Warning: mention of abuse and rape.
Summary: Bones past, during her time in the Foster System, is revealed.
Booth drove quickly to her apartment. The roads were empty at three in the morning, but he still felt the need to put on his siren. He had to get there in record time. He had to be there for her.
"Booth," she had sobbed into the phone.
"Bones?" his voice etched with worry. Her sobs broke his heart. "What's wrong, Bones?"
"… I'm… I'm… scared, Booth."
"I'm on my way, Bones. Hold on."
He didn't known what was wrong. She hadn't told him. He blinked back tears. What if something serious happened? What if she was injured? No. He wouldn't think that way. "She's fine," he told himself. He played the words over and over again in his head, but he knew they were false. Bones was never scared and she rarely cried. Something was wrong. Her voice had sounded so frighten, confused. It was so unlike Bones it scared him.
The journey to her house had never seemed longer, but he knew he had made it in record time. He barely parked his car before he jumped out and ran into the building. And just so he could get to her apartment, on the second floor, a few seconds faster, he skipped steps. Every second counted. Finally, at her door, he reached for the knob, but it was locked. "Damn it Bones," he cursed to no one in particular. He knocked loudly on the door and he was almost positive he heard a rustle from inside, but no one answered the door. He grumbled angrily. He would break down the door if had to. However, before he had the chance the door opened and Brennan flung herself at him, burying her head in his chest.
He wrapped his arms around her and he could feel her trembling. "I'm here Bones," he soothed. "What's wrong?" He asked closing the door from behind, while she was still holding on, her eyes shut tightly. Brennan still wouldn't answer, and Booth grew even more concerned. "Bones calm down, it's ok." Booth was extremely worried about his friend; she's never acted like this before. He slowly began to rub her back gently, trying his best to comfort her.
"I can't sleep." She finally brought herself to say. Booth looked down at her still worried, then back at her room, seeing her lamp was on.
"Ok then, let's get you back to bed." He tried to look at her, but she kept her face buried in his chest; eyes shut. "Come on Bones." He couldn't get her off of him, so he began to walk slowly towards her room, with her still clinging onto him. They finally made it to her room and she finally pulled her head away from him and opened her eyes.
"Booth, I'm sorry," Brennan said quietly.
He took the moment to look at her, and he felt his heart break. She looked so vulnerable, scared, and alone. "Hey," he pulled her back to him. "Don't apologize."
"Booth… I'm scared…"
Her voice broke his heart. "I know, Bones. What happened? What's wrong?" He saw the fear flash before her eyes. "It's ok. You can trust me."
She gave a nervous sigh as they both sat down on the bed. Booth just sat close to her, watching as she struggled with words.
"Take your time, Bones. I have all night."
She gave him a weak smile, but she still remained silent. He didn't want to push her for information, but he just needed her to tell him that she was alright. That she wasn't hurt. "Bones, just tell me... Are you ok?"
"…No…"
He inhaled sharply. That wasn't the answer he wanted to hear. "Are you hurt?"
"…No…"
He exhaled in relief. She wasn't hurt. That was a good sign. But she wasn't ok, either. That was bad. A silence spread over them and he silently watched as she traced her sum over her wrist. Even in the dimly lit room he could vaguely make out the outline of the scare she was tracing. He had never noticed it before. He lifted her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye. "We all have are secrets, Bones. Some are meant to be kept and sometimes they're meant to be told to the people you trust most in the world."
"I trust you, Booth. I do."
"I know, Bones."
"I just… don't want you to be angry…"
He frowned. "Why would I be angry?"
"For telling you what I want to tell you… you don't deserve it."
"Tell me, Bones."
She looked away from him, and he almost didn't hear her whisper, "I had nightmare."
He laid in silence, not speaking until he thought it was necessary.
"It's the same nightmare. It always is," she shuddered
"What happened?"
She took a deep breath, before continuing, "I…I was in my room. My foster room. I was doing my homework and he was angry…"
He couldn't help but notice her use of pass tense and he silently wondered if she was talking about a true event, her nightmare, or both.
"Who was angry?"
"My fifth and last foster dad. He hated me from the moment I set foot in his house. His wife said I was a troublemaker and was too smart for my own good."
He knew now that she wasn't talking about some dream. She was talking about foster care. A subject she didn't like to talk about, and he never knew why.
"He was mean to me. He called me horrible names. He would always tell me that I would make it nowhere in life. Said I was useless, forgettable."
"You're not any of those things."
She didn't agree, she simply avoided eye contact with him. "He… he… liked to…" her voice caught in her throat.
"You can tell me, Bones. Don't be afraid."
"He liked to hit things."
He exhaled sharply and he clenched his fist in anger. He could see where this conversation was heading and he knew he wasn't going to like it.
"His favorite thing to hit was me."
"How come you never told me this before?" he managed to say, calmly.
"I was afraid you would think of me differently…" she whispered to him, and if he hadn't been intently listening to her every breath he would have never heard it.
"Never."
She looked into his eyes. They were so warm, comforting, trusting. She could end the conversation there and tat would be it. However, there was so much more to the story. She didn't want to tell him, but yet she did. Did that make sense? "…There's more…" she told him, her bravery slowly building.
"I'm listening."
"You're not going to like it…"
"Please, tell me…"
"You'll think of me differently," she told him sadly.
"No, I won't."
She took a deep breath. "I was so upset, emotionally abused. I had no friends. No family. I wanted to die, Booth."
He frowned and he watched as she traced the faint scare on her left wrist. "No. Don't you dare think that! Please tell me you didn't…"
She turned away from him, ashamed. "I did, Booth. I tried and it hurt. I never did it again."
He gave a sigh of relief. He opened his mouth, but Brennan beat him to it.
"Please, I'm not finished."
He shut his mouth and he waited for her to continue.
"He… came home drunk one night." She closed her eyes at the memory and expression of pain appeared across her beautiful face. "I… Booth… he…" she finished with a sob and he gently put an arm around her.
"It's ok, Bones. You don't have to tell me."
"No. I want to."
He simply nodded his head.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she finally blurted it out, "It was the only time I felt he had any feelings besides hatred for me."
Shit.
He didn't expect it. He'd never have known. He also knew that Brennan would have never told anyone else in this entire world, not even Angela.
"I hate it. I hate not being able to share anything with you."
She spoke almost non-calamity about the ordeal. How he'd entered her room. How he acted the day it happened. How old she was. How his wife found out. How he acted towards her the day after. How her life hadn't been much happier because of it. How she looked at sex after it.
"You have plenty to share with me Bones. Don't be afraid."
He almost wished she hadn't had told him. Now the thought would burn inside his head and he could do nothing about it. How he wanted to kill the bastard who had done this to her. Unfortunately, the bastard was already dead. "A single shot to the head," Brennan had told him. "He did it himself."
He held her as she cried. An hour must have passed before he felt her starting to fade away. However, he knew she was trying to fight it. "Bones," he whispered. "Go to sleep."
"Booth," she sobbed suddenly. "I see him when I close my eyes. I remember what he did."
"He can't hurt you anymore, Bones. He's dead. Now sleep."
"I know, but –"
"He can't hurt you. I'm here, for you."
"Always?"
"No, Temperance. Forever."
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I can't decide. I might continue this or I might not. Idk yet