AN: This is just a little one shot that is now gonna be a small two parter, with the second part being from Peyton's perspective. This takes place the day of Lucas' book signing and veers off from there. Reviews/Criticism are always Welcomed!

* I am currently on Spring Break! ( :D ) Unfortunately my Spring Break Trip fell through which means I'm spending all my time at home. Doing nothing. ( :p ) But now I have time to finish a few fics that I started in the last few months and never got around to finishing. Can you blame me without LP on our screens inspiration is lackluster at best.

But lets see what I can do in a week of nothingness. ( ;) )

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ll Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor,
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore ll

He can still remember the first time she ever acknowledged he even existed.

He was running his usual way to the river court, listening to his ipod and dribbling his worn out ball to the rhythm of a song as it cut the outside world out. He was so preoccupied with his dribbling he didn't even hear her old car as it made its way down the street, he didn't even see it, and then- poof. Her car comes to a stop and he stops too and her car is literally inches away from hitting him in the shins. He thinks back now and remembers her annoyed look as he was to blame for her almost hitting him, and he almost wants to laugh.

Because that first encounter sort of explains their whole relationship he thinks. The fact that it came out of nowhere, that it was so sudden and scary (exhilarating) and just really quick (he thinks so).That, and the fact that she's just as pissed off at him (worse actually) now as she was that night.

That first night changed his life. But right now, as he sits and drinks his troubles away, he's not all that certain the change was for the best.

Well, no that's not true. Of course it was for the best, because she was his, even if he thinks it was to quick and sudden and scary.

She had promised to love him forever. Well they might not have spoken in a year (he takes full blame for that fact) but forever isn't over yet. At least he doesn't thinks so, but who knows what she thinks, she didn't even show.

ll And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time ll

The book signing finished hours ago, and even though Lindsey had offered to take him out to dinner, he declined. He knows she's feels more for him then he does for her, the way she looked at him after she kissed him on the cheek before the signing started all but proved that to him. But all that kiss did was remind him what-who-Lindsey will never be, who anyone will never be except a curly blonde who he hoped to one day would become Peyton Scott.

So he politely and quietly declined her invitation after they were done at the book store, and she as graciously as she could said she understood and left him to a night alone in the big city.

But he shouldn't be alone.

After some not so subtle pushing from Nathan, he had called Peyton and invite her to his signing. And he was more then surprised that not only had she taken his call, but she had told him she would be there.

Well she didn't come. She didn't drop by, not even for a few minutes. Not a call or a text or email. Nothing.

So instead of spending his evening as he hoped with Peyton, (he wishes he could spend all his nights and days with her) or being considerate and going out with Lindsey, Lucas chose option three.

Going out and getting good and drunk.

ll It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now. ll

Damn is he an idiot.

That's all he can think of as he continues to drink his whiskey is some bar he's never been too, in a city he's only been to a hand few of times. A city so big and busy where he knows only one person.

Or at least he used to know her. He thought he did, because he was almost certain that even though they hadn't spoken in over a year and he had more then royally screwed things up, he thought for sure she would show up to his book signing.

But she didn't.

He cant really blame her though because they haven't spoken in a year and he just walked out on her (She's Peyton freakin Sawyer, he knew better then just to leave) at that hotel room and then he didn't pick up the phone when she tried to call him.

So he's the idiot because he did all these things and that's why she didn't show up, so he can't really blame her.

But even though all he keeps thinking as he sips his third, fourth, fifth drink is that he's an idiot, he also keeps reminding himself that he still loves her, and once upon a time that used to be enough-well no not really-but it should have been. But he messed it up. And so she didn't show up and now he's still alone in a bar, wishing he wasn't alone.

And now everything is getting all confusing, and he knows the alcohol isn't helping things, but things were already confusing.

ll And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now... ll

And whoever said Life isn't easy, probably made the biggest understatement. Ever.

Because it's not easy, it's pretty damn hard actually. It's complicated and frustrating and confusing. And maybe it's the alcohol talking but he's only now starting to realize that things aren't any easy because of him. Because of his actions and decisions and indecisions.

Whether it was not choosing her from the very beginning. It had always been her, he had felt it in his heart since that first night she nearly ran him over. But he didn't choose her. And then finally when he did they went about it all wrong. They snuck around and it was rushed and wrong and they went behind a perfectly nice girl's back. (behind Peyton's best friend and Lucas's girlfriend's back.)

Then there was Nikki. And then somewhere along the way Jake, and then Brooke again.

And somehow he has always let everyone and everything decided for him until it was nearly too late. Until now when it really is too late.

Life isn't easy, but it doesn't have to be this hard. Not if he doesn't want it to be. Not if he lets it be.

ll Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind,
For me it happens all the time ll

He can't stop himself from thinking back to the start of everything-and yeah this whiskey is really getting to him. But he can't help himself from thinking about how it all began. Maybe it's because that's when things were the easiest and that's when he still was sure about everything. When he was the guy who kept to himself and had one best friend and a Mom and an Uncle. When he was the guy who spent his extra time playing a game, because he loved it, because it was fun.

But then one game changed it all. One game-he still wonders what would have happened if he had lost-and his entire life changed.

Because then things got hard, and complicated, and frustrating.

He let so many things change who he was, and let the world chose for him and in the process lost so much.

And things that he had control over like breaking hearts when they didn't need to get broken and choosing the wrong girl and being scared and a coward, and things he's didn't have control over like car crashes and shootings and death all happened.

And now…now he still has one best friend but he also a great brother. He still has his mom and a beautiful little sister, even though they are half way around the world. And now he's the uncle.

Now he's a published novelist.

And that's when it hits him, the one real constant that ties all this together. The one real person who has been there (whether she knew he existed or not) who he had with him in some way or another. The person who he essentially wrote a whole book about.

