Ianto's Grand Adventure.
One -
Ianto's whole being was shaking with anticipation as he waited for the appearance of the TARDIS by the double doors leading into the garden. He was so excited he could hardly contain himself because he was just seconds away from the start of his biggest most exciting birthday surprise ever.
He loved birthdays; his favourite food, people and presents! Christmas and celebrations were special too but birthdays were super spectacular important because all the focus was just for him and milestones were even more special.
And today he was 150 years old. Jack had explained the bad man had done something that meant he was going to live a very long time. Jack had explained living a long time was a curse and a blessing. The curse meant that he got to live while all those you loved died. So, it was lucky that those who followed were just as nice and loved but had still made him sad when he thought of all those who were no longer here. And the blessing? More birthdays and celebrations with all his favourite people and Jack.
As always, when Jack had asked him what he wanted he found it very hard because in truth he had everything he ever wanted or needed. He had Jack, all his friends and could buy anything his heart desired or go anywhere in time or space. So, it had really been tricky to think of something super fabulously special. Then it came to him; Jack was always telling him about his adventures with the Doctor. Jack had had loads of adventures.
Ianto creased his forehead in thought. Apparently Ianto had had load of adventures as well but no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't remember a single moment of any of them. So, what he wanted was an adventure with puzzles he could work out, exciting surprises, with loads of different parts; some scary, some funny, lots of running around and where everything turned out all right in the end. As he thought about it he expected he would get very hungry, grubby, and get extra tired. He smiled to himself; that's how you always knew you had had loads of fun because you were tied, dirty and hungry. Enough to eat an entire birthday feast, he hoped.
He looked at the clock. It was almost time and his stomach turned over in excitement. Looking at the clipboard in his hand and looked down the extensive list to check everything important was sorted.
First on the list was a single name: 'Bobby'. Bobby was all tucked up all safe, sound and happy with the other ferrets. Bobby hadn't had a lot of fun considering the horrible place he had come from. So Ianto was determined the rest of Bobby's life was going to be filled with lashings of good food, play, cuddles and friends. So his instruction was to give Bobby extra lovins.
Ianto smiled, knowing what he had prepared for all his ferret friends. Jack had said their adventure was not a place for ferrets so Ianto had prepared a special treat he called, 'Tube Heaven'. An extra special treat where they could all run around, chase each other, play and hide and seek all day till they were tuckered out.
'Ready?' Jack snaked his arm around Ianto's waist
'Just checking my list,' Ianto replied seriously.
Jack enjoyed Ianto's excitement. It was his absolute pleasure to grant Ianto his birthday wish. But trying to find something that would fit the criteria for what Ianto's adventure would entail had taken almost as much time as Ianto had taken to design and build his tube monstrosity now taking up a huge amount of room in the garage.
To appear genuine the adventure had to appear as spontaneous as possible. Fingers crossed Ianto would never know it was a fabrication. Jack felt a little mean but real adventures with the Doctor had habit of getting out of control. If it was real the odds were high Ianto would be hurt and the last think he wanted was for Ianto be injured and long life aside he could still be killed. So, something that seemed real was the next best thing.
A familiar sound caught their attention and the TARDIS began to materialise. Ianto jumped up and down, clapping.
'Now remember,' Jack said. 'The Doctor looks different and he has two new companions, Rory and Amy.'
'Yes, but the TARDIS is the same?' Ianto checked.
'The outside yes, but the inside may be different,' Jack added as the TARDIS door opened and a man with a bow tie and red fez with a tassel stepped out.
'What a strange hat,' Ianto said as the Doctor reached them.
'Fezzes are cool,' the Doctor said
'What's fezz?' Ianto asked, not able to take his eyes of the red object on the Doctor's head.
'It's a hat,' the Doctor replied.
'I've never seen a hat with a tassel,' Ianto commented.
'All set to go?' the Doctor now asked.
Ianto shook the offered hand. 'Yes, I have everything I need for adventures in my fanny pack.' And he opened it to show the contents. 'I have a handkerchief, a torch, notebook and pen, a super sharp knife and a tiny set of screwdrivers, and small tin with some sticking plasters with antiseptic ointment.
