(This is a wedding gift to my lovely new wife, Katie. A condition of our marriage being that I attempt to write a "kissy" oneshot about a character I invented with Josh Ramsay. DESCRIPTION: Post-Haven't Had Enough, Pre-Ever After release. So yes, Josh will have blue hair.)
It was late, but I didn't know how late. I had been in the studio with Josh all day, working on new songs. We were the only two left behind, everyone else having left around 11, too tired to keep working. Josh's insomnia and my best friend obligations kept me here. I finally glanced at the screen on my phone. It was already almost 2am, and if I knew anything about Josh, we would easily be here for another hour. I started regretting not letting Mike drive me home. Now that it was just Josh and I, I had to wait for him to finish.
"God fucking dammit!" I was pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of Josh's voice and his fists slamming down on the keyboard. I jumped and looked up at him, eyes wide.
"What's wrong?" I ask, shoving my phone back into the pockets of my skinny jeans. Josh looked frustrated. He needed a break, but I knew I wouldn't be able to talk him into taking one.
"It's just… I can't get this song right and it needs to be done! I can't get the sound in my head out, and I know it would be absolutely perfect." He said, running his fingers through his messy blue and black hair. His eyes were starting to get red, I noticed, as he reached over and took a drink out of my Coke Zero.
"Okay, that's solvable." I said, walking into the recording room and elbowing him until he made room for me to sit beside him on the bench. "Start humming." I put my hands on top of his. My hand looked so small and pale over his. I was marveling at how warm his hands were when he started to play again, humming as he went. I followed his every move with my hands, and when he stopped playing, I took over. He pulled his hands away as I played. I closed my eyes, but I could feel him watching me. I stopped when he stopped humming. I felt his eyes wearing a hole in the side of my head before I opened my own and met his gray blue stare with my own golden brown.
"How do you do that?" He asked, looking at me like I was some separate species.
"Do what? Read your mind?" I said, smirking a little. I shrugged slightly when he nodded. "Side effect of spending way too much time with you. And you spitting all over my drinks!" I almost yelled, snatching the can of Coke Zero from him before he could drink from it again.
"It's not like I have cooties, Katie Cat," He said, laughing and taking the can from me after I had taken another drink.
"You know I hate it when you call me that!" I said, frustrated now. I punched him on the arm before standing up. "Here I am, doing you a favor and staying up until balls am, and you repay me by stealing my caffeine? I don't want your cooties, Ramsay." I blushed a little at the end of the last sentence. He stood up as well, looking upset.
"I'm sorry Kate, I forget what it's like to sleep like a normal person. Do you want me to take you home? I can finish in the morning." Well now I felt like dick. I had tripped out on him a little, but I was tired. That didn't mean I didn't want to stay here with him. I always wanted to spend time with him. I looked up and met his eyes again.
"No, it's fine. I'm just really tired. Let's do it again." I tossed the empty can into the corner of the room with the rest. The pile was getting high. Josh and I really needed to stop drinking so much Coke Zero. I sighed before sitting and placing my fingers back on the ivory keys, the only thing that could make my skin look tan. I looked up at Josh, but he was across the room grabbing a notebook and a pencil. I waited until he sat beside me and had the pencil ready.
"You haven't named this one yet?" I asked, noticing he didn't write a title at the top of the page.
"I'm just waiting for something that sticks out to me. Just play, I'll follow and write. Something will come to me eventually." He smiled his cute half smile at me before looking back down at my hands. I shuddered a little, as I always did when he was this close. How was I the only one feeling those sparks? I threw thoughts of Josh ever being more than my best friend from my mind and I started to play.
I lost myself, closing my eyes and letting my fingers do what my mind needed them to. For a few minutes, at least, my mind was nothing but the keys in front of me, the man beside me, and the music coming from my fingertips. I stopped when I felt done; exhaling a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I looked up at Josh. I noticed he hadn't written anything except one word at the top of the page.
"Porcelain," He said. Noticing my questioning look, he elaborated. "You've given me something to name it."
"I love it. It makes sense, it fits in with the story, and it's pretty," I said, adding the last part as an afterthought. I let my fingers trail across the keys, but his hand grabbed one of mine, stopping me. I looked up into his familiar eyes, confused.
"It's beautiful. Like you. The song is about you, Katie," He said, lacing his fingers into mine. My breathing stopped. What did he just say? Who was this and what had he done with my Josh? My best friend, who knew everything about me, who could always make me smile, but who was always off limits…
"Josh," I started, pulling my hand back a little. I didn't want to do this to our friendship. Yes, I loved him more than just a best friend should. But I couldn't do this. I had been hurt so many times in the past. I felt the tears coming fast, but not yet spilling over. His hand dropped mine as soon as he felt me pull back.
