ry I haven't been writing lately, schools been keeping me preoccupied with test studying and after school programs, and reading that stupid book you have to read for getting your permit. I wish there was an easier way to get your permit. Anyways, I hope you like this, I know that it's another Remus/Sirius story, I'm trying to create a story of other characters, I'm thinking of writing a story with Fred and George. I love those two :D
Please read and respond. I love critics and I love complements, so either one is fine with me. Thank You!
I own nothing.
Remus was talking to me again, but I wasn't paying attention. Actually I couldn't pay attention. I never could with Remus, I tried the best that I could but it never worked, he was too cute for me to stop watching and thinking about. The way he talked was mesmerizing, his lips moved in the most perfect way, his voice sounded like silk, and his teeth were the most perfect white. His eyes were something else too, big and round, easy to fall into to, and the most brilliant shade of amber that sparkled and shined at the lights of the candles. His hair, falling every so often into his face, was a most beautiful soft sun-streaked, light brown color.
"Sirius are you even listening to me?" Remus asked. I looked up into his questioning eyes.
"Wh-what, yeah of course."
"Then what did I just say." I thought for a second then decided to be a smart ass.
"Then what did I just say." he smirked.
"Fine. I'll give you that one." I smiled while he sat down next to me. I got a whiff of him, and I was taken away again. My only thoughts were of a boy who smelled of old musty books, a slight hint of ink, and a strong scent of chocolate. He couldn't keep doing this to me, I thought for about the millionth time. It's our third year at Hogwarts, and I've had been thinking of Remus more than a friend for about two years now.
Remus made himself more comfortable, leaning closer and resting his head on my shoulder, while reading the book he had taken out. I made an internal sigh, Remus would constantly change his mind about his feelings for me. It killed me, sometimes he would say he liked me and we would be just about to hook up, then he would say he couldn't and that he didn't like me anymore. Right now he liked me, he hadn't said it yet, but I'm afraid for when he does, once he does he'll break my heart just like always.
He had me on his rope, and he knew it. He knew how much I loved him, how I would do anything, for him. He would constantly make me do things for him just because he knew I would. James knew about this and tried to convince Remus to stop messing with me, but it didn't work too well, he just stopped doing as much.
I don't know what I'm going to do once Remus breaks my heart again. I don't think I'll be able to survive again. I just don't understand, he knows I like him, and I know he likes me, and we're perfect for each other, so why does he keep denying it. Am I just not good enough for him, I could understand that, I'm not exactly the best person for a relationship. I have a horrible family who I could never tell them about Remus, and I'm not so much of a sweet guy, though for Remus I would try the best of my abilities to do that. Actually I would try my best to be anything Remus wants me to be, as long as I had him.
"I'm going to go to bed, alright?" I nodded hypnotically, not really paying attention to what was going on. I was too into my thoughts. But once I felt the warmth leave my body from where Remus was sitting I awoke from my trans.
"Where you going?" I asked sadly.
"I told you Sirius, I'm going to bed."
"Oh, alright then, I guess I will too." he smiled and then let it fall, turned around and started walking. I was frozen in my seat. One of the first signs of him about to break my heart. What was I suppose to do now.
"Sirius, you coming up?"
"N-no, I decided I wanted to stay down here a bit more. You go on up without me." I felt my heart drop when he turned back around and headed up the stairs. Not even wondering why I decided to stay down here, not bothering to say goodnight.
What could I do to keep Remus from breaking my heart again. I'd have to do something different. Maybe I should do something really nice, and out of the way, something that will make him feel better. If I did everything right, maybe he wont change his mind. I fell asleep, wondering what exactly I would do.
"Sirius, what are we doing?" Remus kept asking me this while I led him to where I was going to make sure his mind stayed on liking me.
"You'll see. You'll love it." we reached the entrance to a secret tunnel leading to Honey Dukes. "Just through this tunnel and we'll be there, alright?"
"Ok, but where are we going?" Remus sounded a bit hesitant.
"A place you love." I took out my wand and pointed it at the entrance to the secret passage. I mumbled a spell and it opened. We entered and both lit up our wand. After about five minutes of walking Remus started complaining.
"Sirius, how much longer?"
"Not to far Remus. Just hold in there we'll be there soon." about ten more minutes went by and we finally made it to our destination.
