Chapter 1: Shepard lives

A slight rain of ash was falling from the starless sky. Already it had covered the forest floor like new snow. It was impossible to tell where the light was coming from but the trees drew long and threatening shadows over the dim whiteness.

Shepard was running but didn't seem to be getting anywhere, his boots sinking and whirling up new clouds of ash that surrounded him like a death shroud. He know this place, had been here before but couldn't recall when. Time had no meaning here.

Whispers were all around him, ghosts of voices he once knew. Their silhouettes haunted the edge of his vision but he couldn't tell which ones were speaking. There was only one phrase he was able to decipher completely: "You did good, son. You did good." Shepard didn't know the meaning of the words but they made him feel like a weight was being lifted off his shoulders. "I'm proud of you."

The young boy appeared out of nowhere in Shepard's path and made him stop. Eyes full of sorrow and accusations looked up at him, unblinking. Shepard shook his head slowly. "I did the right thing", he whispered, and with more certainty: "It's over." Flames crept up the small figure, devouring it. Even as his face was consumed and his essence scattered to mingle with the ashes the boy's accusing stare never wavered. Shepard smiled. Right now there was no sight more relieving than watching the boy burn away into nothingness. "It's over!", he laughed, a sound almost alien to him now. He turned his back on the fading flames and started to walk away into the night, new vitality coursing through him.

The sight of his hand catching fire made Shepard falter. Dismayed he began shaking it frantically. The fire only kept on spreading. His other limbs spontaneously combusted as he sank to his knees. Shepard closed his eyes desperately in hope of escaping the fire.

He awoke to a world of pain.

With his first breath he felt like his broken ribcage was a giant metal claw, crushing his lungs in an iron grip. The pain was enough to make him lose consciousness again instantly.

The second time Shepard woke his agony had given away to a dull ache and numbness. He figured that at least part of his lungs had collapsed but still he was breathing somehow. Opening his eyes he found that the blackness was unchanged. Blinded. He could still hear however and besides the constant ringing sound he made out noises. Something was coming towards him. There was no use trying to shout or even speak. He was far too busy breathing. Mustering all his strength his hand pushed its way upward, through ash and debris, grasping at thin air.

"Here! I think I have found him." That accent. Javik the Prothean, veteran and survivor of two wars against the Reapers, back to make sure he didn't forget his duties to the galaxy.

"Commander?"

I'll be just fine, thought Shepard, the fingers of his raised hand closing as it settled back into the dust.

When the light returned it immediately blinded him again. Shepard couldn't decide if he preferred the white or the black kind of blindness. After what seemed like minutes of oversaturation he could finally make out other colours. There was a particularly nice shade of blue hovering over him.

"He's coming around!", Liara remarked to someone close by but Shepard couldn't see them, even as a blur. Her voice was distant, as if speaking from under water. The second voice was higher pitch and raspy but still audible.

"Ah, observe the pupils adjusting. His vision must have returned. Exquisite work that Quarian did with the synthetic iris. Remind me to applaud her will you? " There was no mistaking the shape of a Salarian head bent over him.

"Would you say it's a little early for some tests? Of course you would, but no matter. How about a simple eye test? Can't object to that, it does no harm does it? How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Orsdan!" Concern mingled with exasperation as Liara tried to force herself between the eager Salarian and Shepard. "Just make sure he doesn't wake until you can guarantee no unexpected circuit failures or bad tissue bonding or even a creaky joint. Or by the godess I'll..." She stopped to take a deep breath and when she continued her voice was completely calm. "Just send him back to sleep for now and leave us. Please."

Shepard couldn't quite take in all that was going on around him. Instead he just gazed upwards and smiled ever so faintly. Waking to the angry Asari standing over him still beat the stranger who had been Miranda. He just hoped that he didn't have crawl out of bed and shoot roomfuls of mechs anytime soon.

The drug cocktail intensified and Shepard was gladly swept away once more.

The sight of the ceiling almost startled him. How long had he been lying awake? More importantly, how long had he been out this time? And the time before that? The uncertainty made his head spin and made him feel nauseous but at least he was feeling something. His limbs felt sore but the iron claw over his lungs had released its grip. Overall he felt surprisingly good. Alive.

A wave of euphoria made Shepard sit up in his bed, a decision he regretted immediately. The room spun so fast he almost gagged. Using all his mental strength to calm himself Shepard began to focus on small areas of the sickbay he supposed he was in. The room itself was unremarkable, white and sterile. Light poured through a matte frosted window. He could make out the silhouettes of trees through the glass. Definitely not on a ship then. The shapes seemed slightly exotic. Tropical? No way to tell in the controlled environment of the medbay.

Looking down at his arms he saw that there were still various tubes supplying him with different coloured liquids, hopefully not quite all of them vital. The humming machines he was hooked up to looked oddly out of place. Not like in any medbay he had seen recently. They looked slightly too bulky and old to still be in use. Limited resources maybe?

