Disclaimer: All the creative rights belong to Mihona Fuji.

Author's Note: Closing Time is a one-shot story about what might have been. I hope you will like it!

Closing Time

The sun shines, the sun sets, the seasons change – I can still breathe and yet I don't feel anything. For nine long years, I've been a walking dead. None of this world would make me feel alive unless if they would die for me or undo what they did, which is impossible.

I blink my eyes more than thrice, pulling back the tears which have formed. Why do I have to cry? Shouldn't I be happy? I must be rejoicing right now! No, not just yet. Not until my eyes would see how painful it would be for them to catch their breath and fight over the god of death.

I sit outside the Intensive Care Unit, while the others were praying at the hospital's chapel. I may not be there, but I'm praying as well – praying that they would have the most excruciating death. I wonder why they were even at the ICU, when they would just die the moment it happened yesterday.

I look up, his best friend is in front of me with eyes perplexed and scrutinizing. I avert my gaze at the sign board of the ICU's door; wouldn't someone walk out of it and announce what I wanted? They are just prolonging the agony of these people, when I mention these people I meant his best friend and the others. He is speaking of the girl's room, I pretend to be not hearing anything but then he calls my name as if he is exhausted and in grief. Taking my hand, I want to hate him for I don't want to see her! I despise her of all people!

We arrive at the hospital room of the child caused by sin. She is sitting above the bed, playing with a doll, ignoring the dextrose in her vein, smiling when she shouldn't.' The little girl smiles when her eyes look up on us. Should I smile back? I know exactly what to do. 'There's no hope for them, they won't be here long enough-' my words nip the little girl's heart asking what I meant. His best friend grabs my hand, dragging me outside.

'What the hell is wrong with you?' His eyes look at me from head to foot, in a way as if I will be dissected after. 'How can you say that to her? Don't you have any heart or feelings left?'

What? How can he ask that when he knows what is wrong with me? Yes, I don't have a heart anymore which is the reason why I can't feel anything! 'I didn't come here to show some sort of feelings I no longer feel!' I free my hand from his tight grip. 'I just stated a fact-'

'A fact? You shouldn't have been here-' his eyes locking with mine. 'Look at you,' he pauses for a minute.

Look at me? What is wrong with my appearance? Right. I am all dressed in black as if I'm attending a funeral. I close my eyes, walk away from him to the end of the corridor where there is air. He follows me from behind, why can't he just leave me alone when he said that I shouldn't have been here? He is right anyway, I never should have come. I gaze up at the blue sky, not wanting to dream of the might have been in my life.

'You've changed,' he comments with a hint of regret in his voice. 'Rei loves you-'

Harshly, I shook my head continuously. 'Stop it!' I don't want to hear lies! 'We all know whom he loves so don't tell me that he loves me! You hear that! Don't ever tell me about it!'

'He regretted what happened and only expected-um hoped for your forgiveness-'

'Forgiveness?' Tears roll down my cheeks, I hate myself for not being able to hold them back when I own them! 'He expected me to forgive him?' People start to look on us, I don't care. I even give them death glares. People are people, always wanting to see a good show!

'It has been nine years Aya, can't you forgive-'

I disdainfully laugh. 'Forgive? I wish it is as easy as breathing, but it isn't. ' I don't wipe my tears; I wanted him to see how I have been. 'Every time I will wake up, every time I will see my face, every time I will see a couple walk, every time I will attend a wedding, every second that I realize that I am alive – it's just torturous, I feel so dead. All the memories rushed up on me,' I raise my hands in the air as if I am going crazy. 'Even if I didn't want them, even if I want to throw them away and start a new life but-but-but I always see them on-on' I stop from speaking for I can't say the right words. 'Tell me, how can I forgive him? How can I forgive someone who promised to marry me but marry another? How can I forgive her? How can I forgive someone who took everything from me? How can I be sympathetic to a kid who caused this all?' I hold myself back; I can't stand to speak of curses. 'How can I do that?' I shake my head to stop him from embracing me, 'I don't need you. I don't need anyone-'

'If they die, would it make you happy?'

Happy? If they die, would it really make me happy? 'I just want them not to feel happiness, I just want them to be miserable-' feel what I felt. I want them gone and washed with regrets and frustrations.

'You can never be happy if that's your goal, or yes-um you can be happy but it's short term-'

'At least I'll be happy that I get back at them, don't I deserve to be-'

'Where's the Aya I know?' He rests his hand on the door, his eyes looking up at the sky. 'You can never really be happy and start a new life unless you'll forgive-'

'It's easy for you to say, you're not in my shoes-' I doubt if you can take what I went through.

'I loved Ran, when I learned about it I was in despair. I've been miserable as well, but I forgave them-'

Forgave them? 'They don't owe you anything, it's not like they needed your forgiveness! You don't even have a relationship with Ran! You're not committed to her, so it's a completely different-' I think he stops from breathing. 'Different case.' I sniff, reach for my hanky, and blow my nose there. The nurse calls us straight from the ICU; she says that the man is in a good condition and transferred to his own room. Rei is in a stable condition, but why? Why does he have to live?

