~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~My Only Tears~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Petal fly down as if tears
Fall is coming
The trees seem to be crying because I cannot.
How many tears will fall...
Before I see her again?
Natsume put his book and pencil back in the 'grave' and stood up.
The 'grave' read:
My soul lies here. The darkest secrets of myself.
Don't recover unless you want to die in the flames of h***.
~Pervert~
He walked away, leaving his poem book he called 'My destruction' away for another day.
Finally away from the sakura tree, he could breathe again.
Yet the air was cold, empty.
He wrapped the scarf around his neck and mouth and began to walk to his dorm.
He was greeted with stink.
Of course- he hadn't cleaned his room in a while.
It was messy yet not messy.
Since he doesn't do homework or anything.
He wrapped his scarf back around his face and left.
He went to Ruka's door and knocked once.
When he opened the door, he was a mess.
As usual.
His eyes were dark with bags under them from sleep deprive.
His hair had no order whatsoever, going all the over place, and it was black in many places.
His clothes were in shackles.
"Trying it again? Give it up, Ruka. She won't come back." Ruka returned to his work, leaving the door open.
Natsume let himself in and felt his heart clench at all the machines and animals in here.
Ruka always skipped school like Natsume, but unlike Natsume, he actually did something.
He worked. On a machine to bring Hotaru Imai back, the girl who got lost in time when trying to save Natsume.
Hotaru Imai, the friend of Natsume's love.
Both of them were heart broken- the loves of their lives were out of their reach.
They could only ever hope that they would all see each other again.
The animals were all helping Ruka, and many looked sick, like him.
There were plenty of machines, some of which were Hotaru's.
The ones that Ruka used to help him.
Unlike most of them which were used as examples, there were a few who actually HELPED him.
Like the old model of Mikan.
Ruka had made a model of Hotaru to quench his longing and to advise him.
Natsume knew Ruka wouldn't be able to bring Hotaru back, but however many times he told Ruka, Ruka wouldn't believe him.
Ruka never talked anymore either. It almost seemed as if he no longer knew any language.
He may go 'hn' or nod, but no words would come out of his mouth.
Natsume, however, was full of words. Koko was always overwhelmed now with Natsume's thoughts, and though he didn't say much still, it was still more than usual, and there was very good vocabulary.
Natsume only ever went to school for tests- he doesn't want to drop out or be held back. He wants to get out of Alice Academy as soon as possible, so he can see Mikan on the outer world.
And he brings the tests to Ruka, so he can take them, but all the tests Natsume gave him are in a pile in the back.
He says he doesn't want to leave until Hotaru's back.
Natsume breathed deeply through his nose, wished Ruka good luck, and left.
He went back to the sakura tree and dug My Destruction out again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Wilting Ruka~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He's obsessed.
He barely gets any sleep, working day and night.
He doesn't do any tests or ANYTHING.
He's a flower wilting.
He's a flower with no pollen to cover himself with.
With her gone, he is insane.
He is a mad scientist,
Yet he has no knowledge.
He is dumb, thinking he can bring her back.
Once gone, there is no returning.
Even for me.
When I died, what was the price for my life?
Two and a half lives.
What will happen to Ruka when he actually succeeds?
He is blind-sighted,
He only sees his obsession,
As if he had a flashlight that only shines on ways to get her back.
He is troubled.
He is a flower with no future.
His name proceeds him,
But soon it will not.
The 'ruka' will soon die,
It's obvious.
To everyone except the Ruka.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Fruit of Light~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fruit, that is what she is.
But when the fruit rolls away, what will become of you?
The only fruit that seems to fill you up.
You will go hungry.
And you will die.
When someone has two fruit to choose from,
And they choose one but then give it to one more needy,
They choose the other.
But when the other disappears from that time,
What do they do?
They obsess to find the fruit.
When two strong trees become wilting flowers,
What do they do?
They lean on each other
And tell each other they'll get food and or reproduce soon.
Obvious answers.
But what would you do...
If your light went away?
And you could not feel without it?
I only ever cared for Ruka, before she came.
She lit up my world,
And I began to feel again.
But then, the light went out.
She ran out of energy,
And had to go away.
Now, I cannot feel, once more.
Now, I cannot see, once more.
I cannot hear,
And I cannot smell.
I cannot taste,
For she is gone.
Natsume took a deep breath through his nose and put My Destruction back in the grave.
He stood up and walked away.