'What about a mobile phone?' Amy asked.
'That's in my backpack,' Ianto replied. 'Jack has told me loads about adventures and I made a list of things he always seems to need.'
'And you will need this.' The Doctor now handed Ianto what looked like a small button. 'It will keep your fanny pack completely invisible because the last thing you want is someone coming along and taking it off you.'
'I hadn't thought about that,' Ianto said his eyes glowing and he placed the button carefully in the small tin.
'Now you all ready? Come this way,' the Doctor said and they headed toward the open door of the TARDIS.
'You've had a makeover,' Ianto declared as he stepped into the TARDIS. 'I love shows about makeovers, but I'm only allowed to make over the garage on my own. That's where I keep my ferrets,' Ianto explained.
'So what do you think?' The Doctor put his arm around Ianto's shoulders
'I was not okay when I saw the inside because everything is so different but then the TARDIS sang to me and told me it just like when we re-decorated our bedroom.'
'This is Rory and Amy,' the Doctor now introduced his Companions.
'You have very red hair.' Ianto shook Amy's hand. 'My friend Marci has loads of red hair and freckles.'
'The TARDIS sang to you?' Rory asked shaking the hands of their visitors.
'Yes, she loves to sing like this.' Ianto began to hum tunelessly. 'She knows many songs, and long time ago she sang to me when I was sad and in the dark and she sang to make me feel better.'
'You can hear the TARDIS?" Amy double checked as the Doctor busied himself around the consul in preparation for their leaving.
'Yes she helped me save Jack when he was trapped in the garden. The garden had loads of wonderful special things like a fountain that had maple syrup, but Jack thought it was coffee which was funny and there were butterflies as big as me, and trees that had leaves that were chips and upturned flowers full of dip and tiny elephants who chased us and diamond birds who sparkled rainbows when the sun caught them. Then we cuddled and practiced and Jack went to sleep and the TARDIS told me what I had to do to get Jack home. She said I had to be brave but if I wasn't Jack would be trapped forever. I had to really think because the garden was so special I wanted to stay there forever, but she explained if we didn't leave everything would fade into nothing and we would be living but not living.'
'I see,' Amy said not sure she did.
'When I opened my eyes I had a light sabre and Jack had a blaster that never ran out of shots then we fought our way out. Myfanwy my dragon who is now too delicate to be played with, ate the bad man which gave her a sore tummy. But it wasn't a real adventure and that's what I want a real adventure with loads puzzles, surprises, danger, different bits some funny, some scary and lots of running around.'
'Wow that sounds interesting,' Rory said not sure how to take in so much information in one go.
'Puzzles, surprises, danger, different bits some funny, some scary and lots of running around, that's what adventures are supposed to be and I will end up with a great story to tell just like Jack does.'
'Yes, that's what we all need, great stories to tell,' Amy agreed.
Rory raised his eyebrows but before he could comment the Doctor clapped his hands. 'Let's get this party on the road,' and he hit a switch. Immediately the TARDIS central column began doing its magic.
Jack stood beside the Doctor who busied himself using the console.
'I was just thinking I would love to give him a real adventure.' Jack watched Ianto talking to Amy and Rory.
'I think Ianto has had enough of real adventures when he was 'Axel', the Doctor pointed out.
'You know there are times when I wish he could remember just one of the times when we were with Torchwood. He was so courageous but then again I'm so grateful because with that would come with memories of some terrible times.'
'What you have planned sounds great,' the Doctor pointed out.
'It does but real adventures tend to have this edge of desperation, anxiety, curiosity with more than a hint fear leading to absolute terror,' Jack said.
An ear-splitting noise shrieked out followed by a great deal of flashing lights. Jack raced to Ianto's side while the Doctor checked the console.
'What is it?' Rory called out.
'It's a distress call,' the Doctor shouted out and turning off the alarm.
'That hurt my ears.' Ianto took his fingers out of his ears.