Walking over his bed, I think of dark thoughts like stopping the machine that is giving him oxygen, pulling the needle from his vein, or even rolling him out of the bed – in short kill him. Yuuya holds my hand, as if he read my mind and is there to stop me. 'Don't worry I won't kill him,' I let seconds pass before I continue to speak. 'I won't do it with my hands, I'll get filthy. I'll let God take away his life, when He wants to. I'll just be here to watch-'

'You're scary,' even if he said I was scary. He stays beside me, 'I know why you're really here, I can feel that you still care for him-'

Care for him? I wanted to puke right now! 'I don't care about him anymore, like I said I want to see it myself – see-see how he will live in pain-um maybe leave in pain.' I stress the word leave. I walk near the cheater, promise breaker, heartbreaker, ice prince and cold hearted Rei Otohata. Eyes shut, breathing rugged I can see the movement of his chest from up and down, hands slightly moving, and tucked under a white sheet. I move back, just staring at the white blanket like I remember some relevant scene from my life that included a sheet. Through it, I guess my heart and my mind recall something that happened in the past – it has something to do with a white sheet.

It was Monday night when I dialed Yuuya's number. "Yuuya? I've decided, y-yeah this Saturday night so you have to be out from morning till Sunday 'coz I'll be there – we'll be there-haha. Don't tell him, it's a surprise! That's great! So, you'll be out of town from Thursday to Sunday? When will you be back? Monday? Okay. I'll see you!" Smiling, I placed the phone down.

Rei has asked me to marry him next year, but even if I could hold on to that - I still couldn't give myself to him. I rejected him when he asked for a lovey-dovey mode; he said it was what couples do. He was really hot angry and fuming literally, I could feel his heat. His mad face was the only thing I could see even when I close my eyes. So, I wanted to make up for it. I was just not ready for it yet, but now? This was my plan, cook a whole day's food, arrange the apartment for a romantic setting where Rei and I would date and probably have our night together since I love him, I think it would be okay. I've prepared myself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually – I even wanted him to go with me to the church before doing it just so I wouldn't feel guilty.

Saturday arrived fast, I brought my stuff which includes all the materials I needed for the day from dress to ingredients – all of them. I knew Rei wouldn't be there yet since he has a photo shoot, gig and taping for a commercial so I have the whole apartment for myself! In a fired up stance, I walked over the porch and searched for the house keys Yuuya handed me. I thought I heard something from the inside, but then maybe I just imagined it. As I glance over the whole apartment, I smelled it – the ocean scent coming from his room. Smiling, I put my stuff down and slowly made my way to his sleeping nest imagining that he was there and acting as if we live in one roof. I knew he wouldn't be there so I was surprised when I saw someone sleeping on his bed, no I wasn't surprised. I was shocked! I wouldn't feel that way if only he was the only one sleeping, but he was not alone. He was never alone. Tears rolled down my cheeks as my mind pushed away what was processing inside my head. How did it happen? I watched him reach for the person beside him, smelling her and embracing her bare frame. I stepped back, running away for I couldn't take it! He cheated on me under one white sheet.

How I wanted to tear the sheet apart, as much as I would want to kill him. Really, I shouldn't be here maybe I should just go back to London. I don't belong here as if I belong somewhere else. His heartbeat went worse, what is going on? Next thing I know, he is being transferred back to the ICU.

Miyu, Yamato, Sayo, Naoki, Masato, Tatsuki, Yuuya, Towa, Ran's parents, and Rei's parents – they are all near the ICU's door while I on the other hand is standing from afar. The door opened, swallowing the doctor in white lab gown, his eyes look on each one of them then shakes his head. Cries echoed in the hall, I look at Yuuya who was looking at me. Perhaps, he is asking me if I am happy now. Well, I am! I am happy now. I really am. I wanted to believe that I am happy, but my heart is betraying me. The tears escape, everything that can come out – they all came out from me. How I hate myself! Why do I feel bad? I must be happy now that they are gone! Among them, I cry the hardest. I watch Yuuya walk near me, embracing me – this time I embraced him back.

I heard the wedding march play; I hid behind a wooden partition from the church's second floor. I watch her walk down the aisle to meet the groom. The bride should be me, why did she take it from me? The groom, he should be mine. Why did he become hers?

I wanted to scream when they kissed, but didn't. I can't create a scandal, can I? That kiss, it was supposed to be for me. I wiped the tears on my cheeks; I thought I looked horrible with swollen eyes.

When the ceremony ended, I can only watch from afar as the people threw petals on them like they were a lovely couple. I didn't notice that someone walked up, it was his best friend.

"I knew you'd be here-"

"Leave me alone!" I said when I faced him.

His arms were wide open to give me a comforting embrace. "I know how you feel. You will feel better if you let it out with someone. I am your friend-'

"Shut up!" I pushed him away, then walked down the spiral stairs.

I place the last rose before they bury the couple's coffins under the ground. He lied to me; none of what he said was true.

"Will you marry me?"

My eyes widened. "What? Are you serious?"

"Have I ever joked around?"

No. He has always been serious, "w-why?"

