A/N: I'M OBSESSED WITH SOUTH PARK!!!!!! XD. But I'm also obsessed with Lady Gaga. So I'm like….must…make…fic….about….both…sexiness….in…one…fic….eeee….So this is really meant for laughs, okay? You know how on TV, if they wanna show more than one person doing something different at the same time they would have like a cross in the middle and then one person on the top left, another on the bottom right etc? That's what's happening here. XD I thought this was funny, and I yelled "OH MY GOD TELEPHONE!" During Spanish class today. Damn…anyway enough yapping. On to the sexiness of SP goes GAGA!
It was a pretty average day in South Park, if it were ever average. It was Saturday, but for some reason the boys were in their rooms, On the phone with each other talking about how incredibly bored they are. Boys, damnit….
"…I don't know, maybe I'll finish up the French homework we had on Thursday" Stan said into the phone, leaning back on his desk while fiddling with one of his pictures. It was a picture of the two most important people in his life, NO…not his parents. Kyle and Wendy, of course.
"We had freaking French homework? Fuck!" Kenny mumbled.
"I already did my homework. This is weird, I've never been so bored before." Kyle remarked, swiveling in his computer chair staring at the contraption.
"Kahl, shouldn't you go guard your Jew gold? That'll keep you busy" Cartman smirked through the phone and Kenny burst into a fit of giggles
"Fuck you, Cartman. Go play with Malibu Barbie"
"AYE! It's not MALIBU you god forsaking JEW! IT'S HAWAII COCONUT SUITE!"
And then this started a war, entertaining Stan for awhile. But then he had an idea. He starred at the CD his girlfriend had given him a week ago. "It's totally the music of the YEAR Stan! Just try it!" She had said to him, but he was smart. Chick music rots your brain and instead of hard medal, like normal guys, you'll be shaking your ass to who-knows-who to the so called 'Latest Beyonce song evar!' But.. It couldn't hurt.
"Guys, I'm gonna listen to music, okay?" Stan said suddenly.
"Okay, Stan. I guess I'll go listen to some too" Kyle replied, hanging up
"Whatever, hippie. Just nothing gay" Cartman hung up
"Whatever, I'll just fuck around with my brothers ipod" Kenny said.
Stan.
"I'll just listen to the first song, it can't be to bad…" I said as I turned the speakers up.
We are the crowd, we're c-coming outGot my flash on it's true, need that picture of youIt's so magical,We'd be so fantastical
"What the hell is this?" I questioned the music blaring. I liked it….
"I have the urge to do something incredibly gay….Eh, what the hell right?" I grabbed these big vegas glasses my mom bought, a red scarf, a mike and took my hat off, releasing my black hair.
I started singing into the mike,, because I had heard this song before, and damn it was catchy..
"Leather and jeans, garage glamorous,Not sure what it means, but this photo of usIt don't have a price, ready for those flashing lights,'Cause you know that baby I…"
Author…
Stan then jumps into the middle of his room as the lyrics "I'm your biggest fan I'll follow you until you love me.." started up. He turned towards the fourth wall, threw the glasses away and shook his raven hair everywhere..
"Papa-paparazzi!" He starts to tic…then shimmy…then tic..then shimmy shimmy shimmy shimmmmyyy! Go stan! Go Stan! Go Stan! Go! He turns around and swishes his hips, then does the ''I see you staring at me" Look.
Really what he does his hilarious, But we have no time for this. We must venture on to see what foolishness Kyle is getting into..
Kyle.
"I'll just shuffle through Bebe's play list…and listen to the first song…" I said as I clicked the ''shuffle'' button on Bebe's internet play list.
Hello, hello baby you called I can't hear a thing
I have got no service in the club you see, see
Wha-what what did you say are you breaking up on me?
Sorry I can not hear you I'm kinda busy…
"Oh my god I LOVE this song!" I screeched, kinda like a girl…
"I mean um…I've heard this song before and.. It's…nice…" I grabbed my cell phne and the house phone and mimicked what Lady Gaga was saying…
Author…
Kyle, you know damn well you did something MUCH sexier than that. He grabbed his paint, coated his green eye with blue, grabbed his cell phone and house phone, talking into each one as a different lyric sprang up. He threw clothes everywhere as he stomped around the place.
"STOP CALLIN' STOP CALLIN I DUN WANNA THINK ANYMORE! I LEFT MY HEAD ON MY HEART ON THE DANCE FLOOR! EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH STOP TELEPHONIN' MEH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH EH! I'M BUSYYY!"
Kyle hops around, then shakes himself like a black girl on freaking ghetto lane. Or basically, he shakes what his mama gave him! Hell yeah Kyle! Shake it!
"Boy the way you blowin' up my phone won't make me leave no faster
Put my coat on faster
I shoulda left my phone at home cuzz this is a disaster
Callin' like a collector
Sorry I can not answerrrrr"
Shake shake, dance dance, drop it like it's HOTTTT! YEAH KYLE!
Anyway, let's check up on Cartman….
Cartman
So, I'm not gonna lie or anything, I'm a fan of Lady Gaga. Suck my white salty balls if you don't believe me. I have a whole play list dedicated to her songs, bitches. I'll just listen to the one I'm currently in love with
Shwaty what yo name is?
Them hustlers keep on talkin'
They like the way I'm walkin'
They sayin' that you want me
So press record I'll let you film me
On your video phone, make a cameo
Tape me on your video phone
I can handle you….
So I grab this really big water gun I had stashed in my closet, since that's what they did in the video…
Author…
Cartman whips out a big toy water gun, a pimp hat, and saggy as hell pants. He starts shooting water randomly everywhere across the room, while making Clyde Frog watch.
