Hey.
So it's very late and I'm writing again. And I don't know why, I just sort of picked up the pen and started. I couldn't sleep again. And I know this won't help. But I'm trying.
I hope you're doing okay. I mean, Luffy is. And I'm fine. I hope you're happy, at least. That would make me happy.
It's been a long time since it was the three of us. And, hah, I guess it's not ever going to be that way again. And it sucks. And I wonder if that makes you as sad as it makes me. And I've been missing you for a long time but now that I'm writing this I miss you more and I don't know if it's ever going to stop hurting
sorry
I'm being an idiot. Of course you're happy. And so is Luffy. And so am I. And there's no point in writing this because you're never going to get it and I should stop but I can't really put the pen down right now
Sorry
Look at me. I'm a mess. You'd hit me if you were here right now. It's late. I should sleep (i'll feel better in the morning, Koala keeps saying) but I can't make myself. But i'm trying. I am. I don't know why but i just want you to know but I just need to say it - I'm trying, really, really hard.
I'm tired, Ace.
I'm not doing well. Life is… different. It kind of sucks. Because everything makes me miss you more and it's like the feeling's only getting worse, not better. Life is shit. There.
And look. I've gone this whole letter without saying it. But I think… when I look at it, as it is, without trying to lie to myself… I loved you. And I still love you. And I don't think I'm ever going to stop loving you. And im afraid that it's never going to get better and I wont ever be able to stop feeling like this and im scared that even after this is all over ill never see you again and im scared that ive lost you forever and i miss you
I miss you
sorry
I hope they're treating you well up there. because … you deserve so much. And i love you. And i want you back so much that it hurts and there's this horrible feeling in my stomach and i want to stop. I want to stop. I just want it all to stop for one minute, please
I miss you
-sabo