didn't take genius to figure out that the kid was crying and just wanted to be left alone.

'Ken, I'm going to do it.'

'Do what?'

'Propose to Kana.'

I almost choked on the udon noodles I was slurping away at. 'You're what?'

'I'm serious, Kensei! I'm in love with her!'

I stared at my best friend incredulously. 'Seiichi, be reasonable. We haven't even graduated from college yet and you're already thinking of marriage?! How the hell are you even going to support her? Have you even thought of that yet?'

'I got a little money saved up, don't worry about it! I just…I really need your support right now. Please? I always feel that when you've got my back, everything is going to be alright. So what do you say?'

He looked at me, grey eyes shining with hope. I swallowed ruefully. What do I say? That I think I'm in love you? That I didn't realize it until you met Kana and I felt really jealous? That you should leave Kana and be with me instead?

I forced a smile. 'I say go get her, tiger.'

'Yo, Kensei, where's Seiichi's kid?' Shinji remarked, taking a swig of his beer.

'Sleeping probably.'

'What? You don't even know where he is?' Hiyori snorted. 'Some guardian you are.'

I refrained from glaring at her. 'He just never leaves his room.'

'Poor kid,' Mashiro sighed. 'I can't imagine what he must be feeling.'

'Miserable? Shitty? I mean, he just lost his parents and is being forced to live with the one person he hates the most in the world. I'd say he's pretty pissed.'

'That's cruel, Hiyori,' Rojuro clicked his tongue and sipped his margarita. 'Can't you see that Kensei is trying to warm up to him?'

'He hates me.' Everyone stared at me. I don't know whether it was the alcohol or just me being too blunt to care. 'Always did. Not my fault he's stuck with me. He can either suck it up or leave. I really don't give a shit.'

A door suddenly slammed shut in the apartment. I winced. Shit.

'You think he heard us?' Rojuro whispered to Love.

Hiyori snickered and raised her beer to me as if toasting to me. 'Congratulations,' she exclaimed. 'You are officially an asshole.'

'Hey, Seiichi,' I murmured. 'Take it easy there, buddy.'

'Really? Can I really take it easy? It's not that simple, Kensei!' he snapped at me. I raised an eyebrow. He sighed and gave me a tired smile. 'I know. You're right. It's just that…Kana is all by herself at the hospital and I…I just feel bad leaving her there by herself, y'know? I mean, what kind of husband leaves his wife while she's pregnant?'

'A smart one. Nobody wants to be in the line of fire while their wife is giving birth. I heard Renji almost lost his arm while Rukia was in there. Practically put him in the emergency room himself.' Seiichi chuckled but tried to hide it behind his hand.

'Thanks. You always know what to say to cheer me up.' Seiichi gazed out the window. 'I'm scared, Kensei. Being a parent and all. Raising a kid. What if I mess up? What if…what if something bad happens to them and I'm not there to protect them?'

I frowned. 'Hey, you listen up,' I growled. 'You are going to be a great dad, you hear me? Otherwise why the hell would Kana be having your baby? She knows it, I know you it, and your kid sure as hell will know it when you become the greatest dad ever. Got it?!'

Seiichi stared at me, shocked. Then he burst out laughing. He laughed so hard he had tears in his eyes. 'God, Kensei, you're amazing, you know that?' Then he gave me that smile; that toothy grin that dimpled his cheeks and made me melt every time. 'I'm glad we're friends. With a guy like you around my kid, I know he'll be in good hands.'

Shuuhei was eating cereal at the kitchen counter when I got home. I expected him to scurry away but he just stared at me. I didn't feel like engaging in a staring contest so I went about prepping a cup of Ramen. I was starving.

'Came out of your hole, I see?' I said nonchalantly. He didn't reply and kept eating. Seriously, he was still mad?

I sat across from him on the kitchen island, ready to dig into my delicious noodle goodness. But the silent tension between us was really ruining my appetite. I clenched my hands into fists and exhaled slowly.

