Cardiff

We're on a break. We worked solid for close to three months and we are all a bit strung out. We decided to take a break, a vacation if you will. I traded the Boston snow for the London rain and fog. Tara followed me a week later, she had a job of some sort in Germany. After a few days puttering around the flat, we decided to take a little car trip.

I'm not a big fan of Cardiff. It is Wales after all, but Tara wanted to see it. There are a few museums we can visit and some decent shopping. Tara heard about some night club that seems to be the 'it' place to go right now. Not really my idea of fun. Cardiff, however, is gaining a reputation for some strange creature sightings and weird happenings. I admit I am kind of interested in that.

We arrive about mid-morning. Tara drove my poor little Mini like she was racing the Indy 500, making the 3 hour trip in only a little over 2. The winds on the Severn Bridge, connecting England to South Wales, were high and I had to keep my eyes closed the entire span. By the time we check into the hotel, I am ready for a soothing bath and a nap. Tara, of course, has other ideas. I send her out on her own to check out the city, promising I will meet her for an early dinner and then we can go to her club.

Tara chooses a nice little restaurant near downtown, specializing in traditional Welsh foods. It amazes me how two countries, so intertwined, can have drastically different cuisines. I take as much time as I can eating, chatting and drinking wine but I can tell Tara is getting anxious. Finally I finish and we walk to her club.

Her touch is practically electric as she leads me into the club. She orders a couple of drinks and then drags me to the dance floor. I indulge her for three or four songs, it's hard to tell where one ends and the next begins, before I beg for a break. She stays on the dance floor while I head to the bar.

I am mostly through my third drink when Tara finally comes looking for me. She is out of breath and covered in just enough perspiration to set my senses on fire. "Come back and dance!" she says, grabbing my drink and finishing it. "Honestly I'm having more fun watching" I tell her. She pretends a bit of a pout then grabs my hand and pulls me off my stool. "Slow dance time" she says with a grin.

She drags me back to the center of the dance floor. Even though the music hasn't changed, she pulls me close and begins to move, pulling me along with her. Alcohol and the feel of her body pressed to mine make my head swim. I give her a slow kiss then rest my head on her shoulder. I close my eyes and let the music flow over me. Slow dancing with Tara always makes me a little bit loopy so I am lost for words when she whispers in my ear, "are you drunk?" "Mmm probably" I answer. "Why?" "Come. I'll show you."

She leads me toward the women's room. "Tara?" "Just go with it Sophie" she says. There are several women checking their make up in the mirror. Tara gives them the evil eye and they both leave rather quickly. I'm starting to get an idea of what she's up to and I'm not sure I'm quite drunk enough yet. I start to say something when she whirls around, pushing me hard into the tile wall behind me. Any protests I have are swallowed up by her ferocious kiss. Her hands are all over me. I try again to talk. "Tara…" "Shhh" she says. "You don't know me. This is just a dance club hook-up." I laugh a bit. "You do this often do you?" I ask. "I've never met anyone with whom I wanted to" she responds. "Until now. I saw you come in. You are the sexiest things I've seen in a long time. I want to fuck you. Right here. Right now." She kisses me again and begins to pull at the front of my dress. She manages to stretch the tight fabric away and lowers her eyes to stare down the front. "Like what you see?" I ask with a bit of amusement in my voice. She answers me with not much more than a whisper. "Oh my God. I want you so bad right now." She runs her hands down the sides of my dress then grabs the short hem and yanks it up. I'm not wearing any underwear and she chokes a little when she realizes. She presses her knee between my legs and pushes hard into me with her thigh.

I am far beyond protesting now as she nibbles down my neck and along my collar bone. At some point I hear the restroom door open and Tara pulls away to shoot a look at the intruder before turning her attention back to my neck. My knees are weak and I drop my weight onto her leg, making her catch her breath as she feels the same heat I am feeling.

