Disclaimer: The characters of glee do not belong to me. Olivia Gilmore does. So does the town of Littleton, which is fictional. This is an idea I had for a Finchel AU, and I wanted to go with it because I don't have that many Finchel fics, even though they're one of my fave OTPs. So, Finn is a firefighter, and Rachel is a fledgling new star on television. They dated in high school, but they broke up because of distance that was between them. Hope you like!
There Is A Larger Plan
By Julia
The town of Littleton, in Tennessee, was the place where they were going to film Rachel Berry's new show. She didn't know why they had to film on location, instead of in a studio, but she was still glad to be on a tv show. It was still her first big break. Littleton was a town of only 3,050 people. It was about an hour away from Memphis. Rachel didn't know how she had landed this show. She was talented, and she knew it. It was still just sinking in. She had already gotten herself a place that she'd been able to rent on an eight month basis. She didn't want to get stuck in something if her show didn't get picked up. She was in the middle of her living room, unpacking things. Her boyfriend Jesse St. James had moved with her. He was going to take some time off from his acting, he had just finished a big movie with Reese Witherspoon. Rachel was very proud of him. She had been with Jesse for a year and a half now. She loved him, but she was lying if she said she didn't still have feelings for her very first boyfriend Finn Hudson. She did. She still thought about him all the time. It was because they hadn't had a lot of closure. They had really only broken up because of long distance. Rachel had gotten into UCLA, and Finn had gone to college in Ohio. He had gotten a football scholarship. Rachel missed him a lot. It had been so hard, being apart from him. They hadn't lasted long after they'd both moved to different places. Rachel took books out of a box and put them on a bookshelf. Jesse had put it together a couple of days ago. They had moved in a week ago. Rachel could not believe how small Littleton was. Everyone knew everyone else, and everyone's business was fair game. It felt really strange. Especially after UCLA. That's where she'd met Jesse.
Rachel hoped she had gone far enough away from Finn that he'd get out of her system. She was with Jesse now. It had been three years. She had deferred her last year of UCLA for a year. She had wanted to see where this show was going to go. She was playing a girl who graduates in her small, Southern town, and is not able to go to college because there's no money in which to do so. So she had to stay in town, and try to get a job to raise money. She has to live with her parents. It was a sitcom, and Rachel felt that it would be big, especially since a lot of families were having that very problem. The economy wasn't great. Rachel was very excited about the whole thing. Jesse was a year or so older than her, and he was already a big star. They had money enough that Rachel had the chance to see where this was going. Rachel was ready. She had worked hard to get here. She was going to do her best, and she was going to be amazing. Rachel didn't often have doubts. She had always thought that she was very talented. Rachel didn't know what she was going to do about her lingering feelings for Finn. They hadn't gone away in all this time. She was happy with Jesse. She just didn't know for how long.
Finn Hudson had finished up his fireman's classes. He went to one of those universities that was designed to get you through in eighteen months. He was working at a tiny headquarters in Littleton, Tennessee. He had ended up there with help from his counselor at his college. It was just right for him. He didn't mind being in a small town. Plus, there wasn't a lot of firefighters, he'd possibly get promoted faster. Finn didn't mind that it was a dangerous job. With a town as small as Littleton, there weren't a lot of fires. Finn had his own little house in town. He was friends with Noah Puckerman, another firefighter. They did a lot of things together when they were off duty. They were fast friends. Puck was a native of Tennessee, and Finn liked that. He was from Ohio, so he didn't have the accent or mentality that Puck did. Finn thought it was pretty cool that they were friends. He hadn't dated anyone since Rachel. Finn hadn't been interested in anyone. He didn't know where Rachel was, or that he was about to run into her. He was just enjoying life.
