This came into mind while watching Blame It On The Alcohol, and wondering "what if Burt had found Blaine and Kurt doing something much, much, much worse?" (insert evil, maniacal grin here)

And so, this fic was born! (hallelujah chorus)

It is rated M, for a little bit of boy-on-boy and a hell of a lot of potty-mouthing, because apparently both Kurt and Blaine are sex gods ;)

Oh… To be a fly on the wall…

Enjoy~

"Blaine, if you do not get out of the car right now, I will not kiss you for the next week."

Needless to say, Blaine got out of the car.

"But, Kuuuuuurt!" The shorter boy whined to his new boyfriend. "As soon as we tell your father we're dating, I'm dead! Dead! Destroyed! This is a tragedy! Wah!"

Kurt cast a baleful eye onto the melodramatic teenager before him. "Just get inside. We still have some time before everyone gets home."

The couple made their way into the currently vacant house. Kurt had convinced his father to allow Blaine to attend a Friday Night Dinner. Burt had been reluctant at first, particularly with the knowledge that this boy was the same as the instigator of The Sex Talk Incident. Yeah, you know the one. It has its own capitals.

However, the gruff older man had finally relented after Kurt had used the full force of his puppy dog eyes on him.

Puppy Dog Eyes.

Nobody was safe from that. Least of all, Burt (and, recently, Blaine).

"So," Kurt began as they entered his perfectly organized room. "Dad and Carole will be getting home at 6. Finn around the same time, I believe, although with him… You never know…"

Blaine grinned childishly, circling the room with his arms spread wide. "What you're saying there is that, I have…" he checked the digital clock on Kurt's beside table, "…an hour and a half with my beautiful, perfect, gorgeous, amazing, perfect, fabulous, perfect, sexy, perfect boyfriend, all alone?"

"That about sums it u-umpf!"

At that moment, Blaine had thrown himself at the elfin boy with lust burning in his eyes, latching onto Kurt's hips and throwing them both onto the bed, lips attacked.

"B-Blaine, what ar- Oh, oh, oh god! Do NOT stop doing th-that!" The darker haired boy, sucking on Kurt's earlobes, was only too happy to oblige.

Kurt shifted slightly, to get to a better angle in which he could slide his hand up Blaine's shirt, and let out a very manly squeak as Blaine's arousal met his.

Well, no wonder people did this all the fucking time. Engh.

Very quickly, both boys were reduced to a pile of hormones, sweat and groaning.

"Oh, g-god, Kurt. Why are you so damned perfect? Mffh," Blaine gasped into the writhing boy's ear, thrusting into his boyfriend unashamedly.

In the corner of Kurt's awareness (which, admittedly, wasn' veryt much while Blaine wasfuckingdoingthatomigod.), he registered the slamming of a familiar car door, but passed it off as nothing, in favour of continuing to nibble at Blaine's chestneckstomacheareverywhere.

He idly wondered where his shirt had run off to as Blaine edged a hand towards the hem of his pants, but passed it off as currently irrelevant because holyfuckingfuckblaine'.

So, naturally, neither boy heard the heavy clunking of boots that signified the presence of one Burt Hummel, nor the accompanying clip-clop of Carole's fabulous new shoes courtesy of Kurt, both on their way up to greet the two boys under the assumption they were studying, or watching Tangled, or basically anything other than 'resodamedperfectandithinkI'mabouttocum.

"Hey, boys, we're home ear-" That was when the door swung open, revealing Burt, with Carole peering over his shoulder, standing in the hallway.

And, of course, Kurt and Blaine in the throes of teenaged-hormonal pleasure. Blaine's hand working furiously under the cover of Kurt's pants (which were still on, thank the heavens for small favours), as the glasz eyes boy writhed and squired under him, while Blaine rutted against Kurt's thigh with abandon, both moments away from a glorious climax.

Time froze for a few moments.

Okay, a lot of moments.

Carole threw her hands up to her mouth, gaping in shock (and, okay, she'd admit later: a hell of a lot of amusement).

Burt slowly but surely turned the shade of red which usually accompanied the death of a daughter's horny boyfriend. (which… Blaine effectively was. This was gonna suck, Blaine thought passingly.)

Kurt shrieked in absolute horror, pulling a blanket out from beneath him and throwing it over himself and Blaine.

Blaine, with all the dignity and dapperness in the world (although his bright red cheeks indicated otherwise), cautiously took his hand out of Kurt's pants – awkwardawkwardawkward – and cleared his throat.

"Well, I… Mr Hummel… At least I can't get him pregnant?"

Kurt facepalmed.

Carole burst into laughter, leaning against her still frozen husband.

Blaine smiled nervously.

And at that moment, Finn bounded cheerfully up the stairs, home early as well (why in the HELL is everybody home so early? Kurt demanded of no one in particular).

"Hey, guys, Rachel had to go out with her dads, so I'm home early, too! Hi, mum, what's for dinner? Burt? Um… Hey, Burt? What's going on? Can I see- WOAH HOLY SHIT OKAY."

Kurt slowly sunk underneath the blankets, moaning in embarrassment. "Portal to Narnia, appear… now. Okay, now. … Nooooow."

Blaine eyed Kurt sceptically. "At least they can't kill you," he murmured bitterly.

Finally, Burt cleared his throat, apparently now capable of dealing with what he'd just come across his son and the new perver- boyfriend doing.

"Carole, would you mind going down and starting dinner? Remember, we've got a guest, so make extra. I'll be down to help soon." Carole nodded, eyeing her (apparently, plotting) husband curiously.

"Yes, dear, "she replied hesitantly, passing her shocked biological son as she made her way down the stairs.

"Finn," Burt turned towards his second son. "Do you know where I keep my shotgun? I can't go get it myself. I have to stay here and make sure Blaine doesn't try to escape out the window."

Blaine paled.

Kurt paled.

Finn snorted in laughter and mumbled, "It was nice knowing you, Blaine. Kurt, maybe you should evacuate the war zone?"

Blaine sunk further into the mattress.

Burt smiled cheerfully, stepping into the room. "Now, Blaine… It's time you and I had a little chat."

Oh, the things I do to my two favourite boys. It's all done out of love, I swear (more evil grins)

So… as of now, it's a one-shot. However, if enough people are in favour of it, I might write a two-shot which explains the fate of poor Mr. Anderson and his adorable boyfriend.

It's up to you guys!

Hope you enjoyed it I really enjoyed writing it!