I don't own Harry.

Lily sighed wearily as she chugged down another shot of whiskey. She was beginning to feel light headed, and she was glad. It was a week since Voldemort had come and murdered her husband and son, leaving her alive. Why he left Lily alive she didn't know, and she wasn't happy about it. Lily rested her head on the rough wooden bar, her red hair loose around her. She had come to a muggle pub because she didn't want to take the chance of meeting someone that she knew. She couldn't sleep again, so she had decided to come for a drink, or two, or three...

"You okay, miss?" the bartender asked.

Lily was about to say, "Yes, I'm fine, "; the phrase was like a familiar face at this point, she had taught herself that that was the correct response to the dreaded question, but instead she gave in and whispered, "No, actually, I'm not."

Lily sat there on her stool for a while, ordering more drinks, trying to make the pain in her heart go away, but no matter how much she drank, the ache was still there.

It was late, and only a few people were left in the bar. Two men sat playing cards at a table in the corner, their beady eyes scanning their hands, every now and then taking small sips of their drinks. The bartender was wiping glasses out, and three bikers, two men and a woman, dressed in leather jackets and covered in tattoos, were laughing loudly at the opposite end of the bar, and slapping their hands on the counter, motioning for more beer.

Lily suddenly felt the urge to vomit, and rushed to the women's bathroom. She knelt in front of one of the toilets, holding her hair back so it wouldn't get covered in vomit and toilet water, and emptied her stomach contents into the scummy toilet bowl.

She took a deep breath and stood up shakily, made her way out of the stall and stumbled to the nearest sink. The cold rusty water felt good in her mouth as she rinsed out the sour taste of the vomit and it felt even better when she splashed it on her flushed face.

Lily stared at herself in the mirror; James wouldn't have wanted her to act this way. Locking herself in the house, refusing to talk about what happened, desperately trying not to break down and hold her emotions in, going out to a bar and getting drunk. Hot tears slid down Lily's cheeks as she looked in the cracked mirror, and seemed to see James' face, mouth turned up into a crooked grin, black hair messy as always, bright eyes shining with love as he looked at her. James would want her to be happy, to work through the pain, to ask for support from her friends. Sirius and Remus. She could go see them right now. Lily forgot that it was quite late, and she pulled open the bathroom door, suddenly very anxious to talk to her friends.

The bikers had gone now, and were replaced by a dark lonely figure staring at the bartender as he prepared the man's drink.

He looked familiar, somehow, but she couldn't put her finger on who it might be... he had his back to her so she could only see his black hair.

Lily headed unsteadily toward where her purse was sitting on the bar where she had left it, desperately trying to make it to the bathroom before she made a mess on the floor for the bartender to clean up.

As Lily walked behind the man, he turned around, looked at her, then focused on the bartender again. Lily saw a shudder pass through his body as he did a double take and stared at her again, and she stared back. The pale face, the hooked nose, the thin lips, who was it? Then a face from when she was a kid jutted through the fog in her mind left from her many drinks.

Severus Snape! Her old friend was gaping at her in a mingled expression of guilt, joy, and fear.

"Lily!"

But Severus was a Death Eater, Lily remembered in horror, backing slowly away from him. Voldemort had changed his mind, and sent of his followers after her. Even if she didn't want to live, Lily didn't want to be struck down by a Death Eater while she was drunk and unable to fight; she wanted to go down with a wand in her hand.

Lily sprinted toward the door clumsily; her motor skills weren't the best at the moment, and heard Severus call after her. She tripped and fell, hitting her head against the edge of a table.

Severus rushed over, and inspected the cut on Lily's forehead; it wasn't too bad, but she had been knocked unconscious.

"Should I call an ambulance?" the bartender asked, the phone already in his hand.

"No, I'll take care of her," and before the bartender could reply, Severus gathered Lily's form in his arms and left.

Severus looked down at the woman in his arms as he walked down the sidewalk. He thought Voldemort had killed her; ignored his pleas to spare her. Voldemort has not said anything about sparing her when Snape asked, and he did not have much contact with the outside world to find out. All Severus heard was that the Potter's house was destroyed and the Potter boy was dead; he had assumed that Lily had been murdered too.

Severus stopped and realized that he didn't know where he was heading.

Lily began to stir, and opened her eyes, glancing around blearily. Then she looked up at Severus, and said, "James?" and Severus felt jealously grip his heart.

As Lily's vision cleared, she realized who was holding her, not James, because James was dead, it was Severus Snape, the Death Eater. Lily struggled in Snape's grip, and he put her down.

She pointed at him, and screamed,"You stay away from me!" and she stumbled down the street, but didn't get far until she fell down again.

Severus looked troubled; he wanted to help Lily, but she was clearly terrified of him. Lily put her head in her hands and began sobbing.

Severus knelt besides the drunk Lily, and put a hand cautiously on her shoulder, and said, "I gave up being a Death Eater, and now I'm a spy for Dumbledore, you know, after..." but he stopped, he had been about to tell her about how he informed Voldemort the prophecy that had caused the Dark Lord to go after Lily and her family.

Lily suddenly grabbed Severus around the neck and weeped into his shoulder. Severus looked taken aback, but patted her on the back awkwardly, and said, "It's okay, Lily."

Severus felt Lily flinch, and she pulled away and screamed, "It is NOT okay, Sev! My family is gone!" and with that, she broke into a heap of renewed sobbing.

