Wanting But Not Expressing

Prompt: The pair are flat-mates and manage to lock themselves out of their own house. They call their friend to come and help with a spare key, but meantime, it's pouring with rain / snowing out and they're freezing, so, they hunker down to try to keep warm while waiting.

Disclaimer: Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

"Of all the stupid things you've done, Arthur, this is definitely the top of the cake!" Merlin struggled pulling his jacket close as he sat in the back seat of Arthur's car, growling at him.

"I said I was sorry. How many sodding times do you want me to say it? This isn't exactly a party for me either!" Arthur argued in return, slamming his fists against his legs - partly in anger and partly because he thought the pain might keep him warm.

"Honestly though, how do you not remember the keys to the front door but remember your car keys?" Merlin threw his hands up in the air as though he was trying to make Arthur feel worse than he already did.

Arthur sighed and turned to his side. "I told you Gwaine has a spare and he'll be here as soon as he can." Merlin mumbled something but Arthur didn't hear him. He turned back, looking at Merlin and raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to repeat that?"

"I said, I should have just shifted out last week when I had the chance, at least then I would still be alive!" Merlin scowled some more and pulled on his jacket.

"I can't believe—" He sighed and rested his head back against the seat.

"Can't believe what?" Arthur couldn't help but ask. Merlin had been on edge for the good part of the last two months and Arthur had no idea what was wrong with him.

"I can't believe I left the house without my keys. What was the emergency, anyway, that I just had to come out?"

Arthur had been in his car, working on the engine, and had managed to turn it on for a few minutes. The radio was immediately switched on and the song being played reverberated in Arthur's ears. He was so excited to hear the song being played on the radio that he had screamed Merlin's name and had him come rushing to the car. By the time Merlin arrived, the car battery had died again and they found that they were both stranded outside their home with no keys since the door had closed and deadlocked after Merlin raced out. Arthur managed to get a hold of Gwaine, since he had at least had his mobile on him, and he had said that he was in Avalon, a little ways away.

Now they were stuck in Arthur's broken car, in the pouring rain, more cross with each other than they had been earlier that day.

"They played…" Arthur sighed. "Nevermind."

"No, please. Enlighten me," Merlin snapped. "I wish to know if I'm to die of hypothermia."

Arthur growled before he spoke again and he could see the light in Merlin's eye; he would get like that when he wanted to laugh at Arthur and was trying to resist. "The radio turned on for a moment when I managed to fix the car battery. They were playing Puff, the Magic Dragon."

Arthur wasn't sure how Merlin would react. He thought he would either punch him or laugh hysterically. With Merlin, one never knew. Merlin snorted and then went quiet for a few seconds before he exploded into laughter.

"See, I knew you'd enjoy it," Arthur said as he joined Merlin and they laughed for a few moments, forgetting they were both supposedly angry with each other.

Merlin curved his body to the side facing Arthur and leaned into him as his hand rested on Arthur's shoulder latching on as though letting go of it would somehow decrease the meaning of their link.

It was a joke that didn't really have any meaning anymore. It had started back when Arthur and Merlin were in University together. They had a friend who had lived in the same student housing building and he'd smelled so strongly Puff, the Magic Dragon had been their nickname for him. They would go out of their way to avoid the bloke and start singing the song as an indication of his approach.

Now, years later, though they'd barely hear the song ever played anywhere — whenever they did, Arthur was always reminded of how great that time of his life was. He'd shared it with Merlin, before all the drama had ever happened.

"Still doesn't mean you're not a prat," Merlin said, straightening up and pulling himself away from Arthur.

Arthur missed Merlin's touch immediately and wanted to grab his hand again but resisted. "Well, I'm a prat you won't have to deal with for much longer."

"Indeed."

"I still can't believe you're going to be gone." Arthur sighed as he turned his body as well and rested his back straight on the seat in the back of the car. The passenger seat was much too cluttered for someone to sit in it so they'd both decided to wait in the back for Gwaine to arrive where they both had more room to move and be comfortable. He was staring at the roof of the car and he felt Merlin shiver next to him.

"Come here." Arthur tried to pull Merlin towards him by grabbing his right arm but Merlin pulled himself away. "You're freezing Merlin. Just come closer!"

"No!" Merlin nearly screamed and pushed Arthur back.

"We used to—"

"I know. But not now."

"Why? Why do you hate me so much?"

Merlin didn't answer. Instead, he turned to his left, leaving Arthur staring at the back of Merlin's neck and could feel the goosebumps rising all over Merlin's skin. He knew Merlin was always ten degrees colder than him.

Determined, Arthur slid his hands under Merlin's jacket, then his shirt, feeling his cold skin and yanked Merlin towards himself.

"What are you doing?" Merlin tried to fight back but Arthur's grip only tightened.

"Stop being so fucking stubborn," Arthur replied, snuggling Merlin closer.