'Look,' I said carefully. 'I'm real sorry about what I said last week. I was a little drunk and said some untrue things. I just want us to move past this and-'

'It's true.'

I blinked in surprise. The boy was staring at me with bright, grey eyes. Seiichi's eyes. My heart leaped into my throat. 'I'm sorry, what?'

'I do hate you.'

My mind was a blank. I mean, how do you logically respond to that?

'Why?' I croaked. Guess that was the logical response.

He stared at his empty bowl before looking up again, eyes hardened. 'Because you were in love with my dad.'

'Oi, Seiichi! You home?'

'Sssssh! Quiet, Kensei!'

'What for?'

Seiichi turned around to face me, face flushed with uncontrollable excitement. There, curled up in his arms, was a tiny, pink-faced baby with a tuft of jet-black hair on its head, eyes closed and mouth ajar. My chest tightened.

Of course. He'd been worried all week about Kana since she had gone into labor earlier than expected. And now here he was, holding that little bundle like it was the most precious thing to him in the whole world. I felt a pang of jealousy.

'So, uh,' I tried to sound casual. 'His name is Shuuhei, huh? Nice, strong name.'

'You think so? I hope he'll live up to it,' Seiichi chuckled, gazing lovingly at his son. 'You want to hold him?'

I paled. 'I, uh, I'm not really good with, uh, kids and all…'

'Oh, you'll be fine. Just hold out your hands…make sure to support the head and legs and…there we go! You got-uh oh!'

Suddenly, Shuuhei started crying. I panicked.

'What did I do?' I yelped, looking at Seiichi in shock. My best friend looked surprised.

'That's so strange. He hardly ever cries,' he mused.

'That's not making me feel any better. Here, take him!'

'Hey! Careful, Kensei! I'll go give him to Kana. You okay?'

'He hates me.'

'He's just a baby, Kensei. How can he possibly hate you?'

I grabbed the sink to steady myself, knees wobbling as I jerked myself off. Blood pounded in my ears, the coil in my abdomen getting tighter and tighter as I reached my limit. I was close, really close. My eyes fell to the sink and I inhaled sharply as I came. Shuddering, I shot ropes of cum on the bathroom cabinets.

I slowly sank to my knees, grateful for the reprieve. Although my mind was still hazy from my orgasm, guilt still hung over me like a brooding cloud. I found myself thinking about the kid again. And how he had every right to hate a despicable person like me.

My eyes wandered back into the sink, now fixed on the smiling photograph of Seiichi sitting inside it. The only photo I had of my best friend before his car accident. The one I kept in my wallet and would look at once in a while wistfully. The one I would lock myself in a bathroom with and jerk off to.

Yup, I was damn despicable.

'Seiichi! You home?'

That's weird. He knew I always stopped by in the afternoons. I even got him his favorite summer snack: natsu temari. He's going to love me for that.

I snorted. Yeah, if only.

I stepped onto the back and smiled at the sight before me. Seiichi was sitting on the steps facing the yard, head resting against a wooden beam, and snoring away. His glasses were perched on top of a book beside him. He'd probably fallen asleep while reading. The heat often got him super sleepy. Chuckling softly, I plopped down next to him on the stairs. He just kept on sleeping.

'God, Seiichi, anyone can catch you off guard like this,' I murmured, brushing a lock of hair behind one ear. My eyes roved over his face. He looked so vulnerable right now, mouth ajar, messy hair, exposed neck. And those lips, those soft, full lips of his. I always, always wondered what it would be like to kiss them.

I licked my own unconsciously. Nobody was home. Kana wouldn't be back until after four. Shuuhei was…wherever. It was just me and Seiichi. Just how I liked it. How I sometimes wished would always stay like that.

I leaned in close, catching a whiff of his scent. He smelt like soap and lime. I loved that smell. Hm, I never knew he had such long lashes…

There was a loud thump behind me. I quickly pulled away from Seiichi, heart beating a mile a minute. I looked behind me and almost had a panic attack.

