Same Ground
DISCLAIMER: Glee is owned by RIB et. Al. If you don't know what those letters stand for, shame on you. The song Same Ground is by Asian artist Kitchie Nadal. Google it, listen to it so you'll know what mood permeates this fic.
A/N: Sequel, Yeah! If you enjoyed I Remember The Boy, this is it's much-awaited next installment. But if you haven't read that at all, please do yourself a favor and do so… or you won't get a thing about this story. Anyway, as always, spread the love, spread the Klaine virus and don't forget to review :)
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Kurt Hummel stood quietly by the left wing, behind the solid walls that separated him from the expectant crowd that sat quietly in rows. It was just yet another one of the already many musicals he had performed in since he started his professional Broadway career three years ago – but he couldn't help but feel anxious about this particular night.
It was his first lead role.
Kurt never thought that this time would come. But when the script of 'Self-Denial', a brilliant play about a homosexual man coming to terms with himself after years of self-imposed exile, came into his hands, Kurt immediately signed up to audition. He bagged the lead role of 'Chris', and tonight was the commencement of months of hard work. He got the lead and was opening the act as well.
"Five minutes!" A stiff voice yelled from behind him and knocked Kurt out of his reveries. He began to take deeper breaths to calm himself down.
'I can do this!' He psyched himself up. 'I was born to perform!'
Suddenly, another voice joined Kurt's own in his head.
'You were born to perform, Kurt! I believe in you,'
The countertenor closed his eyes briefly, trying to push out the supposedly forgotten happier thoughts of his younger years.
'You can do it, Kurt. I love you!'
"Three minutes!"
Kurt opened his eyes once more. It seemed easier to forget five years ago, when he had first left for his dreams –he had managed to purge everything that was on his mind on his first year in NYADA and never looked back. But after what had happened three months ago…
'It shouldn't have happened,' Kurt thought ruefully. 'What the heck was I thinking?'
He came back just to see him, Kurt reasoned out as he entered that moderately packed hotel lounge.
'Just to see if… if he's doing well,'
Surely, he had heard about the boy, no, the man, from their friends –that he was a successful advertising practitioner by day and a stellar lounge performer by night… that he was doing okay…
But Kurt knew that seeing him was an entirely different matter.
He had to see Blaine for himself; if the man he had once loved was indeed okay –coping, managing –unlike himself.
Yes, it was he who had walked away, it was he who had wanted it to end –and yet, Kurt found himself probably hurting more, regretting more, wanting more.
So, he had requested that song, trying to gauge the younger man's reaction. When he saw the tears fall from Blaine's hazel eyes, Kurt knew that he had made a terrible, terrible, terrible mistake.
And yet, when Blaine followed him to his car, Kurt couldn't bring himself to say anything that he had meant to say to the man he had once loved –and probably loved still –without making a complete mess of himself.
Instead, he forced out the only coherent words that ran through his head every night since five years ago.
"I'm so sorry, Blaine."
"Less than a minute!"
Kurt sighed. There was probably no use looking back, but…
The first few bars of his first song came on as the curtains rose. Kurt confidently took the center stage in front of a jam-packed theater. His soft voice then began to fill the air.
My love
It's been a long time since I cried and left you out of the blue
Kurt stared blankly at the sea of faces in front of him; whenever he sang those first few lines, he could feel his heart clench all of a sudden.
It's hard leaving you that way when I never wanted to
Then, his pulse quickens.
Self denial is a game it's strange I never would've wanted 'til there was you
Kurt closed his eyes as he felt a mixture of raw emotions come crashing through him –like how the early morning waves of the ocean hit the sands of the shore
'Cause I have learned that love is beyond what human can imagine,
The more it clears
The more I gotta let you go
Kurt had never heard of this song, not until he had begun working on this play. The composer of which, he was told, was different from the playwright himself. It was a new and upcoming independent songwriter who gave this song to the play's author for inclusion. So certainly, Kurt had no idea who it was –but deep within him, it was as if this particular song writer knew exactly how he felt, what he had wanted to say, what he had kept for so long –hidden at the back of his mind, within the depths of his heart, in his constant reveries.