'It was very loud,' the Doctor agreed. 'Because it was meant to get our attention.'
'Like a fire engine,' Jack explained to Ianto.
'Very interesting.' The Doctor continued to study the readouts.
A few moments passed when the Doctor looked up from the console. 'We are going to have to divert.'
Ianto felt a wave of disappointment and felt a major pout coming on but as each moment passed he watched unfolding events with mounting suspicion. Carefully he observed everyone looking serious and concerned. Then it came to him, the loud noise was like a gun at the start of a race. Ianto felt a thrill of excitement and his eyes flew wide open as he realised what was going on. Playing along he stood waiting for events to unfold.
'Can you drop us off first?' Jack asked a tinge of concern in his voice. The last thing he wanted was them to get involved in anything other than what was planned.
'This is a priority one distress beacon and according to the message the passenger on the space vehicle was on an extremely important mission to deliver a vitally important and precious cargo beyond measure to Veelvakass which according to the read out the vessel crashed on 'Oro De Las Dunas.'
Rory looked up the planet information. 'Oro De Las Dunas or Golden Dunes is...'
'A casino planet run the Spanish Cartel Consortium,' the Doctor finished the sentence.
'A pleasure planet?' Amy double checked.
Rory read out the info on the screen. 'Apparently, it has the loosest slots in town, a giant jumping Ballena, dancing delfins and the greatest animal menagerie this side of Tarsus Eight. As well as live shows it apparently has every manner of betting game known to man and alien. Every taste catered to with an endless all-you-can-eat buffet, methane exotica and,' Rory laughed out loud, 'I guess we can figure out quadruple rated X means.'
The Doctor patted Jack's arm. 'See, nothing dangerous. We land, check out the beacon, track down the vessel with its the passenger and cargo, and render assistance'
'Can't you drop us off first then come back?'
The Doctor looked at Jack. 'Could you ignore a distress signal?'
'This is not it then?' They both heard Ianto's disappointed voice interrupt.
Everyone turned in his direction. Jack, in particular, felt awful. Here he had promised an adventure and here was one in the offing.
The Doctor bent down and started to rummage around under the console. In moments, he reappeared holding out a strange looking gadget. 'Actually I need you to check out the main strip.'
'Now hang on a minute,' Jack started to interject but stopped when the Doctor held up a finger suggesting he had everything to hand.
'What am I looking for?' Ianto asked cautiously checking out the gadget, not sure if he was being tricked.
The Doctor pulled around a screen. 'The distress signal is scattered. It indicates the vessel could be in the desert on the boundaries and within the resort of Oro De Las Dunas. So it's just possible what I'm picking up could be found in this feature.' A massive elaborate sand feature called 'Las Arenas Del Baile Incredibles' appeared on the screen. 'Veelvakassos are sand lovers and they are an exotic rarity so I need you to check the passenger has not ended up as part of the display. You will also need this.' The Doctor handed Ianto some psychic paper.
Ianto narrowed his eyes as he read the words that formed. 'What does being fobbed off mean?' he asked in a sulky voice.
'It's an obscure phrase for 'being incredibly useful',' the Doctor quickly recovered, smiling. 'Now we have no time to waste. Rory, Amy take Ianto and check out the sand feature.'
Ianto placed the psychic paper in his fanny pack and, not sure he was still being tricked, then followed Amy and Rory to outside.
'Good save,' Jack said to the Doctor as they watched Ianto head off.
'Listen, this place is nothing more than a giant Las Vegas. We will be there and back in no time and in the mean-time Ianto can enjoy the sights.'
'When has anything we've done been simple?' Jack quipped and followed the Doctor out.
'In and out, quick check and around and then off we go to give Ianto the adventure of a life time.'
Standing on a low hill on the outskirts that overlooked the massive resort Oro De las Dunas, Jack's feet ached but they were at last getting closer to the source of the signal Climbing one of the many golden dunes the resort was so well known for, they found themselves at the crash site near some very rickety buildings. Like all great metropolises, the resort was surrounded with those who lived and worked; there some area more prosperous that others. This area was decidedly on the worst side of ramshackle.