It was a sunny spring morning, and it was a Monday. Finn was just getting off a three day shift at the firehouse. He was going to the tiny grocery store to get some food. Finn had learned to cook from his mother. Finn thought it was good, because he wouldn't have to live on fast food. He was getting things for chicken alfredo. Since he was at the firehouse so much, he didn't keep a lot of perishables at his house. Finn usually shopped here, bit if he needed something more, he went to the Kroger in Memphis. It was an hour away, so he didn't go very often. Only if he wanted to get something in bulk. Finn was pushing the cart through the store. It was a mom and pop place. Finn liked that. The whole place reminded him of Mayberry, that town in that show his mom had used to watch when he was a kid. Finn was really enjoying himself here. Not to mention, he had heard that there was going to be a tv show filmed here in town. That was going to be cool. Littleton was not a big tourist place, but this kind of exposure was good. It might bring people to the town. Finn was busy trying to pick out what kind of sauce he wanted for his dinner when he heard his name. He turned towards the voice. Rachel?
The sight of her ex-boyfriend was almost too much for Rachel to handle. Rachel had never thought that she would end up in a place that Finn was living. She could hardly believe this. Rachel felt tears brush her eyes. This was so surreal. His expression was shocked. Rachel so did not know how to act. There was so many ways that this could go. What was she supposed to do? She had Jesse. He did know about Finn, because she didn't want to hurt him. It was only a matter of time now. Someone was going to get hurt. Rachel was holding a basket, full of things to cook dinner. She was making chili. It was warm out, but the evenings were still on the cold side. Rachel had everything but the tomato juice. That's what she was doing in this aisle. Finally, she spoke. "Finn, what are you doing here?" She asked, her voice not as strong as she would like. She wasn't sure what he was going to say. She had assumed that Finn would have gone to school with his football scholarship and he'd be in school still. What was he in, a fireman's uniform? That was…. unexpected.
"What are you doing here? I obviously live here." Finn replied, arching an eyebrow. He really didn't get what her issue was. Why she was acting all… well, Rachel. She had a tendency to be a diva. It was just Rachel. She was always that way. Finn honestly didn't know what else to say. All these feelings came rushing back. Not that they'd ever really gone away. They hadn't. Just gone to the back burner. Finn didn't know what to say. He didn't want to let Rachel know that he still had feelings for her. Finn didn't want to let her know because one of them would be the breakup winner and one of them would be the breakup loser. Finn was determined not to be the loser. Especially since she was the one who had been the one to break up with him. "I'm a fireman now." He said. This had to be dealt with carefully. "I… I ended up losing my football scholarship and I started taking EMT classes. That was one thing that he was a little embarrassed about. He didn't like admitting that he had lost his scholarship. That was so… well, embarrassing. Finn was happy being a fireman though. He liked saving kittens from trees, and hanging out at the fire station. It was a real…. feeling of friends. Finn liked that feeling.
Hearing him say he was living there and working as a fireman actually made Rachel's sex clench. She couldn't help it, she had always thought Finn was hot, and him being a fireman, it was actually making him that much hotter. Rachel had tried not to compare him to Jesse in her head. That was not a good idea. She loved Jesse now, and Finn was her past. That was the way she was going to have to keep looking at it. Rachel bit her lip, trying not to let it show how hot she thought that was. "Oh, I guess that's good, if it makes you happy." Rachel was always an advocate for everyone doing what they wanted. It was what would make everyone happy in the long run and not get depressed. The world was depressed enough as it was. Rachel tucked her hair behind her ear. Her hair was very long, and she worked hard to keep it looking nice. She'd tried bangs for awhile in high school, but she'd quickly grown them back out. It had looked so much better without them. Rachel looked up at him. He was so tall. She didn't know how this was going to go. It could go any which way.