She pushes her chest into mine as she replaces her knee with her hand. It's my turn to catch my breath when she puts her fingers in me and begins to move. My head falls back to the tile with a thud. Tara hesitates just a second and I grab her hips and pull them hard toward me. She's pushing hard with her hand now and I'm finding it hard to breath, even harder to think. At the last second, she kisses me hard, feeling me gasp and then pressing me harder to the wall to hold me up.

I am speechless as she whispers in my ear, "thanks Love. See you around some time." She lets me go and leaves the room as I slowly sag to the floor.

I few minutes later I follow her out and find her engaged in conversation with a good looking gentleman at the bar. I take a stool a few down from hers and order a drink. I feel her looking at me and when I glance at her she winks. I turn my attention to my drink and when I look back, she is gone. The gentleman she was talking to is looking at me now. "Your friend?" He asks in an American accent. I nod. "She is one hot chick." "You have no idea" I tell him.

Tara is waiting for me at the door. "A public toilet shag?" I say with disdain. "Hey you know me" she says. "When I see something I like, I take it." I laugh and take her hand as we leave the warm club for the cool night. "When we get back, I'll be looking to take some things for myself" I tell her. "Oooo I'm scared" she laughs and she noticeably picks up her pace.

I wake early in the morning but Tara is already gone. I figure she just went running or something and I snuggle back under the blankets, hoping she has tea when she shows up.

She finally does show but without the tea. She crawls in bed with me and gives me a big sweaty hug. "Ugh! Tara! Go take a shower!" I whine. "C'mon Soph. It's a beautiful day. I came back to get you. Get your running stuff on." I can't think of anything I'd like less to do. "Another hug?" she asks. "Fine. I'm up. I'm not running though. I hate running. Can we walk? And get tea?" "Fine." She says. "Let's go."

I'm still complaining under my breath as I pull out some tights and a long sleeve t shirt. Normally I wouldn't have even packed work-out clothes as I seldom want to actually work out, but Tara insisted. "Would have been a great excuse" I mumble to myself as I lace my running shoes and Tara drags me to the street.

Tara jogs ahead and buys me a cup of tea and I finally admit that it is a beautiful morning. We walk down to the river, along the boardwalk. I feel like everything is in its place, everything is right with my world. The peace lasts about three minutes before I hear someone behind me yelling.

"Sophie!" "Sophie!" "Know someone?" Tara asks. I shake my head. "Just keep walking." I think I recognize the voice but this is not someone I am prepared to deal with right now. Still, he's not deterred. "Sophie Devereaux!" Tara stops. "Sure sounds like he knows you." I turn and see a man running towards us. In his hand, he's holding some ridiculous looking machine with a spinning whirly-gig on top. He's got a huge grin on his face and his long coat is flapping behind him.

He finally catches up to us. Still panting he manages "I thought that was you! How are you?" He throws his arms around me. "It's so good to see you Sophie! And here in Cardiff?" I feel the spinning part of whatever he is holding start to tangle in my hair. He lets me go and starts to pull my hair away from the contraption. I try not to notice that he pulls his fingers through a little too slowly and his fingers brush along my jawline.

I glance out of the corner of my eye at Tara. Of course she noticed everything. One eyebrow is cocked like a question mark. There's a story here and she is going to get it. "Doctor! It's so good to see you again" I say as I grab his hands and kiss him on the cheek. He hides his disappointment at my lack of enthusiasm. I introduce him to Tara only as 'The Doctor'. His grin is back as he takes her hand with a big "Hello there. I'm The Doctor." Tara doesn't seem at all taken with his charm. He puts himself between us and takes my arm and begins chatting. Tara is a step behind and I can feel her still glaring at me. "This quiet little vacation has just taken a huge step toward the strange" I think. "And how on Earth am I going to explain The Doctor to Tara?"

We walk slowly now along the boardwalk. The Doctor is chatting away and I am trying to listen while paying attention to Tara at the same time. I try to take her hand but she doesn't give it. I sigh. I lean in to The Doctor and give him a kiss on the cheek. "It really is good to see you. Maybe we can meet later on this afternoon and catch up?" I flick my eyes toward Tara willing him to take the hint. He looks confused but starts to agree with me when we hear another voice yelling. "Run!" A man's voice. "Run!"