"Oh my god Sirius, it smells amazing. Where are we?" I looked at Remus quizzically.
"How can you smell that, I don't smell anything." In the soft glow from our wands I could see a faint blush appear on his cheeks.
"I-I just have a very good nose."
"Weird." I paused, looking at him and how look anywhere but at me. "Any ways, right up here." I opened the top of the trap door and went up, Remus following close behind.
"Merlin's Sirius, this smells wonderful. You have to tell me where we are."
"Wait, we're still not exactly where we're suppose to be. Come on." I grabbed his hand hesitantly and guided him to the front of the store.
"Si-Sirius, are we in, Honey Dukes?" he looked around wide eyed.
"Mm-hmm." Remus let go of my hand and walked around looking at everything, and smelling the air.
"You're a bit early." Remus yelped and turned around while I smiled up at the owner who was now standing right next to me.
"It was either be early or late, we couldn't have been able to get away to be on time."
"Well it doesn't matter. So I presume you're Remus." Remus nodded his head slowly and then looked at me, then back to the owner. "I'm the owner, Charles Baker. You are welcomed to take anything you want. Sirius, you know what to do but if you need anything I'll be up in my chambers." he left with a nod towards both of us and then disappeared.
"Sirius, what's going on?"
"We're in Honey Dukes. You can get anything you want without buying it. Charles is a friend of my family, so I get anything from Dukes for free." I lied at the last part, I actually already paid Charles. I paid enough for one of everything, Remus had this thing with us buying him stuff. We knew he wasn't the richest person, but when ever we tried to buy him something he wouldn't allow it, he wanted to look like he was independent I guess, but this way he would never know. I looked at Remus to see him staring at me with an expression I knew all too well. My heart dropped.
"Sirius," I took a breath, looked down, before he could start I spoke up.
"Remus, please don't. I need you. I can't take another rejection from you. What is it? What can I do to make you mine? Can't you see that we're perfect for each other. Remus, I am one hundred percent in love with you. Why is it that you can't be with me? Why do you keep shying away from something that's suppose to happen. You know it's suppose to happen, but you just, walk away. What can I do Remus?" I was begging him but he wasn't looking at me, meaning nothing I was saying was going in.
"Sirius, I just, can't. I can't tell you why, but it just will never work. I'm sorry, but we can't." he walked by me and back to the trap door, leaving me behind in Honey Dukes.
"Sirius Black where have you been?" I was in the dorm, having went straight there during lunch. I had spent the night and day after the rejection in the kitchen, hiding from anyone who was looking for me. During lunch, when I knew everyone would be eating I snuck up to my room, unfortunately James, Peter, and Remus weren't in the Great Hall but in the dorm. Now James was staring at me with piercing eyes, trying to figure out where I've been. Peter was behind James, curious about where I've been but not really caring, and Remus was sitting on his bed, reading a book and every so often looking up with an expression of sorrow and defeat.
"I've been around. Why?" I asked, not really caring. I wasn't looking at anyone, especially Remus.
"Why? Why?" James was starting to sound like my mother. I don't even know why James' so angry, its not like I did anything bad. "Sirius, the teachers have noticed, there going to be questioning you like crazy tomorrow. You missed a detention, and I needed you to prank Snape with me, and." he stopped, grabbed my arm and guided me into the bathroom. "and, Remus is depressed or something, and won't talk to anyone. What did you do?" my anger flared at the question.
"Me? What did I do?" my voice was raising and I knew that Remus would be able to hear everything I said but I didn't care anymore. My heart had been broken too many times for me to care any more. "I didn't do anything James. Remus is the one to blame. I tried, oh did I try. I did my best to be a good person, to do something nice. And what did I get in return? Another rejection. I'm surprised I'm not like my mother right now because I've got no heart left in me. It's been broken way too many times and I'm done James. No longer do I care about anything. I'm done with life, I'm done with love, I see no point in anything anymore."
"Sirius don't say that."
"Why not, it's the truth. It's the way I feel, James. You don't understand, I can't deal with this anymore I need to get away or I'll never be sane ever again. I just, I can't deal with it, and I won't be able to live in this dorm any more." at that I bolted from the bathroom, out the dorm room and out of Gryffindor tower.