"I am happy. I can't believe that I was actually able to get through the classes. I went to one of those 18 month schools. It was really hard, but I liked it a lot. It was something that I was very proud of myself for getting through." Finn really was proud of the work he'd done. It had been hard at first, because Finn had never considered himself that smart. He was glad that he had graduated. His mom had been so proud of him. He had been glad that his mom had come. His mom had always been there for him. Finn was glad that he had his mom in his life. His dad had died when he was a baby. Finn didn't know how he was ever going to make his dad proud. He knew that his dad was up in heaven, watching him. Finn was always trying to make sure that he did things that his dad would think was cool. Or awesome. Finn never really was sure if he was or not, because he knew next to nothing about his father. His mother had never really told him much. But he had never really asked. He wasn't sure if he wanted the answers. What if his dad had been a bad guy or something? That was definitely not something he was ready for.
Rachel wondered what would have happened that he would have lost his scholarship. She didn't want to upset him, so she decided not to ask. It was just the polite thing to do. "I'm so proud of you, Finn. That you get to do something that you're so proud of." She tried to sound convincing. She was happy for him, but she had always thought that he should go into show business, too. She thought he was so talented. They had gone to glee club together in high school. It had brought them together. Rachel didn't think that she was doing too well, hiding her feelings. Rachel picked up a can of tomato juice. She wanted the Earth to swallow her whole right now. She knew that wasn't going to happen. Rachel put the can in her basket. She watched as Finn tried to decide which sauce he wanted. She wondered what he was cooking. She wondered, also, when he had learned to cook. Rachel kept her gaze on her shoes. She didn't have anything better to say. This was not going the way she had wanted it to go. There was no going back.
Finn didn't know how he'd done it, but he seemed to have won the breakup. Finn smiled to himself for a second before he set his gaze back on her. "You didn't answer my question. What are you doing here, Rachel?" Finn hoped she wasn't going to be there for very long. Finn didn't want to see her all the time. That's when he made the connection. "You are filming that show, aren't you?" He asked incredulously. Finn wasn't sure he liked that. It meant if it did well she'd be around a lot. Finn didn't like that possibility one bit. He knew he couldn't handle having her around all the time like that. Finn didn't think he could manage seeing her and his feelings not come back full force. They had never really gone completely away. Finn let out a groan. "I can't believe this." This was not going to go the way that he wanted. Finn grabbed a jar of sauce and put it in his cart. Finn didn't have anything else to say to her. He didn't think he could handle any of this. It was one of the worst things that could have happened. He didn't think he could ever handle this. This was not what he had ever wanted. Finn had been hurting the entire time they'd been apart.
Rachel hated the look on his face. She had caused that look on his face. She hated that she had caused that look. She had never wanted to hurt him like that. "I'm sorry, Finn. You know that I never wanted it to turn out this way." It was the truth. "I also didn't know you were here." That was also the truth. Rachel didn't like this. It was one of the worst things that she'd ever done. And she wasn't exactly innocent. She could be a selfish bitch. There was no way she actually deserved Finn. They had been good together, but it had been all her fault. She could have stuck it out, and she didn't. She had run, because it had been too hard. She didn't know how she'd be able to live with herself. She had messed up royally. None of this was fixable and she knew it. She wished that it had gone differently. Rachel would never forgive herself. She would have to find a way to make this okay for Finn. It's not his fault that she was here. "I…. if it makes you feel better, I have a boyfriend. He lives with me." She wasn't sure what his reaction would be.
If it made him happy? Really? Finn could not believe that she had just said that. It did not make him feel any better. Finn was going to have to see her around town with her boyfriend. That was not going to be pleasant. Finn wasn't going to like that one bit. Not to mention, it was his town. He had been here first. What was he supposed to do? He did not like this one bit. This was not going to have an easy solution. Why she had come here was beyond him. "Look, that doesn't make me feel any better. I have to see you around town with your boyfriend." Finn said, shaking his head. "I don't want to see you around town with him and this is my town. I was here first. If anyone shouldn't be here, it's you." Finn tore his gaze away from her. He couldn't look at her right now. He was so angry. This was not what he wanted. Finn just wanted his simple peaceful life back. He had liked what he'd had before Rachel had shown up. It was not what he wanted. "I want you to stay away from me, Rachel. I don't want to see you. I spent a lot of time getting over you and I don't want to end up getting feelings for you again." That was most certainly the truth. Finn didn't look at her as he pushed his cart away and down the aisle.
