Just in time for Valentine's Day. Depending on your current mental state right now, it might be what you expect, but then again, maybe not. You'll have to read to find out. ENJOY!!!
I'm Movin' On - By Rascal Flatts
They stood in the doorway in complete silence. Nothing more needed to be said, they had already said it all. They both looked to the ground, back at the street or just to the sky... anywhere except at the person who was standing before the them. After a silence that stretched over mere minutes, but instead felt like an eternity, she finally spoke. "Well... I... uh.. I guess I should go." His response was short and simple. He gave her a slight nod in agreement before he finally found the strength to speak. "Umm... Yeah... I have to finish packing anyways." He wanted to say more, so much more, but he knew it was no use. She had made her decision and there was nothing he could about it now.
Her gaze slowly rose from the ground beneath her and onto the man before her. Even as she was telling him goodbye... quite possibly for good this time, he still had the power to make her melt as no one else ever had. She gave him a sad smile and he tried to do the same, but the hurt he was feeling just wouldn't let him muster up the strength. "I'll miss you." She instantly regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. Just add that to the long list of a million other things she was now regretting... ever coming over, ever kissing him, ever entering that damn contest, but most of all... she regretted having been put this in this situation where she was faced with an impossible choice... one that despite her final decision, someone, mostly her, would be hurt.
He stood there, almost in disbelief that she, the one who had just ripped out his heart when she decided that her life would better off without him in it, could ever actually miss him. Naturally, she wasn't surprised with the gruff response he gave her. "Yeah... I bet." Tears were now threatening to fall from both of their eyes. Well, truthfully, they had been for a while, but now they were both losing that battle. She ignored her mind that was yelling for her to run as fast as she could away from him, and instead stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace. "I will." She softly reassured him as she started to sob against his chest.
No matter how bad he felt and how much he wanted to hate her right then, he still couldn't stand to see her cry. "I know, Girl. I know. I'll miss you too... more than you'll ever know." He said the last part under his breath, hoping, more like praying, that she wouldn't hear him. They held on to each other for another few minutes, before they finally released the other. Neither really wanted to let go, both knowing that it would be the last chance they would ever have.
She wiped her eyes before she turned to walk away, more than likely, for the last time. She quickly stopped just as she had started to walk away from him, unable to leave him like that. "Goodbye, Tommy..." She weakly called to him as she looked over her shoulder back towards him. "Goodbye, Girl." He softly replied, repeating her words, using the name that would both greatly miss. No matter happened, she would always be his girl. She started to walk away again, but his call of her name made her stop and turn back around. She was frozen in her place, anxiously waiting for what she knew was coming. "I'll always love you, Jude." Unsure of what to do or say next, she did the only thing she could. She smiled at him, but not a false, artificial smile. This smile was instead purely genuine, one that made his heart ache as it had many times before.
For a moment he wasn't sure what she was going to do, but inside he silently prayed that she had changed her mind. Sadly, his prayers were not answered. Just before she turned back to the street once again, her eyes met his for the last time and she spoke her final words to the man she knew that she too would always love in return. "Take care of yourself." And with that she was gone from his life forever.
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
An hour and a half later Tom Quincy finally stood up his previous place on the floor. He had been sitting there, leaning against the inside of his front door since she left him. He sighed and wiped his eyes with his palms before walking back to his bedroom to continue his packing. He started pulling out more clothes out of his dresser and roughly tossed them into the suitcase sitting on the foot of his bed. He looked around and saw reminder after reminder of her... pictures of them together, various gifts she had given him over the years, even songs they had written together, but decided not to release. Everything almost mocking him, just cruel reminders of how happy he once had been, how he should have treasured every moment he had spent with her, how he would never have those moments back and how he would never feel that wonderful again. Every scribbled and scratched through lyric telling him he had truly lost his love and inspiration once and for all.
He had been so optimistic before, so sure that she would pick him. He knew that he had made many mistakes with her in the past, too many to recall in fact, but he never thought that after all of this time that she could still hold it all against him. The truth was, she didn't pick Jamie. She didn't pick anybody actually. She just couldn't trust him, and he understood why. The funny thing was, he had finally come clean with her about all of his sordid past, but it just wasn't enough. It was too little, too late. The damage had already been done.
He had to admit that somewhere deep down, he had actually expected this to happen. He hadn't been graced with much luck in his life, so he knew that the odds were against him from the start. Love had never worked out in his favor in the past, so why should now be any different?!
He knew he knew that what happened to Angie was his fault. No matter what Portia and Darius may have done, he was also to blame. Yes, he had loved her. But once again, time had not been on his side. Then it was just a matter of he met her when he was already taken, married to the sister of his manager and, for all intents and purposes, his boss. He should have ended things before they began, but he, much like Angie (and to be completely honest, Jude), was impulsive to a fault and dove head first into what would be one of his greatest regrets. Not because she cheated or intentionally hurt him. No, that time his love had resulted in the ultimate death of the one person he truly cared about.