-November 27 (his birthday)-
"Natsume?" he heard Koko call. "Natsume, it's me, Koko. Come to class today, at least, okay?" He grunted in response, which meant no. "... O-Okay..."
Natsume sat up, waited for Koko to leave the hallway, and left himself.
To the sakura tree.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Without Her~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Celebrating your day of birth,
It's normal.
But would you still do it if you were supposed to be dead?
And if you are dead inside?
Without her, I am nothing.
I have said that before.
Without her, I am just a beast with no motive or food.
I am a shadow with no objects to block the light.
I am a flower with no sun.
I am a dancer with no song.
A vampire with no blood.
A painter with no paint.
A teacher with no students.
A worker with no talking.
I am nothing without her.
I am just a shadow,
Without anything to reflect.
I am absolutely...
Nothing.
He put My Destruction back in the grave and walked away to his room.
When he entered, he was greeted with confetti.
He walked over to his bed as if nothing had happened.
"Natsume? Uh, it's your birthday..." He grunted in response.
I know...
-Christmas-
"Natsume? Are you in there? You should come to school. Today's an important day..." Natsume heard Koko on the other side of his door.
Turning on his side, away from the door, Natsume grunted.
"No, really Natsume- it's Christmas!"
Christmas...
"Oh... If you... don't want to come, alright..."
Natsume sat up and put a shirt and pants on. He walked outside once he knew Koko had left and went to the sakura tree.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Christmas Lips~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas. A night we kissed, once before.
The night we confessed.
We only ever did kiss on Christmas, didn't we?
Yes, we only kissed on Christmas.
But this Christmas, I do not get her lips.
I get loneliness and emptiness.
I get a heart ache bigger than ever before.
Because it's Christmas,
And she still is not near.
I will come home to presents from those who care,
But unfortunately, I cannot care back.
My feeling is all lost.
I am too cold to find my way home.
Too cold to feel the arms around me.
Christmas will now be a h***
Because without her lips,
I am nothing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Her Birthday Alone~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soon shall come her birthday.
Even though it will not reach her, I will write her a card.
In here.
It is one of the poems in this book that may not be depressing.
But who knows,
It may be the most depressing yet.
Good bye for today-
I must mourn,
For her lips are nowhere near.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Where Mikan is-
A while from Alice Academy, a girl feels empty, hollow.
It is Christmas- she should be happy!
But nowhere is she happy right now.
Her lips especially.
They feel empty, small, tiny, lonely.
That is what she feels throughout her whole body.
She opened her presents, and loved every one, but her heart wouldn't be happy.
She wondered what it was.
Did it have something to do with the two years she'd lost?
Did it have something to do with 'Mr. Bear'?
She had no clue.
But she wanted to figure out.
"Mr. Bear," she cautiously walked up to him while he was sweeping. He didn't stop sweeping.
"Mr. Bear, can you take me to your birth place?" His head went up, and he looked at her. He put away the broom and began walking away. Mikan followed.
Mr. Bear took her to a train and in a giant city. She had no idea where she ever was, but she followed Mr. Bear nonetheless, keeping a close eye on him.
Finally he stopped, and Mikan looked in front and then up.
A GIANT gate.
She tipped her hat up and stared.
Whoa!
-With Natsume-
Aside from wet dreaming, visiting Ruka, taking tests, eating, and writing poems, Natsume goes to the gate once in a while.
Sometimes he tries to get over, and sometimes he doesn't. Either way, the guard is always staring at him if he comes.
But today when he looked at the guard, he was looking somewhere else. He followed the guard's eyes with his own and stared the same way he had been, emotionless, unable to comprehend.
There stood what looked like Mikan.
He walked up, "Hello?"
-Mikan-
She hadn't heard when the husky voice had said 'hello'- she was too entrapped in the giant gates.
"Hello, who are you?" the husky voice said, and she looked back down.
There stood a boy about her age- eleven -with red eyes and raven hair. He had two earrings, one earring on each ear, but they didn't match. His clothes were messed up- his shirt was wide open and his jacket covered nothing but his shirt. Also, his pants were not zipped, and his boxers were down a LOT. He had no shoes or socks.
Mikan couldn't stop staring at his THING.
Natsume noticed this and followed her eyes.
His penis was out...
"Um, sorry," he said, putting it back in and zipping his pants.
"It's p-pretty cold out- w-why was that... o-open...?" Mikan asked freaked.