Rachel watched him walk away. She didn't blame him. She deserved it. She sighed and waited until he'd left the store before she went up to the counter. She felt bad for him. Rachel had missed him so much while they'd been apart. She was not looking forward to telling Jesse that Finn was here in town. He knew that Finn was her ex. Rachel headed back out to her car. She was driving a Civic. She didn't need a big fancy car just yet. She liked to remind herself she was still just a simple girl from Ohio. She wasn't going to end up some diva star. Her dads would hate that. Rachel was going to do her best by them. She had been raised by two men, and Rachel owed them everything. She had never wanted for anything. She had always been grateful for them. Rachel headed for home, hoping that Jesse wasn't home. She was not in the mood for him. Jesse was very much like her, they got along well. She just couldn't handle his ego right now. He had one bigger than she did. Rachel normally liked that about him. Right now though she was comparing him to Finn, and that was coming out bad for Jesse.
The next couple of weeks were hard on Finn. This whole thing was ridiculous. His chief sat them all down to tell them about the show. Finn had to work not to roll his eyes the whole time. No one knew that Rachel was his ex, except Puck. He didn't want to deal with the looks of pity that they would give him. Finn didn't want to deal with any of this if he was being honest. But that, especially. Finn wanted to go back to the days when Rachel was just a memory. It didn't look like that was going to happen. Finn had been doing the best he could in the last couple of weeks to avoid her. It was hard in a town as small as Littleton. He saw her on every corner. They had started filming her show, and it looked to him that it was going to be some kind of drivel. Finn had different opinions on it. Deep down, he wanted Rachel to be happy, but he also didn't. He was still bitter, he supposed. He didn't want to be that way, but a part of him was secretly glad. He didn't want to keep those kinds of feelings bottled up. They were going to come out eventually. Finn had been quiet or the last couple of weeks. He hadn't talked to very many people. He didn't want to think about anything. He'd probably alienated some of his friends.
The fire station was quiet. Finn was by himself, some of the other firemen were over at the Bluebird Diner, where the show was filming. They were being used as consultants. Finn had refused to go. They hadn't known why, but they hadn't argued with him. He was busy watching the game. He'd already cleaned and cooked up some dinner that could be reheated. He was drinking soda and trying not to think about Rachel. It wasn't exactly working. He had seen that curly haired boyfriend of hers running around town with her. Finn wondered if Rachel had told him who Finn was to her. He doubted it. He hadn't really had to deal with any of the drama with it. He was glad that he hadn't come into contact with Jesse. He didn't want to. He just wanted to get over Rachel. He hadn't. As soon as he'd laid eyes on her, she had come back into his heart full blown. He didn't know why he had to still be hung up on her. Finn didn't know if he'd ever get over her. She had obviously gotten over him. She had that curly haired jerk. Finn should really stop thinking that way. Dude might be cool.
The door opened, and Puck came into the firehouse. He joined Finn on the couch. He was wondering how Finn was handling Rachel being in town. He knew what Rachel was. He was the only one in town who knew. Puck wasn't sure how he felt about that. About her being in town. She had hurt Finn, who was his best friend. Puck didn't really know what he was going to say if he ever ran into her. Puck didn't know if he was going to remember how much he didn't want to watch her show by the time it premiered. It was a big thing, the whole town was talking about it. Puck looked at Finn. "You okay?" He inquired. He didn't know what he expected Finn to say. It didn't surprise him if he wasn't. He knew how Finn felt about Rachel. Puck had his own girl, she was so fucking hot. Puck had been with her for two years. He was thinking it was pretty permanent with her. They'd known each other their whole lives. Puck was glad that he was done with all that bullshit drama. He didn't want to ever be in Finn's position ever again. That was not a good place to be in. The last time he'd been there he'd drunk a lot of beer. "You've been pretty quiet lately, are you okay?"
