Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha, don't sue. I'm flat broke right now…damn movies
Heyo! I have reposted the first chapter of Relationships since I could see some stuff wrong with it and because I wanted to get back into writing! Therefore…welcome to the First Chapter of Relationship! Or until I find a better name…-sulks-
Chapter 1
Rin
The only way that I could possibly describe this, is that it is an odd relationship that breaks all laws of logic, the one that he and I share, with Jaken in the background. He hates humans, and he hates them unwaveringly so, so that no one can doubt that what he says is true. But I who should believe him most of all, doubt it, for he has often shown odd mercy towards them which was not mercy unless they could understand how it was mercy. He allows them to continue life without obliterating them for he is not a demon that kills merely for the joy, he kills because they get in his way. For my lord makes no exceptions and if that was true, why I'd be dead on the spot you see.
Yet if I'm wrong, and if I am it's not much of a surprise, it is altogether too easy to see why he hates and looks down on humans so much. His kind, that is to say youkai are generally faster than humans, more powerful than us, and in most cases, more beautiful and far cleverer than we could ever hope to be(yes, Jaken and other lower classes are an exception). From nearly every angle that you could look at it from, youkai are the human's superior, and if the phrase, survival of the fittest were true, then we, the humans should never have been able to survive this long without the mercy of the youkai. Yet, think of it this way if you would, in a strange and bizarrely distorted way, we human's think the same as the youkai do; we are superior to insects and plain animals, we look down on them and choose to crush or kill them, but sometimes they bite back. In this way, the youkai look at us humans exactly the same way that humans look at the poor, dumb creatures.
Yet while we pitiful and weak humans may be so inferior to the youkai, I cannot help but think that if we should try to reach an understanding, that we will see that when dissected to the core, the humans and demons are not as different as we may like to think. However much the demons may hate humans, I can not deny that the humans despise and loathe the youkai in exactly the same way.
They also agree on some points such as the fact that most ningen and youkai agree that they simply cannot live together in peace, that they are more superior than the other and that the other deserves to rot. However, I must say that youkai are more, how shall I say, civilized about such things, as they will merely kill the ningen because the humans disgust them. Humans make such matters so very complicated, they cannot give a simple reason as to why they kill and loathe the youkai, they did this, they did that, this person told them that this happened, and that they are impure and should be purified, therefore being sent straight to hell. There are two points to the last statement that I would like to discuss with my lord, if we should ever have the time...and if he should agree which is highly doubtful.
The first point that disturbs me somewhat, is the bold and self righteous statement that demons are impure. How conceited and proud can we inferior creatures get, to condemn demons as being impure when we are just as sinful as they are? Everyone is just as impure as the other, there is no point to judging wrong for wrong for no one is ever completely in the right, and there are even youkai purer than we I believe. My own kind looked down upon and abused me and human bandits stole from me my home, my village, as twisted as it was and chased me to my death which the wolves finally brought upon me, yet it was an 'impure' and 'dirty' youkai that saved me from the depths of death and despair and youkai who have watched me for the past years; who then I ask of you, youkai or human, is the tainted one in that equation?
Then I wish to know why it is that a youkai automatically deserves to be sent to hell, and yet they also like to say that a demon is soulless. Yet, to my limited and admittedly naïve knowledge, if one should be headed towards hell then a soul is indeed required. What a unique paradox this turns out to be then, is it not, and how unfair if being born as a youkai condemns one to be sent to hell for a 'crime' that they could not control. However, my theory is that humankind and youkai are once more in similarity, as they both posses a consciousness which will allow them to make their own choices which they will be held accountable for, and it is these decisions which will decide the rest of their fate, although I can only imagine what my lord's and Jaken's faces would look like if I should tell them this theory of mine.
From the very beginning, my lord and I have known that this relationship of ours was damned from the very, very start, due to its incongruity. A taiyoukai who is most known for his blatant disgust of ningen and a resurrected human girl whose fear of humankind is far more potent than her fear of youkai, traveling together with the guise of nothing more than human servant and lord youkai. Then there is Jaken who stays at our Lord's fortress more and more, due to his inevitable age and the new found responsibilities he has stumbled upon who claims that I am useless but cares for me nevertheless.
Our correlation has always been an uneasy and bumpy road and so many others with the intent on separating the two of us, and though my lord acts as though he doesn't care what should happen to me, he still comes after me, to save me from whatever may get in my way. I have been kidnapped when my lord was lured away by the threat of war or as a distraction, nearly killed when I'd wandered too far from my lord, and killed when my lord had first found me and with his grace and mercy, he has saved and rescued me from whatever harm I may have been in. In return, I have given him next to nothing, with only a smile, a heartfelt thanks and a bouquet of flower which he receives with an almost undetectable nod and stashes them away somewhere.