Shepard's wandering eyes reached the right hand corner where a makeshift couch made out of metal containers, mats and cushions had been placed close to his sickbed. On it lay the peacefully sleeping form of Liara T'Soni. She obviously hadn't dressed for bed and the datapad that was threatening to slide off her lap showed that she had probably been busy to a state of exhaustion. That was so like her.

Shepard's silent observation was cut short when one apparatus he was wired to started beeping loudly. Another noise was coming from a device around Liara's wrist. She jerked up from the couch, notepad clattering to the floor. "Shepard!" Hurrying over she touched her wrist once and the alarm stopped. "I'm sorry. It's a mechanism I had installed to inform me as soon as you regained consciousness." Sitting down gingerly at the end of his bed she smiled shamefully. "Turns out I just couldn't leave the room anyway."

A hand moved over the crumpled sheets until it found his and squeezed hard. It was so warm, her pulse no doubt racing. "How are you feeling?"

The sound of her voice, the look in her deep blue eyes, the uncertain smile on her lips: Shepard pulled at the hand she had offered and reeled her in. Liara gave way willingly and after one smooth motion came to rest lying on Shepard's propped up chest.

Shepard's fingers met at the back of her head he pulled her forwards. Her eyes flickered up and met his just as their lips touched.

By way of answering her question without using words, Shepard opened his mind to her. Liara shut her eyes and reopened them, now black as a starless sky. He was no longer alone in his thoughts but she was a guest and no intruder. She had been a good teacher when it came to melding minds and so Shepard knew how to direct her to what she wanted to know. First he focused on his body, feeling the impulses of every nerve. It still ached but she could feel as he did, discovering that there was no larger damage left. 'Thank you.' Her mind was departing but Shepard pressed his lips tighter on to hers, as if the physical connection would somehow sustain the psychic. He still had something he wanted her to see.

They were on the citadel. The Crucible loomed above them, pulsing with potential power. Liara's hand was still in his so he guided her forwards, towards the shimmering construct of light in the shape of a boy. With a quizzical expression of wonderment Liara stood close beside him as his conversation with the catalyst played out exactly as it had done for real. By the end he turned from the boy and faced Liara once more. Eyes wide with revelation and apprehension stared back. Shepard pointed to the bundle of pipes and powercords to the right of the bright central beam emitting from the Crucible. "For Anderson", he said quietly, "for you."

A tear ran down her face, leaving a dark blue streak on her cheek. She nodded. Shepard gave a reassuring smile and headed down the ominously red lit walkway. He brought up his pistol and fired.

The connection broke and Liara's lips parted from his. "It's good to have you back," she smiled. Her eyes didn't seem to see him though, still processing what he had shown her.

They sat in silence for a while. He had known that Liara wouldn't take the truth of what happened on the Citadel lightly. Still, it was something he had to share, with her most of all. Liara was hugging her legs, her chin resting on her knees, looking at nothing. "Would you have chosen the same?"

Shepard regretted the question and sure enough Liara didn't answer. He sighed and sank back into his bed.

"The Geth are dead." She said it in a matter of fact kind of way, as if she was reciting a newsfeed or from a history book. The mask of her face cracked slightly, however. Shepard saw that her lips were trembling. As much as he wanted to reach out to her, he knew that she needed time. "Thousands of ships drifting around earth, devoid of life. The Quarians are still salvaging, mainly ship parts but also Geth platforms. Some still have hope of restoring what was lost." Shepard nodded. The fact that the Geth were gone would only hit home once he'd actually come face to face with the destruction he'd caused. He remembered sleepless nights, pondering whether the Geth should be considered equal to organic life, whether they "had a soul." All of it seemed so futile now that they had been wiped of the face of the galaxy by his choice anyway.

"How long was I out?" Still no eye contact from Liara. She seemed awfully interested in her fingernails."Four months, two weeks and six days", she recited. It sounded as if she had made a scratch on the wall for each day he remained asleep. "You woke four days ago but there were still some issues."

It was like being a science project all over again. Only this time it wasn't Cerberus who rebuilt him. At least he hoped not. Liara saw it as her duty to fill him in. She still seemed dazed but as was befitting of the Shadow Broker and his lover she knew exactly what information mattered most to him.

"We're on Sur'Kesh. The energy pulse from the Crucible fried not only every synthetic part in your body but also wreaked havoc with many ship's systems and medical instruments. It was a miracle you were still alive by the time we found you and we still couldn't help you much." There was a desperation in her voice that clearly attested how she had felt at the time. "We had to fall back on older instruments, lower technology that seemed largely unaffected by the energy. A team of Salarian doctors, one of which was Orsdan, I don't know if you remember him from when you woke, helped us a great deal. They are experts on synthetics and managed to crudely repair your most vital systems. Then all we could do was wait. They assured us that if they had access to more resources and better instruments, if they could get you to Sur'Kesh, you would be as good as new in a few weeks. Pretty much everything on and around Earth needed repairing though. The Mass Relays were the highest priority. Do you have any idea how much work and genius it takes to repair a Relay? Well they managed."