The saucer-shaped vessel had hit side on, sliced its way into the desert and has completely buried itself with the side edge sticking out of the sandy ground. Had they not been tracking the signal they would have missed it entirely.
Using his sonic screwdriver, the Doctor scanned the area.
'Anything?' Jack asked.
'We need to get closer.'
'No shovel,' Jack pointed out.
'Won't need it we just need to find the entrance.'
'Entrance to what?' Jack looked around the desolate landscape thinking his vortex manipulator would be useful here had it not disintegrated.
'The ship seems to be lodged in some sort of interconnected underground tunnel system. '
Jack looked towards the city then the ramshackle buildings. 'You mean sewer?'
'Storm water.' The Doctor pointed at the low hills in the opposite direction to the Oro De Las Dunas resort. 'When it rains, like all deserts the rains are severe and from the size of the drains it must be torrential.'
Kicking up dust they made across the rocky surface and eventually they reached a gully. Climbing down they followed the signal until they reached a round opening with a large mesh grate. Horrible foul liquid tricked out and soaked the dried-out creek bed.
The grate was covered in rubbish. 'Are you serious?' Jack said as he coughed at the horrible smell.
'You are getting fussy in your old age.'
'And clearly you're not,' Jack laughed and pulled at the grate trying to keep his feet out of the water. 'I'd forgotten the delights of exploring the underbelly of some city of other,' Jack said after a moment.
'You must have had sewers in Cardiff?'
'Sure, but I don't recall them smelling this bad!' Jack pulled open the grate.
Ianto licked his delicious 'super-sized sticky swisher' contemplating the phrase fobbed off as he followed slowly behind Amy and Rory.
He was not a suspicious person but it came to him that sometimes words could express exactly how one felt. And right now he felt fobbed off. He had been sent on a wild goose chase and even more annoying because in this case there were no real wild geese to chase. At least with geese they gave as good as they got. Mr Murphy's goose was a legend and had a real wicked bite. Last time he had tried to take a shortcut to see Megan on ferret business the blighter had given him a bum bite that left a massive bruise. The only thing to do was to use his foot as a focus by kicking it up the arse and then run as fast as you could. No point complaining to Mr Murphy because he would only laugh and say, 'bloody good keeping you lot out is his job.' Ianto smiled and then there was the time he chased the goose giving it a yelling at till he was all out of breath.
Now he was here with no good goose action to distract him from this horrible feeling he had been side-lined to keep him out of the way.
Worse there was no leaping Ballena, delfins, or menagerie either, and no endless buffet of food and he felt his disappointment building in his chest move to his stomach. He could feel a good sulk coming on and pursed his lips.
Amy and Rory were just ahead, laughing and teasing each other. Finishing his sticky treat they continued their walk down the main street until they came to the entrance of another large building festooned with columns, statues and arches. There were guards at the entrance dressed up like what looked in shining golden armour, helmets with red crests, skirts and complete with spears. One of the guards was a woman dressed in the same gear which Rory was now pretending to flirt with, riling up Amy.
For some reason Ianto could not fathom why the guards' costumes was the cause of sheer merriment between Amy and Rory. 'He was glad someone was enjoying themselves.' Sulking he walked through the entrance and stomped his way forward.
Once he finally stopped he looked around. The room he found himself in a large room stretching out in every direction. Massive sets of sparkly lights hung down from the ceiling in great cascades and the same theme from outside carried inside. Moving forward to explore he stopped every now and then to take his bearings. The room was clearly huge and full of rows of machines and a lot of beings but the space was so laid out it didn't seem crowded at all. He moved closer to the machines which were flashing away in some manner he didn't fully understand. As got closer one machine in particular caught his attention.
Splashing their way through the grey sludgy water, Jack and the Doctor followed the signals. Jack could not fathom why the passages had to be so complicated. There was no buildings above them.
The worsening smell alerted them they were getting closer to the crash site. The shattered remains told their own tale and it was clear that whoever had been aboard was dead.