And it's my fault, Severus thought wryly. He shouldn't be here, he shouldn't even be looking at Lily; he had let her down, just as he had in school. If he were more like James maybe things would've been different.

"Lily, why don't I just take you home?" Severus had spotted movement in a dark alley; it wasn't safe to be out at night, even if it was in a muggle part of town.

Lily nodded through her tears, and Severus pulled her up and they disapparated to the Potter's dwelling.

Severus helped her to the door, then said, "Well good night then."

"Oh, do you have to go?" Lily didn't feel like being alone so soon.

But Severus nodded; he didn't want to go into that house. He could almost feel the two deaths that he had caused, the spirits of James and little Harry.

"Well, thank you, anyway, Sev." Lily said, sounding a little disappointed. "You're a good friend."

Guilt overtook Severus again, pressure squeezing his chest so hard it felt like his lungs were about to burst. He was not a good friend.

"You were always there for me, too, when Petunia made fun of me and in school, when people..."

"Stop, just stop!" Severus said desperately, not wanting to hear anything else. The guilt was tearing at his insides like some horrible beast. He felt like smashing his head against the concrete sidewalk.

"But..why?" Lily said, looking concerned at his sudden outburst.

"I am not a good person, I'm not, so stop talking like I am."

"But, you said you weren't a Death Eater anymore..."

Severus bit his tongue so hard that it bled.

"I mean, it's very brave to spy on Voldemort, that's like the ultimate danger." Lily said, looking impressed.

Severus sighed. He had to tell Lily what he did. If he didn't the guilt would just fester until it became a disease that rotted him away from the inside. So Lily would hate him, but it wouldn't matter, because he had been out of her life for so long long already, it wouldn't be a disappointment.

"Lily, I was the one who told the Dark Lord about the prophecy. It's my fault he killed them. I begged with him to spare your life, that's why you're still alive. I'm sorry, Lily, I am so sorry." Severus spat the words out like they burned his mouth.

Lily was staring dumb founded, not able to believe it. Severus had told Voldemort? He had pleaded with Voldemort to spare her? Anger rose in her chest, and she balled up her fists as her green eyes burned with rage and hate.

"So you told Voldemort to spare me? What about James and Harry? I would rather have died with them, then suffer without them!" she screamed and Severus winced. Fresh tears began falling again from her red ringed eyes. "No, but I forgot, you hated James, you're probably glad he's dead, and since Harry was his son, now there's nothing of James left, so I bet you're just delighted! I bet you were celebrating after he killed them, didn't you!"

"I never want to see you again!" Lily slammed the door in Severus' face, and he could hear her resting against it on the other side, sobbing loudly.

Severus rested his head on the door, listening, wanting to comfort Lily; each sob was wrenching out a piece of his heart. Oh, Lily. But he couldn't; he was despicable and he was glad Lily never wanted to see him again because every time she laid eyes on him, she would be reminded of Harry and James' deaths.

Severus sighed and stood, there was nothing he could do. Lily had to heal on her own. He felt disappointment crushing him; when he saw Lily alive in that bar, he thought that maybe, just maybe, they could become friends again, or something more. But then he realized that he could not be forgiven for the despicable act he had committed. He had told her, and now she knew the truth, so it was time for him to go.

Severus turned on the spot and disappeared, returning to the bar.

"How's your girl?" the bartender said, surprised to see Severus back.

Severus didn't answer. Instead he sat down, and ordered a couple of drinks.

"We're gonna be closing up soon, so don't get too comfortable."

Severus nodded and downed his first shot. The bartender placed something on the counter.

"Here, the girl forgot this. Maybe you can bring it back to her."

Severus touched the pink purse in front of him, paused for a moment, and then opened it. A perfumey smell rose from the inside; it smelt like a little cloud of Lily.

Severus examined the few items that were in the purse, savoring the smell that was attached to them.

There was some money of course, galleons, sickles and knuts. There was a tube of lipstick, and some mascara. Some crumpled paper, and a broken quill. Hasty addresses scribbled down on tiny slips of parchment. A small emergency bottle of Floo powder. Severus stared at the items scattered across the counter. He reached his hand back into the purse; now it was empty except for some small photographs.

The first one showed James and Harry, playing together on the floor; James using his wand to charm a toy train so that it chugged in a circle around Harry, puffing purple smoke.

The next one showed Sirius, Remus and James hugging Lily, who was squished in the middle, waving at the camera.

Then there was one of Harry, tucked in his crib, snoring lightly.

Then Severus flipped to the last photo and stared, for he was looking at himself.

It was a photo from when Lily and Severus were still children, before Hogwarts, and they were playing in the woods. Lily climbed up into their favorite tree, and Severus joined her. They sat on a high branch, swinging their legs and holding hands, giggling and savoring the shade that the tree cast from the hot sun.

Severus discreetly wiped a tear from his eye. What he wouldn't give to go back, and change everything that he had done. But that isn't the way it goes; you make a mistake, and you have to pay the consequences.

Severus tucked the picture of him and Lily into his pocket. He would leave her purse on her doorstep for her later.

"We're closing in ten minutes," the bartender warned.

"I'll just take one more then," Severus said, and the bartender obliged, sliding the drink across to him.

Then Severus got up and left, to return to his cold lonely house and dwell on happy memories from the past.

I was crying when I was writing this! Oh, poor Lily! Poor Severus! Poor James and Harry!

Please review!