Finn grunted. "I guess I'm okay. Just trying to not think about Rachel. I know that she's out there. I don't know how I'm going to do this. What if her show gets picked up? She'll be here for good. I don't want her here for good." Finn got up to get some Cheetos. He looked at Puck. "Is that where you were? The taping?" He asked. Finn dumped the Cheetos in a bowl. He was watching baseball, they had just started the season. He didn't really have a team, but he'd watch just about any game. Finn loved any sport, really. He hadn't played football in years, but it had been his sport. Finn didn't know what to do about that. He wasn't ever going to completely have it out of his system. He had planned on being a football player. It had just not worked out. Finn didn't know how he had been so stupid to mess up and lose his scholarship. Being a fireman was what he wanted, though. He was glad that he had managed to get through his classes. He wanted to end up being a chief one day. He was going to get it if it ever came.
Puck nodded. "Yeah. I left as soon as I could. I don't really know what I should feel about her. You're my best friend, so I'm supposed to feel the way you do." Puck reached into the bowl to get some Cheetos. He cast his eyes on the tv. He made a grunting noise. "This game is shit, Hudson." He said. Puck wasn't really much of a baseball guy. He wasn't sure why Finn watched the games. He got his own soda. He sat back down on the couch with him. Puck looked at him as he cracked it open. "You should be pissed. She just came into your town. Where you fucking live, man. You were here first. You should be upset." He said. Puck would be if it were him. Puck didn't think he'd be as calm as Finn was, actually. He would have been yelling in the streets. At her, asking her why the hell she was there. Puck didn't think he was that civilized. Finn was more of a man than he was. Puck had never thought of himself as that much. Maybe he should. He had made something of himself. It was more than his father had ever done. Puck had been very determined not to be like his father. His dad was a deadbeat. Puck had wanted to do his best not to turn out like him. It had been the most important thing to him. He was glad that he hadn't.
That was really hard for Finn to answer. He didn't want to deal with it. It was so incredibly horrible. Finn longed to say just fuck it. Leave town. Go back to Ohio. Bit he knew that was the coward's way out. He needed to stay and hold his ground. Finn ate some more Cheetos. "I am pissed. She came into my town. I hate her being here. All the shit we went through came back. It took a long time to get over her. I just lost all of that time that it took. I don't want to get over her again. I also don't want to see her around with that loser of a boyfriend." Finn said. He snorted. "Jesse St. James, he's some big movie star." Finn felt emasculated already. He didn't know if he could really do this. He didn't like any of this. It was all bullshit. Finn didn't deserve this. He wanted Rachel back, and that scared the fuck out of him. He didn't want to love her anymore. He wanted her out of his life and out of his heart. Finn wanted to forget she even existed. It was going to be hard. He'd never be able to do it. Finn had been trying since they had broken up.
Puck looked at him. "That Jesse dude… he is a movie star…" He nodded. He didn't make that connection. "Yeah, he just got a big movie done." He said, nodding. "I wonder how your ex-girlfriend ended up dating some big movie star." Puck sounded a little bit like he was jealous. He wasn't, not really. Puck was happy with his life. He'd grown up in Littleton, and he wouldn't live anywhere else. He had lost his ma a couple of years ago, and his sister was living with his Nana Connie. Sarah was better off with her for now, she didn't get along with his girlfriend. Puck didn't know why, Olivia had never been anything but nice to Sarah. He thought that Sarah should learn to get along with people. His Nana would teach her. She was 13 and in junior high. She was a bit hard to deal with on occasion. Puck sipped his soda. He shook his head. "I'm sorry this is such a shit fest for you. Maybe her show will be shit and she'll go back to California." Puck hoped that she would go away if that's what his friend wanted. He didn't want his friend to suffer. He seemed to really not want her around. Puck got that. He got the need to have her being far, far away. "You are better than her."