Eventually, Merlin stopped fighting and let Arthur win. Arthur was sure he'd never admit it though. He only loosened his hold around Merlin a bit when he was sure Merlin wouldn't try to run away, but when he did, Merlin grabbed his hand and he curved more into Arthur's body.

"Merlin," Arthur whispered, his lips on the back of Merlin's neck, breathing onto Merlin's skin.

Merlin arched into Arthur more and pushed Arthur's hand down towards the front of his trousers. Arthur's breath hitched when he realised Merlin was hard and he lightly thrust up grinding into his hand.

"Merlin…" Arthur mumbled again, but this time it was with hesitation rather than desire. He shouldn't have tried to open this door again. He was such a fool.

"Arthur, please!" Merlin begged pushing back onto Arthur's jeans that were more successfully in hiding his erection. "I need you…"

"But you said—"

"I know. I lied," Merlin answered, his head darting back as Arthur's lips reached Merlin's right ear and Arthur let out a hot breath into him.

Snuggling had never been an issue between the two of them. They had been friends for practically ten years and as flatmates, they'd slept in the same bed sometimes and woken up spooning. It had never been awkward and whenever they were dating other people, they'd stopped.

Things had changed a few months ago when one night Arthur, drunk, had fallen into bed with Merlin and they did more than just snuggle that night. He'd woken up sticky and his hand had been around Merlin's cock. He had been too embarrassed and was short with Merlin, running out of the room. Later when he tried to talk to Merlin about it, Merlin had asked him to pretend it never happened.

That's when the fights had started. Merlin had been snappy with him all the time and would find a reason to insult Arthur whenever he could. Ultimately, he'd announced he was leaving and Arthur knew he couldn't do anything to stop it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to.

Now he was back there, in his car, doing the same thing he'd promised he would forget he'd done. Arthur had desired Merlin for a long time and he was sure that was the reason why he'd let things escalate as much as they had. He never was able to tell Merlin that he wanted more.

"I can't…" Arthur struggled. God, he wanted to. So much.

"You don't want to?" Merlin's voice was so innocent and Arthur let go of Merlin's erection and pulled him into a hug.

"I want to, Merlin. Believe me. I want to so badly. But—"

"But what?"

"You're leaving and I can't—"

"I love you," Merlin mumbled.

Arthur's head shot up from nuzzling Merlin and he turned Merlin to face him. "What?"

"I'm leaving because I love you and I can't—I can't be around you and—"

"Merlin, I don't understand."

"That night, when you came to my bed and we were together—for the first time. It was something I've wanted for ages and we both fell asleep. When you woke up the next day… I thought you didn't want me. That's why I was—"

Arthur pushed his lips onto Merlin's and urged him to stop talking. How could Merlin have been so stupid? How could Arthur have been so blind? Merlin had been cross because he thought—he thought the same thing as Arthur did.

It was the first time they'd ever kissed and Arthur was so glad Merlin kissed him back.

"I want you, Merlin. I'm sorry our first time was so—sloppy. I never want you to think I don't want you." Arthur was on top of Merlin, grinding down on his cock as Merlin's arse happily danced with it.

"I want you, Arthur," Merlin said as he stopped and turned to look at Arthur. Then, Merlin's hands reached to unbutton Arthur's jeans and before Arthur could count to ten, his cock was in Merlin's mouth.

"Fuck. Fuck. Yeah," Arthur incoherently and repetitively encouraged Merlin to continue with his mouth as his tongue swirled around his prick. Arthur's back rested against the back of the passenger seat as he attempted to support himself with this hands pushing on the driver's seat. He thrust in and out of Merlin's mouth, attempting to fuck it. Merlin's hands rested on Arthur's arse and gripped it tightly trying to balance him.

Arthur was sure if he lost his balance for one second, Merlin's teeth would surely scrape his cock but he was trying not to let the fear take over the pleasure of having Merlin's mouth around him. He tried to balance himself with his arm on the passenger seat as he moved his right hand to grab the back of Merlin's head. He wanted to pull on Merlin's hair and steady a rhythm. His right foot was pressing down on the back seat, still trying to gain control. Arthur couldn't believe this was happening. He was finally giving into his desire for Merlin, and he couldn't believe that it was so incredibly awkward.

Arthur groaned as he knew he was so close and with an accidental twist, his foot slipped off the seat and Arthur fell in between the space of the back seat and the passenger seat. Merlin was quick enough to detach his mouth from Arthur's cock as Arthur landed on the floor of the car. It didn't help that Merlin erupted with laughter at Arthur's expense.

"Aw, Arthur…" Merlin tried to keep a straight face but it wasn't working.

"Just get me off. I'm so close!" Arthur snapped. After everything, he really just wanted to at least get off.

"Typical," Merlin responded rolling his eyes, then obediently followed Arthur's orders. He grabbed Arthur's cock and began stroking him. Arthur didn't mind being at a weird angle so much anymore as Merlin would sometimes lean down and lick the head of his cock as he stroked him. It didn't take long for Arthur to come and he was shooting all over Merlin's shirt as his eyes shut and the only sound he heard was of his own moaning and a weird tap.