After the loss of who he at the time had thought was his one true love, he decided to close himself off from the world. He was going to live the rest of his life for her, in some attempt at redemption, to one day gain her forgiveness. He vowed to never love again. So, that resulted in him returning to his promiscuous playboy ways, refusing to open his heart up to anyone. And he did a pretty good job... for a while at least. Having sordid affair after affair, not really caring who the faceless woman ended up being, just as long as she got his mind of her... for a little while at least.
Things were going along according to plan until one day he met a fiery, young red-head named Jude Harrison, who changed his world forever. No matter how much he tried to avoid it, to deny his true feelings for her, he soon realized that he had fallen head over heels in love with her.
Naturally, time was not on his side once again. This time, she was seven years his junior. Seven years may not seem like that much of a difference, but to someone who was in their business, it meant a lifetime of experiences between them. He was already so jaded by what his "fame and fortune" had brought him, while she was still so innocent and optimistic. He swore he would not be the bearer of that rude awakening for her, that he would not be the one to show her that what she had always dreamt of up to that point was really a nightmare and something that she would one day later regret. Sadly, despite his numerous attempts to protect her from harsh realities of "the business", and to be honest, from himself, he failed miserably.
He always thought it funny, he was his own self-fulfilling prophecy. His attempts to prevent the unthinkable only further assisted to ensure its inevitability, he had just added more fuel to the fire. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how good his intentions, he just always seemed to make things worse. While Jude had been strong enough to deal with the business, what she hadn't been able to deal with was his constant secrets and ultimate denial of his true feelings for her. But what she didn't know, what he knew would change the way she saw him, inevitably came back to threaten them both in the end. His feeble attempts to protect both her and himself had actually caused his ultimate undoing.
But none of that mattered now, he had lost her... and for good this time.
Slowly he rose from the bed, and resumed his packing once more. He would do as he promised her... He would leave, never to bother her again. No matter how much it hurt him, deep down he knew it was for the best... for her at least. He knew he would never be the same again. Yes, it hurt like hell when Angie died, and truthfully, it still did. But Jude?... Jude was different. She left by choice. She knew who he was deep down... She saw the real him, the one no one else knew... and she rejected him. She turned her back on him and what he felt for her, what they both truly felt for each other. She preferred to live a life without Tom Quincy in it, and that's what hurt the most. But no matter what, no matter how much it pained him, he would keep his vow... He would leave her be, to live her life without him as she wished.
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
Through his turbulent past there had been few constants along the way. There had been his best friend, Kwest, who had always been there for him since early in his career when he was recruited into 'Boyz Attack'. Honestly, besides Jude, Kwest was the only other person who really got him, who understood him. The sad part was that Kwest saw it all coming. If only he had listened to his friend's warning those few years ago. He saw how Tommy was falling for Jude, even if Tommy didn't want to admit it. For him, the prime example was the Viper, Tommy's baby. As he told 'T' on Jude's sixteenth birthday when he had giving her a driving lesson as her present, "You let Jude pilot your ride and I can barely scam shotgun." That was enough proof to know his friend was smitten. Then, barely two years later he would have that talk with Tommy again. This time telling him how if he was ever to get Jude that it would be the worst thing to ever to happen to her. Boy was he right... Because of him, she had almost died.
Mrs. McCaully, had been there for him from day one, helping him to become a better man, always encouraging him and being his number one fan. If only she knew what he had done with his big chance, how he was wasted it all and inevitably ruined his life amongst many others. But he never told her the dark side of fame, of the late night parties where booze and practically every drug imaginable were as readily available as water or oxygen, or of the countless women he had "entertained" along the way. The way everything was practically thrown at him, what man could resist? He had eventually come to believe that if the good did in deed die young, as he had always been told, that he would in fact live forever. After the death of Angie, he realized that no truer words had been ever been spoken. It still amazed him how Jude survived their whole ordeal with Hunter as she was as good as it gets. But he could never tell Mrs. M any of this. He couldn't bear to disappoint her any more than he already had.
Then there had been Darius, his long time manager and friend, or so he had thought. He would later be proven wrong on that one. Other than them, he had maybe a handful of people that you could call friends, but none that he was really close to, and none that knew the true extent of what he had gone through back in the day.
After his parents kicked him out, he had bounced around through the system before he found Mrs. M. and made Toronto his new home. It wasn't too long after that Darius discovered him and skyrocketed him to his ultimate celebrity status. But even throughout all of the touring and rises and pitfalls of fame, it had always remained his home and where he heart truly lied. But now, here he was, packing up everything he owned, never to return. He would give it all up, but only for her. He would do anything she asked of him, anything to make her happy. After all they had gone through, he owed her that much.
I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
"That's it! No more wallowing in self-pity." He shouted to himself, determined to make the best of this. He knew that he wouldn't be anywhere near okay for a long while, but he had to keep from falling apart. He had to be strong, if not for himself then for her. He knew that she could never truly be happy knowing that she had caused his ultimate downfall.
Besides, who knew what the world held in store for him. Now that there wasn't much left for him in Toronto, he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. Maybe he'd go out west to L.A. as a few of his industry buddies had been begging him to for years now. He had considered it in the past, but he had a lot of things going for him at the time, namely Jude.