We all three spin around to see another man running toward us with his own coat flapping. I think back to why I agreed to come to Cardiff in the first place. Strange happenings. This is definitely turning out to be one of those. Strange and uncomfortable.

The man comes skidding to a stop right in front of us. He recognizes The Doctor, throwing his arms around him with his own big grin. "Doctor! It's been… a long time. I've missed you!" "Hello Jack." The Doctor replies without nearly as much enthusiasm. Jack lets go and looks to me suspiciously. I put my hand out to introduce myself but he has already looked beyond me to Tara.

He moves quickly to her, taking her hand. "I'm Captain Jack Harkness. You can call me Jack. It is so very nice to meet you…again". His American accent seems strange here. Tara responds with a big smile and introduces herself. Jack glances over Tara's shoulder. "Uh oh. Run! Now!" He is still holding Tara's hand when he takes off, pulling her behind. The Doctor starts to ask when Jack yells back "Fish! On a motor bike!" "You heard the man!" The Doctor yells. "Run" and takes off with me in tow.

Captain Jack leads us through the center of Cardiff, around corners and down alleys. Silently I am cursing him and Tara for making me run after all, but I am glad I'm wearing sneakers instead of heels. He finally stops and shoves the three of us into a doorway and pulls out a gun. The Doctor yells, "Jack NO!" as Jack gets off three shots. He lowers the gun and he and The Doctor walk slowly toward his target. The Doctor is hanging his head as if sad while Jack is much more animated. He grabs something by the feet and pulls it into another doorway before pulling out his cell phone and calling someone. The Doctor just walks away.

I'm not sure what to do. I want to follow The Doctor. I want to find out what went wrong. I want to hold him and make him feel better. I want to explain myself to him. I can't. Not with Tara here. Not when I'm with Tara. My eyes start to burn. I can't help the thought that, though he's the man who can go anywhere in time, he came back for me too late.

Tara is watching both me and Jack intently. I don't know what to say to her. I can't tell her why I feel like crying. Finally she makes some sort of decision. She leaves the shadow of our hide out and walks toward Jack. She doesn't look back at me. I'm not sure if she's trying to make me jealous or allowing me to go after The Doctor.

I follow The Doctor's trail around the corner. He's walking back and forth. I can tell he's very angry. He sees me and let's go with his thoughts. "He didn't have to do that!" I wait. "He didn't have to die! He should have had a choice, a chance. Damn it Jack! He didn't have to die!" I'm not sure what to say. Obviously he and Jack have a history and a different way of doing things.

I'm still shaken by the shooting and The Doctor's volatile reaction. I've never seen his anger before and it is impressive. "Doctor…" He stops and runs his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry Sophie. It's just that humans, Jack, the whole lot of you, sometimes it's just so hard to understand why." I take a few steps toward him and put my hand on his chest. "It's OK Doctor. I get it. I'm sure Jack did what he thought he had to." "Yes. That's the problem" he says. "Jack always does what he thinks he ought to." He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. I can see his whole demeanor change and when he opens his eyes, he's back to his grinning self. "So how are you Sophie?" he asks jovially. Only I can see the lingering anger in his eyes.

I move closer still and put my arms around him. "I'm better now. I've missed you." "Oh Sophie. I have missed you too." "You haven't changed a bit!" I tell him. "Yep! That's me. I never change" he says, "not until I do." Something about the way he says that make me feel sad and he feels it. "Ahh don't worry about me Sophie" he says. "I'm always OK". "So you say" I tell him. He puts his hand under my chin and lifts it up so that my eyes meet his. Slowly he lowers his head until his lips meet mine. The kiss is warm and sweet and I lose myself, transported back in time to when all I wanted to do was kiss this man. Standing with my body next to his, feeling the warmth of his touch, it all feels so right. A part of my brain remembers Tara, just around the corner. I can't do this. It's not fair to him, or to Tara, to let myself feel this way. It's not fair to myself either, to want the Doctor again. I couldn't have him then and I can't have him now. Still, it feels so good to be in his arms.