Despite all the odds however, he is mine just as much as I am his. He may consider me however he wishes, his property, his servant, his companion, his entertainment, it matters to me not at all, just as long as he continues to allow me to follow him forever, and so I am his, and he is mine, my liberator, my lord, my savior, the only person in this whole world who cares for me as well as master Jaken. We coexist awkwardly but determinedly, despite what anyone else may say, despite the border between youkai and human, right or wrong.
So how can I say otherwise; I love my lord far more than I could have ever loved my family by blood, my fellow humans, I value my lord far more than my life or my mortal soul. I really must thank Kouga once I get over my fear of wolves, if it weren't for him, Lord Sesshomaru would not have let me follow him. But yes, if he should ask me for my short life or my human soul I would give it to him willingly, as long as I could remain by his side forever for if he should ever leave me I fear that this heart of mine will break and shatter so that it could never be forged again, not even by the most expert smiths.
It's impossible to hide anything from my lord though, so I believe that he already knows, but though he may know, he never tells. I have loved him since he revived me, since I saw something like family reflected in him, the love that one may have for a guardian. Yet in time, my love has evolved into this, something heart wrenching, something that makes my heart throb and most likely implode on itself one day.
Every time a female demon, a lord's daughter, or just a regular wench passed by and flirted with him shamelessly or when his time of heat came and I was sent away for maybe a week, I felt like shrinking out of sight so that no one could see the anxiety haunting my eyes. My heart would begin to race faster than any animal's when it was running from its hunter and this would last for hours, for days until I was united with my lord again, and when my lord had turned that cold, disdainful gaze upon the females, then my heart would slow down with a breath of relief. Yes, sometimes they hurled curses at his human companion who lacked all the womanly charms that he should desire, he would glare at them, effectively shutting them up before turning away to walk away with me at his side. He always had an amused expression in his eyes when he turned back to me those precious moments, as if letting me in on a secret just between him and me.
But in his own way, his own unusually subtle way I think he loves me in return, just enough I think so that I, but no one else knows. No fairy tale endings exist for the two of us though, no matter how I wish it were so, thus keeping me in anxiety until I can tell him those tender words proudly and wait for his answer, which in all honesty, could be anything . There are no secret and sweet kisses in the dark for us, no sweet murmurs of charming nothings, any compassion and affection for me in every moment is severely lacking and we know that my lord may not always be able to save me, powerful though he is. We know we can not acknowledge our love for each other at this moment if it even exists on his part, not like his half brother Inuyasha and his lover Kagome, or like their companions, the demon slayer and the lecherous monk.
No, the unacknowledged love that we hold for each other is silent, not recognized, merely there, waiting in the shadows. Anyone else, I believe, would go altogether crazy, in this kind of relationship without knowing for sure of the other party's feeling and give up without the devotion we both hold for each other. I nearly go crazy in this whack job of a relationship at the smallest signs of affection, me presenting him with a bouquet of flowers (much more neat after I learned the art of flower arranging I must say) him accepting it quietly and tucking it away in his obi, him killing for me and my honor which is also in a way his.
We both know however, that this love must remain secret until the end of my life comes, or until we should find a way to match my lifetime to his, or perhaps, although this is almost impossible, to make his heir youkai. It drives me up the wall and I cannot help but I feel half mad knowing that we're so close that with a simple move I could embrace him to me, tightly, but yet we're universes apart.
Moreover, there are times such as this, when I feel my frustration reach its peak and where tears begin to sting my eyes with disquiet and raging torment so that sometimes I want to relinquish this love, if only to grant me peace, but I know if I were given the chance, still, I would not give it up. In times like this though, night eventually arrives, covering the world with its dark blanket and a fire must crackle to bring warmth when the winds are cold and the moon is silent, hiding behind clouds. My lord sees though, sees that I am fit to weep and catches me off guard, by wrapping his arm around me and draws me close to him, to his chest which is strangely absent of his armor, so that my head rests against his chest. And so I lay there with his once absent arm resting around my shoulders heavily, I close my eyes tightly and bury my head into his clothes and breathe in the absolute and overpowering scent that is my lord, and as I reflect, I can feel, as well as hear, his heart beating steadily with as much might as he possesses and gently it coaxes me into a healing and gentle rest which soothes my frustrations and quiet the raging storm within myself and then I find that I can wait again. I would never, ever trade anything in this world for our affiliation, for I know that one day we can be happy, though it will not be in the way that other people consider happiness. Then perhaps, maybe I will be allowed to soothe the silent sufferings of my lord, just like he's soothed me all these years.
Hah!This will actually go somewhere as well, and please enjoy. Okay, so here's how it's going to go. Three POVs, one in Rin (done), one for Sesshomaru (in progress), and one from Jaken, and then the story'll really begin. Oh, and PLEASE review.