AN:
I just wanted to write this because I'm going through similar things and thought it might be interesting to read. So, yeah.
Barnaby knew it was stupid.
He knew it was stupid to have allowed himself to even fall in love with someone—No. It wasn't love. By all means, it was just some dumb infatuation or crush. Love was harder to get over, so the blond refused to even touch that word with how he felt.
But, it was dumb to have found himself suddenly…Interested romantically in Kotetsu (Barnaby still didn't even want to use the phrase "interested romantically" for how he felt). He was pretty sure it was because after all the years of seeking for vengeance and that lovely stuff, that Barnaby realised someone actually cared for him and it wasn't fake (he thought over and over about Maverick. He was sure that the bastard didn't really care, judging by actions took by the latter).
Kotetsu was, by all means, older. He wouldn't even feel the same way for someone, give or take, 15 younger than him. It was a weird thing to even take into assumption. Kotetsu definitely saw Barnaby as more than a good friend and partner than anything else.
Damn.
Why was he thinking about this? Thinking about it more only made him a little more negative.
He accepted the fact that Kotetsu would only want to be friends with him. He was fine with that. But, the more and more Barnaby thought about even testing his luck and confessing, made him think about what if their friendship had gotten awkward or he would be weirded out?
"…Eh…" Barnaby sunk down a bit in his chair and ran a hand through his hair. Stop thinking about it, dammit. He was too afraid to test his luck, believe it or not.
He was lonely. That was that. He only felt this way because he was lonely. He kept telling himself this over and over again… Why couldn't he convince himself this like he managed to convince himself that it wasn't…Love?
He couldn't just distance himself from Kotetsu—they were partners and best friends! That wasn't even a reasonable solution. Besides, Kotetsu made him feel…Happy and appricated, he didn't want something like that out of his life.
…
Dammit.
He was lonely. Lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely—it didn't work. He still couldn't get himself to believe it.
Barnaby, by all means, didn't want these feelings. They were annoying and by far, problematic. He found himself getting jealous by even the pettiest of things such as Kotetsu getting even the slightly bit of close to another.
He had friends. Kotetsu was allowed to have friends. Barnaby truly hated himself for even being jealous of him having any other good relation with someone else.
He really, really needed to get over these feelings soon… He just didn't know how.
So, he would continue to deny them and see just how far he could get with that. Hopefully he could manage to convince himself he didn't really like Kotetsu romantically and these annoying feelings would be gone.
Hopefully…Hopefully, one could hope.
Barnaby mentally wished himself luck on it before going into his room to sleep for the night. It was too late, anyway. He shouldn't've stayed up so late thinking over his feelings for that man…