Disclaimer: why do we need disclaimers? I mean, this is FANFICTION! Does anyone here own much of anything? I don't think so! I mean, I barely even own the muffin man and sexy sqwerl (they will appear in most parodies I write. ) well, anyway, I don't own alex or whatever. U happy? Dammit. I hate that. I actually wrote one. sigh

Alex Rider was contemplating the meaning of life. It was a very bad time, seeing as he was half-falling onto spiky metal things (he didn't know that they were called tacks), but he was still contemplating. This was what was going through his mind at the time: … and then I'll marry Sabina Pleasure, because I love sluts. Mm hmm… no! Wait! I am going to marry Polly Pocket! Then I would be Alex Pocket! Gee, I sure love planning out my life as I fall on top of very spiky, sharp metal things (they had transformed into knives). Alex then proceeded the sing a song—Joe Low. Okay, so it's not really a song—he made it up. These were the lyrics (to the tune of row row row your boat):

Joe is low because he is really really short.

Joe joe joe.

Low low low.

I wish I married a farmer's wife.

I wish I was a fishing line,

Joe joe joe.

Real real low.

"Alex," a giggly voice said. He wondered who it was… it sounded slutty, pleasurable, and Sabina-like. Okay, so Sabina Pleasure was out.

"I'm a bit busy," Alex called. A girl in a tutu appeared in front of him.

"You don't look… busy," she stated, putting a finger to her mouth. Alex blinked.

"I'm singing. Is that not effing busying enough for you, b….?" (Me: Alex actually used the words, but as I am a good girl, well… I didn't put them there)

"Ehh…. I thought you'd like some company, god!"

"Do not use the effing lord's name in vain!"

"You are a total hypocrite!"

"…"

"What?"

"I don't think I'm that fat! I mean, hypocrites live in, like, Africa."

"That's a hippo."

"S! I'm so stupid! Oh well." Alex then fell on the pins. Fiona Friend (she didn't own any friends, no) shrugged and walked away. She'd never liked him anyway.

The End.

Yes, I'm a freak. Do you have a problem with that?

Didn't think so…