Shuuhei stared at me, baseball bat in hand. A baseball casually rolled about his feet.

'Hey, so you're home, huh?' I said calmly, trying to brush off what could've been a disastrous dilemma. Though it depended: how much had he seen?

Seiichi woke with a start and almost toppled down the steps when he saw me. 'Kensei! When did you get here? And why didn't you wake me up earlier? Oh God, please don't tell me I was snoring?'

'Nah. It's fine. I just got here so I wouldn't know,' I laughed it off. I half-expected his son to retort that statement but Shuuhei stayed as quiet as a mouse. Strange kid.

Still apologizing for falling asleep on me, Seiichi ushered me inside for lunch. As we walked past Shuuhei he murmured something under his breath. I froze.

'Just die.'

I was fucked up.

Either Shinji let me drink that last shot of tequila or I punched his lights out when he tried to stop me and drank it anyways. Either way, I was piss drunk.

I stumbled into my apartment and looked around blearily. How the hell did I get home? I tried racking my brain but I almost went reeling into the kitchen counter. So thinking was out of the question.

'Who's there?'

I wheeled around. There, standing with a baseball bat in hand, was-

'Seiichi?' I muttered, staggering forward. I was really fucked up. Maybe this was a dream. It had to be a dream. Why else would Seiichi be here, in my apartment?

He frowned. 'What?'

I swayed a little and squinted at him. For a minute he looked like Shuuhei. Then it was all Seiichi again. 'Seiichi' wrinkled his nose. 'God, you're so drunk,' he muttered. Shaking his head, he wheeled around to walk away.

My chest seized up. No, no, no, no, no, he was leaving. He'll be gone and then you'll never get this chance…never get this chance to…

Seiichi yelped as I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind, molding his body to mine. He was so tiny. I didn't remember him being so tiny.

'Don't leave,' I murmured in his ear. My entire body tingled. I was so close to Seiichi. This had to be a dream. I could never do this to Seiichi in reality. It would be too…painful.

I inhaled deeply. He smelled really good. Like soap and lime. Like my Seiichi.

He tensed up. 'Kensei, let me go…please.' He sounded gentle but firm. Just like the real Seiichi would. I felt an elbow dig into my chest. He was trying to push me away. I held on tightly. Shit, his body heat was making me dizzy. If I couldn't think before I was gone now.

I rested my mouth on the side of his neck. And nipped gently. He froze and shivered. My dick twitched. I bit him again, harder. This time he threw all his weight into shoving me off. I staggered back, still in a daze.

'What the hell is wrong with you?!' he demanded. 'I'm not Seiichi, you asshole!'

Was that what he said? I couldn't remember. His chest hypnotized me as it rose and fell with each breath he took. I wonder how he would look like naked?

He cried out in surprise as I attacked him, mouth claiming his in a fierce kiss. He struggled to push me off but I pushed back, knocking him onto the couch behind us.

'Kensei, stop! I'm not Seiichi! I'm-!' he begged. I covered his mouth with mine again, my hands everywhere. He was just confused. Of course he was Seiichi. Who else could he be? And tonight I'll show him. I'll show him why he was my Seiichi.

He sobbed arduously as I thrust into him, each cry peppered with a grunt from me as I drove in harder and faster. The sound of skin slapping against skin was music to my ears. The pink nipples bared before me made my mouth water. And the way his name rolled off my tongue felt like smooth liquor. I wonder how my name would sound coming from his mouth?

'Hey, Seiichi,' I breathed into his ear. He whimpered. 'Say my name, too.'

He turned his tear-streaked face to me, eyes wide in shock and disbelief.

'Just die,' he whispered.

'Seiichi?'

'Hm?'

'Is it worth it?'

'What?'

'Getting married. Having a family to take care of. Doesn't it get…tiresome?'

'Heh, I guess. But…' he smiled languidly, staring off into the distance. 'They're living proof of what love can accomplish.'

Shuuhei hadn't been home in four days. I called everyone: his grandparents, his friends, his aunt; I even called the comicbook store he was always at. Nothing.