The slow tapping didn't stop after he'd finished whimpering. Arthur looked at Merlin whose eyes widened and then looked up at the window. Arthur followed Merlin's gaze and looked towards the window as well. It was Gwaine and Morgana waving frantically.

"Got your keys, but good to know you've found other ways to keep yourself warm!" Gwaine was sniggering while Morgana only shook her head and placed her hand over her eyes. Merlin moved immediately out of the way as Arthur buttoned up his jeans.

It had stopped raining and they hadn't even noticed. Arthur got out of the car first, then saw Merlin immediately take off his shirt and run towards the house. Arthur reckoned Merlin was probably too mortified to face Arthur's sister and her boyfriend and grabbed the keys from Gwaine's hands before following Merlin.

When he opened the door, Merlin locked himself in his room and Arthur waited for Gwaine and Morgana to arrive. He handed them back the spare set once he'd grabbed his own house keys—not really sure why he needed them, but it felt like the thing to do.

"Thanks so much for—"

"Interrupting your lovemaking?" Gwaine teased and earned himself a jab in the ribs from Morgana.

"Not exactly how I thought you'd reconcile things, but I'm glad to see that things are looking positive for you two again," Morgana said, pulling Arthur in for a hug. "Keep us updated on how it's going."

"But keep the details to yourself, I think I've had enough with seeing your—"

"Let's go!" Morgana pushed Gwaine out of the door and Arthur closed it behind them. Now on to the next task: consoling Merlin.

Arthur approached Merlin's door and gently knocked on it. He received no answer so decided to slowly open it. He saw Merlin sitting on his bed in a pair of pyjamas and a cotton t-shirt holding his mobile.

"Merlin, is everything okay?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah, I was just sending a text to—" Merlin looked up from his phone and watched Arthur enter his room as he closed the door behind him. "I wanted to know if I could withdraw my lease from the other flat."

Arthur smiled at Merlin and ran his hands through his hair. "So you're not going to leave?"

"If that's okay with you," Merlin said, standing up off his bed and shortening the distance between himself and Arthur.

"It's what I want," Arthur said and kissed Merlin again.

Arthur pushed Merlin back on his bed and a moment later, he was out of his jeans again. This time, they were fully off and on the floor along with his shirt and Merlin's clothes. Merlin pushed Arthur's legs apart as he lifted his arse to give Merlin easy access. Arthur bit his lower lip in anticipation for Merlin to push his two lube slicked fingers into him. Merlin had conveniently placed the lube under his pillow before Arthur arrived.

This is what he'd wanted for so long and he only hoped that any awkwardness they had encountered in the car would not have tagged along with them. Arthur's breath hitched when instead of feeling Merlin's fingers inside him, he felt Merlin's tongue instead.

Arthur groaned appreciatively. "Fuck, Merlin..." Merlin was pushing his tongue in and out of Arthur's hole and Arthur couldn't do anything but grab Merlin's hair and move with him. It felt amazing.

"More!" Arthur begged. "Now. Fuck, Merlin. Please." Arthur was nearly screaming, wanting Merlin, to feel inside him. He was ready. He'd been ready for so long.

Merlin finally released Arthur from his tongue and lined him with the head of his prick. Arthur didn't know when and where he'd gotten the condom from, but he was glad Merlin was prepared. He slowly pushed in, groaning and moaning Arthur's name.

"You like that, Arthur?"

"Yeah..."

"You want me inside you?"

"Yes, Merlin!"

"God, I have wanted this for so long, Arthur. Fuck, you feel amazing, Arthur."

Arthur pushed down on Merlin's cock with need; trying to show Merlin how much he wanted him. His hands grabbed at his own hair as he closed his eyes, just trying to remember the feeling. His first time with Merlin; he wanted to cherish it forever.

"I can't wait until you're fucking me like this," Merlin said as he pulled in and out of Arthur; his thrusts speeding up.

"Yeah?" Arthur asked flirtatiously. "You're hungry for my cock again?"

"Fuck, yeah, Arthur. I want you to feel yourself inside me. I want to feel you coming in me..." Merlin groaned again and with another vigorous thrust, he came, spilling inside Arthur.

"Fuck, Mer…" Arthur whispered. "God, I never wanted you to stop."

Merlin leaned in and kissed Arthur and gently slipped himself out. Arthur wiped the small dab of sweat off Merlin's forehead and kissed him back. "I never want to stop. I never want this to stop." Arthur felt Merlin smiling against his cheek. "But—"

"But, what?" Arthur asked, suddenly afraid that maybe Merlin didn't feel as passionately as Arthur.

"We are going to need to buy more condoms," Merlin said.

Arthur laughed and tightened his grip around Merlin. "I'm sure that can be arranged."

The End

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