When Artemis Met Authoress And Went Insane

by BlackMajikk

In which WAY too many traumatizing things happen, incuding the Return of the Authoress, The Absence of Fish, A Flat and Round and Squishy Eeelephant, and The Introduction that is Better Than Pie. This is what REALLY happens post-Time Paradox. Don't let t-

1. The Introduction That Is Better Than Pie

The Introduction That Is Better Than Pie. Oh Yeah. I Said It. And This IS The Ttitle.

Once upon a time, there was an adorably retarded genius named Artemis Fowl. Now there are three things you should know about young Arty. Well, actually, there are three thousand and five, but I feel lazy today, and I'll tell you most of them later, so shaddup.

Thing Number One: Artemis is a genius, but by the supreme powers of the Authoress, he is not only socially retarded, he randomly forgets things he really should know. Like the name of his goldfish, or the fact that chicken is edible, and not trying to kill him.

Thing Number Two: Artemis Fowl is a basket case. No, seriously. He has (deep breath) schizophrenia, ADD, ADHD, a Napoleon Complex, an irrational fear of lollipops, Short-term memory loss, and Fangirls. Eoin Colfer didn't want us to have nightmares, so he didn't tell us that, and the horrible truth that I am going to tell you now. All right, here it is. Read if you dare. Shortly after the Time Paradox … Artemis became…A CROSSDRESSER. Now that isn't so bad…until the mental image comes. (BURNED EYEEES!!!)

Thing Number Three: Arty has a machine gun.

NOW! ON TO THE FIC!

….Next week.

No, seriously.

Special Guest upon Request!

Hey! That's a rhymer!