Dark fiction- general angst all around… and it's because I'm that much of a jerk to write this instead of updating.
-(This is the beginning)-
The Fallen, by: Commando Wolf
My name is William J. Dunbar, and I was once just a puppet in XANA's plan. You don't know how it is like to be sad every day, to be standing in the shadow of yourself as the shadow committed acts that no sane man would have done- to virtually terminate the people who were your friends every time the puppet-holder wished it. You probably don't know how it is like to hide behind the person you once were- a shell that you put up so everyone else will be deceived. As life passed around me after I was liberated from XANA, I ignored it and went my own way, in my own slow pace. I cared about nothing and nobody, and though I stayed with my small group of friends, I had felt like I was truly separated from them. I watched as they happily talked to each other, and I had felt myself occasionally smile, just to put on a mask and protect them from knowing. They could not stop what was meant to be, or what I was to do. I knew that as they talked to each other, they did not care about me at all, even though we had relied on each other to go to Lyoko and defend the world from the clutches of my enemy, XANA.
It had started quite a while ago, actually, when the truth I perceived to be began to sink in, and I had began to believe the voices inside my head telling me that I was worth nothing- that I was nobody in the sea of faceless people with names I mostly could not remember. Everything began to have a darker hue after that, and although I had continued to fight against XANA, I knew that it was pointless- that everything will end according to fate, and what I did not matter. They say 20 out of every 100 teens experience depression before they reach the age of 18. I guess I was one of the people that managed to get depression. I had continued to eat when I was in front of my friends, but when they were not there; I starved and gradually lost weight. I began looking at things differently, suddenly having the ability to see the worse side of things, even in the most pleasant of occasions.
For example, if someone remarked that it was a nice day outside, I might have pointed out the rather large bee nearby, or I would have said that it would rain pretty soon enough. I drifted away from the friends and from my social life, and some of my grades slipped, just a little while I maintained the other grades to keep up the appearance I was actually okay. Everything was cold and lonely during the bout of depression, and everything got a lot colder when Winter began. I just sat under the weather, and did not care in the slightest about my well being, not even when it was snowing, or when it was raining like no tomorrow. It was not like I had not tried to get help from adults, even mentioning it a few times, but they had brushed it off as nothing, not even when it was staring them dead in the face. I took no medications for this, nor did I see a psychologist or a doctor about this, and tried to climb up from this steep mountain of depression I faced.
To say it in the least confusing way- I failed. I still dreamed of things that most people would find horrifying, but I never cared. I stored them in a place where nobody else but me would have access to- my mind. That way, nobody knew of my pains and of my trials, and nobody would ever know the person I was. The shadow of my former self was enough to hide my pain and my sorrows from the rest of the cold and cruel world. I then lost faith in everything, even doubting if I would live another day to survive as I quietly suffered.
They say that the best time to cry is at night, where nobody could see your tears trickle down your face as you remember who or what you had lost. They would not be able to know who was crying in the dark, and they would be forever kept in the dark of who was crying out all their frustration, and all their disappointments. Nobody would know each other in the dark, and that is where friends and the friendships they share are truly tested. How could you be friends if you can't see? How would you be able to trust them if you don't know their intent- friendly or malicious? For a long time I could not see, my vision was obscured by the shadow XANA had put in my after my possession. I could not control my actions any longer, and every day was torture. However, one day, I had a short vision. Yumi Ishiyama, the girl I truly had a crush on, went through XANA's possession, and was able to talk to me- the real me for a short time.
…Maybe things aren't so bad after all. Maybe the world isn't as dark as a place it seems to be- I just have to join with the 5 other lights lighting the way for the others. Maybe only then could I be someone to somebody, and have a meaning to why I am here. Yumi did show me the way, with her guiding light, and I should do the same. Though she may not love me as she loves Ulrich, I can still be her friend. That way, I can spend some time with her and my other friends, and not be alone in the dark anymore. My name is William James Dunbar, and today, I have made a promise to fight with the Lyoko Warriors against all other evils. Today, I have truly become a Lyoko Warrior.
-(And this is the end)-
Author's note: Depression isn't nice, kids. From, the person that once had it. True, I had not mentioned the 'thoughts' depressed people have, because I want to keep this at a K+ level. I'll bump it up to T, on request, if people think this is too depressing. One of my shorter fics, this characterizes both hope and hopelessness.