Author's Note: A completely pointless drabble that I thought up of. Just read, review, and enjoy!
Yours,
severussnape922
Legend
'word': actions
'word': speech
Interviewers: Good morning, everyone! Welcome to another session of 'The Educated Egret'. Today, we are going to ask the Hogwarts teachers about their take on Christmas. Without further ado, let us begin!
Professor Quirinus Quirrel: C-C-Christmas? I h-hate Christmas, be-because the st-stu-students use Christmas cra-crackers and ex-explode them in m-my face t-to frighten me. H-H-help! (Professor Quirrel dashes off at top speed as another mischievous student thrusts a fizzling Christmas cracker into his hands.)
Professor Gilderoy Lockhart: Oh! Christmas! Possibly my most favourite occasion! I must remember to send copies of Magical Me to my colleagues, I'm amazed that not one of them own my wonderful books. (Professor Lockhart continues preening himself, completely oblivious that the teachers are fixing him with death glares. Professor Snape's glare is the most prominent of all.) By the way, do you think marigold robes with gold cuffs or sky blue robes with flowers suit me? I am planning to wear some dress robes to the Christmas feast. (Professor Lockhart swirls around in a flurry of eye-watering yellow robes, unaware that Professor Snape is mimicking throwing up into his face.)
Professor Remus Lupin: I like Christmas well enough, but I never get enough money to buy presents for everyone. (Professor Lupin looks downcast for a moment, but then perks up visibly.) Albus likes to send the oddest presents possible, only last year I got a wide assortment of socks. (Professor Lupin looks at his watch briefly, then starts in surprise.) Oh damn it... I forgot to take my Potion again! (Professor Lupin rushes off, leaving in his wake a few threads of tattered fabric from his robes.)
Professor Alastor Moody: I never open any presents that I get. Who knows, the present might be a disguised Death Eater thristing for your blood. Constant vigilance! (The harsh bark startles the interviewers so much, they only resume interviewing after downing a few extremely (yes, when I say extremely, I mean extremely) strong cups of coffee.)
Professor Dolores Umbridge: I hate Christmas. The students get themselves drunk on Butterbeer, and become a little too cheery for my liking. Therefore, I have decided on another Educational Decree (hem, hem) According to Educational Decree Four Hundred and Two, students are hereby not allowed to celebrate Christmas. Any celebration after this Decree will result in your expulsion from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. (Professor Umbridge walks off with a satisfied air, leaving in her wake a lot of nauseated teachers.)
Professor Albus Dumbledore: Christmas! What a wonderful occasion! I personally like to send bumper boxes of my favourite Muggle sweets to the Hogwarts teachers. Let's see... (counts on his fingers for several seconds, then adds) I must have about a hundred of favourite Muggle sweet. Funnily enough, I have found a drastic increase in people sending me bumper boxes of Muggle sweets ever since I started gifting Muggle sweets. Oh, that reminds me. Did you hear the joke about the troll, hag, and the...
Professor Sybill Trelawney: I prefer not to attend Christmas. The mundane celebrations around me clouds my Inner Eye. Christmas should be abolished to allow me to have a clear Inner Eye. (Professor Trelawney peers at the interviewers with heavily magnified eyes with her sparkling glasses, then appears to nearly swoon.) My dear boy! You have the aura of death around you... you have the Grim! Beware! (With that, Professor Trelawney performs a graceful fainting action, and she was immediately caught by Professor McGonagall, who seems to have foreseen this.)
Professor Pomona Sprout: I like Christmas well enough. What I don't like about Christmas is that the weather is so cold, I have to work doubly hard to prevent the plants from becoming icicles. (Abruptly, Professor Sprout leaps into the air, waving her hands around like a mad windmill.) Oh dear! I quite forgot to put earmuffs on the Mandrakes... I have to dash! (Professor Sprout bustles off to her beloved greenhouses hastily.)
Professor Filius Flitwick: Christmas! My favourite occasion! When every one is happy and cheery, they tend to listen more attentively to me for a few weeks instead of trying to do the difficult charms themselves. Which tends to result in a lot of accidents, especially if the class has Neville Longbottom. Remember, swish and flick, swish and flick...
Professor Minerva McGonagall: Christmas? A fine occasion on its own, but when combined with hyperactive students... can be a rather disastrous concoction. I personally do not have much of the so-called 'Christmas spirit' , because it means that you have to let your hair down, which I am positively not doing. Mr Weasley and Mr Weasley! How dare you set off a crate of enchanted fireworks! Ten points from Gryffindor! (Professor McGonagall followed the Weasley twins in hot pursuit as the naughty twins laugh gleefully. Professor Snape looks on disapprovingly and bites his lip.)
Interviewers: And last but not least, everyone's favourite Potions teacher, Professor Snape!
Professor Severus Snape: I hate Christmas. All the idiotic students always go and get themselves drunk on firewhiskey. But it does give me a chance to set a new record on the highest number of points docked from Gryffindor on one day. Too bad the joy of docking points vanishes all the time when Albus (eyeballs Professor Dumbledore with a murderous glare) sends me those horrible Muggle atrocities of his to me. And a bumper box of them! If I ever get my hands on you, Albus... (Professor Snape grinds and gnashes his teeth audibly while Professor Dumbledore makes it a point to sit as far away from Professor Snape as possible.)
Interviewers: That's all, folks! Thanks for watching! Be sure to be tuned in to the next session of 'The Educated Egret'. Goodbye!
Disclaimer: I do not own any recognizable characters. I do not earn any profit from writing this.