a/n: More of a fanfiction that is heavily influenced by a song than an actual song fic.
Warnings: Suicide attempt - if this disturbs you do not read.
Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood or Savage Garden's "Crash and Burn". (The song that heavily influenced this fic.)
Crash and Burn
"What's going to happen to Ianto?" Gwen asked as the young man in question plodded up from the steps of the basement.
"Death or retcon within 24 hours." Owen stated simply.
"I'll miss him." Tosh added sadly.
All three stared as Ianto stumbled blindly across the Hub. Ianto turned to look up at them because he could feel their stares, but by the time he had brought his eyes up to where they were standing, Gwen, Owen and Tosh were unable to meet his gaze. What the trio felt was guilt because they had always assumed Ianto would do whatever they asked of him. They regretted never really getting to know him.
The second Ianto's back turned to the three, Gwen and Tosh went back to watching him move towards the stairs that lead to the tourist office. Owen muttered something about needing to work and not wanting to get involved in Jack's and the teaboy's argument. He disappeared from the room. As Ianto continued on his path Jack literally stepping into Ianto's path, seeming to appear out of the walls. Gwen and Tosh could not hear what Jack was trying to say to Ianto, but whatever he was saying Ianto did not want to hear it.
As Ianto moved around Jack, the immortal grabbed his arm. Ianto pulled away sharply, but Jack gripped his arm more firmly. The Welshman stopped fighting only when he realized he was not going to be able to get away that easily. He half turned to Jack, his voice sharp, the tone could be heard across the Hub where Gwen and Tosh were still watching the drama. Jack obviously was not listening. Before they knew what was happening, Ianto twisted, grabbed Jack's gun and shot the man between the eyes.
Gwen was the first at Jack's side. She reached to feel a pulse as if by some miracle Jack had survived the shot. There was no such luck, and in the moment, she forgot about Jack's immortality. Tosh was at her side seconds later, but did not actually close the distance. Owen came sprinting out of the medical bay at the sound of the shot. All three ignored the stunned Ianto.
Because she had forgotten about Jack's immortality, Gwen had her face pressed to Jack's still warm chest and was sobbing her eyes out. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but had never gotten the chance. Tosh was not sure how she should feel and Owen was determined to be indifferent to the current events.
Even though Owen knew Jack would be coming back shortly and was determined to be indifferent, it did not stop the horror that was creeping into him. He swiveled to Ianto.
"You shot him. You shot Jack." Owen accused.
"It's not like I was planning to shoot him. I hadn't realized I was going to until he was already dead." Ianto claimed wildly.
Gwen ran at Ianto swinging her fists wildly. "You bastard. Jack's not the monster, you are," she yelled.
Ianto's face darkened at her accusation. "Jack's the one that ordered me to kill the woman I loved."
"Your girlfriend was not human." Owen said roughly.
"We could have saved her." Ianto argued in vain.
"No. There was nothing we could have done." Tosh reasoned gently. "You know that."
"Get out." Gwen yelled. She was still slightly hysterical. She had stopped hitting Ianto and went back to Jack's corpse.
"You can't order me to do that." Ianto snapped.
"But I can," Owen said, "as of this second, you're fired. Get out of here before I decide to kill you too."
Ianto's eyes went wide. He started, "Jack…"
"Jack's dead, in case you forgot you shot him. When he's not here I'm in charge, and I ordered you out."
"Ianto, you'd better do as he says. I'm sure Jack will call you back later." Tosh affirmed gently.
Ianto did not have any more energy to continue fighting Owen after already having fought Jack over Lisa. He made his way slowly up the steps to the tourist office. Looking around, he tried to savor everything. He was not stupid. He knew what getting fired from Torchwood meant. Ianto was also sure that Jack would agree with Owen.
He was not going to accept the inevitable retcon.(Since Jack had not already killed him, Ianto was pretty sure that Jack would not kill him now.) He just could not stand the thought of living without the memory of Lisa. In the tourist center, Ianto set anything that the others could use to track him on the counter. He doubted the others would try to track him, but he did not want them to interrupt him until it was done. Picking up his keys and going to his car, Ianto drove towards a place no one, but Jack, would think to look until it was too late.
In the Hub, Jack had woken up gasping. It startled everyone, but Tosh was the most surprised because she had not really known about his immortality.
Jack turned frantic when he learned Ianto was no longer in the Hub. He called every number on file for Ianto, but there was no answer on any of them. Ianto knew what was supposed to happen when someone betrayed Torchwood, and Jack also knew Ianto was not going to live without his memories of Lisa.
"I gave you two rules for being in charge. One, don't open the rift. Two, don't do anything stupid. Firing Ianto, that was stupid," Jack yelled at Owen, who was trying to find Ianto.
"He shot you." Owen protested weakly.
"And I'm immortal." Jack snarled back. "You knew that and as a doctor, you also knew that Ianto was not thinking straight."
Gwen came down from the tourist center. She was frowning slightly. Silently, she held out a hand containing Ianto's mobile, the tracking button from Ianto's coat, and the GPS tracker from Ianto's car. In her other hand was the bus schedule she had found with the tracking objects. Jack grabbed the keys to the SUV and rushed out the door without saying anything more to his team.
Jack broke several traffic laws getting to the closest bus station with parking. If he was stopped, he planned to claim it was an emergency.
Ianto's car was parked neatly in a space. The inside was spotlessly clean, not that the cleanliness was surprising considering it was Ianto's car. Jack walked to the car and felt its hood. The hood was still warm, but the warmth was fading fast. Jack touched his hand to his ear.