After the shoot was done for the day, Rachel was exhausted. She had been filming all day. Meeting the firemen had been fun, she had thought about Finn the entire time. She still loved him so much. She drove back to her and Jesse's little place. It was right smack in the middle of town. She liked it, it was very homey. Rachel was going to take off her shoes, get into her pjs, and veg out in front of the tv. She didn't have an early casting call the next morning, so she was going to sleep in a little. It had been such a long day. She was so proud of the work she'd done, and she wondered what Jesse had done all day. When she got inside the house, she smelled food. Rachel closed the door behind her and headed for the kitchen once she had taken off her shoes. Rachel saw Jesse cooking. She headed over to her taller boyfriend and leaned up to kiss his cheek. "You're cooking?" She asked incredulously. Rachel was not used to that kind of thing. She was glad that he had taken the time, though. "That's so sweet."
Jesse St. James was a very egotistical man. But his parents had doted on him, and really, what else was going to happen? He and Rachel were very similar. They got along very well. He was aware that her ex was living here. Jesse didn't really know how to feel about that. They hadn't talked about the ramifications of that, and that was also holding him back. Jesse didn't know how to feel. He didn't feel jealous. Jesse didn't get jealous, period. He was Jesse St. James. That was enough for him. He knew that it was enough for Rachel, too. He supposed that they should talk about it, but he didn't see the point. Rachel felt how she felt, and if she was going to dump him, she was going to dump him. Jesse was sure that she wasn't going to, they had been together for awhile now. It was a good relationship. They got each other. Jesse looked at her. "Yes, I'm cooking. I am making lasagna if that's okay with you." Jesse also had garlic bread and a salad, too. He was on top of it. Jesse was so glad that he had learned how to cook. He liked to do things for Rachel. Jesse didn't do a lot of things for other people, but he liked doing things for Rachel. She was the one person he loved above all others.
Rachel was so surprised. She still was surprised when Jesse did stuff that was for her. Rachel always appreciated stuff like that, though. Rachel hadn't ever gotten used to being the kind of girl that boys liked. It was still taking some getting used to. "Do I have time to take a bubble bath?" She really hoped that she would She was so tired and it would feel great. Jesse gave her a nod, and she kissed him and went off to the bathroom off the master bedroom. She took off her clothes while she ran the bath water. She added the bubble bath, and went to get her pjs out of her dresser. Rachel watched the tub fill with hot water, and she was trying not to think about Finn. She really didn't want to be with him. Okay, that was a lie. She did want to. But she knew that she shouldn't want to. She had been with Jesse for long enough now that she shouldn't still have feelings for Finn. She did love Jesse. She really did. She had thought that when they moved in together that Jesse might finally take Finn's place in her heart.
Turning on her IPod on the dock, she slid into the bath. Rachel laid her head on the back of the tub. She just hoped that she wouldn't fall asleep while she was in here. Rachel was so very tired. She could smell the food that Jesse was cooking all the way in the bathroom. The house was small enough that she could. Rachel didn't mind, though, she loved this little house. Rachel sighed as she listened to her show tunes. She remembered the first time that she and Finn had slept together. It had been outside, on a blanket. She had had so much fun. Finn had been so gentle with her. Rachel had thought it would be a horrible first time, and it had been amazing. All the times with Jesse since had been compared to the ones with Finn. Rachel just wished she could get him out of her head. It just wasn't working. He was all she thought about. It felt like high school again, and Rachel wasn't sure that she liked it. She was an adult now. Maybe still a young adult, but she wasn't naïve. She was a very mature woman. Rachel closed her eyes, trying to focus on the task at hand. Rachel started rinsing up, she was starting to get really hungry. The food was driving her crazy.