'Damn it!' I growled, throwing my phone across the room. The screen cracked. The fuck I cared. I had worse things to worry about. Leaning against a wall, I slowly sank to my haunches and buried my face in my hands.

I had screwed up. I had screwed up bad. Fuck my libido. Fuck my control. Fuck my sense of responsibility. You know what? Just fuck me. I should've known this would happen eventually. God, Shuuhei was a splitting image of his dad. I knew one day I was going to go too far and ruin that kid's life.

When I woke up that morning and saw Shuuhei, I knew what I had done. I had done the most despicable thing possible to a fucking kid. I just…I just…Seriously, what the hell was I thinking when I let Seiichi entrust his son to me?! I was a psychotic bastard waiting to be unleashed. And Shuuhei knew. Of course he knew. It was why he hated me.

The front door slammed shut. I jumped to my feet, heart racing. Was it…?

Shuuhei rounded the corner of the apartment. He froze when he saw me. We stared at each other, not daring to move. I decided to be brave and take a step forward. He instantly stepped back. My stomach twisted. He was afraid of me. Of course.

'Hey,' I mumbled, my tongue too thick in my mouth. 'We should…talk.'

He stared at the floor before looking up, eyes so fierce I flinched. 'Yeah,' he bit out. 'We should. Shall I start?'

I expected a torrent of abuses, possibly some punches. I was ready for it. Instead, what he threw at me knocked the wind out of me faster than a solid right cross.

He slammed a sheaf of papers on the table between us. It read Termination of Guardianship across the top.

'I need you to sign this,' he said coldly. 'I've got an uncle of mine in Nishinomiya who agreed to adopt me. But since I'm still a minor, I need you to sign me over. And I'd rather get it done without any fuss if you get me.'

Basically, he was blackmailing me: "let me go and I won't tell the courts you raped me". I picked up the papers, hands shaking. Nishinomiya. That was a hell of a long way from Tokyo. Did he really want to get away from me that badly?

'Look,' I said, trying to sound as calm as possible. 'I did something horrible to you.' He flinched but I pressed on. 'And there is nothing I can do to take it back. You have no idea how much I hate myself for doing that to you. I mean, I know you hate me-'

'Hate you? I despise you.' He was glaring daggers at me now. I winced. Well, shit. 'And you wanna know why? Because the way you threw yourself at my dad was disgusting and it almost ruined our family.' I blinked in surprise. 'Oh, what, you didn't know? My dad never told you how he fought with my mom all the time because of you? That she told him to stop leading you on but he said you guys were just friends? That they went on that stupid road trip to get away from everything, including you? Did you know? Did you know anything before they died in that car crash? Huh?!'

He was so riled up, tears streaming down his face, body hunched over, chest heaving. I knew there was nothing I could say to deter him from this. His mind was made up. I was a living reminder of what caused his parent's death. Being around me would only cause him pain. But still, I had to try. I promised Seiichi. I promised…

I licked my lips. 'Shuuhei, please…'

'I'm sorry,' he cut in and truly sounded sorry. 'But I'm not my dad. So just…let me go.'

I looked at his face, teary and pleading, and then down at the papers. I sighed and massaged my forehead. 'Alright,' I finally said. 'I'll sign them.' I forced a smile. 'You win, Shuuhei.'

He stared at me. Then he forced a laugh. 'Bastard,' he spat out, grabbing his backpack off the couch and stomping out of the place without looking back.

'Kensei, promise me something.'

'What?'

'That if anything ever happened to me and Kana, you'll become Shuuhei's guardian.'

I choked on my lemonade. Why did he always catch me off guard while I was eating something? 'I'm sorry, what did you say?'

'I want you to become Shuuhei's legal guardian if anything happened to-'

'No, no, I heard what you said. I'm just having a hard time understanding WHY you just said that. Are you feeling alright in the head, Seiichi? Because in case you haven't noticed, your kid HATES me. With a passion. So unless you want to punish him, I don't think I'm the best option. Why not pick a relative? Wouldn't that be better?'