'Cause what I don't understand
Is why I'm feeling so bad now
When I know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
And why am I the only one standing stranded on the same ground
Kurt opened his eyes once more –it was already becoming too much. The song tugged at his heartstrings during rehearsals, but now, singing it in full blast, in front of a live audience, it just flooded him with emotions he did not know he had.
My love
It's been a long time since I cried and left you out of the blue
The words stuck to him like feathers on white glue –etched, embedded, tattooed in his every waking moment –like an itch he couldn't scratch
It's hard leaving you that way when I never wanted to
Kurt felt tears in his eyes swell up as he let his lips move mechanically; the lyrics spewed out of his mouth as if it were programmed to go on auto-pilot –because certainly, he wasn't thinking anymore.
Self denial is a game it's strange I never would've wanted 'til there was you
Suddenly, the bright klieg lights were too bright for Kurt's blue-green eyes. He felt a single drop of tear escape his eye.
'Cause I have learned that love is a word gets thrown a little bit too much
The best excuse to fill this infinite abyss
I would never ever have to fail
Kurt found himself clenching his fists as the chorus came on once more.
But what I don't understand
Is why I'm feeling so bad now
When I know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
And why am I the only one standing stranded on the same ground
When he felt like he suddenly couldn't breathe anymore, Kurt took his first step since after coming on stage: he stepped forward. The spotlight was now no longer directly at his eyes. As the instrumental part came on, he took those few precious moments to collect himself. He let his eyes roam and connect with his audience; they looked back at him in varying stages of appreciation: indifference, curiosity and apprehension. But Kurt no longer cared how he looked or how they perceived him. He had just wanted to get the whole thing over and done with. He was about to turn his back away from the sea of strange faces, when the light and his eye caught one that was quite familiar. Kurt Hummel, for the first time in his still young Broadway career, froze in his spot on stage –the chorus came on again but he was too shocked to even open his lips, let alone sing it.
Those familiar hazel eyes seemed to have zapped him like a freeze gun right in the middle of his opening act, in his lead Broadway debut –the same familiar hazel eyes that used to ignite his senses some years back… some three months ago –the same hazel eyes that belonged to a handsome face that was now awashed with concern; The only one amongst the crowd that Kurt could say actually knew how he was feeling at that very moment…
And then, it hit him.
He now knew the identity of his mystery songwriter.
'Of course,' Kurt thought, a sad smile crept up his face without him noticing it. He had to finish the song –and he had to make it good. He owed it to him… he owed him.
The countertenor spun around gracefully and walked back towards the center of the stage. He recovered as he took slow, lingering steps.
If all else fails
Would you be there to love me?
'You were always there, how can I have failed to notice that?'
When all else fails
Would you be brave to see right through me?
'You have always felt with me. You have always seen me through every up and down. You have always known me, more than I ever knew myself,'
The last bars of the song took forever in Kurt's perspective. When the last note was done, he sneaked another glance at the crowd. Right then and there, he had wanted nothing more than for the whole play to just end. He couldn't wait until he could just jump off the stage…
The hazel eyes were gone.
Kurt felt his guts twist into a knot. Had he missed the point? He then felt the sudden urge to just run off and search for those eyes… and then maybe, maybe if he looked into them once more, everything would be alright. But Kurt knew it wasn't going to happen, not tonight when the remainder of his life rested on this one show.
He just had to grin and bear it.
For now.
The show must go on, as the cliché goes.
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A/N: I know it's kind of hanging where I've left it off, but… I would like to know if there is enough interest for a continuation before I proceed. If you want more, please tell me in a review. If I get like, five or more, I may add another chapter or two to this. But for now, I'll mark it as complete. So remember, review, review, review! Until next time - Eastwoodgirl