No, L.A. lived the life that he had desperately tried avoid. He was no longer interested in getting stoned out of his mind, and sleeping with a different model every night. The playboy of the past was gone, and he never wanted to see, let alone be that man again. Now, years later, he had truly grown, mostly due to her good influence on him. He was no longer the silly boy who dreamed of being famous, now all he wanted was to find someone to love who loved him in return. He now wanted what he had once thought was a boring, pathetic existence, he wanted to settle down and start a family. It couldn't have surprised anyone more than it did him. He now wanted it all, but sadly, he only wanted it with her. He had never wanted any of that before, not after his own failed childhood, at least that was until he met her. She truly had changed everything, she had changed him.
Maybe he could go back to Quebec? Back to his once childhood home? Even after their whole falling out, his parents still left everything to him. He never went there, but knowing that it was still there brought him some small comfort. No, he couldn't go back there either. There was even less for him in Quebec than there was in Toronto. Well, except for a lot more bad memories. Memories that he still struggled to forget.
In the end he would eventually find his way to Montreal. He had thought about visiting there numerous times, but with the busy work schedule that he secretly loved, he never got the chance. He had heard tales of how uniquely different, but just as inspiring, their music scene was. He thought he'd give it a shot and see where life would take him.
One thing was for sure, he couldn't go to Thailand as he had originally planned. In all honestly, when he planned the trip, he had only envisioned taking it with her. It seemed unthinkable that she could have chosen not to go with him. If he was to go on as originally planned, it would just end up being even more painful for him, all the while knowing that everything he did, everything he experienced, was meant for her. It would just end up being yet another constant reminder of her, and that was the last thing he needed.
He would just take everything one day at a time, not looking or planning too far ahead, and refusing to live in the past anymore. He had done more than enough of that already, wasting too much time focusing on things that he had no control over, things that he couldn't change. But there was one thing is could control, something he could change, and that was him. He refused to be the cole-hearted, closed-off, self-loathing man he used to be. If nothing else good came from their relationship, no matter how it had ended, at least she had taught him the error of his ways. She had made him want to be a better man.
If she had been right about all of those things, about him all of this time, he wondered what else she could've been right about. Maybe he would find someone new, like she wanted him to. Maybe he would move on. Maybe he one day would be happy once again. He sure didn't see it as a possibility in his immediate future, but who was he to argue with fate. All along he had felt like he had little control over his life, why should now be any different?
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
Looking around his now almost bare bedroom he sighed once more. That was starting to become an annoying, yet repetitive occurrence these days. After zipping up his suitcases, he drug them into the living room so he could start packing that up, what little he wanted to take with him at least. The rest?... Well, he could always give it to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. He would probably just have some auction house sell it off and donate the proceeds to the charities instead. One of the few perks of fame he supposed. Anything that had once been owned by "Little Tommy Q" would be sure to rake in the big bucks. Besides, the charities could do more with the money than with his old junk anyways. At least there was some good to come from his misery, he could help out a lot of the less fortunate.
Hell, what did he need the money for anyways? He was still getting royalties from not just the music, but also from the vast amount of merchandising from his 'Boyz Attack' days. He was definitely set for the rest of his life to say the least, so why would he need the couch or comforters that smelled like Jude. He could always buy more "stuff", the last thing he needed was more reminders of her. What he did keep of "hers", or more of them, was small enough to fit into a shoe box. It would be easy to ignore on a daily basis, but he could bring it out when he really needed to... when he needed to remember.
His many cars? Well, Kwest had taken a few off of his hands already. Like his motorcycle, he gave that to Kwest long before he even knew G-major was even closing. The Porsche, well, he had sold that trying to get rid of Hunter. He needed cash fast and it was the weekend, so the banks were closed. The rest, not that there were too many more, would either be sold or given to random friends... all except one, that is.
The Viper? That one was a tough decision. He couldn't exactly take it with him, and it meant way too much to him to just sell it. It was the first big purchase he made once he had made it big, the first thing he really had that was his own. So, Kwest was currently holding onto that for him, with very specific instructions of course. After he was gone, he was to give it to Jude. She was the only one who could truly appreciate it. She knew what it meant to him, and he knew that she would never sell it. He would have given it to her himself, but he knew it would've been too hard on the both of them. Besides, she wouldn't have taken it... not now at least. But maybe by the time her next birthday came around... Maybe by then she'll have made peace with their past just as he was trying to. Hopefully, she would accept it and take care of "her" as he truly knew she would.
Maybe one day things would be different... Maybe one day she could forgive their past and give him another chance? He knew deep down it was useless to think such things, but a man can dream... Right? Maybe one day he'll come back... Maybe one day he'll be welcomed back.
I'm movin' on
One day... maybe. But for now, he wasn't welcomed there. He didn't belong there anymore. Toronto and all the people he loved were now growing further and further away as he drove down the highway. The bright city now becoming a dim glow in his rear view mirror. A few more hours and it would just be a very distant memory. Deep down he knew that no matter how far he drove that he would never out-run her memory, that she would still hold his heart captive, even if it was against her will. It was those thoughts that plagued his mind as he did as she asked him to, he was moving on.
I'm movin' on