She'd NEVER seen a boy's thing before, and now she saw some stranger's!
"I guess I didn't think much when I got dressed."
He was talking so casually... He seemed... empty.
"So who are you? Why are you here?"
"Um, I'm Mikan Sakura, and uh, this guy, Mr. Bear, led me here," she gestured to Mr. Bear, and to her surprise, he nodded.
Usually, he only ever moved in front of her grandfather and her!
"The (whatever alice cuz I forgot the name *x* )?!" the guard lightly exclaimed.
"No, Mr. Bear's a gift," Natsume said lightly. He was focusing more on how MIKAN just saw his d**k, and it was really producing bad thoughts.
As if he didn't have enough bad thoughts with her just BEING here!
"Mikan, do you wanna come in?"
"Uh, is this like, some kind of rich person's house?"
"No, it's Alice Academy. Did you forget how to read when they wiped your memories," he spat the last part as if it was poison.
She puffed her cheeks, "I know how to read!"
"Polka, come in. Guard, open the gates."
"You're not authorized-"
"Tell Narumi Mikan's back. I doubt he can stand leaving her here right now." The guard sighed and went away. Natsume turned back to Mikan and saw her looking to the floor.
"Polka, polka, polka... Kya! When did you see my panties?!" she covered her skirt with her hands.
He smirked, "You're wearing them today? Wonderful. I love those the most." He leaned on the gate, his hands the only thing contacting it. "But I saw those a LOOONG time ago, when we first met."
"Wh-What? How?!"
"'Cause they fell off your butt. I waved 'em in the air in front of Ruka, Narumi, and Misaki, remember?"
"Wh-Wh-"
"MIKAN!" they heard, and suddenly, something whacked the gate right before it opened.
"Narumi, you idiot! Wait 'til the gate opens!" Misaki came running with a wooden katana and helped Narumi up.
"Mikan, it's so good to see you! I've missed you!"
Mikan just stared blankly as the man with blonde hair tried to fight his way to her. Natsume just watched.
"Polka, let's go," Natsume took her hand and dragged her away.
"DARN YOU, NATSUME! GIVE ME BACK MY NIECE!" Narumi screamed, helplessly.
"SHE'S NOT YOUR DA** NIECE!" Natsume screamed back.
He unconsciously ran to the sakura tree and pushed her against it, smirking.
She'd seen HIS d**k.
He licked his lips and moaned, sucking on her neck as she moaned involuntarily.
"Wh-Who... nnn... a-are... ahhh... y-you...? nnnm..."
"Who am I?" he whispered on her neck, making her shiver. "Natsume Hyuuga," he smirked proudly, "Your fiancé, your panty-taker, your bra-puller, your," he kissed her neck, "little," he kissed her cheek, "pervert," he kissed her mouth hungrily.
He licked her lip, asking for entrance, and when she didn't grant it, he nibbled on her lips, harder and harder until she finally groaned, opening her mouth.
His tongue immediately went in and wandered, making her involuntarily groaned as he moaned.
"Soo good, I love you, Mikan..." he moaned within her mouth.
Taking saliva with him, he sexily took his tongue out, and Mikan finally realized how amazingly hot this guy was.
And it did feel right...
As many guys asked her out, she never felt right to say 'yes' as if she liked someone else.
But with this guy, she feels ALL right.
"I'm gonna f*** you 'til the end," Natsume said and resumed kissing her passionately.
Mikan finally decided that Mr. Bear HAD brought her here, and it did feel right, so she concluded...
This guy, she must have loved.
She started kissing back with all her might, letting her inner feelings take over.
It was as if it was just them.
And it was the past her getting through; it was as if she had her memories back, yet she had no memories whatsoever.
"Mikan," he moaned as she let her own tongue wander his sweet, dark caverns.
"Natsume," she moaned in return, and he smiled as her eyes widened.
That was her own bodies doing; even though Natsume had told her his name a few seconds ago, that was nowhere in her brain at that moment.
She DID know this man...
Natsume licked his lips, "It feels so good to hear you say that again. My name."
"Uh-Ah-Um-"
"Relax, it's fine." He pecked her lips, "We do love each other after all. Remember when we confessed? Christmas? In that palace place? Remember," he smirked at the memory.
"W-We confessed?" her face turned into a tomato.