Once she was out of the bath, she got into her pjs. She put on her robe, and went to the kitchen. Jesse was setting the table with the china his parents had bought for them when they had first moved in together. Rachel wondered what he had gotten them out for, they almost never used them. Rachel watched as he filled the wine glasses with some red wine. Rachel looked at him, "Why did you get out our china?" She asked, also wondering why they were having wine. Jesse didn't really drink. He liked to keep his body as clean as he could. That included drugs and alcohol. Rachel looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "Jesse, you also don't drink alcohol. Can you tell me what is going on?" Rachel wondered if he was trying to get to her about Finn. Trying to show her that he cared about her more or something. Rachel hoped that he wasn't trying to do that. Jesse was hers not because of the things that he did for her. He was her boyfriend because he was so much like her. Rachel knew he got her.
Jesse looked at her. He wanted her to know that he was the one for her. He knew that he usually didn't do stuff like this for her, and he knew that he was going to have to start. He didn't want to admit that he was insecure, but he was going to be the best boyfriend he could be. Jesse lied to himself a lot about things, it was his pattern. But he didn't want to have to anymore. Jesse had to start being honest with himself. Rachel loved him, she was an amazing actress but he knew that she wasn't acting about that. Jesse wished that he would manage to stave off any feelings that she might be having for Finn. Jesse looked at her. "Rachel, can't I do something for you once in awhile? I love you and all I'm trying to do is show you that I love you." Jesse hoped that she would take the bait and stop trying to see what wasn't there. Jesse didn't lose things. Rachel was his first real love. He had slept with a lot of girls in high school, but he hadn't been in love with any of them. Jesse wished that he could know for sure that Rachel was going to stay with him. Jesse started serving up the lasagna and the rest of the dinner. He wanted to remind her that he was the one that she wanted.
Arching an eyebrow, Rachel thought about what to say. It seemed like he was trying too hard. Rachel picked up her fork. She dug into her salad. Rachel poured some Italian dressing over her salad. She made sure that she got it all over her salad. Rachel looked at him, her fork poised over her salad bowl. "Jesse, are you trying to prove something to me? I love you. You know that. I am not going to leave you for Finn. I'm not. I don't know what I've told you about Finn, because I try not to think about what we went through in high school. I was the one who broke up with him. I was the one who hurt him. You are the one that I'm with. I chose you." Rachel had wanted to avoid this conversation. She wanted Jesse to stop being insecure. He wasn't and it was the reason she loved him. Well, one of them. Rachel loved a lot of things about him. She took some more bites of her salad. "Jesse, I love you because you're arrogant. Because you're egotistical. Because you are always so full of yourself. All the ways you are like me."
It sounded good, but Jesse wasn't buying it completely. He wanted to believe her, but he just couldn't. He just wanted to love her. All of what she said was true, he just thought she might be lying to herself about how strong her feelings were. Jesse was torn about how to bring it up to her, though. He didn't know if he should. He didn't want to upset her. That would send her running into Finn's arms. That was the last thing she wanted. Jesse was trying his best. That's all he had ever done with Rachel, and he shouldn't have to remind her of that. Jesse hadn't been a perfect boyfriend, because being with Rachel had been his learning curve, but he had been better than most. Jesse wanted to think of the right words, so he decided that he'd wait to talk to her about his feelings. "Rachel, I am not at all insecure about our relationship. I just wanted to show you how much I love you. I love you, and you know that. I know that I don't do stuff like this for you very often, but I just wanted to do something for you. I also had some time with not much to do. I also think we should get a dog." Jesse had been thinking about that, and it would help solidify them.
Digging into her lasagna, Rachel looked at him a little skeptical. She wasn't sure what to say. Something about Jesse's tone was off. Rachel didn't think that he was lying to her, but she didn't know if she could get him to talk about it. Rachel believed the words he was saying, but he was holding something back. Rachel wondered if he could tell that she was, too. Rachel had meant all of what she had said to him, but she had held out on her feelings for Finn. Seeing him had brought it all back. It was not pleasant. Rachel had worked hard to keep all those feelings at bay. Rachel had done the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. She'd gotten over Finn. It had taken everything in her power. Rachel did not want to do it again. And she knew that she would have to do it again, because as much as Rachel had loved Finn, she didn't think they would ever work out. They were too different. Rachel thought that she and Jesse were a better match. She looked at him, eating a bite of lasagna. "Jesse, just know I love you. And it's great. Delicious."