"Why? Why are you asking me why? You should be saying a yes now-"

I nodded. "Yes! Yes! I will marry you-"

"Good. We'll get married by next year, we just need to prepare for the wedding-"

"A simple wedding would be enough-uh actually we could just have a civil wedding-"

"No, no no" he kept on shaking his head.

"Rei?"

"Hn?"

"Promise me one thing," I looked deep into his eyes.

"What is it?"

"You will never ever ever leave me." I glared at him when he didn't answer. "Hey-"

Smiling, he moved me closer to him then kissed the top of my head. "I will never ever ever leave you. Happy?"

What a liar! Before I could leave the cemetery, I look back at the poor little girl. What will happen to her? Yuuya is beside her, giving her someone to hold on to like he is her father. Our eyes locked for a moment, I look away then left. As I summon a cab, I find him standing not too far from where I am. He calls me, I don't look at him instead I waited for a cab. In a couple of seconds, he is already beside me 'where are you off to?'

'Why do you want to know? You'd go there?' He is blushing when I gazed up at him, I notice that the sky was gone letting the clouds fill the whole atmosphere.

'Going back to London?'

'I don't know.' He handed an envelope. 'What is that?'

'Why don't you see it for yourself?'

I accept the envelope; look at him one last time as a cab stop in front of me. 'Okay, I better go.' I look what is inside when I am already aboard my flight. Letters? Were they the letters I sent back? Among the letters, one struck me – it is about the divorce? For real? Does this mean right after the wedding they filed a divorce? After a year, they went separate ways secretly? What? Why? So, that is what he wanted to tell me when he went to London! I need to stay here! Wait! I roamed my eyes, the plane is ready for take off!

On the same day, I went back to Japan. I dialed Yuuya's number, 'Yuuya? H-hey, where are you? I need to see you-' we met when it is raining. I ignore the heavy rain; I just need to know if what's inside the envelope was true. We seek a shelter in a form of a waiting shed, 'so, he really loved me after all.'

'Yes-'

'What will happen to-to their daughter?' I ask in a concern tone.

'I'm going to adopt her-'

'I'd like to adopt her-' what? We said it in chorus. 'I-I'

'But you don't like her-' he reminded me.

'Could you possibly raise her alone?'

He smiles, 'I'm not alone-I I-I'm with someone-'

Someone? 'I see, that's good-' good but why do I feel bad? We're just friends but why do I feel hurt? It's not like I like him or what. We exchanged letters for the past nine years, but that was it. I clear my throat, stand up and look for the bus.

'You flew all the way from London just to ask this? I mean about if it's true?'

I nod my head up on him. 'Y-yeah and I also wanted to adopt her like I said-'

'You never wrote back about my last letter.'

Dear Aya,

I know you still can't forgive and forget, but unless you decided to – then and only then can you find real happiness. I heard a rumor about them living separately, but I don't know. I'm not really sure about that. I'm still in New York – you see.

Last letter?

I have always liked you, I mean I don't know. I somehow adore you, you're very rare. I wish you could open up your heart once again.

I pretended like he never wrote to me.

This time I know, I love you.

'W-what? What letter?'

I have always loved you.

'Never mind-' he place his hands under his pockets.

Have always loved me? I didn't notice that. All my life I thought, I am alone. I reach out for his arm, 'I could still visit her, right? I mean the kid?'

He smiles at me. 'Of course, you can even be with her if you like-uh I mean-uh like a mother.'

I shake my head. 'N-no, maybe a sister, she already has a mother-'

He nods his head. 'Only that she's dead, you know, Ran-'

Ran? 'No, the one you're with that's-uh that will be her mother-'

'What? I-I'm not with anyone but my mother.'

Mother? For the first time, I laugh about something. 'How about we raise her together?'

'Together?' The bus stops in front of us, 'you mean?'

I timidly nod my head. 'She needed a mother, right?'

He holds my hand, as we ride the bus I heard one song play which I agreed with.

At his house, the little kid was with her mother. 'Look who is here-'

'Miss Aya, my dad would always tell me things about you-'

About me? I wanted to cry; I ran to her then gave her a heartfelt embrace. 'I'm sorry.'

She shakes her head. 'No, my dad – he was sorry.'

I free her from my embrace, cup her face then promised. 'I will always be here for you-'

The little girl walk upstairs then comes back to give me a ring. 'Is this yours?'

Again she shakes her head, 'my mom told me to give to you. She said it belongs to you-' I stare at the ring; look at it closely to read what is engraved inside. She is right, it belongs to me. 'She said the moment I was conceived she let me wear that-'

I cover my mouth for I might loudly sob. Really? 'Thank you.'

Yuuya walked near us then holds both our hand. 'We will always be here for you.' He stares into my eyes, 'right?'

'Right. We'll have a new beginning.'

If only I have forgiven them and learned to forget, perhaps I've been happy for the past nine years. I've been blinded by pain and grudge that I wanted to get back at them. I wish that wherever they are right now, they would know that I have forgiven them already. I know it is too late to regret what might have been, so I won't look back anymore. I would start a new life, take care of what's in front of me and close the door of the past. It's closing time.

Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

Author's Note: Tell me, what do you think of the story?