Seiichi gave me a bemused look and shook his head. 'It has to be you, Kensei.'

I threw my hands up in confusion. 'Why me?'

'Because you'd be able to show Shuuhei what it truly means to live.'

Shinji squinted at me. 'You've drinking, haven't you?' he sighed, exasperated.

I scowled. 'No,' I mumbled. I was lying. I had two shots before Shinji got here.

Shinji grabbed a seat next to me at the kitchen island. He slowly pried the glass from my hands and patted my back. 'Take it easy, Ken,' he murmured soothingly.

I rubbed a hand over my face. 'He wants me to sign papers handing him over to an uncle in Nishinomiya,' I mumbled. 'Nishinomiya, Shinji.'

Shinji whistled. 'This kid is determined, ain't he?'

'No kidding.'

'Kinda like his old man, huh?'

I winced. 'Yeah…' I stared at the vodka bottle in front of me. 'Seiichi was wrong, Shinji. He thought I'd be good for his kid. Turns out I'm worst thing that could ever happen to him.'

'Kensei…'

'Oh, just admit it, Shinji. I just ruined that kid's life. I broke his parent's marriage, I scarred him for life, and I just broke my promise to his dad. Some best friend I turned out to be.'

I rested my head against the countertop. I felt so lightheaded. 'Y'know, when Seiichi asked me to be Shuuhei's guardian, I thought that maybe this was my chance to do something right for once. Seiichi saw something in me and was so confident that it was what his son needed in his life. And I believed him. Because he believed in me. And now…' I scoffed and looked up at the ceiling. 'I'm sorry, Seiichi. I couldn't protect your kid like I promised. I'll always be that sad bastard who was too cowardly to confess. Shuuhei is just…better off without me in his life.'

'Hey.' I looked at Shinji. Tears were streaming down my face. He let me rest my head on shoulder as I sobbed uncontrollably. I was so out of it I even thought I heard a door opening somewhere in the apartment. I knew it was just me. No way Shuuhei would want to live under the same roof as me anymore.

'Hey, Kensei, where are you? We're about to leave for the funeral,' Mashiro exclaimed over the phone. 'Hiyori, don't you dare take that dress off!'

'I'm not going.'

'Yes, of course you have to wear it! Huh? I didn't hear you. What did you say, Kensei?'

'I said I'm not going.'

'What do you mean you're not going?! It's Seiichi, Kensei! You guys are best friends! What'll his family say? Shinji, talk to him! He's being unreasonable!'

'Hello?! Kensei, what the-!?'

I shut the phone on him. Then I switched off the power. It was so quiet I could hear my neighbor's TV blaring from the other side of the wall. I buried my face in my arms and stayed like that until sunset.

'Here.' I pushed the papers across the table to Shuuhei. 'I managed to finish them this morning.' He looked over them. He had this weird look in his eyes, like he was in a daze. 'If you need me to sign anything else I'd be happy to do it for you.'

He didn't say anything for a beat. Then, without warning, he ripped the papers. I stared at him in horror.

'Shuuhei, did you just-?!' I uttered in shock.

'I knew there had to be a reason,' Shuuhei said slowly, 'why my dad chose you. At first I didn't get it. But then I overheard you last night and it all makes sense now.'

My face grew hot. He heard me last night?

'C'mon. We gotta go somewhere.'

I stared at him. 'Where?'

'My dad's grave.'

Since the funeral I hadn't taken one step in the graveyard. I don't know why. I think just facing his grave would solidify the fact that Seiichi was really gone. I may have accepted that he was dead but it hadn't really sunk in yet. Being there, walking towards his grave while his son tugged me along, was so terrifying my legs were wobbling. I don't even know how I managed to leave my apartment and make it there without breaking down.

We stopped at this little monument with a raised column inscribed with an epitaph. Prayers on bamboo planks feathered out behind it. A small bowl was perched on a ledge with a stick of incense, smoke still trailing from the end.