"DEM BITCHES LIKE MAH FREAKING GUN!" He shouted. Yes Cartman, we dun love your gun.
I love how you approach me
Fresh white with yur pants hanging grown' man low..
Everything you sayin' soundin' good to me
No need to convince me anymore…
Cartman then drapes himself over a near by chair, and does the 'chair sequence' from the video.
Only he falls flat on his ass….
"AH! GOD DAMNIT!…."
Okay…let's check out…Kenny…
Kenny.
I'm not a whore, damnit! I'm just…sexually popular. And I guess Lady Gaga understands that. So I guess I'll just listen to her dirty song…
Let's have some fun this beat is sickI wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Let's have some fun this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
I wanna kiss you But if I do then I might miss you babe
It's complicated and stupid got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid
Guess he wants to play, wants to play
A love game, a love game…
Author..
Kenny. Sexiest dance EVER!!!!!
First he moonwalked to the center of the room did the MJ 'grab the crotch' move and then guess what?
HE TOOK OFF HIS SHIRT! YES! Shake your blonde head Kenny! Yes! The imaginary Guitar! FUCK YEAH!
He then took his pants off. Blue boxers of doom….
And…he's TWIRLING HIS HIPS BEYONCE STYLE! OH HELLLLL YEAHHH!
Woo! Nothing can stop the sexiest of these guys now!
Let's look at all the boys at the same time now shall we?
"VIDEOOOO PHONNEEEE"
"PAPARAZZI!"
"STP TELEPHONIN' MEH"
"LET'S HAVE SOME FUN THIS BEAT IS SICK!"
Ah yes, but little did they know…
…Did you hear that?
Footsteps? On EACH of the boys stairs? What the hell?
Then all of their doors, at the same time swing open..
Stan.
My door opened right when I was doing the electric guitar on my bed.
What's it doing open???
"Stan, I need you to take the garbage ou- Oh my god! Stanley!" My mom cried, dropping the laundry basket
Holy shit dude…
I leaped off the bed and switched the music off. Fudge, she had seen me
"Uh…Wendy asked me to review her music catalog!" I defended
"Sure Stanley, sureee" She grinned, picked up the laundry then left. Damn it
Kyle.
"Kyle turn that mashugana music down!" I heard my mother cry as the door blamed open
And she catches me dropping it like it's hot. Craaapp…
"KYLE! WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DANCE LIKE THAT?"
"AHHHH! MOOOOOM!" I flushed, embarrassed, falling backwards on the floor
"GEROLD! KYLE'S DANCING LIKE A BLACK WOMAN ON BROADWAY!" She exclaimed, running down the hall.
"LIKE A WHAT?"
I groaned and turned the music off. I put my cell phone back on my dresser when something red catches me eye…
What the hell is this broach doing here? I don't own a god damn bro-
Oh HELL no!
"IKE! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?!" Ike then ran in my room, stuck his tongue out at me then ran back in his room.
"MR. RED LEAF IS GOING TO DIE, IKE!"
"NOOOO!"
Ugh…I'll deal with him later. I got a text from Stan saying to meet him at Shakey's.
Cartman.
"And hell yes you want mah VIDEO PHONE!" I yelled, right as my mom walked in.
Ah, fuck.
"Poopsikins, you dance so sweetly. Sorry to have disturbed you!" My mom said, opening then closing the door.
Eh, whatever.
-beep beep beep-
Text from the Jew. Shakey's
Kenny.
"Kenny, time to have a ba- he…hehehehhahahaa!" What the fuck is my MOM laughing at?
"What?" I asked, just a little embarrassed to be caught doing dutty whine in my room by my mother…
"That was so cute! I HAVE to tell the girls!" She ran downstairs
I can hear her yammering on about it with Kyle, Stan and Cartman's moms.
Text from Cartman….
Authors
So after the incident, they all met up at Shakey's, not intending to tell one another about what they did in their rooms…
They sat at a table and munched n some pizza. Annoyed, Kenny broke the silence saying
"Okay fine! You pussies, I'll say it first. My mom caught me dancing without a shirt on in my room to a Lady Gaga song. I know you all were doing it to. SO stop being cowards and break this fucking silence!"
"Dude, you got caught? HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! My mom walked in but she couldn't care less!" Cartman spat, laughing his guts out.
"Really? That's why she was gabbing on the phone with OUR moms about how cute you were?" Kenny smirked
"Fuck off, you poor piece of crap"
"Okay,so, I was caught by my mom, but she LAUGHED. What the fuck was that about? I was doing the electric guitar on my goddamn bed! I thought she would go nuts!" Stan face palmed.
"My mom went crazy. She told my dad, who laughed his ass off like crazy. And that's not the worst part. Noooo Ike got it on fucking video. VIDEO DAMNIT!" Kyle fumed and buried his face in his hands
Stan patted him reassuringly. Kyle looked up at him and smiled. Then Stan slugged him as they burts in a fit of giggles
"Aww, should I go rent a room at the four season hotel for the Jew and the Hippie to go make out for awhile?" Cartman said, and Kenny laughed
"Fuck off fat ass, all I know is that I NEVER want to hear another Lady Gaga song again" Kyle said
"Yeah" they agreed in unision
Then suddenly, the music changed
Pa-pa-pa poker face pa-pa-poker face
I wanna hold 'em like they do In Texas…
"NO. NO NO" Stan yelled. Then they all screeched
"TURN THAT BULL SHIT OFF!"
And they turned it off
A/N: HAHAHA! I thought that was HILARIOUS! So I know it sucked, but this was for entertainment! It's not suppose to be good! XD!
Anyway, Read and Review!