'Any sign of the cargo?' Jack watched as the Doctor used his sonic screwdriver to silence the interstellar alarm.
The Doctor scanned the wreckage and then shook his head. 'It could have been ejected or more likely destroyed in the crash. The least we can do is alert the Veelvakass so they can recover the remains.'
Jack agreed and sadly they headed back towards the entrance.
'Let's go find your young man'
'Not so young he's 150 today.'
The Doctor turned to Jack. 'Yes, in years but Ianto has an innocence about him that is wonderfully endearing.'
'Isn't he just,' Jack agreed smiling.
'Let's get him to his adventure.'
'Hopefully he won't feeling too put out.'
'You know I've never seen anyone who could put on a sulk like Ianto Jones?' the Doctor remarked.
'At least it's more obvious now, once he would have just given us decaf. And if he was really pissed off it would be instant!'
'Ouch!' the Doctor said.
Moving closer to the machine, Ianto saw the machine had a whirling Nemo fish with a Dory fish. He loved Nemo and the mesmerising flashing lights began to draw him in. He was not sure how this machine worked but he loved dazzling lights, bright colours and all whirling's, dingings and dongings were wonderful. A large lizard being passed wearing what appeared to be a lurid green sparkly tent holding an equally lurid yellow bucket in its claw. The being sat down and began feeding round discs into a slot on the side of the machine.
Ianto watched as the machine the being was feeding came alive. It was amazing. He wanted a go, but how? The machine needed discs but he didn't have any. He looked around to ask Amy or Rory but found was on his own. He was about to panic when something caught his eye. Reaching forward he picked up the disc from the floor then placed into the same slot as the lizard being in front of the machine next to him.
Nothing happened. 'Press the button,' the being seated at the machine pointed at the large square illuminated button.
Ianto pressed the button and in an instant the machine came alive with flashing lines of whirling symbols. He clapped with delight but then the machine came to stop. He squinted at the screen if he read this right he appeared to have won more goes.
'Can I spin again?' Ianto double checked
'Only way to find out is to keep pressing the button,' the being told him.
Pressing the button again the screen came alive again. It took him a few more spins before he realised there were elements he could control. He discovered that he could choose the different symbols. Over the next few spins he realised there was a pattern.
As he played the game a thought slowly began to grow. Jack and the Doctor had disappeared then he had he had gotten lost. Strange that Rory and Amy were missing…but were they? He pressed the button and few more times and thought some more…what if this was the adventure? It had to be because the machine was a dead giveaway. The clue was the Nemo machine and the disc just being there for him to use was just too obvious. So far there had been scary, fun, surprises and it was certainly different than being lost was and not as scary as he supposed; sort of exciting. He felt the thrill of discovery. This must be why Jack and the Doctor had disappeared and then Amy and Rory left him here. Very tricky of them making it seem he wasn't on an adventure when he had been on one all along. A smile began to grow because he had no idea what would happen next and that was the very best part.
He continued to press an ever-increasingly complex combination when without warning sirens started wailing and lights flashing and bells ringing. At first, he thought he had done something wrong especially when the being the large green sparkly tent jumped up and began pointing at the sign.
'Of all the luck of the Masir you've won the jackpot, wow let me get you a bucket,' the being offered.
'Thank you,' Ianto agreed, not sure what he had won or why he needed a bucket.
'My name's Jones, Ianto Jones,' Ianto said when the being returned with several buckets.
'Flibby Tintissi,' the being replied, handing Ianto a large bucket.
Before he could say anything more Ianto found a being dressed the clothing in the Casino holding out his hand. 'Congratulations Sir.'
'I think I won something called a Jack Pot. I've never won anything like a Jack Pot,' Ianto said breathlessly.
'You certainly have. How would like your winnings? We can give you a bank draft or you can have your winnings in a form that will allow you to continue to enjoy the Casino.'
Ianto turned to Flibby for advice. 'Well, this is a place of gambling. Why not try out some of the other delights of the other tables? I can help you if you like.'
'I think I would like to try lots of different things,' Ianto told the man.