Peyton.

Whether he was a nerdy guy who sat and read under a tree during lunch or when he was co-caption of the basketball team. Peyton was always there. Whether she knew he existed or not. Whether he was with Brooke and she was with Jake. Whether she loved him or he love her (had always loved her), it didn't really matter when it particular.

Because Peyton was always there.

But she's not anymore. And that's his fault.

From the moment he walked out of the hotel room, it's been his fault its been his fault.

From the moment he last left this city, heartbroken and hurt and confused to now as he sits in this almost empty bar (he didn't realize just how long he had been sitting here) heartbroken and hurt and confused.

And all he keeps hearing are the many words of "advise" people have given him in this last year.

Brooke had said that if he wanted Peyton back he had to become the best person he could be. She all but promised him that if he could become the best writer and then ask Peyton to come back to him if it was meant to be, it would be.

Well, he thinks the book he's written-the one that's all about how much he loves Peyton Sawyer-is the best that it could be.

And he tried, really he did to be someone worthy. A good son, and friend, and brother, and uncle.

So he asked, and she didn't show. So was that his answer? Was this-him alone, without her-meant to be?

And there was what Haley had told him right after he got back from L.A. after his doomed trip.

She-in a very Haley way-told him that he deserved to be happy and loved and have his dreams come true and despite everything she thought he could still have those things-with Peyton.

She said that sometimes people get lost and scared and they forget who and what matters. But that didn't mean the love was gone. She said that somehow loves finds a way.

Haley-in a very Haley way-told Lucas that it didn't mean it was the end, and no matter what one day-someday-it would work out, because as she told him, it just had to.

Well…right now he's certainty not happy. And he thinks the only person who loves him at the moment is the bartender who keeps serving him and who Lucas continues to tip each time. And yes one of his dreams is coming true. But, it doesn't feel like it should. Or at least it doesn't feel like he thought it would.

There is no one there to tell him how proud they are, and understand how amazing it is. And the one person he thought who would be standing next to him when his dreams come true, isn't. And so now he's the one who's lost. And that's the most tragic part isn't it?

ll It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.... ll

The bartender stops serving him around one saying that she's can't in good conscious let him keep drinking, and Lucas is pretty amazed that someone he doesn't even know cares that much about him. And wow, that's just a kind thing to do. Or maybe he's thinking to much into things and yeah, he should really stop drinking.

So instead he gets up-dropping another tip for the bartender, because right now she might be the only person on his side and makes his way out of the bar. And so he walks down the street, the alcohol now having fully effected him because he can barley walk and he starts walking in the direction he remembers-or at least he thinks he remembers-his hotel is at.. But as he walks-slowly, because that's the only speed he's capable of at the moment-he realizes something. Something big.

And yes it's probably the massive amount of alcohol he's had in the last few hours that is what has him realizing this, this thing that seems so big, but it is. Really it is.

He realizes that for the past year, and maybe before then too, whenever it came to deciding on what to do, on deciding what he should do, he always let what everyone else told him to do matter. He let other people's words overtake whatever he thought he should do, And that's just really, stupid. Because while he was listening to everyone else he never considered the one person who actually mattered in all this. The persons who was effected most by his choices.

Him and Peyton. Equally he now knows. How his choices equally messed it up for the both of them.

And yes while Brooke told him he should work hard to become someone and something bigger and better then what he was, really he knows Peyton had always loved him for who he already was. Lucas. Just Lucas.

And sure Haley told him that he had to move on and do good at doing things here and now. At school and coaching and his novel and everything else. She told him if it was meant to be then someday it would. But how can something you want to happen possibly happen if you're not fighting for it? If you're not giving it everything it takes?

Then there was Nathan's words. His younger brother all but pushed him in calling Peyton, and it's not like he didn't want to, of course he did. But did he really have any right? Was it fair to her or him for that matter, to call out of the blue, after a whole year and just expect that that was enough? That it would make everything back to the way things were?

He really is stupid isn't he?

ll Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all ll

Somehow in his semi drunken state he makes it back to his hotel. When he walks into the lobby the girl at the front desk glares at him as he walks in, disheveled and barley standing upright. She calls out to him, asking him if he's staying here and in his confused state Lucas nods and makes his way to the elevators, pushing the button to get to his floor.

But as he's waiting for the elevator to make it's way down, he's realizes something else. He realizes that maybe while he was listening to everyone else, he should have been listening to himself and her. He should of remembered all the words and promised they had said to each other.

I'll be seeing you.

Cause I feel it in my heart. Don't you?

It's always gonna be there, isn't it? Me and you?

I came back for you. No matter how long it takes, I will wait for you.

I'm gonna love you forever, Lucas Scott.

He should be listening to that. Those words and all those times when their love was so huge that it made them feel so unstoppable, like nothing could touch them, like nothing would ever get in their way. Before they let things get in their way. Why was he blaming everyone else when all this time he just hadn't listened to what mattered the most. The elevator finally dings, but he doesn't get it, he can't. He walks passed the girl at the front desk, smiling politely and pretending not to notice her death stare as he makes it way back out to the curb.

He knows it's late-it's almost two o'clock actually-but that doesn't really matter to him.

Theres some place he's got to get too. That he needs to get to. And yes he knows it's not that easy, he can't just go to her place (at three in the morning no less) and then poof it will all work out. But if he ever wants to get back what he once had-what they once had-then he's got to start somewhere. Can't someday finally be today? Can't they work really hard to have things like they were before because it's not too late, because if it's meant to be, it will be?

Because....because she Promised to love him forever.

And forever isn't over yet.

ll It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now. ll

To Be Continued...

Song: Lady Antebellum-Need You Now