Byakuya's Bottom

By, pinoykengumi7 (co-written with my little cousin xD)

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach.

-

Rukia sighed and sat up. It was seven in the morning and she wasn't an early riser. "Mmphmph. It's the 31st of January." She removed her calendar from the wall and looked for any events that were occurring today. "Hmm… end of first month celebration, Ukitake's medical treatment, time to clean up my messy room." What it said next nearly killed her.

'NII-SAMA'S BRITHDAY!!! (get his present 2 days before because he's really picky!)'

The heading was clear. Rukia slumped back in bed not sure what to do.

Maybe I'll get advice from Renji and Ichigo. For now, I'm going to sleep.

Ah, lazy days…

Around 10a.m. she wandered around Seireitei looking for two particular morons. In all places, she found them in a first-class beauty salon… with Yumichika and Ikkaku, and was that Yachiru chewing on Ikkaku's head? Yumichika was obviously there to try and improve his looks and Ikkaku...

Rukia walked in just in time to hear him say, "You know, I would like to have a hair transplant with Renji."

Renji coughed. Violently.

Ichigo said nothing.

Ikkaku tried to sound innocent (Yumichika style). "Um… I just wanted that nice, firm red hair, 'cause you know, it would match with my red eye shadow, don't you think?" When nobody said anything he added, "and don't you think that Renji would be able to show off more tattoos if he… had a clear scalp?" He couldn't bring himself to say 'bald'.

Yachiru stopped chewing.

"Hey Baldie! What if you had a hair transplant with Bya-chan? I think you would look nice with those hair noodles. They'd be very tasty!"

"No! Absolutely not! Those hair curlers were meant for Kuchiki-taichou."

Rukia twitched at all the names her brother's kenseiken were being called. And that 'chan' that Yachiru tacked onto the end of her brother's name was just strange. Very strange.

"Haven't you seen the way they draw out the pale complexion of his face?" Everyone turned to stare at Yumichika, with the exception of Yachiru, who had resumed her daily rabid circulation of the jaw movement on Ikkaku's shiny scalp.

"Gods, are you gay?" Renji voiced what everyone else was thinking, but too stunned to say.

"No. I just have a good eye for beautiful things," Yumichika defended himself, while preening his eyebrow extensions in front of the mirror.

Rukia coughed. Obviously. "And you do realize that would be stealing my beloved brother's kenseiken, not hair curlers or hair noodles, honour and pride?"

-

A pregnant silence filled the room.

Everone turned around to see Rukia's vein bulging precariously on her forehead.

"Eh… um… hehe… ah, Rukia! Um… I—"

"Am sorry," Rukia finished for Renji.

Morons, was all Rukia could think.

"Anyway, you've gotta help me, Renji, Ichigo."

"Hm?" Ichigo continued stroking his chin in front of the mirror. Renji didn't look like he even heard her request.

"Geez! It's Nii-sama's birthday and you guys don't even care?!"

Now everyone started to pay attention.

"WHAT?" Ichigo shouted suddenly, startling Rukia.

"I thought his birthday was on the day Hisana died. I mean, he's always happy or sad on that day…" Renji mused.

"Idiots," she muttered under her breath. "You guys have got to help me." Rukia sounded desperate. "I haven't got a present for him… and you know what? He's picky." She made a big show of wringing her hands.

"How about a new scarf? I think pink would be and exceptional colour." Renji sniggered. "Oi Yumichika. What do you think about a pink scarf for Kuchiki-taichou's birthday present?"

"Kuchiki-taichou in pink?" He furrowed furrowed brows. "Isn't pink generally associated with feminine people?"

"That's my point!" Renji laughed… until he saw Rukia frowning at him. "Er… well, what about… Um, Ichigo, have any suggestions?"

"U-um." Ichigo gulped. "Well, you could curl his hair so he wouldn't have to use those kenseiken or whatever."

All of them except Rukia laughed.

Rukia walked away. Damn you, Ichigo and Renji. She decided she would have to get the present herself.

-

Rukia sighed. She still hadn't found anything yet. She went all over the real world and Soul Society and there wasn't anything that seemed like a good present for her older brother. Sadly she went back home. Maybe I should try Ichigo's idea. Yeah! I like change, she thought.

-

Byakuya had just come home from his usual daily work, signing papers, and was surprised when Rukia ushered him to her room.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY NII-SAMA!" Rukia yelled.

Byakuya was slightly shocked that she had even remembered his birthday. The sister that hates me remembered my birthday!

She pushed him into a chair with a dressing table in front of him. On the table were a hair curler, comb, hairspray and other accessories that looked menacing. Subconsciously his hand went up to touch his hair.

"Nii-sama," Rukia beamed. "I'm going to curl your hair so you won't have to wear those hair curlers, I mean, kenseiken anymore!" Rukia's bold statement sent him into shock. His sister was sounding like… like his idiotic lieutenant, or even that orange-haired ryoka. His mind began working. So, if she was doing something like Renji or Ichigo, then she must have not gotten me a birthday present.

"Now, Nii-sama, would you be so kind to remove your kenseiken. Please?"

Byakuya stood up.

"Um? Nii-sama?"

"Rukia. It's okay that you haven't gotten me a present, but just please," he stifled a laugh. "Don't curl my hair. Or," he paused. "Or resort to those two moron's ideas."

-

Rukia was feeling bad. Her brother had, in a sense, rejected her present. Not that it really was her present though… It should have been credited to Ichigo. But now that she thought about it, her brother had been tied up with work all night. And that work was probably to do with her going into the real world so often. It depressed her to think that he did so much for her, and she did nothing for him.

" Ne, Chappy, what do you think Nii-sama would do if I gave him a hug?" She reached down to pat the rabbit, only to find he wasn't there. "Chappy? CHAPPY!?" Rukia ran out of the room, yelling out her rabbit's name. She barged into her brother's room. "Nii-sama! Have you seen—"

Byakuya was sitting at his desk, stroking a little furball in his lap.

"—Chappy?"

"Rukia? I believe this is your rabbit?" He watched in astonishment as Rukia scooped up the rabbit from his lap and snuggled up to it.

"Thanks, Nii-sama! I was looking for Chappy!" She put Chappy down, gave him a hug (to which he awkwardly responded to by patting her on the back) and she quickly dashed out of the room.

"She… she hugged me," Byakuya mused to himself as he watched her fleeting form. He shook his head, feeling his face heat up. "Chappy indeed." He looked down. "Speaking of Chappy, she forgot him here. Maybe I'll return him to her…"

The flare of two familiar reiatsus reminded him to take a raincheck on getting them back for the 'hair curling' idea.

But for now, he would return Chappy to its respective owner.

A great birthday indeed.

Owari

-

Ooh yeah. Byakuya x Rukia love. Yep, and as stated at the beginning, this fanfic was a joint effort from me and my cousin

So, review?