After supper, Rachel tried to help Jesse clean up, but she was told to go relax. And honestly, Rachel didn't want to help clean. She wanted to go and relax on the couch. She was exhausted. She listened to him loading the dishwasher and humming under his breath while he was doing so. Rachel was flipping through the channels. She didn't know what she was going to watch. Rachel didn't think that it really mattered what she watched, because her mind was going to go to Finn anyway. She had managed not to talk to the firefighters about Finn. Rachel wasn't sure what they knew, and she hadn't wanted to start any drama. Rachel wasn't used to that, not starting drama. She was always in some kind of drama. It was practically her middle name, besides Barbra. Rachel just wished that this would end in any other way but bad. She had a feeling that it was going to all blow up in all of their faces. Rachel was barely keeping it all in. She didn't know if she'd manage to keep it in all the time that she was here. It was tearing her up inside. Rachel settled on an old musical on TCM and settled back into the couch to watch it. It was one she wasn't sure she'd seen.
She fell asleep while she was watching, and her dreams were full of what had happened with her and Finn in high school. Rachel and Finn had met in freshman year, and they'd become fast friends. Rachel had fallen for him like a ton of bricks. She didn't know how it had happened so quickly. Rachel had tried her best to fight the feelings off. She had been afraid to tell Finn how she felt. Finn had been dating this girl named Quinn Fabray at the time. Rachel and Quinn had hated each other. Rachel hadn't wanted to hate her, but she hadn't been able to help it. She had hated to see Finn and Quinn together. She had done her best to be happy for Finn, because she loved him. Rachel had been scrupulous about trying to get Finn though. She stopped at nothing to get what she wanted. It was what her dads had raised her to be. Rachel hadn't succeeded in getting Finn until their sophomore year though. Finn and Quinn had had a very messy breakup when she'd cheated on him with Sam Evans. Rachel had been secretly happy.
Finn had taken more time to get over Quinn than Rachel had wanted. She had been the best friend she could be to Finn, however, and that was what made Finn fall for Rachel. They had had a fierce and passionate romance right off the bat. They had been inseparable. For a year. Then at the beginning of their junior year of high school, they got into a stupid fight about what their future would be. She had hated that it had ended up keeping them apart for months. The entire school year. Rachel had decided that they were too different, and she'd kept them apart longer than they should have been. Finn had tried to change her mind, to no avail. It was the summer before senior year, when they got back together. They spent the year in blissful ignorance, not really talking about the issues they'd had. They had just buried themselves in each other. When Rachel got into UCLA, it almost threw a wrench into them again. They managed to stay together until Rachel's third month at UCLA. She had finally decided that it wasn't fair to Finn to keep dating him when they were so far apart. Rachel had hated to do it. She had still loved him. It was just not right. They were too different.
Jesse woke her just as Rachel was dreaming about the breakup. It had been one of the worst things she had ever had to do. Rachel looked up into Jesse's eyes. "Jesse?" She asked, blinking disoriented. She realized where she was, the couch. "Oh, I'm sorry. I know you hate it when I fall asleep on the couch." Rachel wasn't sure why he didn't like it, she just knew that he didn't like it. Rachel wished that she could figure out what was going on with him. She knew something was. He had been being really standoffish lately. Rachel got up. "I'll go to bed. Are you coming?" She asked. She wished that there was an easy solution for this. It was all hopeless. There was only one way. Rachel was going to have to choose. And if she chose wrong, she was going to have to live with it for the rest of her life.
Author's note: Hope you liked! It will be a journey. Let me know what you thought. XD.