He finally pulls away. His eyes are filled with tears. "We can't do this Sophie." "I know" I tell him but I don't want to let him go, again. When Tara and Jack come around the corner looking for us, we are still standing close. Tara is glaring, not at me, but at The Doctor, then she puts her hand on Jack's arm, squeezing the muscle there appreciatively. I roll my eyes. Tara sees me and hides a laugh.

Jack grabs Tara's hand and announces he's starving. "Sushi anyone?" He asks with a smile. Tara groans and The Doctor gives him the evil eye. I'm a bit slower on the uptake, not remembering that the creature Jack shot was some sort of fish.

We end up at the back table of a noisy little pub that Jack assures us has the "best hamburgers this side of The Pond." He and Tara head to the bar for drinks, leaving me and The Doctor another chance to talk.

"What was that thing?" I ask. "I don't know exactly. Something related to the Hath I imagine." I nod even though I have no idea what he's talking about. "You see, Cardiff sits on a rift. A rift in time and space." He looks at me to see if I'm keeping up. Sure I am. He continues. The rift is why I'm here. To recharge the TARDIS. She needs that every now and then. It's like the one on Galifrey is, was, the rift that is, that lets the Time Lords see into all of time. But it's not like that really. Its more like a seam that's not sewn very tight. Sometimes things just kinda slip through." He shows me with his hands how these things happen. I nod again. I'm trying to process it all.

"And so Jack's job is to take care of these 'things' that slip through?" He looks pleased that I'm catching on. "And that is why so many weird things are happening in Cardiff." "Yes" he says. "There are things in the Universe now. Things that pull things apart. And these things are pulling at the rift, trying to tear it apart." "And more things slip through" I say. He nods. "Its Jack's job to keep these things under control, to protect the rift. It's just that Jack, he and I have never seen eye to eye on that sort of thing". "The shooting" I say. "Yeah the shooting" he says with disdain.

We change the conversation just as Tara and Jack arrive back at the table with four pints and the food arrives. No one is sure what Tara knows, who might have told her what, so we try to talk about things that don't involve time travel or the rift or too much explaining. I can fill her in later. Or maybe Jack can, the way they both are teasing each other with over the top flirting. I stare at Tara while taking a big drink of my ale and then start picking at my hamburger. The tension at the table is becoming almost unbearable until it finally hits me what's going on. I glance around, noticing who is looking at who and then I start laughing. The other three just stop and stare at me.

I try to choke back the laughter to explain. "You guys don't see it?" I laugh. They're all still staring at me and Tara is slowly shaking her head like she's sorry that I just lost my mind. I start pointing at them, criss-crossing my arms, making them try to see the connections. I point at Tara, then at Jack. "You're flirting with him trying to get my attention while he's jealous of me with him" I say swinging my finger from Jack to myself to The Doctor. "And you!" I'm poking The Doctor in the chest with my finger, "you are actually jealous of her!" I say pointing back at Tara. "Its like a giant love square! Wait!" I say as I slide closer to Jack and put my hand on his shoulder. "This completes the circle" I say as I kiss him on the cheek. Jack turns bright red while Tara and The Doctor look at each other. Slowly Tara starts to laugh then Jack and The Doctor join in.

The tension is broken and we can finally sit and enjoy our meal and get to know each other. We all have a marvelous afternoon and give kisses all around before we go. I pull The Doctor aside and ask "Will I see you again?" He shrugs. "Twice in a lifetime. Do you know how many people wish for just once?" It sounds arrogant but I've seen stuff about him on the internet. He's become a bit of a legend, no one really knowing if any of its real or not. "We are connected Sophie. Connected in a way that not many can understand. You will see me again. I promise." He whispers my name in my ear and I whisper his back. It's a secret that he and I share, one that each of us hold sacred, a bond between lovers that will never be broken. We share a soft kiss and then I leave him and go back to Tara.