She shook her head, still in disbelief. "They managed and we were able to make the jump. And just in time too, the Salarians assured us. True to their word, we've only been here for a good two weeks and look at you." She finally met his eyes again but her smile seemed a little forced. "As handsome as ever."

Dropping his legs off the side of his bed, Shepard rested his head in his hands. It felt far too heavy. "I hope they didn't tamper with me too much. I don't want to suddenly discover an "ingenious" invention by a Salarian scientist. Like, say, fully synthetic gills."

"Don't worry Shepard, I was watching them like a hawk. I also fear I might have used my claws a little too often." Some good old mindflaying, Shepard mused. "But Orsdan is surely dying to check that everything is in order. If you desire some probing I can call him right away." His joints creaked as he lifted his weight off the bed. Quite a few of his muscles had probably atrophied but it still felt good to be standing on his own two legs again. "I'll put that off a little while longer I think."

He paced to the window while Liara absent mindedly followed his progress. The glass was moist with condensation. Out there the tropical heat of Sur'Kesh was probably stifling.

There was still one question he dreaded most. "What about the crew?" Might she be keeping some bad news from him?

"They are alive. Most have been checking up on you regularly, demanding constant updates. Look up there." Shepard turned his head and discovered the picture of the entire Normandy crew that they had taken on the night of the party. It looked a little singed around the edges. "Kasumi snuck into your apartment while the Citadel was still burning and out of bounds." Shepard shook his head, looking at all the smiling faces of his now scattered friends. "Don't worry Shepard, four months isn't quite two years. You'll find most of them unchanged. Although there are plenty of rumours of your demise yet again." He smiled. "I had almost gotten used to being alive again."

"Javik and Tali are very close by. It was Javik who found you in the rubble and I think he's decided that you can't look after yourself. You might just have a Prothean bodyguard." Shepard recalled Javik's voice as if it had been in a dream. He would have to thank that Prothean, despite the berating that would surely follow.

"Tali helped the Salarians repair your implants. She did good work but Orsdan likes to overstate her involvement. If I didn't know better I'd say he has a thing for her. If that is even possible for a Salarian scientist." Laughing Shepard imagined a Salarian running after the Quarian. "I doubt he's her type."

It felt good to banter about the crew, almost as if they were still on the Normandy and everyone was going about their business somewhere in their little corner of the ship. "You think she likes men with a nicer behind?", Liara teased. Shepard was glad that she had forgotten her concerns or at least put them off for later. Only then did he realize that she was referring to his buttocks. The papery hospital gown he was wearing left his back and behind completely bare. "Hey!", he only half faked his offense. Liara was smirking. "There are some clothes in that locker by your bed."

Inside he found light civilian clothes, ideal for the climate of Sur'Kesh. They fitted him just fine and he wondered if Liara had seen to that. "Much more dignified", she remarked and moved close to him. Shepard put his arms around her without thinking. She looked a little lost. Four months she had watched over him, pleading to the goddess that he might soon wake. Now that he was back on his feet she didn't know what would be next. "What are you going to do?", there was an anxiousness in her voice which suggested that she was hoping for a particular response. "Garrus told me you would retire if you lived through the reaper war."

Was this what she wanted? The little blue children had always been a dream of a far away future they would likely never see. Now the possibility was suddenly real.

"Are you still the Shadow Broker?" She hadn't anticipated that question but after a moment of puzzlement she knew what he was getting at. "Yes. At least until I find a trustworthy successor."

"Then I am still a council Spectre." Did she look relieved? Shepard thought so. After the times they had been through, simply being a Spectre seemed a return to normality. He reckoned they both needed that for now. "I should have known", Liara smiled, "Ashley has returned to her duties as well and is already off on a classified mission." He raised his eyebrows. "Not even you know what it is?"

"I might have my suspicions." A wink and nothing more.

Having held her for a while, Shepard released her and turned towards the door. Outside the galaxy would await him. Certainly there were dozens of people wishing to be notified when he returned and requiring his presence immediately. Liara had just spared him the details so as not to overwhelm him.

"I suppose I had better suffer this Orsdan first. I don't want sparks flying out of my eyes anytime soon."

"Shepard, one more thing." He turned back to see Liara sitting on his bed once more, maybe reminiscing about the months she had had him all to herself. "I know you'll probably want to gather the Normandy crew as soon as possible, past and present. But you have to remember that everyone suffered great losses in the war. Ashley is on a mission, Garrus still hasn't reached Palaven to see what is left of it, Wrex longs for Tuchanka... Just don't be surprised if their priorities lie elsewhere for now." Her voice grew very solemn indeed. "And Joker. Shepard, no one has heard from him since the crew was disbanded on earth and he left for Tiptree. He might not be the same again."

Shepard bit his lip as a vivid memory of EDI's smile played across his mind.