I am... So... SO SOSOSo Sorry for this. I'm sorry. Please forgive, I was very tired but... I'm going to post it anyway.
It made me laugh (at 3 a.m.)
this is re-uploaded, I fixed all the grammar and spelling errors that I should have fixed before I uploaded it the first time.
The woman stood over Loki's body, her heals feet on either side of Loki's rib cage. She was tall, good looking in a... strange way. She was almost hard to look as. she wore all black, and a cloak with a hood. She had left her scythe at home, but anyone looking at her could see she was Death. Perhaps she had come to take the God away to Valhalla.
It was a sad thing to think of, even if Loki was evil. He seemed very surprised to see the woman standing over him. Not a tear would fall from his eye before-
"You're a dumb ass." She scolded, there was a clear familiarity. Loki groaned.
"Fuck... you." He answered.
"That... is the best you can come us with? Really?" Death asked, smirking. She rolled her foot over his chest before placing it back beside him. He winced.
"I... can totally see up your shirt right now." Loki mumbled.
"Like what you see?" She grinned, showing all of her sharp little teeth.
"I can't decide." He tried to shift up, but it hurt too much. "Oh Valhalla." He groaned.
"You kind of look Sexy all... broken..." She licked her lips.
"You... are insane." She paused, thought about it then made the 'not bad' face and nodded.
"Yeah. That's about the weight of it lover. So are you just gonna lay there until they come back for you?"
"I've failed... Thanos is going to track me down sooner or later and-"
"SO? Loki, don't be such a pussy!" She snapped angrily.
"I'm a god. Don't talk to me like that." Loki rolled over and pulled himself up a step. He winced but pulled himself back over when she spoke again.
"God or not, you're a pussy." She bumped his side with her boots and Loki groaned. "And I'm a Goddess."
"I hate you so much right now."
"Don't waste good hate on me, lover!" She answered,stepping away from him. She offered her hand and Loki eyed it. "I could never hate you." She wrenched him up and let him drop. "You are like Grendel, you must learn humility and when to quit, or you will never win." She said. He groaned and sat down on the steps.
"I don't suppose you're going to help me out of here, are you?" He smiled happily. She shook her head.
"Nope. You killed people, you deserve jail-"
"You, fair lady, kill people all the time." He grunted.
"This is true." She shrugged, "the difference is that you are a stolen relic, and I, my pet, I am Death, killing is my job." Loki paused and looked at the group that he hadn't notice until then, then he looked up at Death. "They can't see me pet."
"why not?"
"Only those who have traveled between realms can see me."
"Great, now I look crazy."
"You always look insane, lover." She knelt beside him. "If you'd like I could reveal myself to them."
"You're death, you do what you want." He shifted and leaned against the stair case.
"Who are you talking to?"
"A friend." He paused. "A friend that only I can see, because I have been in between realms."
"Loki-" Thor started.
"Your sentiment is going to get you killed, Thor." Loki warned softly. "Stop being sentimental. Get rid of such emotions, or your life... is forfeit... " He paused and huffed. "If its all the same to you... I'll take that drink now." He smirked. Iron Man moved to answer but before he could a woman materialized next to Loki.
"Hi." She exclaimed happily waving at the group.
"Who are you?!"
"Uhm... that's a little hard to explain."
"Okay... try."
"She is... my friend." Loki murmured, shifting and groaning.
"Basically, I'm death. Loki and I met a while back after he fell through the void. He was Hot, broken, depressed, kind of suicidal... I was lonely. We hit it off right away."
"Are you trying to threaten us."
"No..." She contemplated it. "Basically I make mortality possible. Everything I touch dies. Except Loki." She added softly.
"oh?"
"And I've touched Loki... A LOT." She smiled perversely.
"Gods." Loki rubbed his forehead. "Death, please-"
"Shut up." She kicked him lightly in the side.
"Please don't-"
"You're amazing... at least in bed."
"What?!" Iron Man asked slowly.
"You uh... you uh..." Thor stammered and shook his head, his mouth open.
"I totally jumped your brothers bones. Hardcore."
"Oh... Holy... Shit.' Tony murmured. "But you're like... perfect." Tony said his hands gesturing around the woman's breast area.
"Thanks!" She giggled.
"Was he really that good?" Black Widdow asked slowly.
'Hes got an enormous... you know." They shook their heads in unison. "Penis. His cock is huge."
"Please... please don't say anymore." Loki murmured.
"Shut up, your cock is amazing. Seriously. its huge. Its awesome... and I'm telling you he knows how to use it." She giggled happily, "I know I say that size doesn't count but it is SUCH a lie."
"Please... please stop talking."
"Shut up." She answered.
"You shut up."
"I will rape you." She warned.
"Shutting up now." Loki answered, raising his palms in defeat.
"You're so cute when you're submissive!"
"I'm not submitting, I'm just accepting the fact that you raping me involves Thanos-"
"Thanos?!" Thor exclaimed.
"Yeah he's my biggest fan boy." Death said matter-of-factly. "Hes kind of a jerk. In fact... Why haven't i killed him yet?"
"Fuck... I don't know. Because his dick is bigger than mine?"
"Oh yeah!" She cheerfully clapped her hands. "Anyway... "
"I still haven't gotten over the idea that you... had sex with... that." Natasha mumbled.
"Yeah I have a thing for crazy... broken, suicidal, psychotic men."
"Oh."
"He kept me going for hours."
"Really?" Natasha shifted and cleared her throat.
"Excuse me, Death, I'm not broken, or suicidal-"
"To be fair, you did try to kill you self." Thor mentioned.
"More then once, actually. I found him in a void. He was just floating there thoroughly pissed off because he couldn't move and wasn't dead. It was really hot, actually. Ultimate bondage."
"You're insane."
"She really is, actually."
"Shut up." Death answered.
"You are really mean." Natasha paused. "I like you."
"Aww! thanks! You all are so nice! Calling me insane and mean and... aww! You're... sweet... Its too bad I have to kill you."
"What?"
"Oh not now, but I personally escort souls of the dead from their bodies. I have lots of little minions to do it for me, but with such a massive massacre like this... well... yeah. You have several years left, especially for someone in your line of work." She paused. "Clint you should REALLY go to the hospital for that mole on your ass." She said with a dark smile. "Keep that beautiful penis fresh for me, 'kay! I'll visit you in solitary." She winked.
"Uh... Are you gonna help me or just standing there talking about my penis?" Loki asked, shifting.
"No."
"What? Then why are you here." She paused and considered.
"I... I don't know. Why am I here? You wont be fuck-able for a while... Hey, Iron man, you free?" Tony shook his head. "Damn. Well Its be... fun." She kicked Loki lightly in the side.
"Wait wait wait wait! Death, please, wait. Thanos will destroy me if I don't bring him the Tesseract, please.." Loki winced.
"You can't offer death anything, Loki. As good as you are in bed, and you are, you should be really proud, but... If I were like that I could have the world infinity times over. I could have the universe, because no creature really wants to die, in there nature." She cupped his chin and sighed. "Your nose looks good broken." She mused. "You should wear that... more often. I am really bad at goodbyes. I'll find you in your cell in Asgard once you're healthy, kay?" She walked out past them and paused. "Its like climbing Mt. Everest." She said in a low voice to Natasha, "When you get to the top, its more then breath taking. It fills every hole you have in your heart for at least a moment." She smiled and turned, vanishing.