'Here we are,' Shuuhei mumbled. I suddenly felt a stab of fear.

'I-I can't do this,' I stammered and tried to leave. But he held my hand tightly.

'Hey, dad,' Shuuhei said aloud, eyes fixed on the grave. 'Guess who's here? I thought he'd never come but you knew he would, huh? After all, he's your best friend. The greatest friend anyone could ever ask for, you always said.'

I really didn't want to be here. I felt like I was invading something private. But the kid had an iron grip. But maybe…I let him keep me. Like I knew I had to be here.

'You know, at first I didn't get why you liked him,' he continued. 'Why you would fight with mom for him. For a long time, I hated him because of that. But now, I understand why he was worth it.' His voice wavered, like he was trying not to cry. 'He really loved you, huh, dad? So much that he would do anything for you. Would always put you first before himself. That's what you wanted me to see, right? What it's like to truly love someone. Not for recognition. Not for reciprocation. Just love for the sake of loving.'

I almost forgot to breathe. I was just watching this kid in amazement and wonder as if it was Seiichi himself talking right in front of me.

Shuuhei turned to me, eyes brimming with tears, and smiled at me for the first time in his life. For a brief moment, I saw the shadow of Seiichi behind that smile. 'I get it now, dad,' he croaked. 'I get why this guy was so special to you. And don't worry. He's keeping his promise. I'll make sure of it.'

I watched in silence as the boy wiped his tears away. Seiichi, if only you could see how much your son has grown you'd be so proud of him. The guts it must have taken him to bring me here and confess like this. I don't think I could ever do that.

'Hey, what are you waiting for?' Shuuhei said thickly, stepping back from the grave. 'It's your turn.'

My eyes widened. 'I couldn't-oof!' He shoved me forward. I stared at the gray column. Hisagi Seiichi. Loved, cherished, remembered. Three words that summed him up perfectly. There was nothing I could say that could add to that.

The boy squeezed my hand and I realized he was still holding it. And it hit me why I was here, why I stayed. And why Seiichi had picked me.

'Seiichi, you bastard,' I laughed. 'Thought I would be a mess without you, huh? Well, you were right. Guess that's why you wanted me to watch over your kid. Or more like, wanted him to watch over me. Well, I gotta tell you, you've got one helluva kid. Here I am a blubbering idiot from losing you, and then there's your kid who's lost everything and still has fire to fight for what he wants. That's what you wanted me to see, right? That shit happens. You can't get what you want. But you still fight. You fight to your last breath and then you keep fighting. Told ya, didn't I? Told ya you'd make a great dad. You'd be so proud of Shuuhei right now. Hell, he's not even my kid and I have so much respect for him.'

I laughed again. I laughed until it hurt. And that's when the tears started. Someone was hugging me from behind and oddly enough it was comforting. 'I'm sorry, Seiichi. I'm sorry I wasn't there for your funeral. I'm sorry I couldn't protect Shuuhei. I'm sorry…I'm sorry…'

I let it all out. Everything I had been holding in since I heard about the accident. Shuuhei just held me, patting my back and muttering soothing words. It hurt like crazy and I felt damn vulnerable. But I needed this. I needed to come clean in order to move on. Because I had a promise I needed to keep.

We finished paying our respects (aka I managed to finish crying like a baby) and left the graveyard. I told Shuuhei I'd buy him natsu temari on the way home. He said he would like that. He held my hand all the way back to the car.

'Seiichi, do you think we'll ever change?'

'What do you mean?'

'You know what I mean. You've got a family and a great future ahead of you and I…I don't even know if I'm in that future.'

'Hey…' Seiichi gently bumped shoulders with me and smiled. 'Whatever happens, I'll always want you to be part of my life. So promise I'll always be part of yours?'

I looked at my best friend, my rock, my advisor, my reason for living. I knew if he had asked me to jump over the moon I would do it without even batting an eye.

I grinned. 'Yeah. I promise.'