'What is a Jack Pot?' Ianto asked Flibby as they followed the nicely dressed casino guide.
'It's a big prize. You've won 10.000 Gallions.'
'Is that a lot?'
'Enough for us to have one hell of an evening,' Flibby pronounced. 'With enough left over for a nice dinner.'
'No need for that,' Ianto said. 'Somewhere around here there is something called an endless buffet which is all you can eat…I mean all you can eat.'
'I'm hungry now,' Filbby said mournfully.
Ianto stopped for a second. 'Me too, we can find the magic buffet later but we need food now.' He tapped the arm of the man they were following. The man spun around. 'Can I get a burger?' Ianto asked.
'I will bring you a menu shortly,' the floor manager said.
Biting into the burger Ianto had ordered, he viewed the huge bucket, half was filled with coins and large square plastic bricks of different colours.
'Once you have reached the end of your evening, please go to the cashier and he will change any remaining chips into a bank draft,' the floor manager explained.
Now feeling much better Ianto licked his fingers and looked around. 'Let's go and see what else there is.'
Flibby smiled and led Ianto to the first table which Ianto could see had a wheel spinning around throwing a single ball which landed in little square numbered depressions.
'You can bet on the number on the wheel or black or red, even or odds,' Flibby told him.
'I'll just watch,' Ianto said. After several spins, he placed four round chips on odd, even, red and black.
The wheel spun and he saw the red and odd chips lost. Ianto thought this was not as fun as the flashing coin machine.
Moving away, they made their way to another table. This one had dice. Despite winning some chips, Ianto was not impressed because both the wheel and dice game seemed designed for people to lose discs rather than win any. He was beginning to think his Jack Pot was just a fluke.
Next, he moved to a table with cards. Watching it seemed that the point of the game was to hit 21 or to beat the hand of the person handing out the cards. This was more like it and when a chair became free he sat down at the table.
Several rounds later Ianto had a huge pile of chips when the dealer called for a new deck.
When the new round began Ianto lost more than he won. But as the game preceded he knew what was coming and his stack of chips rose grew and grew.
'I love this game,' Ianto said.
'You so good,' Flibby whispered in awe.
'It's easy, all you have to do is work what cards have already gone then you can work out what the next cards are going to be.' Ianto pointed to his two cards. 'See, I've got a three and a ten. The next card up is an eight so that makes 21 and that means I win. Again.' He squirmed with delight.
Before he could utter another word, he found two heavy built men were by his side. With them was the floor manager from earlier.
'Congratulations Sir, what an extraordinary streak of good luck, so much so the management would like to offer their congratulation you on your success,' the floor manager said.
'I would like to meet them too everyone is so nice.' Filling his bucket found he had so many chips he needed another bucket. He looked around for Flibby for help but the being had disappeared.
Struggling to carry his bucket which was filled to overflowing, the darkly dressed heavy set men escorted Ianto towards a bank of lifts. He had no idea why they wanted to congratulate him. He figured that maybe they were going to take to see the leaping Ballena or the endless buffet he had heard about as a reward.
The lift went down two floors then he was led down a long dark corridor. As they reached the end a door opened and the two heavies manhandled him in front of a large desk.
Suddenly he was pushed into the chair and he placed the bucket between his knees. If he understood Jack's stories, then this must be a boss.
'So, you think Blackjack is easy, do you?' A thin man said from behind a desk.
'Black Jack,' Ianto said in astonishment. 'So, I've won a Jack Pot and am good at Black Jack.'
'Who are you working for?' The man leaned forward menacingly.
'I don't work at a job for money but I do loads of different things. I run Mac's garage. Mac gave me his garage when he died and a whole load of funny tasting drink that Jack likes. He said I was his best friend and was like the son he never had. I loved Mac he came across all grumpy but he was really nice. We built a motorbike together I still keep it in the garage. Jack takes me for a ride and I'm even taking lessons. But it's so hard because it's hard to keep upright so I'm practicing on a bicycle. I sort of work at the garage if needed but not for money because I love helping to fix things. I bought the paper because it wouldn't be Thursday without it. I don't work there Margaret does. She's lovely she puts in pictures of my ferrets anytime I ask and she put in adverts for the garage for free. Which is so nice. But Margaret is nice. I also rescue ferrets, the last one was Bobby. The people who had him moved out and left him behind. He was in a terrible way he was starving and needs loads of extra lovins and I was worried he would never get better but he's all good now. And I look after Jack that's because I love him and he loves me.'