We are back in our hotel room. Tara is watching a cooking show on TV. I am lying on the couch with my head in her lap while she plays with my hair. Today has been exhausting and I am trying to relax. I'm half asleep when she decides to talk.

"Tell me about him?" "Who?" I ask though I know exactly who she's talking about. "The Doctor. Who is he? He's a bit odd. The way he talks about 'humans' as if he's something different? Is he?" I sigh. I was hoping to avoid the conversation though I know that Tara deserves to know about him. I begin to tell her the story of The Doctor as I understand it. She's quiet as I tell her about the Time Lords, his lost world, the TARDIS. I tell her about some of the places he took me. I tell her about the library because I know the idea of a swimming pool among all the books would amuse her. I don't tell her why the library is special to me. I don't tell her about the Titanic.

She listens to my story without comment. One of the things that I love about Tara is that, though she is down to earth and practical, she still believes in magic.

Finally she asks the question I've been dreading. "Do you love him?" I think about my answer for a few seconds. "I do Tara. At least I did. It's was a long time ago. He was in my life at a very difficult time. I was lost. You remember." She makes a sound letting me know she does remember. "He helped me. He let me know it was OK to be myself, to be Sophie. He taught me to be who I am. I did, do love him but it was not a relationship that could ever last. He's broken. He's seen so much, experienced so much loss. I couldn't fix that. He can't get over it. He's very special to me but I needed to let him go. I will always need to let him go."

Tara's been very still through it all. I could hardly feel her breathing. She slowly begins to pull her fingers through my hair again, letting me know my answer was what she needed to hear. "I think I understand. I used to feel that way about you." "Oh Tara!" I feel tears come to my eyes. "I never wanted to let you go. I never wanted you to leave. Not like that. I admit I was scared of my feelings for you. I never understood them. But I think I've always known that you and I would be together at the end. The Doctor let me be Sophie but you're the one who brought her to life, brought me to life."

I'm sure she's crying now too. I decide to lighten the conversation. "So…You and Captain Jack?" She doesn't answer. I try again to tease her. "He does seem to be your type." "Sophie!" She answers me with a hard tap to the side of my head. "I don't have a type!" "Of course you do" I tell her with amusement in my voice. "Gorgeous, smart, flirty and a hot body!" "Yum" she says. "You've always had a thing for the Play Boys!" I say.

She considers this. "I suppose you're right. But you forgot one thing." "I did?" I ask playfully. "Mmm hmmm." She answers. "You forgot boobs." "What? Boobs?" "Mmm hmm" she says as she slides her hand under my arm and wraps it around my breast. "I like boobs. And yours are by far the finest I have ever seen." I can't help but keep teasing her. "Seen a lot of boobs then?" "Enough" she says. She squeezes me a bit to make her point. "Enough to know!"

I roll to my back so I can see her face. "So we're OK then?" "Of course we are" she says. "Why wouldn't we be?" "I don't know." I say. "The Doctor and all of that." "Look Sophie" she says "I know you have a past, we both do. And you know I've known about Nate for a long time. I know seeing The Doctor stirred things up for you. But you're here now. Not with The Doctor. Not with Nate. With me. That's all I care about." She slides her arm under my shoulders and helps me half sit up so she can kiss me. I feel something I never thought I would ever feel. I feel happy.

"Oh and you have a type too you know." She says softly. "I do?" "Yeah" she says. "You like your men dark and brooding." I think about that. I am attracted to a certain amount of angst in a man. I suppose it makes me feel needed. I look at Tara. She doesn't need me to fix her or to take care of her. She doesn't need me at all. She wants me. I never realized there was a difference before. I give her a soft smile as I look deep into her blue eyes. "Not anymore. I like boobs now too" I murmur as I start to slide my hand up under her shirt.