"Fuck. I knew I shouldn't have done this," He said, his voice cracking a little. He ran a hand through his messy hair, letting it just fall back into his eyes. He stood and turned away from me.
"I'm so sorry, Josh. You know I love you. But you know why I can't do this," I said, my voice shaking. Tears started falling. I didn't bother brushing them away.
"No, don't cry, Katie. I love you. Just hear me out," I felt him come close, but not touch me. I kept my eyes on my hands, folded in my lap. "I've always been there. Every time every asshole has broken your heart. I held you when you cried; I stayed with you until you fell asleep in my arms, wiped away every tear, and even bought tampons that one time. I would never hurt you like they did."
A silence fell over us, broken only by my shallow breaths. My mind was racing. Yes, I'd been hurt before. Broken beyond repair. But this was Josh. He was my knight in shining armor. A million memories crashed in on me, causing my tears to fall faster. I suddenly felt myself being stood up and pulled into a warm embrace.
I collapsed against him. Josh was the most familiar and dearest thing in my life. Of course I loved him. I could do this, couldn't I? I felt his cheek resting on top of my head. My thoughts stopped when I felt his chest shake, making my whole body move. My tears had stopped; the few on my cheeks had been left on his hoodie. I wrapped my arms around his midsection, looking up at his face. I'd never seen so many emotions fighting each other in his eyes.
"You are perfect porcelain," He whispered, just loud enough for me to hear him, and just barely singing. Everything suddenly made sense. The lyrics, the whole song, it just fit so perfectly.
"I love you. So much," I finally said, my voice barely above a whisper. I felt his breath catch as I spoke. He closed his eyes, finally breaking our gaze.
"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear that," He murmured, his voice raspy.
He looked down at me, taking one of my cheeks into the palm of his large, warm hand. He slowly brought his face down to mine, kissing my softly. I stood on my tiptoes, slowly wrapping my arms around his neck. His hand fell from my cheek, and I felt his arms go around my waist. His embrace was tight, but not uncomfortable. Our bodies just fit comfortably together. I wanted to stay like this forever, but being humans meant that eventually we had to pull away and breathe. We stopped, our eyes meeting again, before his stormy eyes started taking in every detail of my face. I knew my cheeks must be red, my pale skin flushed so easily. I felt my cheeks get even redder at the thought.
It was me who started the next kiss. It started slow and soft, much like the first. But this time, his tongue ran itself across my lower lip. I opened my mouth, letting him kiss me. I followed his slow motions, feeling his tongue stud against my tongue and lip. I tangled my fingers into his tousled hair, feeling his hand press into my back between my shoulder blades. He turned us, taking a few steps until my back was pressed against the wall, never parting our lips for longer than to take a few gasping breaths.
"Josh," I sighed, tugging a little on his hair when his hand slid down, almost on my ass. My head tilted back and he took this as an opportunity to kiss my cheek. He left soft kisses along my cheek, jaw, and neck, stopping at the top of my shirt. "Stop," I said, my voice almost a moan.
"What? Was this too fast? Dammit, Katie, I'm sorry," He said, disentangling himself from me. I let my arms fall, but left them on his hips. He tried stepping back, but I stopped him.
"Don't. Just… stand here with me," My voice was hushed and breathy. I felt his hands on my waist. He wasn't pushing me away anymore. "You understand. I know you understand. You know me better than I know me. I swear we can read each other's minds. So you know why I can't keep going right now."
His eyes met mine again. I knew his face as well as my own. This was Josh. My mind was still reeling a bit from that. I reached one hand up to push a few stray strands of blue away from his eye so that I could really see him. His eyes were smoldering, a thing I hadn't been aware his eyes could do. I was used to gray blue eyes I could almost dive into and drown. Now his eyes looked like something I could melt in. A boiling ocean now, not the hurricane I'd expect from emotions running this high.
"I know. We'll go slowly," He said, smiling down at me. I couldn't help but smile back, wrapping my arms around him again.
I leaned my head against his chest, breathing in his cologne-leather-and-cigarettes scent. I felt his arms tighten around me, pressing my body close to his once again. He kissed the top of my head before letting his cheek rest against it. We stood like that for a while, holding each other.
Eventually, Josh knew it was time to take me home. I didn't want to be a party crasher, but I couldn't stifle a huge yawn. A glance at the wall clock showed it was well past 3am now. That night, he stayed with me all night. He held me until I fell asleep, and was still there when I woke up. But this time, it wasn't because of my heartbreak over some other guy. It was because we had finally realized that we had found our own other half. Perfect, and porcelain.