Amnesia, that's what they called it. Mother says I've changed, my existence has forced out the previous, adolescent Ritsuka who occupied my body. She never heeds my word; it's not her son's, after all. She doesn't have the time, and misses Seimei and I so…
Pictures on my wall to recall the memories I wake up hating, loving… either way, they're the first thing I see. A peek into the lives of you and I, and if I forget everything, Soubi, I know I'll remember you. My feelings have developed, brewing and restricting any other thoughts but for one of you, until our relationship bursts into the very flames of passion and I'm in those arms. The chains are left dangling in the breeze, broken, raw and free.
Higher, higher, you try to take me with your knowing ways and smiles, closer to Heaven. You envelope me, piercing every barren inch of my body until I'm numb with desire, desperate for more.
That's the game you play. The teasing, the lies… and I'm left hanging like those chains, tears residing in every gap you left with me. The gap that your smile would fit in perfectly yesterday. I want it so badly, want you to just forget the past and love me, and not because you were ordered to.
I'm happy when you're around. I want to see you, but it hurts. It hurts more than being away from you, sometimes. I hate looking into those eyes and know you're keeping something from me, but oh, how I love those eyes when you're staring at me, and only me…
Fuck, it's confusing, Soubi. I think I love you but then I'm yelling, and you're walking away. You seem to know when I need to be alone, even though the second you're gone my mind is screaming, come home, I need you, I'm sorry. It's like you're a mind reader. When I want to see you, you're there, kissing away everything I've ever been ashamed of, brushing away all the burdens you've forced me into.
Despite everything, Soubi, I can't deny that what I feel for you. You've become a base for my life. If you were to leave me, I wouldn't be able to function. I've given you a piece of myself- wear it like my love is something to be proud of… Despite everything, Soubi, I trust you.
If I lose myself again, I know I'll never forget you. It's like forgetting a limb. We are one. This skin is the only thing in the way. Without it, there would be no stopping us from being one entity, one body, one heart. Despite everything I say… that's the truth. Despite our names, you are my Fighter, Soubi.
So, please, don't forget that. Even if I do, remind me. That I'm yours and you belong to me, and even though we sometimes fight I'll always want you to come home. And I'm sorry. And that I need you, Soubi.
Take good care of my heart. I'll try to accept your space, and believe you'll confide in me when you're ready, or whatever it is they say. "If you love something, let it go and see if it comes back." You're not exactly a wounded butterfly, but everyone else seems to know what they're talking about.
So I'm letting you go. Run off to Ritsu-sensei if you want to, or to Seimei, I don't care. Whatever you do, I'll be waiting to see if my butterfly comes home. And when (or if) you do, do me a favor and just smile… okay?
I found I don't mind chains half as much when they're yours.