"You're just the same, Polka. You're still embarrassed over it," he chuckled extremely lightly. "You said you heart'd explode if you kissed me again, so I asked you to confess, and you said that would make your heart explode, too, but you did it anyway. Then, even though you said you wouldn't, you kissed me," he pecked her lips as he placed his hand on her breast, "Yet again." Mikan was breathing heavy now.
She was too in love. She just wanted to melt in his arms.
She didn't remember this man, yet she knew him.
It was so confusing, but her love was too strong. She was barely conscious of the confusion in her.
"Polka," he moaned on her as he fondled her breasts. She moaned in response. He nibbled on her neck as he continued, and Mikan moaned louder.
"Natsume..." they heard, and immediately, they turned to Narumi whose lips were quivering. Natsume's eyes were wide as soon as he heard his name, for he knew what was coming.
She would have to leave.
"Natsume, I was being rational. She needs to leave, I'm sorry."
"Let her stay. Can't she? Just because she doesn't have one anymore? That makes no sense! She used to have one!"
"Natsume, the reason they're secret is because when you DON'T have one, it puts you down."
"We both know her! She'd still fight!" he argued, facing Narumi all the way now.
"Natsume, she would learn soon enough and be extremely depressed-"
"I can't take it!" he argued again. "We're ENGAGED, Narumi- we traded the stones! How can I- How can we be together when she doesn't know? How can I live with her without letting it out? I have temper, Narumi, and there's no way-"
"You'd just have to not marry her, if you really can't stand it."
"..."
Natsume stayed still. He'd been avoiding that answer, and Narumi said it so plainly as if it never mattered.
Natsume turned dark.
"F*** you, Narumi. I won't let her even hold hands with another boy."
"Being possessive of someone you can't have? Natsume, that's rude to Mikan-chan." Natsume gritted his teeth.
"She's mine. She always will be. She always was. I will marry her, I don't care."
"Natsume, even if we have to pry her from you in your sleep, she needs to go."
He was quivering, shaking, with anger and fright.
He just saw Mikan again, and she already had to leave?!
He turned to her and gritted his teeth.
"Natsume, this is better for her."
Mikan saw a single tear stream his right cheek, and he immediately wiped it away.
"Fine," he snarled. "But this first," he began to raise his hand, but Narumi immediately yelled 'later'. Natsume kept his hand up but did nothing more.
Narumi sighed in relief as the guard escorted the shocked Mikan away.
As soon as Mikan left their sight, Natsume used his alice, and Narumi's face erupted in flame. He screamed and ran away.
Natsume sat down and took My Destruction out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Short Meeting; Short Return~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christmas present or Christmas curse?
My light came today, and she was the same, bright as ever.
But it was only for a little while.
Long enough to kiss her passionately, taste her lips.
Long enough for her to say my name.
Long enough for us to be wrapped within each other's warmth.
But not long enough for us to get any farther than a little touching.
Her breasts have not changed even a millimeter.
I love her, that's all there is to it.
Narumi wants me not to love her though.
Like that could ever happen.
Mikan is MINE. Nothing will change that fact.
But even still, Mikan left. She was taken away by a guard.
I hope Mr. Bear will stay with her. I hope they will take no memories from her.
Narumi's face was burned by the flames of h***, like they should've been.
Will Mikan ever come again? I hope she will.
Will Mikan remember me? She better, or some people will burn in h***.
Will Mikan still love me?
That question is of upmost importance.
Does Mikan still love me, though her memories are gone?
Or did they return? Or are her feelings...
Still burning brightly...?
Natsume dug his book back in and laid down against the grass. He peeked through the leaves and branches of the tree to the sunlight, though he didn't see it well.
It was all dark in his world, though his mind was mostly bright.
Though the core was dark.
He had been brightened by her visit, by her lips, by her LOVE.
But the light from her was soon to vanish.
-January First-
Natsume sat on Ruka's bed, watching.
Ruka put two wires together, and it blew in his face, but he continued as if it never happened. He changed one of the wires and put them together. A spark. He smiled brightly, for he knew he was getting close.
He traded that wire for another and put those together. He screamed as a light blinded him as Natsume watched without flinching.
Ruka peeked out of his arms and smiled so wide, so bright. He started pressing buttons wildly.
Suddenly, another light flashed through the room, and now neither flinched.
The light dissipated as something took its place.
A girl. With raven hair. No emotion. Violet eyes.
It was Hotaru Imai, Ruka's lover.
He'd done it.
He'd brought Hotaru Imai back to the present.
He and his lover were back together again...
But Natsume and his lover were not.