I don't own any of the characters. They'll all belong to Hajime Isayama.

1. Emptiness

I woke up, heavy breathing, my heart racing inside my chest. The nightmare was vivid, like no other before. Worst tan usual. It felt just too real, too frightening. I closed my eyes, trying to calm down my pulse, to convince me that it wasn't real. But maybe it was better to stay in the nightmare than to wake up and crash into reality.

I still couldn't get used to waking up alone, in a bed too big and too cold for me. I can taste cigarrettes and alcohol in my mouth and its gross, but not as much as the sticky, dirty sweat sensation all over my body. The last time I took a shower was...three, four days ago? Before, I'd never let my self do something like that. But now…life was a mess. My life was a mess. Everything was getting worse and worse, without even giving me a break to digest it. I felt lost, whacked, as if the universe was decided to fuck me up.

I got up with a grunt, trying to clear my throat a little, hurt by cigarrette's toxic smoke and the constant feeling of choking. It was early in the morning, not even nine o-clock. But people outside was already busy, ignoring other people's misery. Like me. They were running, having breakfasts, being happy. And I was there, almost dragging myself into the kitchen, looking for a half-clean cup. When it was the good times, the coffe would be already poured into cups and some cheesy but catchy song would fill the house. And she would be there, too. Making pancakes in exchange of a good morning kiss. But shit happens. She wasn't there and she'll never be again. Now she was just a constant part of my imagination.

Coffee tasted like shit, but I drank it up. I took my pone from the counter, the screen flashing with never ending messages and missed calls from my lawyer. I dialed the number and before I could think about anything, he answered.

-I've told you countless times that you have to answer my calls, Levi…

-What do you want? –I asked, not in a mood for a lecture. I heard him sigh and some papers being moved or folded.

-There's a new testimony. I got it one hour ago, by fax. –he said. –I need a new one, from you. Just-

-What? No. I've already gave you my testimony, and I did it like ten thousand fucking times. What can I say to you? –I said, frowning. A new testimony? At this point? That was just pure fucking bullshit. These people just wanted to see me rotting in a cell, I was sure about it. –I've told you what happened that night. And it was the whole truth. What I said is what I know.

-Levi –he made a pause, as he was choosing his words carefully. –I'm doing everything I can to help you and convince the judge you're innocent. –I knew this one. From memory. I could be mouthing his entire speech. –But there's a lot of witnesses against you. Everybody thinks you did it, that you-

-I did not killed her. –I hissed, insulted by the mere insinuation. –I'd never laid a finger on her and you know it. You've checked the schedules, you saw the proofs by yourself. –I continued, looking at the kitchen's ceiling. It had some mold stains. –If you want me to repeat what you already heard and know, I will. –I agreed with a heavy sigh. I had nothing left to loose and I wasn't lying.

-Listen, Levi. Homicide is a highly punishable crime. There are testimonials against you and, even if we got proofs, there's nothing settled yet. –he explained and I felt like blood boiled in my veins. –You know that there's nothing that proves or disproves who killed her, but you're the first suspect. You were the last one who saw her alive.

I remained silent for a few seconds. I mumble some kind of goodbye and hung up. If I could've kicked Erwin's ass for being so useless, I swear I've already done it. Multiple times. But that would left me without a lawyer. And nobody could care less about what I was saying if it wasn't written down in a fucking paper, signed by some burocratic pigs. I had enemies everywhere, people hated me. Fuck, I couldn't even go out without having some asshole insulting me or calling me a murderer. They didn't understood a damn thing. Yes, I was the last person who saw Eren alive. Yes, they found her body three blocks away from my house, inside a plastic bag, in a dump. Yes, her friends said she said that she was with me. But I didn't killed her. The mere idea was sickening. I loved her, I would never…

My phone rang again. Not Erwin this time.

-What do you want, four-eyes? –I answered dryly.

-You to open the door, maybe. I passed by Denny's when I was coming, sooo…I had the idea of sharing my breakfast time with you. –Hanji's voice sounded calm, a little annoying, as always, but…like nothing had ever happened. I thought twice before I stood up and go open the door, finding a big shit-eating grin and a plastic bag with the restaurant's logo in it. –Orange juice, some waffles…and bacon! –she chirped, coming inside my house. Hanji was annoying, irritating and fucking noisy most of the time. But she was my last true friend. She was the only one who haven't rejected me and she didn't made a single comment about the mess of a house I had.