"Give me all the buses that have gone through the 5th Street bus terminal in the last ten minutes. Jack ordered into his com.
Jack had the advantage of having lived in Cardiff while the bus system was being constructed. He had memorized the most of the routes across Cardiff. So, when his team began listing bus routes, Jack was able to eliminate the places Ianto would go in his mind without too much difficulty. Finally, he came to a place Ianto would never go, so that is where Jack decided to try first.
Gwen, Owen and Tosh were still listing places he could try when he clicked off com without saying a word to them. He did not need to hear the confrontation he was going to have with Ianto.
Ianto chose his parents' house because no one but Jack would think to look for him there until it was too late. His parents were away on a cruise in Italy. They would not be home before Torchwood dealt with his body. He hoped Jack or Tosh came up with an interesting story for his death.
The bus dropped him off a few houses down the street, but it did not take long before Ianto was standing in front of the house. Memories flooded back to him as he looked at his childhood home. Ianto noted nothing had really changed from his younger days as he tripped over the matt in the front hall the same way he had when he was younger. He spent a short time wandering around, remembering his life before Torchwood. It was hard to remember certain details, but the memories were there so eventually they came back.
Jack hit traffic about ten minutes away from his destination. He cursed. He did not have a good feeling about how long it was taking him to get to the house. Ianto left the Hub a long time before. Anxiously, he tapped the steering wheel as he wished the traffic to hurry up. He had taken the SUV without the lights and sirens on the one day he needed them.
Ianto's parents' basement was a mess so it took Ianto awhile to find a strong enough rope in the jumble. He spent another minute wondering where to tie the rope. In the end, he decided to hang himself from the front railing. He did not want to make it hard for Torchwood to find him. His final bit of hesitation was whether or not to write a note. Ianto chose to scrawl the words, Jack, I'm sorry, across the top of a ripped piece of stationary.
Ianto tied and slipped the noose around the neck after checking to make sure the knots were tied tightly. He did not think that he had the courage to attempt to hang himself again is something went wrong with his first attempt. Taking a deep breath, Ianto kicked the chair from under his feet. His world began to fill with pain. He was lightheaded for about a minute before everything went mercifully black.
Jack rushed to the front door of the house. He checked the door. It was locked. He moved around to the back to discover the back door was locked as well. Since kicking in the back door was less likely to get the police called, Jack put his boot to the back door and kicked. Once did not do it, twice did not do it, three times budged the door, and four times knocked the door in.
Jack did not waste any time rushing through the house. His only hesitation was between running above to cut Ianto down from the railing or just cutting him down from below. Jack almost missed the note, but upon seeing it, he righted the chair. Standing on it, he used a letter opener from the table with the note to cut the rope.
Ianto was not breathing when Jack set him down on the floor. The pulse was barely there.
Jack took a deep breath as he tipped Ianto's head back and pinched his nose before pressing his lips to Ianto's. Looking down Ianto's body, he was alarmed to see Ianto's chest did not rise. He took another deep breath and locked his mouth with Ianto's again.
Jack heard Ianto inhale. Rocking back on his own heels, Jack let out a sigh of relief. Ianto kept his eyes closed and worked on controlling his breathing. He could feel the warmth Jack was giving off. Ianto opened his eyes to Jack's starling blue eyes looking back down at him.
"Jack," Ianto breathed out before Jack was bending over again. Gently, Jack kissed Ianto.
Jack was standing on driveway outside Jasmine Pierce's house two weeks later confronting his team.
"What was I supposed to do?" he demanded. Not one of the four answered. Three of the team stared at him with a hostile glares, while Ianto had an understanding look on his face. "If I hadn't let her go it would only have killed more people.
Still no one answered Jack's frantic explanations and questions. Jack got in the driver's side of the SUV as everyone else piled into various seats. The ride back to the Hub was silent and tense. While the rest of the team headed in to do paperwork, Jack headed towards the roof of the closest high rise.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Ianto asked.
Jack looked up to see Ianto hanging a few steps from the others. Ever since Jack had saved his life there had been something different between the two.
Jack shook his head. He wanted to be alone. "No. I know you want to get paperwork done. Go ahead and do it."
Rain had started to pour as Jack had stood there. The rain plastered his hair to his head. He shivered slightly in the cold as he became soaked.
Jack did not hear Ianto approach. He did not even know that Ianto was there until he slid his hand into Jack's.
"What are you thinking?" Ianto asked after a few minutes of silence between them.
"That sometimes it would make everything easier for everyone if I jumped." Jack admitted looking down at the dark, wet, empty pavement below.
"I'd miss you." Ianto said quietly.
Jack looked over at Ianto with a small quirk of his lips. There was a reason that he was attracted to Ianto besides the fact that Ianto was gorgeous. "It wouldn't be permanent."
"I know, but I'd still miss you." Ianto gave a small shrug, but did not let go of Jack's hand.
"I'm not going to jump."
Ianto still did not let go. Jack was not complaining though. They stood side by side, in the rain, not saying anything. It was not an awkward silence; it was companionable.
"Everyone screws up, Jack." Ianto said almost out of the blue.
"I know. It seems that every time I screw up I screw up in way that hurts others a lot."
"Everyone screws up like that at some point. Our job entails more risks to other people."
"Then maybe I should quit Torchwood."
"That's not helping anyone, and once again I'd miss you. Just give things another chance."
Jack sighed. "I get the feeling that there are a lot of things you'd miss me for."
Ianto only grinned. "You're not alone in anything, Jack."