'Jack?' the boss mob said menacingly. 'Who the hell is Jack?'
'Sometimes he likes to be called Captain Jack.'
'Could it be one of Mateo's boys trying to muscle in?' one of the heavies asked.
'I don't know boss,' the other said in a heavy lisp.
The boss looked Ianto up and down. 'Or is he some rube sent in to distract us? Don't lie to us. Who are you working for?' The boss slammed his hands on the desk in front of him.
'I don't work for anyone. Jack told me I have loads of money in a trust and Mac gave me loads of his as well. We put that in a trust to help people.' Ianto explained, trying stop his winnings from falling off the top of the bucket.
'So, if you have so much money what are you doing here counting cards?' the man asked.
'I don't know what you mean.' Ianto stated outright.
'Counting cards, working out what cards come next,' the boss explained.
'Yes, I did. I didn't like the other games because it looked like they were designed to make you lose your money and that wouldn't be fair. So, when I watched the Black Jack game I realised it this one was more fair.'
'Sounds like he doesn't know the rules boss,' one of the heavy-set guards said.
The boss looked toward the heavy who spoke. 'The house always wins.'
Ianto looked confused. 'How can a house win? Is there some special sort of raffle that my house Rose Cottage could be entered that means the house will always win?'
'The house as in the casino,' the boss explained.' As in the betting place.' He moved his arm around.
'How come I won a Jack Pot and at Black Jack?' Ianto asked.
'You cheated.' The boss said reaching out for Ianto's bucket.
'I did not! I won those fair and square,' Ianto said indignantly, holding onto his bucket tightly.
'But you were counting cards,' the boss man said.
'I just worked it all out in my mind so I won these fair and square,' Ianto said with more than a tinge of outrage.
'No one is this stupid,' one of the heavies said.
'Are you lying to me? Because we can check if you have been to any other casinos.'
'This my very first. When we arrived we went to the sand sculpture where I had a super sticky swisher, then I ended up here. I found the Nemo Dory game then I won the Jack Pot and then I had a burger and met a nice being called Flibby Tintissi. We wandered around and I played the card game.'
'We! Who did you come with?' the boss demanded.
'I was with The Doctor and Jack they went off somewhere to find something in the desert. I went with Amy and Rory,' Ianto said.
The boss sat back confused. After a few moments he wagged his finger at Ianto and leaned forward.
'Captain Jack and the Doctor,' the boss repeated shaking his head. The man in front him oozed naivety and was clearly harmless but if he let him go the message might get out he was going soft.
'Do you want us to get let him go?' one of the heavies said.
'No I think a lesson needs to be taught.' The Boss picked up a round fruit from a bowl on his desk and placed it in front of Ianto. 'See this? If I ever see you in this casino again this is you.' The mob boss smashed the fruit with his fist.
'You are going to make jam! I love jam specially strawberry jam,' Ianto burst out. 'Jack has to hide the strawberry jam because Mrs McGregor gave us four jars and I ate two jars with a spoon before Jack got back. It was de-licious-ous and now I have two favourites maple syrup and strawberry jam.'
The Boss let out a huge growl. 'You boys know what to do.'
Before he could react Ianto found himself being dragged back towards the lift, protesting all the way, complaining about how they were stealing his winnings The lift door opened into a kitchen. He was not sure if he should struggle or be scared because other than explain things and smashing fruit nothing horrible had occurred.
They appeared annoyed so he figured they were going to throw him out. Then he was picked up bodily and pushed through some of hatch. Now he found himself sliding down a chute. Wow this was a total awesome surprise and he shouted with delight as he hurdled down the smelly helter skelter all the way to the bottom.