-I thought you were working. –I said quietly, cleaning the table so she can put the breakfast there. I heard her laugh and it sounded weird and distant. Long time has passed since I heard someone laughing. –If you keep slacking you'll end up fired and I don't want you here crying and bitching about it.

-I didn't slack off! Moblit is covering me. Besides, I can't leave you alone, shorty. –she answered, taking out of the bag the white containers. I could smell the bacon and my stomach made an awkward, very loud sound. –See? You'll starve to death if I wasn't here to take care of you.

-Such a helpful soul. –I mumbled, but food was food. Weeks have been gone since the last decent meal I had. My diet was based on a frozen-instant foods line, so this kind gesture was appreciated. I went back to the kitchen to search for clean forks and in the meantime, I heard some thuds at my door, which I ignored. Hanji noticed them too and she asked me about them. –Just some fucking brats throwing eggs. It's the usual. –I handed her a fork. –They do this from a couple months now. Twice a day. I have to go out and clean it by night or the fucking things will rot and God have mercy of that fucking smell.

-Isn't a little bit too early for Halloween pranks? –she asked. I shrugged and I cut a piece of bacon. Heaven knows that when I tasted it, my stomach had an orgasm.

-At least they stopped with their stupid graffiti shit on my car and the front walls. –Hanji looked at me with disbelief, but I wasn't lying. As son as the rumour spread, every single fucking morning I had to deal with an obscene gesture painted on my car or in my dor. I was mad at first, but I learned to ignore it and they gradually stopped. The only things that remained were the eggs and, sometimes, even spits on my door. I was a pariah and, hell, they were putting some effort in making me know that. –How's the business going? –I asked after and awkward silence.

-Quite normal. It's been so relaxed…It seems like people doesn't need some aspirines or medicines anymore. –she explained, smiling. They way Hanji had to smile to me made me feel normal, like if nothing had happened. I've never had a lot of friends, but her (even as the noisy, annoying fucking mess of a woman she was) was the closest friendship I had. Erwin was my friend too, but since he turned into a burocratic pig, licking some even more burocratic asses, we were not in the same wave. But…it was still nice having someone who trusted you. –What about you, Levi? I saw some stuff outside your garage.

-I'm thinking about selling. –I mumbled, cutting a piece of waffle. –I have too much liabilities. My old man told me about a friend of his who likes to buy shit like that, so…

-Even the motocycle?!

-I can see no point in having it anymore. Town's roads aren't made for it. –I wasn't being too sincere about my reasons to sell all my stuff. I just wanted to throw away all the thing that reminded me of Eren. –Besides, I haven't used it in months. It's just a waste of space.

-I thought you were going to open your workshop this summer. –she said, quietly. I knew Hanji meant no hurt but her words were too heavy for me.

-No one wants to come where the killer is, Hanji. –I pointed out, leaving aside my fork, feeling no more hunger. She opened her mouth to say something, but she didn't. –If I have some extra Money after I pay the bills, I'll go out of this shitty town. Erwin said that cleaning my files it's kind of difficult, but not imposible. I only have to wait. I can't stay here anymore.

-You can't? Or you don't want to? –she asked, looking for my eyes. Her voice was pretty serious. I hated when she stopped being a crazy-ass woman to turn into a normal, serious woman. I din't answer and I took again my fork, pretending I was going toe at some more. –I know it's been hard, Levi… -she started. –But it's been three months. I trust in Erwin's habilities to take out of the swamp, so you don't have to leave…Your family is here.

-But she's not anymore. Eren was my home, Hanji. And she's gone. Forever. I have no good reason to stay here. –my voice was too cold, too dry. –I'm just drowning on my own misery and I don't want that… okay?

-…I guess you're right. –she sighed, smiling at me again. Nobody could make change my mind about my decissions. I wanted to leave and that's what I was going to do. –Well, I have to go now. –she pulled out her chair and stood up. –Moblit deserves a rest. I'll call you later, okay? –I nodded. She looked at me for a few more seconds and I could see some pity in her eyes. She left in silence and I heard her making some disgusted noises when she saw the eggs splattered all over my door. But I didn't care. Not anymore.

Well, first times are the best times...I guess? This is a translation for a fic I have in this same account. It has some liiight changes, but it's basically the same thing. Glad to have you here, reading. All the reviews and nice stuff are welcome. I hope you're ready for some angst, frustrating and confusing fanfic. Any questions or doubts...you can message me. Have a nice day!