A/N This oneshot is based on the song Cry by Kelly Clarkson. I DO NOT OWN THE SONG, LYRICS OR JESSIE!
"If anyone asks
I'll tell them we both just moved on
when people all stare
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk"
I just sat on my bed. I had nothing to do. Well, Morgan and Christina had given me jobs to do but I had to stay inside. I couldn't go outside. No one could know. I planned to stay inside my room forever. Apart from eating. The kids would give me weird looks. I wasn't myself. They wanted to know. I couldn't say. It broke my heart to know that I really couldn't trust anyone anymore. Even Bertrum gave me weird looks. I just need to ignore them but the more I ignore them, the more they stare and ask questions.
"Whenever I see you I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong"
Whenever I see him, I just fill up with anger. Anger that I trusted him with my life. He broke that trust. Even though I fill up with anger, I can't do anything about it. I can't stand up to him. I can't even say his name anymore. T,O,N,Y. They're just letters now. He broke me. I'm too broken. He broke me too far beyond repair.
"Is it over yet
Can I open my eyes
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really cry
Cry"
The first time he did that; it was out of drunkenness. He decided he liked it. Every time he hits me I just close my eyes and wish that I could just hide in a hole and never come out. I never want to open my eyes. Many people say that everyone has their ups and downs in their relationships. They say it's the hardest thing you have to cope with; arguments. I disagree. I say the hardest thing is when they turn against you. They hurt you for no reason. I just burst into tears. This is what it feels like crying when you just have had enough. Crying until my body is empty. Until I'm just a lifeless soul.
"If anyone asks
I'll tell them we just grew apart
What do I care if they believe me or not
Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong"
I hardly see him now. He acts nice to everyone but me. When I do see him I break even further. Just the thought of what he does to me hurts me even more. I tell myself it's all going to be okay. That one day he will realise how much he's hurting me and he will stop. I'm just waiting for that day even though I know it will probably never come. Emma knows there's something up with me. She tries to get it out of me. I will never tell. I have to act like nothing's wrong. To protect the children.
"Is it over yet
Can I open my eyes
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really cry
Cry"
I think Morgan and Christina are starting to get worried about me. They keep knocking on my door and asking if I'm okay as I never leave my room. I think they're starting to look for a new nanny. I'm just useless now. They say they will never chuck me out. I'm like family now. They're the only people I can rely on. Christina told me they had found someone. Someone who will do my job whilst I stay here. I feel guilty. That's my job. I still do things so I get paid but that money I give back to them and say I don't officially work here anymore so they can have it and consider it rent money for my room. I just don't want the kids to think I'm neglecting them.
"I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away"
When I go downstairs to cook and eat, everyone gives me funny looks. They know something is hurting me. They've never seen me hurt this much. I feel bad for making them go through this. I just want to pack my bags and leave. I want to run away from all my problems. I know that's not the answer but I don't want these people who have become like family to suffer from the problems only I should have. They ask if I'm fine. I say yes obviously but I know they don't believe me. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. One day soon I will snap and tell everyone and then he will punish me. Why can't it just all go away? I just want my old life back. Before I started dating him. When I was the kids' nanny and I enjoyed life.
"Is it over yet
Can I open my eyes
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really cry
Cry"
I walked into the kitchen to find Zuri with Zeebey in the kitchen. I asked her how she got him here. She just replied with the same answer she always gave me. "Tony knows a guy." I just welled up. I fled the kitchen. I ran up the stairs. Everything was blurry now. I couldn't see. That's why I ran into Luke. We fell to the floor. I clutched my chest. I quickly got up and ran into my room and locked the door. I soon heard a knock on the door.
A voice said, "Jessie. What's wrong? Why did you clutch your chest?"
I just said, "Luke. I mean this in the nicest way possible but please go away!"
I clutched my chest again. It hurt to breathe. That beast of a boyfriend had broken a couple ribs a few days ago. I landed hard just then, it must have made it worse. I can't reveal anything to doctors or any member of this family. I've already revealed too much. It was then I decided. I would pack my bags and that night I would leave to go back to Texas. Tears welled up in my eyes as I wrote a letter to the Ross'. I wouldn't tell them the real reason I was leaving. Just so they know I wouldn't be there anymore. I hurt knowing I would never see any of them again. Tears dropped from my eyes onto the paper. I knew they would hurt too but I had to go. I couldn't see him every day and know that he was the cause of my pain. I finished the letter and placed it down on top of my bag. I collapsed into a heap on my bed and cried myself to sleep knowing I would never see these amazing people again in my life.
A/N So this is my new oneshot. I hope you guys like it x Please review. Your reviews mean a lot!